rock and roll music

April 7, 2013

HEADS OR TALES?

Well, you can have both when you order a copy of MURDER ON MAIDEN LANE!  There is a colorful head on the cover, (I call it a “skulleton”) and inside you will find a thrilling tale of mayhem, mystery, and murder!  The book, as you have probably surmised, is now available in paperback and on Kindle at Amazon.com!  That’s right, happy days are here again!

Meanwhile, in order to keep THE PRESLEY PLOT front and center, I will soon be embarking on a lengthy book signing/speaking engagement tour, and my first stop will be at the Elvis Presley Birthplace & Community Center in Tupelo, Mississippi.  Yes, my little hound dogs, yours truly will be speaking to the good folks of Tupelo on the weekend of May 11 & 12.  Hopefully, I will also be negotiating a profitable business deal with the gift shop on premises.  (I would like them to feature THE PRESLEY PLOT in the book section.)  Soooo….. if you’re in the area, come on by and say hello.  I will also be judging an “Elvis Look-Alike Contest,” so there should be plenty of levity and some memorable photography.

Shortly after I’m lynched, I mean, lauded, in Tupelo, I leave for my spring book tour in the (not so far) east.  In conjunctivitis with Aberdeen Bay Publishing, I have arranged to make appearances in Baton Rouge, Birmingham, Atlanta, Savannah, and Jacksonville.  Along the way I intend to sample some Southern comfort, and some bourbon, too.

My Dixie Diaspora will continue with a special guest appearance in Boca Raton, Florida.  Whence I arrive in Palm Beach County I will be dining with “The Donald.”  Unfortunately, I am referring to Donald Duck from Disney World, not the guy with the strange hair-do.  The last time I had lunch with Donald Duck I got stuck with the bill. (“The bill?”)

The piece de resistance of my personal and persistent perseverance will be a ten-day period of peace and pleasantness in a perfect playground of pleasure.  (No, not Paraguay.)  The island of St. John!  Now that I am a famous author, I have an entourage, so me and my posse (3 couples) will be heading down to the Caribbean for some R & R.  (Incidentally, the would be “Rest & Rum!”)  While we are there, we intend to soak up some rays, (which is better than stepping on them) snorkel, and consume a prodigious amount of rum.

Writing is brutal, but somebody has to do it!  Besides, one must live for today.  Need I remind you that Austin is number four on Kim Jong-un’s bombing list?  (I blame those damn hippies downtown.)  Little Kim is the son of Kim Jong-il, who I nicknamed “Kim Jong-mentallly-ill.”  The young man, who bears a striking resemblance to the Pillsbury Dough-boy, is a tyrant.  Do not be fooled by his recent meeting with Ambassador Rodman!  Kim Jong-un is not a “Seoul Man!”

But I digress…..  Where was I?  Oh yeah, in the Caribbean.  Well, after I damage my liver, I will make my way back to the Lone Star State and begin marketing book number 3 in the Adam Gold Mystery Series.  (This one is called “DEVIL’S COVE,” and it is set entirely in the state of Texas!)  Naturally, I will keep those cards and letters coming while I am on the road.  Which reminds me….  Did you hear that a truck ran over Willie Nelson’s foot?  Yeah, that’s right, he was “playing on the road again!”  (Ouch!)

Well, take care, have a wonderful week, and remember to duck and cover if Kim starts shooting.  Hopefully, we will meet again next Sunday!   Love to all,

Doc (or should I change my name to “Duck?”) Yanoff.   (I wouldn’t mind the change if I get “top billing!”)

November 28, 2012

MAKING HISTORY, PART II

IN MY HUMBLE VIEW….. Making history is almost as much fun as making whoopee.  (I said almost.)  I am referring, of course, to the re-publishing of THE PRESLEY PLOT.  I am very happy to report that Aberdeen Bay Press has sent me the official notification and that the newly revised version will be available on Amazon.com, Barnesandnoble.com, and other sites in about  two or three weeks.  As I believe I previously mentioned, they already have a standing (or sitting) order for 225 copies, so if you need some books for the holidays, do not delay ordering.  After they’re gone you will have to wait… I have a little gout, I mean, clout, but even I have to wait in line.  (Oh, the injustice of it all!)

Several of my loyal devotees have asked about the American Queen riverboat cruise.  (The Elvis-themed excursion leaving from New Orleans.)  Well….. here I was, preparing my brilliant lecture on Tupelo, when lo and behold we hit a snag.  (Not the boat, me)  The snag was the river itself!  Have you read about our drought in this part of the country?  Lake Austin (here in lovely Austin, Texas) is only 40% full!   If my math is correct, that means its almost 60% empty!  Yikes!  What the hell did Al Gore do?

Anyway, no water means no riverboating, no riverfloating, and no rivergloating.  What can I say?  For the first time in American history, the Mighty Mississippi is suffering from low water levels, and it is severely affecting all of the river traffic, both private and commercial vessels!  Due to this lack of H2o, I thought it best to reschedule my voyage.  I will keep my fellow travelers informed of my whereabouts!  (Easy to do with this darn electric ankle bracelet!)

Now for some Elvis news…..  Did you know that on this very day, in 1954, Elvis Presley did something very rare?  (No, he didn’t go on a diet.)  But he did miss two previously scheduled shows that were sold out in Memphis, Tennessee.  (Which, I might add, is where Graceland happens to be.)  So what happened, you ask?  Well, he actually missed his airline connection in Houston!  If you have ever flown through Houston, you know how easy this can be.  So it seems that we are in good company.  I do not know if the airline offered The King any travel compensation, but I’m sure he got several bags of free peanuts.  (Maybe even one of his favorite peanut butter snacks!)

Incidentally, a number of my more curious blog followers have asked about Rachel and Adam (my daughter and new son-in-law) and they wanted to know what those two crazy kids thought of Cape Town, South Africa.  Well, they loved the place.  I have seen some of the photographs, and they are truly amazing.  Mountains on one side, the ocean on the other, and the most magnificent flora and fauna you can imagine.  (Flora was particularly attractive!)  The only “tricky” part of the trip was the safari.  On day one they were detained by a horde of pygmies!  (But just for a “short” time.)  Then they were stopped by headhunters!  (But neither needed a job.)  Finally, on day three, they were asked to play the drums for a tribe of Ubangi warriors!  (The tribesmen kept shouting, “You bangee!”  “You bangee!”)  Adam finally gave in and banged the damn drum, but as they found out, he marches to the beat of a different drum.  In any case, Rachel explained the “big bang theory” to the tribal chieftain and all was well.  You can’t “beat” a vacation like that!

Finally, I would like to give a big shout out to Max and Barbara, the President and Vice-President of my Indiana Fan Club For Elvis Authors!  They are taking care of some personal business this week, and we wish them well!  Also, thanks to Judge Susan for her recent legal work on behalf of my growing literary estate!  Another job well done.  If you are in or around Salado, Texas next week, look for my mug on a poster.  (No, not at the Post Office)  I am tentatively engaged to speak at a  book club in that charming town.  I will send the details later.

Have a wonderful day and please drive carefully.  (I keep hearing about a fiscal cliff in front of us.)  I will write again soon…..

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

 

 

 

 

November 25, 2012

THE PRESLEY PLOT MAKES HISTORY!!

THIS BETTER BE GOOD SINCE I USED TWO EXCLAMATION POINTS!!   Well, actually, it is very, very good.  For the first time since the Bronze Age (or maybe it was the Iron Age) Aberdeen Bay Press, the world’s foremost publisher of brilliant mystery novels, has decided to publish a SECOND EDITION of a book within a six month period!!  (There are those two exclamation points again.)  Would you like to guess the name of this best-selling book?  That’s right…..  THE PRESLEY PLOT!

Due to popular demand (and the fact that Amazon.com only has 3 copies left!) the publisher is re-issuing my book.   And here’s the best part….  they have gone through the book with a fine tooth comb and corrected every spelling and typographical error that was in the first edition!  Soooooo…..  if you need a wonderful, enchanting, entertaining novel for the holiday gift giving season (and you can’t find FIFTY SHADES OF GRAY) zip on over to Amazon.com or Barnesandnoble.com and order you brand new, fully revised copy of THE PRESLEY PLOT.  (Your brain will thank you!)  Incidentally…..   the new edition already has a pre-order of over 200 books!!  So remember, he who hesitates, is lost!

If you are one of the lovely young ladies who is awaiting a book (Ms. Baum and Mrs. Isler) be patient!  I will send one along as soon as they become available!

NOW FOR SOME OTHER ELVIS NEWS…….

Did you know that there is a “Little Graceland” in Texas?  True enough.  In the Rio Grande Valley town of Los Fresnos, Simon Vega curates a treasure trove of Elvis memorabilia at his LITTLE GRACELAND MUSEUM.  (Mr. Vega actually served in the Army with Elvis!)  The museum has pictures of Elvis, Elvis albums, Elvis 45’s (not the pistols) Elvis statues, Elvis mugs, and Elvis enchiladas.  (Just joshing about the food.)   In any case, the museum is open Thursday thru Sunday.  10 a.m. to 5 p.m. by appointment.  The next “Elvis Festivale” is set for January, 12, 2013, so if you’re in the area, swing by and join the fun.  I have spent some time down in the Valley and can honestly say that it is a warm and charming location…. and the residents are simply wonderful.

NOW FOR SOME FINAL, EXCITING NEWS…….

Keep your eyes and ears focused on The New York Times, Fox News, Variety, and Popular Mechanics, for some very exciting news concerning the SECOND ADAM GOLD MYSTERY NOVEL!   That’s right, my friends, book number two will be available in the not-too-distant future!  The book is titled, MURDER ON MAIDEN LANE.  This time around, Adam Gold will become entangled in a hunt for Captain Kidd’s treasure!  The book has already received some glowing reviews, and if you believe the literary pundits, it is destined to become another best selling mystery novel.  I shall, as they say, keep you apprised of the situation!

Until then, I remain, your humble correspondent.  (Which is better than being a bumbling despondent.)   Love to all …..

Doc Yanoff

November 21, 2012

GOBBLE GOBBLE!

HAPPY HOLIDAY!   Did you know that the very first Thanksgiving was held in a car?  Yep, in a PLYMOUTH!  (The Pilgrims couldn’t afFORD anything else and they didn’t want to DODGE the party!)  You can’t make these things up, folks.  (Well, actually you can, but I won’t go there.)  Anyway, a lot of Americans think this wonderful holiday has something to do with Captain John Smith and his main squeeze Pocahontas, but that is simply not the case.  I will admit that Captain Smith (almost) lost his head over her, but that’s only because he was rude.  (He kept pointing at her during dinner and then, after some cheap corn whiskey, he tried to poke her with his index finger.  You should never,ever, poke a hontas!

As you can see, I know a great deal about indigent people.  (Poor Indians)   Did you know that Pocahontas was the daughter of Powhatan?  Did you know that her uncle lived in New York City?  (Yeah, his name was MANHATTAN)  Did you know that one of her descendants was Nancy Reagan?  (This is actually true.)  But enough about her…..  let’s get to the great holiday known for peace, love, and wonderful sales at the mall.

Interestingly, seven other nations celebrate THANKSGIVING!  (Originally a day to celebrate a good harvest.)  I, of course, celebrate life, liberty, family, friends, and steadily increasing sales of THE PRESLEY PLOT.  (Do I have my priorities straight, or what?)  We can all thank (no pun intended) FDR for making the day official.  At his urging, Congress agreed to the 4th Thursday in November.  FDR was an interesting fellow.  Did you know that he was the first president to play Texas Hold ‘Em Poker?  Sure, don’t you remember the NEW DEAL?

He also started the tradition of “pardoning” a turkey.  (To make sure the herd continued.)  This year our president intends to pardon Susan Rice!  (Hey, come on, that was funny!)

Thanksgiving at our house in very, well, international.  How so?  We have a TURKEY, sitting in GREECE, and there are people with ROMAN hands and RUSSIAN fingers waiting for the bird to arrive.  Last year my wife burnt the stuffing, which stuck to the bird.  I had to kick the stuffing out of that fowl weather friend, but we did have a tasty meal.  By the way, speaking of reasons to celebrate…..  TODAY WAS THE BIG DAY!    On this day, in 1955, ELVIS signed his contract with RCA, which included all of the famous sound tracks from Sun Studios in Memphis.  I’m not sure if Elvis sold many records (ha ha) but I do know that the contract stipulated that the King produce eight sides per year, and that he received a 5% royalty.  (Which is half of what I get from Aberdeen Bay Publishing.)

Well, I must go do some prep work for the big meal, so I will say goodbye until we meet again.  I have sooooo much to be thankful for this year, and I know that most of you do too.  We have a bunch of loved ones coming for dinner and when they all get here, I intend to remind everyone that our Founding Father (George Washington) put it best when he said that our young country should use the day “as a day of public thanksgiving and prayer to be observed by acknowledging with grateful hearts the many and signal favours of Almighty God.”

Well said, General!  Be grateful!  Be thankful!  Be well!

Happy Thanksgiving and love to all…..

Doc Yanoff (The Prince of Puritans!)

November 18, 2012

KINGS AND QUEENS AND JOKERS ARE….. KEEN!

WELL, BY NOW YOU’VE HEARD THE BIG NEWS FROM BENGHAZI…..   NO, not that news, the results of the LIBYAN NATIONAL POKER TOURNAMENT!

Actually, according to the Wold Series of Poker International Committee (The same folks who nominated me for the Nobel Prize in Literature) the tournament should be called the “Waterloo & Beef Wellington Poker Championship.”   As many of you know, I am not only the author of THE PRESLEY PLOT, America’s best new mystery novel, but also the owner, lone faculty member, and janitor of the Austin-based C.P.A.   (Cobra Poker Academy)  Well….. I am very proud to announce that one of my graduate students, Dr. Max Talbott, recently won the aforementioned tournament with flying colors!!  (Red, white, and blue.)  As you’ve probably read, Max was voted “Most Likely To Secede” by his classmates.  (A doctoral student named Barbara placed second, and has asked for a recount, but I think she’s whistling “Dixie,” if you get my reference!)   In any case, congratulations, Max.  You look lovely in your new tiara.  (A “crowning” achievement by any standard!)

Incidentally, while I’m in a congratulatory mood, I would like to acknowledge Ms. Rhonda Sebastian, a dear friend and colleague, who won the annual “Steiner Ranch Beer & Barbecue Championship” last Thursday.  Rhonda won a pickup full of cash and impressed everyone (including the Cobra) will her brilliant play.  Believe it or not, she actually managed to beat me a couple of times, but I think she was cheating.  (She had better cards.)  Well done, Ms. Rhonda!

By the way, for those of you who wish to improve your lives, win lots of money, and make some new friends at the I.R.S., you should follow Rhonda’s example and become a BLOG FOLLOWER!  Ms. R was an early follower and has remained loyal through all of my trials (many of which ended in a hung jury) and tribulations (losing the Nobel Prize to a South American Goat Rancher)  Thank you, Rhonda!

Interestingly, my card playing has lead to some wonderful marketing opportunities for THE PRESLEY PLOT.  For instance, last week I was one of the gift sponsors at the huge Steiner Ranch tournament which attracted attractive players from all five corners (make that, four corners) of Travis County and from several other counties in the Republic of Texas.  As a gesture of my appreciation for Rich & Sharon Walker and the great Kevin Evans, I brought six autographed copies of my book to the tournament.  Coincidentally, six lucky players won copies of THE PRESLEY PLOT, and now their lives are more or less complete.  One player was willing to trade his cash winnings (approximately $4,479.62 for a copy of my book, but alas, none were available.  Tough luck, Eric Ohlson.)  Frankly, if I had won the damn tournament it would have been a perfect evening!

And speaking of perfect evenings……  Tarzan and Jane (Adam and Rachel) will be returning from South Africa tomorrow night!  They enjoyed their safari immensely, but said that some of the big cats do not play poker fairly.  (One of them was a cheetah!)  By sheer coincidence, the lady who ran the lodge was a cougar!  (Her contract contained a special “claws.”)  All right, enough bad animal jokes.  The natives are getting restless.  I will simply conclude by telling you that my daughter sent me a cute photograph of a Ubangi mother urging her child to finish his dinner.  The caption reads:  “If you don’t finish your missionary, you don’t get dessert!”   So precious.  (I was going to use the word “tender” but I didn’t want to gross anyone out.)

Well, my friends, I shall say goodbye for now (before I cause another international incident) and wish you well in all of your pursuits.  Enjoy our lovely fall.  I shall write again soon…….

The imminent author and world traveler…….

Doc Yanoff

November 14, 2012

VIVA LAS VEGAS!!

WHILE ELVIS WAS THE UNDISPUTED KING OF LAS VEGAS…….   There is another person who certainly deserves to be mentioned with reverence…..The great poker player named Steve Gee, who just finished 9th (out of a zillion other players) at the World Series of Poker!  If you have been following this blog (and let’s face it, who hasn’t?) you know that Steve is the talented brother of my beautiful and brilliant friend, Diane Gee.  Steve made a fantastic run for the gold and played against some of the best poker players in the world (luck for him, I was busy that week) and we are all proud of his accomplishment.  And don’t feel sorry for the lad!  Steve walked away with……  $754,798 for his efforts!!   Not bad for one week’s work, eh?   In case you’re wondering, that’s the same amount of my book royalties for THE PRESLEY PLOT.  (Hey, a guy can dream!)

If you want to see Steve’s “farewell” interview at the tournament, just Google:   “Steve Gee, World Series of Poker.”   There is a “live” interview posted on this website.  The interviewer forgot to ask him about his favorite author (would you like to guess who that might be??) but it is still worth watching.

NOW ON TO ELVIS…….   My beautiful and brilliant cousin, Susan Wilson, the woman who single-handedly runs JRS Investments in Nashville, sent me a most interesting article about the  King.  For those of you in Tennessee (Five Tennessee Fan Clubs are on my blog) please note that the Tennessee State Museum is offering an exhibit (starting on November 8th.) called…….  “ELVIS AT 21:  Photographs by Alfred Wertheimer.”    The exhibit will include 56 images of the King, most of them captured before Col. Parker took over and limited the number of photos that could be taken.  I have seen a few of these photographs, and I can honesty say that they are quite fascinating.  If you’re interested, the exhibit will be at the museum until January 8th.

By the way, the most interesting photograph in the exhibit shows ELVIS in New York City (my “home town”) on the very day that the old boy made history by recording not one, but two songs that would become number one hits in a very short time…….  Would you like this to be our trivia question of the week?   Very well, please fill in the blanks listed below this paragraph and mail them to:     ATTN:   JILL KELLEY

56 FLOOZY BLVD., TAMPA, FLORIDA

 

You will be notified by the Pentagon if you win the trivia contest.  Please note that if you do enter the contest you will immediately be subject to being drafted.  If you are chosen for military service in a country with many goats, please do not despair.  The contest sponsors are offering free air fare to and from Islamabad.

Well, on that semi-humorous note, I shall bid you adieu.  I would like to remind you that last Sunday was Veterans Day, so if you know someone who served in the military, please thank them for their service to our country.  God knows we all owe them a huge round of applause for a job well done.  (Way to go, Cousin Max!)

Have a wonderful day and do not ask why “sour cream” has an expiration date!  Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

 

November 5, 2012

IT’S NOW OR NEVER!

GOTCHA!   You thought I was referring to our presidential election, right?  Well, I’m not.  Kindly remember that this is, after all, first and foremost a site dedicated to enriching me as an author, I mean, enlightening the world about Elvis Presley.  (One of the two!)

In any case, I was referring to the song “It’s Now or Never,” which reached the number one spot in the U.K. on this very day in 1960.  I thought it was rather appropriate, considering our upcoming election.  Please….. regardless of who you vote for….vote!  A strong democracy depends on an informed and engaged electorate…. and please remember to spell my last name correctly…. there are two “f’s” in my last name.  (and several more on my report cards!)

I mention the above only because I assume that most of you will be voting for me again.  If not, I want my five dollars back.  (and you will have no chance of being mentioned in the next “Acknowledgement Section.”)  By the way, the next mystery novel, MURDER ON MAIDEN LANE, was just reviewed (albeit informally) by one of our local best-selling authors….. and the verdict was quite pleasant.  Our semi-famous reviewer actually liked it better than THE PRESLEY PLOT!   (Same as the Nobel Prize crowd!)

In all (or most) seriousness, this bodes well and I will be quite anxious to see what the publisher thinks.  I should know something by the end of the month.  (I know a few things now, but they have nothing to do with publishing.)

For those of you who are following the honeymoon adventures of my eldest daughter Rachel, I am happy to report that she and Adam have landed safely in London and are happily ensconced at the lovely Egerton House Hotel in Kensington.  The amazing hotel staff greeted them en masse and were sweet enough to provide some complimentary champagne for the love-birds!  After a brief nap, the kids intend to hit the ground running, which should be quite interesting with Rachel in charge.  (Miss Rachel actually lived in London one or two summers, and she knows the city quite well.)  Do not be surprised if Adam winds up in the Tower of London!!

For you ELVIS PRESLEY FAN CLUB MEMBERS……  I will be speaking and signing books at a fan club meeting in Waco, Texas, on Wednesday.  You can get the details by checking your fan club mail box.  (A notice was sent to all clubs yesterday.)  The heading reads, “The Presley Plot Thickens!”   All are welcome and there will be plenty of books to purchase.  Hope to see you there!

Well, now that Rachel is in England, I am dog-sitting Baker….. and he has just signaled me that it is time to head for the dog park!  (Don’t ask how)  So….. I need to go and find his leash.  (I really wish he would stop hiding the darn thing!)  I enjoy having a granddog, but he always needs to go when I’m writing.  (Hey, do you think he’s trying to tell me something?)  Bad dog!  It’s only a “ruff draft!”   (I had to get in one doggie joke.)

Take care and enjoy our lovely weather…….   Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

October 21, 2012

BREAKING NEWS!

WHO NEEDS NORWAY?  I say no way, Norway, you can keep that dang Nobel Prize for Boring Literature…..  I have some really exciting news!

As some (most?) of you know, I was sailing through the Panama Canal on the day that the publisher sent me the final galleys for THE PRESLEY PLOT.   Since I was preparing for a prolonged jungle trip (To visit the Embera Indians) my mind was on survival gear and head-hunting techniques, and so I did a VERY poor job of proofreading my own manuscript!  Nobody to blame but myself, although I still think the tribal witch doctor put a curse on me.  (He was a Jerry Lee Lewis fan.)

Anyway….. the good folks at Aberdeen Bay Publishing, having completely sold out of all the first editions of THE PRESLEY PLOT (and recognizing genius when they see it) have kindly agreed to make ALL OF THE CORRECTIONS for the second edition!  For me, this is wonderful news.  I was really annoyed that I did such a poor job proofreading, but now I have a chance to redeem myself.  Frankly, this is probably the only reason that I did not win the Nobel Prize.  (What else could it be?)  In any case, the second edition will be out shortly and available on Amazon.com, Barnesandnoble.com, Googlebooks.com, etc.    If you bought a first edition and want to trade it in, just let me know and I will be happy to make an exchange.  (I intend to give the first editions to a charitable organization.)  However, I understand that error laden books are actually valuable if and when the author becomes famous….. think of the stamps that are so valuable because of printing errors.  So…. you might want to hold on to your first copy.

And since we are on the subject of publishing…..  the brilliant acquisitions editor at Aberdeen Bay Books (who is also an accomplished author) has requested that I promptly forward a copy of my second mystery novel titled….. MURDER ON MAIDEN LANE.  I am hoping to hear something positive in a month or so, and I will keep you informed of my progress.  Keep your fingers (and some of your toes) crossed for me!  My editor, a wonderful professional named Karl Monger, actually enjoyed the second book more than the first, which is a very good sign.  Of course, as you know by now, there are no guarantees in the competitive world of publishing.

Finally, I would like to remind those that live in or near Austin, that I will be a featured speaker/panelist at a mystery writers seminar this coming Wednesday.  The event is being sponsored by the Austin Literary Salon.  The location of the event will be at Wildflower Terrace Apartments, 3801 Berkman Drive.  (In their main auditorium)  The festivities begin promptly at 6:30 p.m. and end at 8:30 p.m.    As I mentioned previously, there will be a panel discussion, a Q & A session, and then a book reading and book signing.  Admission is almost free, and a gourmet dinner prepared by a world famous French chef will be available.  (For the modest sum of $12,000 per person, not including wine.)  What a bargain!  What a steal!  Buy a book!  Get a meal!

All right, enough with the marketing routine.  If you’re free, come down and join the fun.  You will not be disappointed.  They are expecting a sold out crowd, so plan to arrive by 6 p.m. if you want to get a good seat.  (And remember to ask me some easy questions and laugh at all of my dumb jokes!)

Well, I’m off to get ready for another Sunday function with some of my major blog followers up in Round Rock.  Mrs. Helena Bomblatus (a charming and lovely woman from Portugal) is hosting an elaborate (and authentic) dinner party, featuring gourmet goodies from the Azores.  She is quite the chef, and I am anxiously awaiting her most recent culinary creation.  It will also be nice to be surrounded by a fawning bunch of psychopaths, I mean, sycophants, who think I’m the best thing since white bread.  Ah, the price of fame.  Well, it’s a dirty job, but someone has to do it.  (I can really sympathize with Brad Pitt.)

Have a wonderful Sunday and be careful out there…..

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

October 14, 2012

FOOD FOR THOUGHT!

I don’t know about you, but I think about food all of the time.  (Except when I’m eating.)  So….. I was very happy to celebrate my recent poker victory at a wonderful new Hill Country restaurant called VERDE’S MEXICAN PARILLA.  (Parilla means “grill.”)  Unlike THE PRESLEY PLOT, there’s no cover, but they do have a great story to tell.  Cody  Kidwell is the amazingly talented chef, and if you ever want to sample the best bacon wrapped quail on earth, then drive over to Hamilton Pool Road and pull up a chair on their lovely outdoor patio.  (And don’t forget to order the tequila cheesecake!)

Now for some Elvis Presley Food Trivia…..

What was the King’s favorite snack?

A.  Priscilla Presley

B.  Possum & grits

C.  Peanut butter, banana, and bacon sandwich

If you chose A or B we need to talk.  The correct answer is C.  (Everyone knows that Elvis was a health nut.)

And since we’re on the subject of Elvis Presley, I wish to extend a warm welcome to our newest Elvis Presley Fan Club groups…..   Elvisworld@yahoogroups.com…..Kostas20052002@yahoogroups.com…..Elviest_ Group@yahoogroups.com…. and Elvis_101@yahoogroups.com

If you get a chance, please support these wonderful groups by leaving them a nice message.  They all do a great job of keeping the memory of Elvis alive.  Thanks again, folks!

By the way, I haven’t mentioned the Nobel Prize for Literature (and my apparent snub) because I have requested a re-count of the votes from a guy named Sven.  (I will keep you “posted” on the outcome.)  In the meantime, please join my Norwegian boycott by not eating pickled herring or grilled reindeer.  (This should be fairly easy.)

Have a great week and be careful out there!

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

October 7, 2012

LIFE IS A MYSTERY! (WHAT A “NOVEL” CONCEPT!)

OF COURSE, SOME DAYS ARE MORE MYSTERIOUS THAN OTHERS……

For instance, Wednesday, October 24th will be a VERY mysterious day.  How so you ask?  Well, I’m glad you asked.  On that very day (actually, at night, from 6:30 p.m. to 8:30 p.m.) yours truly will be a featured author/speaker/lecturer/know-it-all at the Austin Literary Salon!

So, you might ask, who are these folks?  Well, since you asked, these are the wonderful folks who sponsor famous (and infamous) authors who live and work in the great state of Texas.  Brilliant, creative, handsome, and modest writers like me.  Shy types who feel funny about tooting their own horns.  (Or here in Austin, Longhorns.)  Writers like little old Stephen G. Yanoff, author of THE PRESLEY PLOT!

That’s right, for some inexplicable reason known only to God, I have been invited to discuss reading, writing, and arithmetic.  (The math of making money in publishing.)  Lord knows I have made a small fortune over the years.  (The key word here being “small.”)  Nevertheless, my expertise is sorely lacking, I mean, sorely needed.  I am truly honored by the invitation and look forward to putting my best foot forward.  In fact, I intend to show off both of my feet.  (I’m no heel, though!)  However, I do have a lot of “sole.”  (How did I get on shoe jokes, anyway?)

Anyway, I will be participating in a mystery writers panel at the Wildflower Terrace Apartments in East Austin.  (Located at lovely 3801 Berkman Drive, Austin, Texas.)  The event will be held in their brand new auditorium and seats are on a first-come, first-seat basis….. so get there early for a good seat!  Doors open at 6:00 p.m. and they are expecting a huge turnout due to guest speakers that will be present.  (i.e., ME!)  I understand that I will be forced to share the stage with Helen Ginger, one of the brains behind the Writers’ League of Texas and an author herself.  Oh well, I’ll have to play nice and let her say a few words.  Maybe I’ll hand her the microphone and say, “I’ve talked enough about myself, Helen.  What do you think of me?”

Yeah, there’s an idea!

By the way, the Wildflower Terrace Apartments are located on the corner of Manor Road and Berkman.  (At the entrance of the old Mueller Airport on I-35.)  If you need more information, steal a copy of the Austin American-Statesman or find a copy of the Austin Chronicle that isn’t stained with picante sauce.  You can also look for details in the book review section of the New York Times.  (You can look, but you won’t find anything.)  I wouldn’t buy any one of those Commie rags myself, but it’s your call.  Frankly, if you need directions, you can always send me an email and I will get back to you in several weeks.  (If I’m not playing video poker.)

Incidentally, the evening will include a panel discussion (why we’re discussing panels, I have no idea), a book reading, and an opportunity to actually buy a copy of THE PRESLEY PLOT and have it autographed by me!  What joy!  What fun!  What royalties!  (Hey, I never said I wanted to be a starving artist.)

Attendees are welcome to bring a camera or video recorder.  (We’ll see what “develops.”)  You can also throw under garments on the stage if you are so inclined, however, please note that this offer does NOT apply to ANY of my male friends or neighbors.  Sorry, guys, we gotta draw the line somewhere.

In all seriousness, I hope to see you there!  Most importantly, you will get to meet the charming and talented Terri Schexnayder, the organizer of this event and one of the remarkable women who make Austin such a great place to live and work.  Trust me, you will love every moment!

Take care… and love to all.

Doc Yanoff