WELL, BY NOW YOU’VE HEARD THE BIG NEWS FROM BENGHAZI….. NO, not that news, the results of the LIBYAN NATIONAL POKER TOURNAMENT!
Actually, according to the Wold Series of Poker International Committee (The same folks who nominated me for the Nobel Prize in Literature) the tournament should be called the “Waterloo & Beef Wellington Poker Championship.” As many of you know, I am not only the author of THE PRESLEY PLOT, America’s best new mystery novel, but also the owner, lone faculty member, and janitor of the Austin-based C.P.A. (Cobra Poker Academy) Well….. I am very proud to announce that one of my graduate students, Dr. Max Talbott, recently won the aforementioned tournament with flying colors!! (Red, white, and blue.) As you’ve probably read, Max was voted “Most Likely To Secede” by his classmates. (A doctoral student named Barbara placed second, and has asked for a recount, but I think she’s whistling “Dixie,” if you get my reference!) In any case, congratulations, Max. You look lovely in your new tiara. (A “crowning” achievement by any standard!)
Incidentally, while I’m in a congratulatory mood, I would like to acknowledge Ms. Rhonda Sebastian, a dear friend and colleague, who won the annual “Steiner Ranch Beer & Barbecue Championship” last Thursday. Rhonda won a pickup full of cash and impressed everyone (including the Cobra) will her brilliant play. Believe it or not, she actually managed to beat me a couple of times, but I think she was cheating. (She had better cards.) Well done, Ms. Rhonda!
By the way, for those of you who wish to improve your lives, win lots of money, and make some new friends at the I.R.S., you should follow Rhonda’s example and become a BLOG FOLLOWER! Ms. R was an early follower and has remained loyal through all of my trials (many of which ended in a hung jury) and tribulations (losing the Nobel Prize to a South American Goat Rancher) Thank you, Rhonda!
Interestingly, my card playing has lead to some wonderful marketing opportunities for THE PRESLEY PLOT. For instance, last week I was one of the gift sponsors at the huge Steiner Ranch tournament which attracted attractive players from all five corners (make that, four corners) of Travis County and from several other counties in the Republic of Texas. As a gesture of my appreciation for Rich & Sharon Walker and the great Kevin Evans, I brought six autographed copies of my book to the tournament. Coincidentally, six lucky players won copies of THE PRESLEY PLOT, and now their lives are more or less complete. One player was willing to trade his cash winnings (approximately $4,479.62 for a copy of my book, but alas, none were available. Tough luck, Eric Ohlson.) Frankly, if I had won the damn tournament it would have been a perfect evening!
And speaking of perfect evenings…… Tarzan and Jane (Adam and Rachel) will be returning from South Africa tomorrow night! They enjoyed their safari immensely, but said that some of the big cats do not play poker fairly. (One of them was a cheetah!) By sheer coincidence, the lady who ran the lodge was a cougar! (Her contract contained a special “claws.”) All right, enough bad animal jokes. The natives are getting restless. I will simply conclude by telling you that my daughter sent me a cute photograph of a Ubangi mother urging her child to finish his dinner. The caption reads: “If you don’t finish your missionary, you don’t get dessert!” So precious. (I was going to use the word “tender” but I didn’t want to gross anyone out.)
Well, my friends, I shall say goodbye for now (before I cause another international incident) and wish you well in all of your pursuits. Enjoy our lovely fall. I shall write again soon…….
The imminent author and world traveler…….