October 26, 2014

TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING…

IS A VERY GOOD THING, INDEED! However, it can occasionally lead to what is called an “embarrassment of riches.” I am referring to my Saturday appearance at the Texas Book Festival, and the fact that we sold our ENTIRE inventory of books (5 cases!) by five o’clock that evening. Yikes! Of course I’m not really embarrassed about that, nor have I become filthy rich, but I am truly astonished by the sheer number of book lovers who participated in this event. (The estimated crowd? 20,000 people!) Saturday’s weather was sunny and warm, which was also perfect.)

As I mentioned, we sold a ton of books, met lots of wonderful people, and were visited throughout the day by family and friends. (and the random pet!) What more could a “starving artist” ask for? How about some crab crakes? Well, believe it or not, we got those, too! And a lovely bottle of wine! (Courtesy of my publisher, Murder Ink Press.) By the time I finished autographing books (and drinking wine) I was almost comatose. Yeah, I know, it’s a dirty job, but someone has to do it!

Just for the record, THE SECOND MOURNING was our best-selling book, followed by DEVIL’S COVE, THE PIRATE PATH, and THE GRACELAND GANG. Interestingly, that was the exact order (in reverse) in which the books were written. Hmmm. I wonder what that means?

Well, now it’s onward and upward, as I prepare for my radio interview on VOICE AMERICA. Just a friendly reminder: I will be featured on “Star Style,” on Wednesday, November 12, 2014. From 4-5 p.m. (Pacific Time) If you miss the “live” interview you can still listen to the program by going to the station’s archive page: http://www.VoiceAmerica.com/show/2206/be-the-star-you-are

So what else is new? Tuesday is Election Day. (whoopee) There are troubling signs for both parties….. On the Democratic side, the Secret Service recently arrested a White House intruder who was jumping over the fence to get OUT of the White House! At a polling station, another man shouted at the President to “stay away from my girlfriend!” (Rumor has it that the girlfriend was a Democrat running for re-election!) The Republicans are in trouble, too. The party recently suggested that the state of Florida be split into two states! (They would be known as “Geezerville” and “Methylvania.”) Breaking bad!

I don’t know about you, but I am sick and tired of hearing about Ebola. (Oops, poor choice of words!) I’ll bet that joke almost “flu” over your head! Anyway, there’s no reason to panic. Which reminds me, did you hear that New York and New Jersey have banned Peggy Lee’s song “FEVER?” Jeez, what’s next? “Touch Me In The Morning?” Enough is enough!

My own wife has gone crazy, worrying about too much physical contact. In an effort to distract me, she has recently filled our water bed with bass! (So much for “luring” me to bed!) I told her to straighten up or I’d find a female fishing partner. (I think they’re called “hookers,” but don’t quote me on that.) Anyway, I hear they fall for any line. (If I called one of those naughty girls I’d end up in a “cast!”)

Well, enough bad fishing puns and enough medical jargon. Time to go outside and do some real jargon. Where are my running shoes? They ran away?! (Thank God) Have a safe and happy week and we will meet again next Sunday. Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

September 14, 2014

DANGER, WILL ROBINSON!!

WOW, did you folks catch a glimpse of that flaming asteroid that streaked by earth last weekend? When it entered the earth’s atmosphere it broke into smaller pieces called hemorroids. (I think that’s what they’re called.) They are small, but dangerous and can be a real “pain in the butt.” The smallest particles are very photogenic, and are known as polaroids. I don’t know about you, but I love to gaze at heavenly bodies with my telescope. (No, I don’t mean the neighbors.) If you’e wondering how I know so much about astrology, it’s because I wanted to be an astronut when I was a young whipper-snapper. In fact, I went to college on a NASA scholarship. Well, actually I was just taking up space, but you get the idea.

Hey, do you think an astronomer is the same thing as a night watchman?

Anyway, there are billions of asteroids in the solar system, so don’t worry if you missed the last dazzling show. Did you know that the chance of asteroids colliding is roughly equivalent to winning the lottery every day for a week? Strange, but true! Of course, if an asteroid of any size does hit the earth, the results could prove fatal. Just ask Fred Flintstone. A big sucker hit our planet 65 million years ago, and contributed to the extinction of the dinosaurs! (Although some think it was an STD.)

Since I live in Austin, I can tell you one thing….. The stars at night are big and bright. Deep in the heart of Texas. The prairie sky… Never mind, you get the picture. Speaking of stars….. my new book, THE SECOND MOURNING, recently received the equivalent of a 5-STAR review from Kirkus Book Reviews, the world’s largest book reviewer! The critics were very kind, referring to my modest masterpiece as “An immensely readable narrative.” They also said I was funny and handsome. (All right, I made that last part up, but my mother thinks I’m nice.)

Sad about Joan Rivers. Not a huge fan, but I did appreciate the fact that she spent her entire life making others laugh and smile. I’ve been thinking about cremation this week, and although I am going to seek a traditional burial, I do have to admit that cremation would be my last chance to have a hot, smokin’ body!

“The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves.” (Not exactly relevant, but I wanted to add some class to this blog post!)

Finally, some breaking news….. I recently put the finishing touches on the fourth “Adam Gold Mystery,” which is titled, RANSOM ON THE RHONE. I am happy to report that my publishers, Murder Ink Press/Penguin Books, loved the story and are hard at work designing an appropriate book cover! Incidentally, the original cover concept was the work of my good friend, Vicki Kaufman, owner of Blue Heron Design Studio. If you ever need any graphic designs, she’s the gal for you! (She lives in Cedar Park, Texas.)

In closing, I would like to confirm the rumors that I will be at a book signing in Georgetown next week. I’m not sure of the time and place, but I will post both as soon as I learn the details. (Just keep the entire week open, OK?) And remember, my dear friends, don’t take life so seriously. It’s not like you’re going to get out alive!

Have a safe and joyous week! Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

P.S. We wish a safe and wonderful voyage to our loyal blog followers, The Princess of Portugal and Baron Lee! Bring me back a croissant!

October 15, 2013

BOCA IS BEAUTIFUL!

HOWDY BUCKEROOS….. Well, it’s Scamp Yanoff time again…. I’m back in Austin, back in the saddle, and back to blogging. Sorry for the late post, but as some of you know, I had some personal business to attend to in Florida. Two weeks ago, my sweet mother (Miss Hazel) fell down and broke her hip. Due to her advanced age (and playing ice hockey in her youth) she needed an immediate hip replacement, so…… guess who got to spend 10 hours a day by her bedside in the hospital? Yep. (I was the one who got “bed sores!”)

My brothers (Glenn and Ron) were also by her side, and Glenn (a resident of the Sunshine State) actually slept over one night. (When Mom was hallucinating!) Glenn would take the morning shift, and I would drag my lazy butt into the room around ten o’clock and spend the entire day there. The surgery went well (due to the expertise of the great Dr. Bergman) but the recovery was difficult at times. As I found out, seniors take a while to rid themselves of the massive amount of drugs and painkillers they receive. During this process, they often hallucinate and become quite paranoid. (I tried to get my Mom’s PIN numbers while she was doped up, but to no avail.) Anyway, everything worked out fine and she is now resting comfortably in a lovely rehab center in Boca Raton.

I must thank all of the lovely nurses who attended to Miss Hazel with great kindness and skill….. Nurses Rachael, Heather, Veronica, Marie, Michael, and Guisselle. All I can say, is God bless you folks. Your sweetness and dedication was overwhelming to observe. Each one of you were amazingly caring and competent, and in my humble opinion, you have made the Boca Raton Regional Hospital the BEST hospital in America! I hope you all enjoy your autographed books, and if you check out the ACKNOWLEDGEMENT SECTION of my next book, you will see that your are mentioned! (Believe it or not, I had TWO books published while Mom was in the hospital! Man, did I do a lot of writing!)

Of course, I wasn’t the only creative person in the room. My mother took the liberty of re-designing the “bed pan” while she was recuperating from surgery. (The “Hazel Poopy Pot” will be available, in many different colors, sometime in the Spring of 2014.)

Finally, I would like to say a HUGE thank you to my beautiful and talented sister-in-law, Grace Yanoff. During my stay, I was lucky enough to eat several gourmet meals at Grace and Glenn’s house, and my God, were they good! Grace is just about the best Italian food chef in the universe, and as you can imagine, I dined (and wined) quite well. Thank you, darling!

Incidentally, one of the great parts about going up to brother Glenn’s house was meeting all of his wonderful friends at the ADDISON COUNTRY CLUB. Not only is the club magnificent, but the “Friday Night Ladies” were incredible! Try to picture a room filled with beautiful, intelligent, sweet, sexy women….. Yep, I had to put up with a lot this trip, but hey, I managed. (I can’t wait to go back!)

I will post the covers of my two new books in a few days. Let me know what you think. I love both of them (THE GRACELAND GANG and THE PIRATE PATH) but I would be interested in your opinions. Well, I must go pay some bills. Take care and have a safe week….. Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

October 21, 2012

BREAKING NEWS!

WHO NEEDS NORWAY? I say no way, Norway, you can keep that dang Nobel Prize for Boring Literature….. I have some really exciting news!

As some (most?) of you know, I was sailing through the Panama Canal on the day that the publisher sent me the final galleys for THE PRESLEY PLOT. Since I was preparing for a prolonged jungle trip (To visit the Embera Indians) my mind was on survival gear and head-hunting techniques, and so I did a VERY poor job of proofreading my own manuscript! Nobody to blame but myself, although I still think the tribal witch doctor put a curse on me. (He was a Jerry Lee Lewis fan.)

Anyway….. the good folks at Aberdeen Bay Publishing, having completely sold out of all the first editions of THE PRESLEY PLOT (and recognizing genius when they see it) have kindly agreed to make ALL OF THE CORRECTIONS for the second edition! For me, this is wonderful news. I was really annoyed that I did such a poor job proofreading, but now I have a chance to redeem myself. Frankly, this is probably the only reason that I did not win the Nobel Prize. (What else could it be?) In any case, the second edition will be out shortly and available on Amazon.com, Barnesandnoble.com, Googlebooks.com, etc. If you bought a first edition and want to trade it in, just let me know and I will be happy to make an exchange. (I intend to give the first editions to a charitable organization.) However, I understand that error laden books are actually valuable if and when the author becomes famous….. think of the stamps that are so valuable because of printing errors. So…. you might want to hold on to your first copy.

And since we are on the subject of publishing….. the brilliant acquisitions editor at Aberdeen Bay Books (who is also an accomplished author) has requested that I promptly forward a copy of my second mystery novel titled….. MURDER ON MAIDEN LANE. I am hoping to hear something positive in a month or so, and I will keep you informed of my progress. Keep your fingers (and some of your toes) crossed for me! My editor, a wonderful professional named Karl Monger, actually enjoyed the second book more than the first, which is a very good sign. Of course, as you know by now, there are no guarantees in the competitive world of publishing.

Finally, I would like to remind those that live in or near Austin, that I will be a featured speaker/panelist at a mystery writers seminar this coming Wednesday. The event is being sponsored by the Austin Literary Salon. The location of the event will be at Wildflower Terrace Apartments, 3801 Berkman Drive. (In their main auditorium) The festivities begin promptly at 6:30 p.m. and end at 8:30 p.m. As I mentioned previously, there will be a panel discussion, a Q & A session, and then a book reading and book signing. Admission is almost free, and a gourmet dinner prepared by a world famous French chef will be available. (For the modest sum of $12,000 per person, not including wine.) What a bargain! What a steal! Buy a book! Get a meal!

All right, enough with the marketing routine. If you’re free, come down and join the fun. You will not be disappointed. They are expecting a sold out crowd, so plan to arrive by 6 p.m. if you want to get a good seat. (And remember to ask me some easy questions and laugh at all of my dumb jokes!)

Well, I’m off to get ready for another Sunday function with some of my major blog followers up in Round Rock. Mrs. Helena Bomblatus (a charming and lovely woman from Portugal) is hosting an elaborate (and authentic) dinner party, featuring gourmet goodies from the Azores. She is quite the chef, and I am anxiously awaiting her most recent culinary creation. It will also be nice to be surrounded by a fawning bunch of psychopaths, I mean, sycophants, who think I’m the best thing since white bread. Ah, the price of fame. Well, it’s a dirty job, but someone has to do it. (I can really sympathize with Brad Pitt.)

Have a wonderful Sunday and be careful out there…..

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

October 14, 2012

FOOD FOR THOUGHT!

I don’t know about you, but I think about food all of the time. (Except when I’m eating.) So….. I was very happy to celebrate my recent poker victory at a wonderful new Hill Country restaurant called VERDE’S MEXICAN PARILLA. (Parilla means “grill.”) Unlike THE PRESLEY PLOT, there’s no cover, but they do have a great story to tell. Cody Kidwell is the amazingly talented chef, and if you ever want to sample the best bacon wrapped quail on earth, then drive over to Hamilton Pool Road and pull up a chair on their lovely outdoor patio. (And don’t forget to order the tequila cheesecake!)

Now for some Elvis Presley Food Trivia…..

What was the King’s favorite snack?

A. Priscilla Presley

B. Possum & grits

C. Peanut butter, banana, and bacon sandwich

If you chose A or B we need to talk. The correct answer is C. (Everyone knows that Elvis was a health nut.)

And since we’re on the subject of Elvis Presley, I wish to extend a warm welcome to our newest Elvis Presley Fan Club groups….. Elvisworld@yahoogroups.com…..Kostas20052002@yahoogroups.com…..Elviest_ Group@yahoogroups.com…. and Elvis_101@yahoogroups.com

If you get a chance, please support these wonderful groups by leaving them a nice message. They all do a great job of keeping the memory of Elvis alive. Thanks again, folks!

By the way, I haven’t mentioned the Nobel Prize for Literature (and my apparent snub) because I have requested a re-count of the votes from a guy named Sven. (I will keep you “posted” on the outcome.) In the meantime, please join my Norwegian boycott by not eating pickled herring or grilled reindeer. (This should be fairly easy.)

Have a great week and be careful out there!

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

October 10, 2012

MY EYES ARE ON THE PRIZE!

WELL, TOMORROW IS THE BIG DAY…..

What big day you ask? The day that the Nobel Prize for Literature is announced! If you have read THE PRESLEY PLOT you know why I am so excited. I don’t mean to boast, but surely the committee will be able to recognize raw genius. Maybe even “well done” genius. If so, I am a shoe-in to win the prize for “Outstanding Mystery Writing Of Novels Dealing With Lost Tapes Of Elvis Presley.” Yes, I understand that this is a very narrow category, but so what? (Who reads poetry?)

The grand announcement will be made tomorrow morning, and to be perfectly honest, I doubt that I will get much sleep tonight. (After all, I am playing poker.) If I don’t win, I intend to be a good sport about things. (I’m referring to the book, not the poker game.) Frankly, after some of the recent Nobel Prizes, I am starting to question the judgement of the judges. (Too much pickled herring will pickle the old mind.) If I lose, I intend to demand a recount, and then I will insist that Judge Judy handle the contest next year. However, I must think positive, so after I’m done here, I will go pack my snow gear for the trip to Norway, or Sweden, or Denmark, or wherever the hell the contest is held. (The judges move around a lot. A moving target is harder to hit!)

NOW FOR SOME SERIOUS NEWS…… AND A BIG THANK YOU TO THE NEW “ELVIS PRESLEY FAN CLUBS” THAT HAVE SIGNED ONTO MY BLOG!!

I am honored and grateful to welcome the following clubs to our blog site….. GERAL@COFEBS.COM….. ANDREASTOECKLE69@GMAIL.COM…..ADRIAN_NICOLAE200@YAHOOGROUPS.COM…..ELVIS_FANS@YAHOOGROUPS.COM….& ELVISPRESLEY 1977@YAHOOGROUPS.COM

These wonderful people and groups have become loyal followers of my blog and I want each of them to know how much I appreciate their efforts on my behalf. BOOKS BY STEPHEN G. YANOFF now has over 2,000 followers world-wide, and it is because of folks like this that the site is so successful. I do take your interest quite seriously and try to amuse and educate about our shared fascination with Elvis and writing in general. I hope, if nothing else, that I bring a little smile your way now and then. So thanks again!

By the way, two wonderful Austin area authors have produced some new literature worth reading, so when you get a moment, GOOGLE Stephen Harrigan and Diane Fanning. Trust me, you will not be disappointed. These are two of our best.

Well, gang, that’s about all for now. I will write again when I land in Oslo, which I am flying to solo, which is just so-so, but spouses are a no-no, so now I must go-go.

Dang, those Norwegians are funny! (Instead of saying “no way,” they say “Norway.”) What jokesters.

Love to all…. (It looks like rain, dear….. “reindeer?”) All right, no more Scandinavian humor!!

Doc Yanoff