Well, since Bob Dylan refuses to acknowledge the Nobel Prize for Literature, I have unselfishly offered to accept the award for my own brilliant song writing.  What’s that you say, you didn’t know that I wrote songs?  Not only was I born in Nashville, Tennessee, but I am soon to be inducted into the Country & Western Song Writer’s Hall of Fame for my first (and regrettably last) album, titled, “I’ll Never Get Over You Until You Get Out From Under Him.”  (Available on  I am very proud of this album, which features some of my genuine country classics…..

Who will ever forget (no matter how hard they try) these famous tunes…..  “If The Phone Don’t Ring, You’ll Know It’s Me.”   “I Still Miss You, But My Aim Is Getting Better.”   “She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger.”   “Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure.”   And finally, my own personal favorite, “You’re The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly.”   Let’s face it, friends, they don’t write songs like these anymore.  (Except in two counties in southern Arkansas.)

Hey, since we are on the subject of literary genius, I would like to announce (warn) that I shall be speaking at the Lakeway Men’s Breakfast Club this coming Wednesday, October 26, at 8 a.m. in the morning.  My presentation will concern the assassination of President Garfield, and I will be speechifying (is that a real word?) about my history book, THE SECOND MOURNING.  Admission is free, and if you come early, you can purchase an autographed book.  I hope to see you there!  (I’ll be the only one awake at that hour!)

Lest I forget, congratulations to Judy Doyle of San Francisco, who won last week’s (tricky) trivia question.  There are 13 NARA Presidential Libraries, and two of them are dedicated to…..  Gerald R. Ford!  (One in Ann Arbor and the other in Grand Rapids.)   This week’s question?  Denton is north of Dallas, but which western outlaw do we associate with the “Denton Mare?”  (And where the heck was this poor fellow apprehended by the law?)  Good luck, everyone!

Last night we celebrated (with a gala steak dinner) the return of the Princess of Portugal and her worn-out hubby, Baron Lee.  After several weeks of traipsing around Europe, the royal couple has returned to humble Round Rock, where they will be recuperating (and replacing some of their wine-soaked bodily fluids) with good old fashioned water.  Or maybe just good Old Fashions?  Either should work. In any case, welcome home!

Today was a VERY special day for me and my best friend, Baker.  (Baker is my daughter’s dog, and my biggest fan.)  We (the entire Yanoff Clan and several other families) spent the morning down at Zilker Park in Austin.  Doing what, you might ask?  Celebrating Baker’s 15th Birthday!  We had a grand party, complete with breakfast tacos from Torchy’s, and lots of fun and games for the pooches. (there were at least 7 of them!)  The kids had a ball, too.  My daughter brought a piñata costume for Baker (he was not too thrilled about that) but he kept it on as we all sang “Happy Birthday,” and then proceeded to tear it to shreds with the other dogs!  All in all it was a “ruff” morning, but a lot of fun!  (If you would like to send Baker a gift, he is registered at Bloomingdales.)

Well, that’s about it for me.  I must go pack, just in case I get a phone call from the Nobel Committee in Oslo.  When I asked them if they thought I actually had a chance to win the big prize, they said “Nor-way!”    (Judge not, lest ye be judged!)

Love to all, Doc Yanoff





Well, maybe Interstate 35 isn’t heavenly, but it does lead to Dallas, which is quite an impressive city.  I spent a few days in “Big D” last week, and I must admit, it was very enjoyable.  Our first stop was Highland Park, where our hosts provided a glorious evening of French food and wine.  (Ooh la la, if you know what I mean!)  Dinner included a brief speech about my new mystery novel, A RUN FOR THE MONEY, followed by a veritable feast for the senses.  (Especially the taste and smell senses!)  There was plenty of pate, including my wife, Pate Yanoff,  and some truly wonderful wine.  (No whining, just wine.)

Day two was spent on the (lovely) campus of SMU.  I guess you could say that I was a visiting professor.  (after all, I was visiting!)  The purpose of my visit was to view the George W. Bush Presidential Library and Museum.  (I am doing some final research on my next history book, TURBULENT TIMES, which deals with the remarkable life of William H. Seward.)  The museum is quite interesting and if you love American history, you will enjoy the various displays dealing with the Bush Administration.  The Archive Library is also wonderful, so if you need to do some presidential research, this is the place to do it.  (Mention my name and you will get a free bookmark.)

While we were up in Dallas, we had to do one of those “bucket-item” things that you hear about from time to time.  Thus, we drove over to the State Fair of Texas and spent the afternoon munching on a wide variety of fried foods.  The best items were the Corny Dogs and the Fried Tofu.  (Just kidding about the tofu!)  They had a lot of games on the midway, but the most popular was the old “guess my weight  attraction.”  (Which they will be replacing with a “cholesterol guessing game” in the very near future.)  If you love fried foods, or have a death wish, then this is the fair for you!

By the way, speaking of death wishes, if you missed my last radio interview, you can hear the entire show on the new “Book Club Radio Program Podcast.”  (Hosted by John Austin.)  Just “Google” the name and a schedule will pop onto your screen.  The show is featuring two of my interviews this month, THE SECOND MOURNING interview and the interview on A RUN FOR THE MONEY.  I think you will enjoy them both, and they’re both free!

And since we are on the subject of “free stuff,” congratulations to Mr. Robert Loeb of East Meadow, New York, the winner of our last trivia contest.  Mr. Loeb won a $300 gift card, courtesy of my generous publisher, Murder Ink Press.  There will be many more contests and gifts in the weeks ahead, so stay tuned for my future blog posts!

Incidentally, this week’s trivia contest is NOT about me or my books.  (Thank God!)  A new iPhone (No, not a Samsung Galaxy!) will be given to the first person who can tell me how many Presidential Libraries there are in America.  If you can tell me which President has two libraries, you will win a gift card, too!  Good luck, and may the fastest typist win!

Finally, since we live in a day and age of enormous political strife, I would like to remind you of a pleasantry uttered by President Reagan, who referred to Presidential Libraries as “classrooms of Democracy.”  If you want to remind yourself just how great America truly is, then visit one of these fascinating museums.  You will come away reinvigorated and rejuvenated!  (And the admission will be less than a massage!)

Have a safe and smile-filled week!  Love to all,

Doc Yanoff





Thus, instead of running for President (and surely winning) I have decided to return to my passion of writing lame jokes.  Why?  Because the world needs to laugh more often!  Don’t try to change my mind, the people have spoken!  (Actually just one person, my mother… she reminded me that you need at least a billion dollars to be a legitimate candidate.  I was a little short.  Not really, I’m about six feet tall.)  Heeeee’s back!

Well, now that my political career is over, I can finally tell the truth.  I’d rather be king than president.  (Stephen King, that is.)  Have you seen how many books that guy has sold?  Well over a thousand.  He must be rolling in dough.  I guess I shouldn’t complain, A RUN FOR THE MONEY, has become the best-selling mystery novel in the state of South Carolina.  (Where most of it takes place.)  Make sure read the book before you go to Charleston!  (or any other city south of the Mason-Dixon Line.)

So what else is new?  Congratulations to Miss Amanda Garner, who won our last trivia contest.  (By three seconds!)  She will be receiving an autographed copy of RANSOM ON THE RHONE, which I understand she intends to read on her way to Paris, France.  Good timing, Amanda.  Hope you enjoy the book!

Speaking of travel, the Princess of Portugal and her somewhat sober husband, Baron Lee, have left Lake Como and are heading to the Azores.  (Did you know that Perry Como owned his own lake?  I didn’t.)  Meanwhile, Judge Susan is on her way home from the Big Apple, which I think is in New York.  (They grow a lot of apples upstate.)  Safe travels, everyone!

As for me, watch out, Dallas!  I’m on my way (in a day or so) to “Big D” to attend a little function near the George Bush Library & Museum.  Day one will be spent on the campus of SMU, followed by a book club gig and private dinner at a publisher’s house in Highland Park.  Day two will be even more fun…  I am, for the very first time, going to the State Fair of Texas!  Yahoo!  I can’t wait to sink my teeth into a corn dog!  Have you ever seen the menu from the fair?  Almost everything is fried!  The most interesting dish is the “Dr. DeBakey Special.”   A huge plate of french fries smothered in fried bacon and melted cheese.   (Guaranteed to result in coronary surgery before you reach the parking lot!)   Sounds yummy.

And since we’re on the subject of food, I would like to thank the lovely and talented Miss Hannah for hosting a very nice dinner party at Napa Flats Restaurant last week.  Guests dined upon Cajun shrimp and gumbo, accompanied by some fine wine.  A good time was had by all!  (Miss Hannah is the publisher of a new magazine called “River Place Living.”)

Finally, since someone mentioned the above magazine, I would like to thank Mr. George Lowe for interviewing me for the December issue of River Place Living.  We recently spent several hours together, and George will be writing a lengthy expose, I mean, article, about me.  I hope all of my friends in and around River Place will support this new venture, and I look forward to reading some great articles in the months ahead.

Well, my friends, I must start packing.  The ACL music festival is just about over here in Austin, so I’m going downtown with my metal detector to see if I can find some jewelry.  Last year I found an 18-karat ring, but the woman wearing it refused to take it off her darn finger!  Some people are so pathetic.  Ah well, such is life.

Have a safe and joyful week!  Love to all,

Doc Yanoff


*****  If you can identify all of the locations in the attached photos you will win a HUGE gift!    (Courtesy of Donald Trump)



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Positano, Italy, has to be one the most beautiful spots on earth!  (Thought I was referring to the presidential candidates, didn’t you?)  Nope, Italy is much more interesting… and a lot more satisfying to look at.  Thus, at the end of today’s blog, I shall share a few of my newly developed photographs, exposing the Amalfi coast in all its glory!  (Don’t worry, I won’t be exposing myself.  I was asked to keep my clothes on, lest I scare the tourists!)

For those of you who do not subscribe to VARIETY, I was traveling abroad as part of a research trip, gathering information for the next “Adam Gold Mystery,” which is tentatively titled, CAPONE ISLAND.  (That would be “Capone” as in Al Capone, which is why we spent so much time in Sicily.)  Hence, all expenses were work related (and tax deductible) in accordance with the Federal Income Tax Code, Section 11, Paragraphs 4-34.  (At least that’s what my accountant, Jesse James Lipschitz told me.)

Come to think of it, maybe I shouldn’t be talking about paying federal income tax and Al Capone at the same time.  (Eliot Ness and the Untouchables busted Big Al for not paying his taxes!)  Personally, I think the deck was “stacked” against Capone.  (That would be “Stack” as in Robert Stack.)  If you didn’t get that last joke, you must be under 6o years of age!

Anyway, one of the reasons for today’s “Italiano” theme is because all of my books are now available in Italian!  My publisher recently informed me that there was a huge demand for my writing in Rome, Capri, Sorrento, Positano, and throughout Sicily.  (Which, coincidentally, are the exact places where I left advertising flyers in the mens room!)  See, my friends, it does pay to advertise.

The mystery novels have also been published in…  (get ready for this)  12 other foreign languages!  In all seriousness, this is a wonderful development, as foreign sales make up a large portion of a writer’s market.  I am most thrilled about the books being available in Spanish, French, German, and Chinese.  (These markets have a lot of readers who love anything “American.”)  Who knows, maybe I’ll be invited to a few book clubs in Barcelona, Paris, Berlin, or Peking.  (I love ordering Peking Duck, but I always get stuck with “the bill!”)  Ouch, that was really a “foul” joke!

Before I depart (big tailgate party down in Austin tonight) I would like to send my best regards to the Princess of Portugal and her financially drained husband, Baron Lee.  My dearest royal friends are vacationing (again) and this time they find themselves and their entourage in…..  Positano, Italy!  (dang copycats!)  Ah well, I’m just jealous.  Have fun and drink some Chianti for me!

I hope you enjoy the photos, and if you’ve been to this area, write to me and I will share your tales on next week’s blog.  (Send nude and semi-nude photos in a brown paper bag.)  Have a safe and happy week!  Love to all…..

Doc Yanoff



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Actually, it’s “Tippecanoe and Tyler Too,” but that was then (1841) and this is now!  Besides, we don’t need another President Tyler,  (otherwise we would ask Steven Tyler to run) we need a man of the people!  A man who is semi-trustworthy!  A man with too much free time!  We need…  ME!   So, my fellow Americans, I have decided to run for President!  And why not?  Trump is running.  Clinton is running.  My refrigerator is running.  Even my nose is running.  (allergies)  Verily, I ask that you carefully read my first stump speech (I just cut down a tree) and cast your vote for me in the November contest!  Are you ready?  Well, here goes nothing…..

“Fellow citizens, these are the times that men try sole, I mean, that try men’s souls.  Therefore, I would like to shed some light on the SALUBRIOUS backgrounds of my opponents.  In response to an IMPUDENT question, Mr. Trump recently acknowledged that he was, in fact, a HOMO SAPIEN.  (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.)  Furthermore, he confessed to engaging in HETEROSEXUAL behavior!  Just as revolting, if not more so, is Mrs. Clinton, who has frequently engaged in SOCIAL INTERCOURSE, often at dinner parties, surrounded by her admirers!  I know this is hard to believe, but Mr. Trump was seen MASTICATING at a crowded REVELRY!  Later that evening, according to CNBC, Trump began to EXPOUND on one of his pet projects!  Sadly, he then began to GESTICULATE before a group of Girl Scouts.  Supposedly, he offered to have a PLATONIC relationship with their leader.  I hate to say it, but the man has become a PROPRIETOR!  And what about Mrs. Clinton?  Did you know that she was once a PROSELYTE?  My God, the woman actually wrote a pamphlet about religious SECTS!  I understand that her PIETY has led to a MONOGAMOUS relationship and NUPTIAL bliss!  Rumors abound that Hillary wanted to be a THESPIAN (Not that there’s anything wrong with that) and that she was willing to perform in front of a paying customers!  Finally, I would remind you that both of my opponents enrolled in college and MATRICULATED on a daily basis!  (Not that there’s anything wrong with that)   I’m no saint, but I hear that my opponents tried to EMULATE one of the professors on campus, and for that they should both be CASTIGATED!

Ladies and gentlemen, I know you must be shocked by these BANAL and MUNDANE accusations, but I can assure you that all of my statements have been completely FABRICATED and are thoroughly FATUOUS.

I thank you for your APATHY and indifference, and remind you to vote early and vote often!

God Bless America, and God help us if I actually win.”


Those of you who wish to support my idiocy, I mean candidacy, are encouraged to send cash (no checks, please) to me ASAP.  Any amount is welcome.  (Just fold your donation in half and stuff it in a brown envelope.)  Next week, God willing, I will lay out my entire platform.  Until then, take care and send me some loot!

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff







Do you remember that wonderful movie?  It was based upon the true story of the real Rocky…  the great Rocky Graziano.  First released in 1956, it is considered to be one of Paul Newman’s best performances.  The first person who can tell me who played the part of “Fidel,” will win an autographed copy of my newest mystery,  A RUN FOR THE MONEY.  Good luck!

The reason I mentioned this movie is because I too seem to be blessed.  How so, you ask?  Well, believe it or not, I just won another book award, and this one was totally unexpected.  I was recently informed that my first history book, THE SECOND MOURNING, has been chosen as one of the best non-fiction books of the year by BOOKSANDAUTHORS.COM.  These folks publish an online magazine for book lovers, which includes book reviews, author interviews, publishing news, book contests, and much more.

The “Book of the Year” awards are chosen by an elite panel of publishing professionals who “seek out literary gems from both established writers and first time authors, novels that whisk the reader to unfamiliar times and places, thrillers that are more than just “page-turners,” and thought provoking non-fiction that entertains as it informs.”  (How are all these words going to fit on my trophy?)

I might have to go to Chicago to receive my award in person, so if anyone out there has an extra bullet-proof vest and a high-capacity rifle that I can borrow, I would be very appreciative.  (Even more appreciative if I survive the trip!)  On second thought, maybe I could send my wife, or my new publicist, Blind Lemon Jefferson.  (Hey, somebody has to go!)

Speaking of trips, I had the pleasure of speaking to a charming book club in Blanco last week.  Blanco (which is the Spanish word for “Blanco”) is a small town in the heart of the Texas Hill Country.  The Old County Courthouse in town served as a set for the 2010 version of the film “True Grit.”  (The Redbud Cafe served hot grits.)  If you like museums, you can visit the Buggy Barn Museum.  I skipped this one, but only because I hate bugs.   ( I can’t imagine why anyone would want to keep insects in a barn. )  Oh wait, they might be referring to horse-drawn buggies.  Never mind.

If you like barbecue, you might want to try the Old 300 BBQ Restaurant.  (Which takes its name from the original 300 settlers that Stephen F. Austin brought to Texas, NOT the cost of a meal.)  Personally, I would skip the food and head on over to Real Ale Brewing, where one might consume a craft beer or two before heading back to Austin.

Incidentally, our book tour to enchanting New Mexico (and Durango, Colorado) has been postponed until the spring of 2017, so if you live in those areas, I hope to see you then.  I will, of course, post our complete itinerary once it becomes available.  (I do need to wait until my publicist, Mr. Jefferson, completes rehab and pays a modest fine to the Republic of Slovenia.)  Don’t ask, long story.

Well, that’s about it for me.  I happen to be babysitting today, so I need to freshen up my margarita before sweet little Goldie wakes up from her nap.  I’m hoping to watch an old Gregory Peck movie when she awakes.  Have you ever seen “Tequila Mockingbird?”  Great movie, salty language, but you can rent one without salt.  You should give it a “shot!”    Have a great week!

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff



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Well, it took a while, but I have finally achieved (semi) immortality.  How so?  I have recently become an official…  (are you sitting down?) WIKIPEDIA REFERENCE!  Yes, yes, I know it’s hard to believe,   (considering my grades in high school) but I will now be on the World Wide Web until infirmity, I mean, eternity.  (or whichever comes first!)  Here’s the deal…

The next time some poor soul is doing research on “Charles J. Guiteau,”  the assassin who killed President James A. Garfield, they will be scrolling down the list of references until they come to…  #32.  A,B, & C.   Stephen G. Yanoff.  THE SECOND MOURNING.  page 398.    And then, as if that isn’t bad enough, they will come to another reference…  #34.  A & B.   Stephen G. Yanoff.  THE SECOND MOURNING.  pages 398-399.

So there you have it, I am now an “official” expert on something.  (Other than poker and tequila.)  About time, if you ask me!  I wonder what in the world am I going to do with all of the royalties?  Every time somebody looks up “Charles J. Guieau,” I get two or three cents.  (So you should look him up at least twice a day… if you want me to keep traveling in style.)  I wonder if there is some sort of WIKIPEDIA conference for references?  Maybe they meet at Noah Webster’s house for a crazy, fact-based weekend?  Jeez, the possibilities are endless!

Since we’re on the subject of self-promotion (again) please don’t forget to tune in to my next nation-wide radio interview.  (DETAILS:  Tuesday, August 23, 2016.  12 Noon E.T.  Streamed live via the Internet and available 24/7 by podcast at   (And on WTAN-AM 1340 in Tampa, Florida and KLRG-AM 88O in Little Rock, Arkansas.)

The host (John Austin) and I will be chatting about my new mystery novel, A RUN FOR THE MONEY.  (One of those fascinating “Adam Gold Mysteries.”)  This tale takes place in the Gullah community of South Carolina and Lexington, Kentucky.  The NYT called the book “another sign of Yanoff’s delightful use of history, geography, and clever writing.”  I must agree with them!

For those of you who have never been to the Low Country of South Carolina (south of Charleston) I shall attach some photographs of Beaufort, S.C. and St. Helena Island.  (Where some of the books takes place.)  This is the epicenter of Gullah culture, and a truly beautiful spot.  If you plan to visit, drop me a line and I will send you some hotel and restaurant recommendations.

Enjoy the photos and have a safe and prosperous week!  Love to all,

Doc Yanoff