August 23, 2026

TURN UP THE HEAT!

WAIT! I was only joking! Today it’s a balmy 107 degrees down here in Austin. (Yesterday was around 106!) Don’t even ask about tomorrow. Our temps have been over 100 degrees Fahrenheit all week long. I’m not sure what that word means, but I don’t think it has anything to do with Farrah Fawcett, who was also from Texas. (She was also HOT) In any case, if this weather keeps up I’m going to put my head under a faucet. I just saw a scorpion with a canteen on its back. (Did I use that joke last week?) The heat must be affecting my brain.

I wonder if I should still ask my wife to check the roof shingles this afternoon. She’s a wonderful worker, but she sure complains a lot. Personally, I think she’s lucky to have me. (At my age, “getting lucky” means that I was able to find my truck in a parking lot!)

Where was I going with this blog? Never mind, let’s continue to talk about where I’ve been. This morning I shall present the third (and hopefully) final chapter of my recent European voyage. On our 9th day of the outing we dropped anchor in Stornoway, Scotland, the largest town in the Outer Hebrides. I was a little reluctant to go ashore because I thought the captain announced that we were in the Outer HERPES. Apparently I was mistaken. The second announcement told us that the town had a strong Gaelic presence, which also presented a problem. (I thought the captain said a strong GARLIC presence, so I wore a face mask.) Once again, I was mistaken. The town was actually quite nice, and we enjoyed some yummy cod and haddock.

Day 10 brought us to Belfast, Northern Ireland, where we spent most of the day at the fantastic Titanic Museum. I’m not sure why they built such a huge place to commemorate an iceberg collision, but it was still quite interesting. I enjoyed the displays, but I left with a sinking feeling. (Get it, sinking?) The tour guide didn’t think that was funny either. Just between you and me, I’m not sure why they brought a cruise ship group to this particular museum. (Some of my fellow passengers refused to get back on the ship!) Just kidding, the crowd that I was with would never miss “Happy Hour” on the ship. Anyways, outside of the museum there isn’t much to see in Belfast, unless you like nasty words spray-painted on brick walls. The vandals really need to work on their syntax.

On the 11th day, we made port (or rather, beer) in Dublin, Ireland. Lots of folks out and about. Most of them drunk as a skunk. Hey, do you know why the population of Ireland’s capital is continuously growing? (Because every day it’s Dublin’!) The tour guide liked that one a lot! In fact, since I was so amusing, he told me that there was a pub in Dublin where a person could drink all night long for free, and then retire to a back room and enjoy a vibrant sexual encounter until dawn. I told him that was blarney. He responded, “I swear on me life it’s true. It happened to me sister last week.” What could I say?

Well, on that note, I shall conclude my amazing travelogue. Now I would like to take a moment to bring you up to date on the release of my newest literary masterpiece, titled, UNBOUND BRILLIANCE. (The Dazzling Life of Thomas A. Edison) This book, my 16th creation, will be sent to the editor within the next two weeks. Once again I am happy to report that the editing will be done by the ingenious and talented Sarah Welch, the owner of Inkdrop Lit. I shall, of course, keep you informed of the actual publishing date, which is supposed to be in early January, 2027.

Word of advice: If you should ever find yourself being chased by a horde of taxidermists, don’t play dead!

For those of you that haven’t had enough punishment, you can scroll down and view some of the photographs that I took on my trip. Next week I will be heading to lovely Lake George, New York. If I am not abducted by the Canadian police, I will post a fascinating blog whence I return to Texas. Until then, stay cool, stay hydrated, and stay inside!

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

July 19, 2026

HOME SWEAT HOME! (PART II)

SO…. you thought we might get some relief from the heat, eh? Well, we did get a weather change last week. Instead of blistering heat we got another thousand-year flood! After a continuous downpour, ALL of the Hill Country lakes are completely full! (And they’re actually opening up the floodgates where I live near Mansfield Dam and Lake Travis for the first time in 10 years!) Boy, you gotta love Texas weather. (I might buy an ark at the Ikea store later today. My wife said, “Noah way!”) Little flood humor there.

Anyway, enough about the weather. Let’s get back to my recent travel adventure. I believe we were just leaving Loch Ness and the Scottish Highlands. Loved that part of the country, and the folks that live there are very friendly. (especially after a Scotch or two) Only one complaint… some of the lads are a wee bit rude to the ladies. I heard several men referring to their dates as “Lassies,” which, even though I love Collies, seems a bit odd. Don’t you agree, or do you think I’m “barking up the wrong tree?”

Moving on, our next stop was Bergen, Norway, a picturesque port on the west coast. The city dates back to 1070 AD, and as you might imagine, they love to display their Viking heritage. Some of the outfits were quite authentic, but I must warn you… never sit on a Viking helmet. Man, talk about making a hole in one! While strolling around the port I had a chance to try some whale jerky (don’t ask me how they jerk a whale) and some reindeer sausage. The whale was awful, but I sort of liked the reindeer. (except that the antlers got stuck in my teeth!) In any case, the food was interesting, but I think I’ll stick to Jersey Mike’s.

The next stop was one of our favorites…. the city of Lerwick on the Shetland Islands. The wife and I were big fans of the British TV show (also called “Shetland”) and enjoyed walking all around the place looking for spots where they filmed the show. After a lengthy stroll, we found the famous whiskey distillery and tried a dram or two of their wares. From what I remember, the whiskey was quite tasty. Once warmed up, we found a great fish and chips shop down by the dock, and filled our faces with cod and haddock.

Day number 8 brought us to the Kingdom of Denmark, or to be more exact, the Faroe Islands. These lovely but remote islands lay west of Scotland and are comprised of 18 unusual islands, most of them inhabited. (some have more sheep than people!) We dropped anchor in Torshavn, the capital, which has a current population of about 14,000 humans and 70,000 sheep. They get along just fine, and it’s real easy to hire a “Nanny” in this place. The most interesting thing about Torshavn are the houses, which have GRASS roofs! (No joke, photos below.) In case you’re wondering, they cut the grass with a handheld scythe or a weed eater. (No lawnmowers in sight.)

The long-awaited conclusion of my fascinating voyage will be posted in two weeks, so please don’t make any plans to leave the country. By the way, did you notice that the world famous French tapestry (known as the Bayeux Tapestry) is now on loan to England? It was safely transported last week and will be on display at the British Museum for the next 10 months. This is something not to be missed if you’re in London. (The tapestry is from the 11th century and depicts the Norman Conquest of England. I don’t know who Norman is, but I have seen the rug, and it’s magnificent. (Incidentally, the tapestry is at the heart of a famous insurance claim that was the focus of my third or fourth Adam Gold mystery, titled, RANSOM ON THE RHONE.) If you like exciting tales, then this is the book for you. (available at Amazon.com)

Before I go, allow me to mention that ALL book royalties from now until the end of the year will be donated to the Texas Flood victims, the Texas Children’s Hospital, and a handful of charities in the Ukraine. So now would be a good time to buy a book and help others! If you buy more than one book, I will personally come to your house for dinner and bring some moderately-priced wine. What a deal!

I hope everyone has a lovely and safe week…. Keep smiling and don’t forget to scroll down for some tantalizing photographs of my trip. Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

July 5, 2026

HOME SWEAT HOME! (PART I)

YEAH, home is sweet, too, but this week it’s hotter than a two-dollar pistol down here in Austin, Texas! (I just saw a scorpion with a canteen on its back!) Oh well, it’s still great to finally be home after traipsing around Northern Europe for the last three weeks. On this voyage, we visited some fascinating places, including England, Scotland, Norway, Denmark, and Ireland. (Sounds like a World Cup Soccer tour, doesn’t it?) We began the overseas adventure with a 3-day visit to lovely Bath, England, which is located about two and a half hours west of London. We stayed at the Royal Crescent Hotel, which is a charming, traditional hotel in the center of town. This city was the spot where the Romans built their famous bath, which some of them actually used. (Unless they were going to a bridal shower.) The ancient structure is quite fascinating, but paled in comparison to the Scallop Shell Restaurant, which serves the BEST fish and chips in the world!

After we drenched ourselves in Bath (pun intended) we headed south, toward Southampton, where we climbed aboard the Seven Seas Grandeur, a beautiful ship that is part of the Regent fleet. On the very first night, they hosted a Texas Hold ‘Em poker tournament, which I won! (without cheating!) That started off the voyage in fine fashion, and it was all up hill from there. (Except for the fact that I had to split my poker winnings with my wife. I gave her two bucks, which she promptly lost in a slot machine. Women.)

Anyway, after my prestigious start, we dropped anchor in Edinburg, Scotland, where my better half spent most of her time looking for some dude named Jamie Fraser. (I never heard of this clown, but he was supposedly the star of a TV show called The Highlander.) Jeez, you’d think my wife would have spent her time looking for a more manly fictional character. Adam Gold, perhaps?

Edinburgh, I’m happy to say, lived up to its hype. It was rainy, cold, and gloomy. (but the beer was wonderful) Naturally we climbed the five thousand steps leading up to Edinburgh Castle, which was just as foreboding as it looks on postcards. Still, it was worth the exercise. (and a good way to build up a thirst!) The castle has been occupied by humans since the Iron Age, a period that spanned from 1200 to 600 B.C. During that time, the streets have been cleaned twice. (too many tourists to suite me!)

Our next stop was Invergordon, a well-known Scottish port that serves as the gateway to Loch Ness, the home of you-know-who. Nessie, as they call her, was nowhere to be seen, but we did see some scary tourists from Belarus. According to legend, the monster (not the folks from Belarus) lives in the deep, dark waters of the lake, and occasionally reveals herself to the public. She is usually spotted after the consumption of a scotch or two. (not the folks from Scotland, the alcohol) In any case, we spent a good deal of time walking along the shores of Loch Ness and touring an ancient castle that still stands near the main entrance. The castle is called Urquhart Castle, and is situated on a rocky promontory. I understand that it dates back to the 13th century, which is quite a bit older than the meat pies they serve at the gift shop. (Well, actually, they might have been the same age!)

The Scottish highlands are very rugged, but exceedingly beautiful. Most of the folks that live there are very warm and welcoming. However, they do tend to be a little clannish. (Come on, that wasn’t a bad pun!) By the way, are you familiar with the kilts that some of the men wear? They’re called kilts, because you’ll get kilt if you try to peek under them. (just ask my wife!)

Well, that’s enough travel talk for now. I will continue with my sermon next week, but let’s bring you up to date with my illustrious literary career. I did NOT win the Nobel Prize for literature this year, but I am still negotiating with some folks from Netflix, who are seemingly interested in two projects. They have shown great interest in a mini-series based on my book about John C. Fremont (WONDER OF THE WEST) and have also discussed the possibility of producing a series based upon the Adam Gold mysteries. Dealing with La-La Land people can be exhausting, but if anything pops I’ll let you know asap. (I’ll probably be in a home by then, but you never know.)

Incidentally, the last Adam Gold book, THE LONG HARD FALL, is still selling at a brisk pace and has recently won several awards. If you haven’t read it, you should. The story is quite interesting and mostly true. (similar to my entire life!)

Before I depart, I want to wish everyone a happy Fourth of July. I loved traveling around Europe for a few weeks, but believe me there is absolutely no place like the good old USA. When you travel abroad, you quickly realize how incredibly lucky we are to live in AMERICA. (where there is air conditioning!) Trust me, we are blessed beyond limit to live in such a wonderful country. I hope you all have a safe and sparkling holiday, and I wish you much love….

I have included some photographs for your viewing pleasure!

Take care,

Doc Yanoff

March 29, 2026

SAIL OF THE CENTURY (PART II)

AHOY, landlubbers! When last we raised anchor, we were departing (reluctantly) from the salubrious isle of St. Barts, bound for the awe-inspiring islands of Antigua and Barbuda. (Not to be confused with Bermuda!) These little gems are in the Leeward Islands, which is part of the Lesser Antilles. They are located, more or lesser, in the Caribbean Sea. When we arrived, I began to wonder if the region was named after my Aunt Tillie. Hey, you never know. The old gal got around.

In any case, we sailed along the western shore, which is magnificently beautiful. As is our custom, we ate, drank, swam, and… are you ready for this…. we were invited to a championship cricket match. Being a man of the world, so to speak, I immediately declined the invitation. Who the heck wants to watch a bunch of crickets hopping around the field? Not me. No thank you. (We ended up at a Greyhound race, which was just as bad. Most of the buses were old clunkers.) Hard to breathe with all those dang fumes.

Our next stop, one of my favorites, was the charming town of Castries, a vibrant port on St. Lucia. The place is truly habit-forming, but if you spend too much time there, you might get Cas-trated. (We left right away.) But we ended up at a wonderful resort called Calabash Bay, which was one of the most romantic resorts I have ever seen. (I was tempted to get “frisky,” but my wife was around.) Always something. I have attached some photos below.

Bidding farewell to St. Lucia, we sailed on to St. Martin, which as you might know, is somewhat schizo in its layout. Half the island is French. (Ooo la la!) And the other half is Dutch. (But not exactly a Dutch treat.) We spent most of the day on the French side and had a wonderful lunch on the beach. However…. BUYER BEWARE! The French eat cargo! They’re really snails! Also, if you’re offended by nudity (like me) avoid Orient Bay Beach. This beach is “clothing optional” and they frown on tourists snapping souvenir photographs. (I heard this from a friend.) Nevertheless, you can have an exceptional visit if you keep your clothes on. (My in-laws used to say that to me.)

Soooo….. everything is coming along, how shall I say it, swimmingly with my present literary masterpiece, titled, UNBOUND BRILLIANCE. (A story about Thomas Edison, not me.) Our next book tour/ocean cruise/wine guzzling adventure is being planned by my publicist, Irving “Wrong Way” Wishbone, and should be finalized any day now. (Poor Irving is still stuck in a TSA line at the Austin airport.)

Which reminds me, what did one ocean say to the other? Nothing. They just waved!

Did you hear about the red cruise ship that slammed into the blue cruise ship? All of the survivors were…. (you’d better sit down) …. MAROONED! (Come on, that wasn’t terrible!)

All right, no more bad jokes. Time to head for my grandson’s 6th birthday party. By the way, the first photo below is one of my youngest grandson, pirate captain, “Long Legged Luke.” A truly fearsome lad. (especially after he consumes mushy peas!) Hasta la vista, baby. Have fun and keep smiling.

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

*** Highly fascinating photographs below!

March 15, 2026

SAIL OF THE CENTURY!

Well, maybe it wasn’t the best ocean cruise in history, but it was certainly great. In case you’re wondering where I’ve been… my first mate and I recently returned from a lengthy excursion to the sun-drenched Caribbean, where I was drenched in rum for nearly two weeks! Avast, me hearties and pickle my liver! We had a lot of fun in the sun and did some great snorkeling. (Only one drawback, it was difficult getting that dang straw under my mask.)

We first dropped anchor on the enchanting isle of Puerto Plata in the Dominican Republic. The city’s history dates back to the early 16th century, when Spanish colonists founded a small settlement for which they paid the inhabitants one dish of paella, two tortillas, a slab of Jamon Iberico, and a bowl of gazpacho. (or maybe not)

In any case, we spent a lovely day luxuriating at a beachside resort and sampling the local cuisine with some new friends from Texas. By the way, for you geography nerds, Puerto Plata translates to “silver port” in English, and was so-named by none other than Chris Columbus. (Who, I think, might have also discovered Columbus, Ohio)

Our second stop was in vibrant San Juan, Puerto Rico, where I go from time to time to visit my hubcaps. (Just kidding, there is very little crime on the island. The water is a different story.) Anyway, lots of interesting history down yonder and some spectacular mojitos. The weather, luckily, was a 10 and once again we were able to play in the surf. After another beach break, we crawled back to the ship and sailed down to gorgeous Tortola. The island, as I’m sure you’ve heard is very lush. (There were also a few lushes on the beach!)

Enchanting Gustavia, the capital of St. Barts, was our next port of call. It was here that I realized why the term “port of call” came to be. Everyone was on their damn cell phones making calls! Who the heck are these people calling? Beats me, but the whole island was on the phone. Well, not everyone. I wasn’t. I was too busy taking nature photographs of some scantily-clad French chicks. I didn’t “develop” any friendships. A lot of those cute Frenchies were topless, but so was I, so I didn’t complain.

St. Barts is actually quite small. (except the prices) The island is only 11 miles long and 2.5 miles wide, so you can drive around the entire island in about 30 minutes. (If you can afford a $200 cab ride!) We spent the entire day at a charming resort called Le Barthelemy, situated on a tranquil beach in Grand Cal de Sac. (Photos attached below) The joint was really top notch, and the food and drink tres magnifique.

For those of you still following my illustrious poker career, allow my to mention that later that evening yours truly won first place in the poker tournament sponsored by Regent Cruises. The prize money was, how shall I say it, beaucoup d’argent. (a lot of loot) Unfortunately, my wife spent most of the prize money on some sort of glittering jewelry, which does not seem fair to me. Well, I was just glad that they didn’t pay the winners in francs. What the hell would I do with all of those hot dogs?

By the way, do you know why the French eat snails? (They detest fast food!) I was about to eat dinner at a French restaurant in town, but someone told me that the restaurant served POISSON! No joke, you have to be careful what you eat on St. Barts. Sacre bleu, who knew?

Yikes, I just realized that last Friday was the 13th! Did you know that if a black cat crosses your path, it means the cat is going somewhere? Well, on that Im-purr-fect note, I shall bid y’all adieu. I would write more, but I have to finish my new mystery novel. Incidentally, do you realize that the best murder weapon would be a Tupperware lid? You know why? Because nobody would ever be able to find it!

Shiver me timbers and amour to all,

Doc Yanoff

P.S. Enticing photography below!

February 1, 2026

HAPPY (BELATED) 2026!

Well, that was fun. The past week has seen some very unusual weather, even for Texas. We went from a high of 84 degrees down to a low of 15 degrees in one darn week! BRRR! (Next week we are back up to 75 degrees!) Mark Twain was right. Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it. It got so cold that I was tempted to make a batch of my famous Cajun alligator stew. Unfortunately, I only had a “croc-pot” on hand. (Does that joke qualify as a reptile dysfunction gag?)

Anyway, most of our inclement weather has moved north, where it belongs. Good riddance. Now I can start packing for my next (warm weather) adventure…. an extended book tour/cruise in the Caribbean, thanks to my publicist, Wilbur “Wrong Way” Williamson. This man is so good. I might even offer him a raise. (a pair of high-heeled boots.)

Our itinerary includes the sunny (and hopefully hot) islands of Tortola, St. Barts, Antigua, St. Lucia, St. Maarten, and Puerto Rico. In preparation, I have been consuming lots of rum, but I have made a vow not to drink too much when I get to the Caribbean basin. In fact, once I’m on the ship, I will not touch a drop of alcohol unless I’m alone or with someone else. What can I say, I have an incredible amount of will power.

Here’s an interesting bit of trivia for you cruisers out there….. Passengers can now participate in the mandatory safety drill online. Be careful, though. You have to take a little exam and there are a few “trick questions.” For instance, “How do you pull a rabbit out of a hat?” Just kidding. But they do ask what you’re supposed to yell when you see a man fall off the ship. (The answer: “Man overboard!”) They also asked what you’re supposed to yell if you see a woman fall off the ship. (My answer: “Full speed ahead!”) I only got partial credit for that answer.

Speaking of questions…. When a lightning bolt hits a cornfield, how come it doesn’t produce any popcorn?

Moving along…. For those of you that have recently been snowed in, the rumors are true. I have finalized a very lucrative 2-book deal with a major publisher. In point of fact, I am half-way through both books. The first is a brilliant tale about Thomas A. Edison (non-fiction) and the second is another “Adam Gold Mystery.” It’s been fun going back and forth in the writing process… and somewhat challenging. Both books should be ready for publication sometime this year. (Depending on whether or not I’m incarcerated in the Caribbean.)

Well, time to start packing, so I must say adieu. (and “I do” hate to pack!) By the way, I’m thinking about taking a repositioning cruise next year. I’m not sure what that is, but I think it means you have to spend most of your time in the vertical position. (I currently prefer the horizontal deal.) If you have any details, send them along.

Keep smiling and enjoy your special time on Earth. And don’t be depressed by the weather. Summer will be here in 145 days!

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

November 30, 2025

PILGRIM’S PROGRESS!

HOWDY PILGRIMS! (Do you think John Wayne said this to the 102 passengers who arrived on the Mayflower in 1620?) You never know. In any case, I hope you and yours had a delightful Thanksgiving. We had a large family get-together and a big turkey. (I’m not referring to myself here!) Our feast was wonderful and during dinner I entertained my fellow pilgrims with some edifying information about the holiday we were celebrating.

For instance… did you know that turkey was probably not on the menu at the first feast? (Too hard to catch or kill, and a pain in the butt to cook.) In all likelihood, the pilgrims and Indians ordered take-out. (whatever they could take out of the stream) Maybe they had Chinese. You never know. Nowadays, Americans eat about 46 million turkeys on Thanksgiving… and 50 million pumpkin pies! Gooble gooble!

Would you like to guess which US president made Thanksgiving a national holiday? (Here we have a number of turkeys to choose from!) If you said Abe Lincoln, you’re right! (Biden and Trump were the first to offer a pardon to every turkey in the country!) Do you think that was a “fowl” joke?

Lest I forget, I should say a word or two about last Friday’s football game between Texas A&M and the University of Texas. As some of you know, I hold 3 degrees from the A&M university system, but I’m not bitter about losing to the drug-enhanced, testosterone-filled thugs who play for the Longhorns. Not bitter in the least. Actually, I feel sorry for U.T. After the big game, some Aggie broke into the University of Texas library and stole the book! The police recovered the book, but all the pages had been colored in by the thief! But, hey, I’m not bitter.

On a more uplifting note, my new historical masterpiece, titled, WONDER OF THE WEST, won another gold medal this past week for “Outstanding U.S. History Book of 2025.” The award was presented by the NIEA, which is the National Indie Excellence Awards. (now in its 19th year!) I am greatly honored to receive the gold medal, and I truly appreciate the substantial financial remuneration. (i.e., loot) If you happen to find yourself in Washington, D.C. next week stop by the Hay Adams Hotel (near the White House) and say hello. (I’ll probably be in the lobby, signing books and drinking martinis.) Of course, I may have to testify at some hearing while I’m in town. You never know.

In closing, I hope some of you were able to watch a portion of the Netflix show “Death by Lightning.” (The story about President Garfield’s life and death.) Some of this sordid tale was based upon my enthralling history book, titled, THE SECOND MOURNING. Not to sound arrogant, but had they followed my entire book I think the show would have been much more interesting. The assassin, Charles Guiteau, was actually the more fascinating historical figure. Alas, I do not make the final decisions.

Well, my dear friends, I shall now take my leave…. Have a wonderful week and remember that Christmas is only 25 days away! (also remember my shirt and pants sizes… just in case you’re inclined to buy me a gift! Hey, you never know!) I’m only kidding about the clothes. I much prefer cash!

Take care and love to all,

Doc Yanoff

October 26, 2025

SACREBLEU! ANOTHER GOLD MEDAL!

BON JOUR, mon ami….. I am delighted to announce that my new U.S. history book, titled, WONDER OF THE WEST, has recently won a gold medal at the 2025 Paris Book Festival! Oi la la, what a pleasant surprise. The award was presented for the “Best U.S. History/Biography of 2025,” and marks the 5th literary award that the book has won. A scheduled award ceremony (which was supposed to be held in the Louvre Museum!) has been moved to the Jardin des Tuileries, so if you should find yourself in La Ville Lumiere (The City of Light) in early December please drop by for a glass (or two) of champagne.

In the meantime, please remember that copies of WONDER OF THE WEST can be readily obtained on Amazon.com, Barnesandnoble.com, and leading bookstores across the country. (That would be our country, the USA, not France.) So what else is new these days? Well, as I mentioned on my last blog, we met some wonderful folks on our recent river cruise. One couple, Peter Vernasco and Pamela Anderson, own Olivewood Ranch, and they produce the BEST olive oil I have ever tasted! They sent us a couple of bottles of their award-winning oil and it was truly marvelous. If you’re looking for a thoughtful gift this holiday season, you should check out their website. You won’t be sorry.

Pete and Pam were friends with Dr. Jim Gemmer (and his lovely better-half, Anne) The good doctor and I shared a memorable beer in the Black Forest and had some sparkling conversation throughout the voyage. As I’ve said many times, the best part of travel are the interesting folks you meet, and this trip was no exception.

Speaking of friends, I would like to thank Helena, The Princess of Portugal, and her charming husband, Baron Lee, for hosting another extraordinary gala feast last week. On this occasion, The Princess made FEIJOADA, the national dish of Brazil. (Basically a hearty stew) It was wonderful, and I managed to consume a meager two helpings… and lots of good, red wine. My wife loved the meal, but slightly embarrassed herself. She asked our host if a Brazilian was the number after a trillion!

Well, as I’m sure you know, Halloween is just around the corner. Need some fun facts? Do you know that 41% of Americans believe that ghosts really exist? (80% believe that they’re going to get an IRS refund!) Last year, Americans spent 700 million dollars on Halloween costumes! (Roughly what my wife spends at the mall each year.) I can’t prove it, but I really think that Halloween (which is America’s 2nd favorite holiday) was invented by someone affiliated with the American Dental Association. Have you ever seen what candy corn does to your teeth? Thank God it’s at least a vegetable.

For those of you who have inquired about the 2026 Caribbean Book Festival, I am thrilled to announce that I will be participating in several discussion groups. So far, I’ve signed up for gigs on St. Bart’s and St. Thomas, but I’m sure more stops will be added as the festival nears. I shall, as they say, keep you informed. Make sure to bring plenty of sunscreen and a generous supply of Alka-Seltzer. (I hear they sell rum on some of the islands!)

Well, amigos y amigettes, I must take my leave. My wife is dragging me (again) to our Sunday morning tennis lessons. I know how to play, but she insists that my game could improve. (Isn’t that why they invented cheating? To eliminate the need to practice?) In any case, remember my motto….. “When in doubt, call it out!” Have a wonderful (and joyous) week… and keep your eye on the ball. (Even though the racket works better!) Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

September 21, 2025

ALPINE ADVENTURES! (Part Two)

I just realized that the word Rhine rhymes with wine, which is just fine. However, on our last river voyage we focused on beer, which turned out to be a very wise choice. Except for one incident… after guzzling a few pints of ale, I inadvertently walked into the ladies room and quickly discovered that the Germans are fixated with certain numbers. Some guy kept yelling, “Nine, nine, nine!” I yelled back, “No, number one!” The guy walked off huffing and puffing, but that’s because he was a sour Kraut.

Our first biergarten adventure was actually in the fun-loving city of Cologne, where all of the semi-inebriated citizens smell awfully good. (Yep, this is where the famous perfume was invented.) One our first night, we sampled 3 different breweries, and from what I remember they were all great. The good folks of Cologne love Kolsch beer and bratwurst, which makes them some of the wisest people on earth. (OMG, does that stuff go down easy!)

After Cologne, we sailed through the beautiful Rhine River Valley and stopped overnight in Koblenz, Rudesheim, and Speyer. Each town had its own unique charm, and a lot more beer to sample. Lest you think that I consumed too much bratwurst, I would like to point out that I also overindulged with an absurd amount of wienerschnitzel and sauerbraten. One evening I drank a little too much schnapps and couldn’t find my own wienerschnitzel, but that’s a long story.

The last leg of our voyage brought us to Strasbourg, France, and then it was off to Basel, Switzerland for a death-defying ride through the mountain passes of the Swiss and Italian Alps. Our guide, whose name was Heidi, was quite knowledgeable, but hard to understand. (She kept yodeling every time she saw one of her relatives or a herd of sheep.) Our lovely Swiss Miss told us that we were traveling across peaks that were 16,000 feet high! Don’t ask me how Hannibal (the Carthaginian general, not the cannibal) marched his army and a herd of elephants across the Alps. The poor pachyderms must have worn special snow shoes. (Which they packed in their “trunks” no doubt!)

Whence we crossed the Alps, we visited the Italian Lake District and spent a few glorious days exploring Lakes Maggiore, Garda, and Orta. (We skipped Lake Como because George Clooney wasn’t available for lunch.) One of the more interesting stops was a visit to the Monastery of San Giulio on Lake Orta. The monastery is home to 70 nuns who have taken a vow of silence and spend their days in quiet reflection and prayer. (No offense, but I can’t imagine 70 women being silent for any length of time. They must use sign language or something.) My wife has a funny sense of humor. She asked one of the nuns if I could join their order. (She said no. Well, actually she just shook her head.)

In closing, I would like to reiterate something I’ve said before….. the best part of any trip is meeting other folks from around the county. On this occasion we were lucky enough to meet some wonderful couples, including Greg and Joyce from Ohio, Diane and Nick from Pennsylvania, John and Sarah from Virginia, and Deb and Jennifer, from PA and South Carolina. All of these charming people made our trip an event to be remembered!

Next week I shall have some FASCINATING literary news to share, so be here or be there. Until we meet again, I wish you a salubrious and fun-filled week! Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

P.S. I have attached some photos for your viewing enjoyment!

September 7, 2025

DUTCH TREAT!

Greetings from the Netherlands, a/k/a Holland, where 26% of the country is below sea level! Fortunately, most of it is at eye-level, and boy did I get an eyeful. Yours truly, and his faithful travel companion, recently returned from several weeks in Europe. We began our latest adventure in the bicycle-crazy city of Amsterdam, but that wasn’t the only damn thing we saw. When you go to Holland, you might rub elbows with Rotterdam, Westerdam, Oosterdam, Zuiderdam, and Volendam. But don’t bother looking for Potsdam or Hoover Dam. On this particular outing, we sailed aboard the Viking Sigrun, an impressive longship. Most of the voyage took place on the Rhine River, which is quite lovely this time of year.

As I mentioned, we fly into Amsterdam, which is an interesting city, overrun with death-defying bicyclists. (They defy you to cross the street without being run over!) We had the pleasure of staying at the Pulitzer Hotel, which is named after Peter Pulitzer, the grandson of Joseph Pulitzer, the founder of the literary award that I expect to win one of these days. (To improve my chances, I left a book in the men’s room and service elevator.)

The city of Amsterdam is known for many things (some of them legal) and we had no trouble seeing the most famous sites. Our hotel was just down the street from the Anne Frank House and an easy walk to many of the museums. The most famous museum in town is the Van Gogh Museum, which we tried to go to, but couldn’t find. Apparently, the painter moved around a lot. (He was probably a “moving Van.”) I kept asking people, “where did Van go?” Nobody seemed to know, which was rather “ear-ritating.” (Should I have “cut” that joke?)

Overall, I think we spent our time wisely. My wife went to a store that sold kitchenware. (She never showed me the pot she bought, but she was giggling about her purchase all afternoon.) I was interested in purchasing a lamp, so I went to the Red Light District, which had some very unusual window displays and a VERY friendly staff. I didn’t buy anything, but I did get a shot of whiskey and penicillin. (Better safe than sorry!)

After several fun-filled days in Amsterdam, we sailed down to the quaint village of Kinderdijk, the self-proclaimed “Windmill Capital” of the Netherlands. Being a semi-famous author, I was reminded of my favorite novel, written by Miguel de Cervantes. Naturally, I’m referring to the timeless classic DAN COYOTE, the marvelous tale of a Spanish Knight-errant and his faithful sidekick, Sancho Panda. What a memorable book.

The remainder of my voyage will be discussed ad nauseam in future blogs, so if you find this post elucidating (or hallucinating) please tune in next Sunday, whence I will continue bloviating about our other port stops. Trust me, you will not want to miss a single word. (maybe a few sentences, but no words.)

Incidentally, not to brag, but my new history book, WONDER OF THE WEST, was recently chosen as the “Best U.S. History Book of 2025” by the judges of the Hollywood Book Festival. The First Prize Award is financially staggering, but more importantly I get to attend a gala dinner in N.Y.C. (Why they chose New York instead of Los Angeles is a mystery.) In any case, I might attend the awards ceremony if I can find my old bullet-proof vest.

By the way, speaking of steak dinners….. Do you know what they call a cow with no legs? (Ground Beef!) Do you know what they call a cow with no ears? (Nothing, they can’t hear!)

Well, I think it’s time to MOO-ve on, so please take care and keep smiling. If you would like to see some photographs of my recent voyage, please scroll down. Love to all!

Doc Yanoff