GONE WITH THE WIND!

Frankly, my dear, I think we need another dam!  Oy vey, did we get a lot of rain from Hurricane Harvey.  Somewhere around 27 TRILLION gallons of water fell on Texas, most of it on Houston.  That’s a lot of water.  Enough to provide 2 or 3 baths for Rosie O’Donnell.  Harvey also destroyed my brother-in-law’s vacation home in lovely Rockport.  Luckily, he and his wife had a place in Houston that was not affected by the rain or flooding.  Most of the Texas coast is still cleaning up, but as Mother Nature will soon learn, you don’t mess with Texas.  The re-bulding has already begun!

Miss Irma (another blow-hard) ruined my planned book tour to Naples, Florida, but I’m not complaining.  My new publicist, Jelly Roll Rabinowitz, has already put together a marvelous outing scheduled for January, 2018.  (Subject to those other 3 hurricanes not showing up in Florida!)  On this outing, we shall be going to the Cayman Islands, Belize, Honduras, and Guatemala!  When we get to Guatemala, we will be going to a school where I will be giving out some free books and signing autographs for the locals.  I really love this sort of good deed, and I am really looking forward to this stop.

Speaking of fun events, the great radio host, Jack Drucker, will be re-airing the entire interview we did for the release of DEVIL’S COVE on Tuesday, September 19th.  (Around noon, E.S.T.)  As you might recall, Jack works at WTAN in Clearwater, Florida, and his show is one of the top-rated programs in the nation.  If you want to hear the interview, simply tune into “Tan Talk,” 1340 AM or 1o6.1 FM.  I think you will be pleasantly surprised with our chatter.

Incidentally, since we are on the subject of radio interviews, Jack will also be interviewing me sometime in November.  We plan to have a lively full-length discussion about my new history book, TURBULENT TIMES.  There will be a Q & A after our initial discussion, so if you want to call the station and give me a hard time, now’s your chance!  (Please don’t claim to be one of my previous lovers unless you are a female!)

And speaking of wonderful females…..  I would like to thank Miss Gina Sigmong for sending me a VERY interesting DVD about the amazing folks of Hickory, North Carolina, and how they battled the dreaded childhood disease of polio back in the fifties.  Talk about character and grit!  Those folks were simply incredible and represent the best part of being an American citizen.  Truly inspirational!

I would also like to thank Max and Barbara Talbott for renewing my subscription of Garden & Gun Magazine!  In my humble opinion, this is the BEST magazine in America, and absolutely invaluable to a country boy like me.  My birthplace, Nashville, Tennessee, is actually featured in this month’s issue.  (They were praised for their outstanding cuisine, which is well-deserved!)

JUST A REMINDER…..   Keep in mind that ALL book royalties (for the rest of the year) will be donated to the hurricane victims, so if you are thinking about a purchase, now’s the time to act.  Let’s face it, you can’t take it (money) with you, so why not spend it on a good cause?  What is money, anyway?  Well, I’m glad you asked …..

We call it “paper money,” but our bills are actually a blend of cotton and linen.  The unfinished pyramid represents our “unfinished democracy.”  The eagle was chosen because of its courage and intelligence.  If you’re the superstitious type, you’ll be happy to know that the number 13 is well represented on our bills, too.  How so?  Well, there are 13 stars in the seal (representing the 13 colonies), there are 13 steps on the pyramid, the olive branch has 13 leaves, the are 13 arrows in the eagle’s talon, there are 13 stars above the eagle’s head, and …..  there are 13 letters in “E PLURIBUS UNUM!”

If any of this information troubles you, please send me all of your unlucky dollar bills and I will dispose of them properly.  Yeah, I know, they don’t make guys like me anymore!  Take care, my friends, and we shall chat again soon!

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

 

 

BIG DOINGS IN DENVER!

Greetings from the Mile-High City, where the winners of the 23 ANNUAL CIPA BOOK AWARDS were recently announced.  The CIPA Awards are recognized as one of the most prestigious literary contests in the nation, and the contest attracts over 8,000 entries from around the globe.  Generally speaking, prizes are awarded for the books that best demonstrate story, character, content, and production values.  Gold, Silver, and Bronze medals are awarded to the top 3 books in each category.

It gives me great pleasure to announce that my new history book, TURBULENT TIMES (The Remarkable Life of William H. Seward) has won the BRONZE medal for “The Third Best U.S. History Book of 2017.”  This is truly a great honor, and I am very appreciative.  The competition was fierce, and there were many great books submitted, so I am really thankful for the recognition.

The awards ceremony featured some wonderful speakers and a gala banquet, and helped raise money for CIPA’s nonprofit charitable foundation whose purpose is to facilitate and support child and adult literacy and education.  A very worthwhile cause!

Speaking of worthwhile causes…..  As you know, Houston was battered by Hurricane Harvey, and the city’s residents are now in need of some serious funding.  In order to help out, I have made a special arrangement with my publisher, and I am happy to announce that from now to the end of the year, ALL royalties generated from ALL of my books, will be donated to the various charities supporting the good people of Houston.  This includes ALL of my mystery novels, and my two award-winning history books!  So….  if you haven’t bought a book yet, now is the time to act!  I can personally assure you that your purchase will facilitate your entrance into heaven at a (much) later date!   (I have friends in VERY high places!)

And speaking of “high places,” (other than Denver, where marijuana is legal) one my old high school friends, now residing in Florida, Steven Mairano, is close to completing his first movie!  The movie is titled, HOME STRETCH, and it is a comedy about a poor fellow who is forced into the “dating scene” after 40 years of marriage.  Steven hopes to end filming on a “high note,” so if you would like to help him finance his labor of love, you may contact him at:  wattaguy42@hotmail.com

So what’s the story with Kim Jong Un?  I just heard that he’s working on a Hydrangea Bomb!  (I guess this would make him a “petal pusher?”)  If you ask me, the poor lad suffers from “Projectile Dysfunction.”  In any case, we should just give him his own reality show and wish him well.  (In fact, he could link up with Kim Jong Kardashi-Un!)  Sum Ting Wong with that boy!

By the way, before I go, I would like to send my thoughts and prayers to two brave souls…  My brother-in-law, Mark McCloskey (and his wife Mayvic) who lost their lovely beach home in Rockport last week, and my friend, Tyler Marquess, whose house is in jeopardy because of the raging wildfire in California.  Hang in there, folks!  We are all pulling for you!  This too shall pass.

Well, let’s hope that Miss Irma stays away from the U.S. and decides to head out to sea next week.  Another hurricane would not be good at this time.  (or for that matter, any time.)  As some of you know, I went to college in Corpus Christi, Texas, and then spent many years fooling around with marine archaeology in Port Aransas and Rockport.  (My father-in-law owned a lot of land in that area)  I know the residents quite well, and I can assure you that they will be back on their feet in the very near future.  They are smart, resourceful, and tough as nails.  Trust me, you don’t mess with Texas!  God bless them all!

Y’all take care and we shall speak again soon.  Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

 

P.S.  Would you like to see what my Bronze Medal looks like?  Well, too bad, I’m posting it anyway!

 

 

THE SOLAR ELLIPSES IS ALMOST HERE!

BIG DEAL.  Why all the fuss about a set of three periods representing a trailing off of thought?  I don’t get it … I use an Ellipses quite often … Why all the excitement?  Of course, I might be mixing up the word ellipses with the word eclipse.  There is that remote possibility.  I did study astrology in high school, or maybe that was astronomy.  I forget which one.  In any case, I am very familiar with our Solar System.  During my illustrious college days, I studied to be an astronaut.  (I was taking up space at Texas A & M.)  Nonetheless, I shall not look directly upward until the big event is over.  (unless I hit my head on the garage door again)  WARNING:  Do not stare at the stars on Monday!  (This warning does NOT include any posters of Pamela Anderson.)  You’ve been warned, so let’s move on …   (There’s that dang elliptical thing again!)

My recent road trip from sunny South Florida to sunny Austin was a HUGE success.  After a week in sunny Boca Raton, we drove up to sunny Tallahassee and then over to sunny Rosemary Beach.  (Are you noticing a theme here?)  Rosemary Beach was simply divine, and in all honesty, it is one of the most beautiful beaches in America.  (The sand & water are unbelievably clean)  The Pearl Hotel was also spectacular.  Truly one of the best hotels I have ever had the pleasure to stay in.  Best part for me?  The library actually had a copy of my last mystery novel, A RUN FOR THE MONEY!  That was very cool.  (I was so impressed that I gave them a copy of TURBULENT TIMES for their collection.  They still charged me for the room!)

We met several interesting “steel magnolias” at the Pearl Hotel.  (Southern chicks with great personal histories.)  In fact, three lovely ladies provided some great ideas for the book that I am presently writing.  (CAPONE ISLAND)  I would like to give a little shout out to Miss Debra, Miss Jeanne, and Miss Janna.  It was nice meeting you, and I shall endeavor to include you ladies in the book.  (under different names, of course!)  The waiver forms will arrive in the mail shortly!

The second part of the week was spent in (sunny) and sticky New Orleans, and once again, we met some wonderful characters at our hotel.  We stayed at the lovely Windsor Court Hotel, and because I had agreed to a book-signing in the lobby, they gave us an amazing room upgrade.  Top floor, about two thousand square feet.  Biggest damn room I’ve ever seen.  (I couldn’t find my wife for 3 days!)  Best part of the trip for me?  I played some poker at Harrah’s Casino (with a friend of mine from Austin) and we both won a ton of money.  Enough to pay for our entire stay in the “Big Easy.”  (Which, coincidentally, was my high school girlfriend’s nickname!)

The good folks in N’awlins really stepped up to the plate (pun intended) and provided some GREAT eating adventures.  We dined at Mr. B’s Bistro the first night and Galatoire’s the second night.  (The third and fourth nights we fasted.  Actually, we just ate faster.  Who am I trying to kid?)  Between the crab and crawfish, we found time to gulp down a few Sazerac Cocktails at the Carousel Bar.  (The one that turns as you sit and get drunk.)  I’m not sure, but I think the spinning evenly disperses the vomit.  Just saying.

Of course, a stop in New Orleans would not be complete without another stop at Cafe du Monde for a pile of beignets covered with powdered sugar and washed down with some flavorful chicory coffee.  (Which is not just for chicks!)  I loved the little fried globs of puffy cholesterol, but it does take about a week to digest them … so be forewarned.  (Jeez, I just saw another ellipses!)

Tomorrow, in addition to that annoying solar thing, the winners of the Colorado Independent Publishers Association Book Awards will be announced on the Today Show.  As you might remember, my new history book, TURBULENT TIMES, was recently chosen as a Finalist in the “Best U.S. History” category.  I would love to win the Gold Medal, but I am so pleased to have been nominated, and humbled to be competing against some major literary talent.  Regardless of the outcome, I will always be grateful to my loyal blog followers!  You folks are the best!

Well, it’s time for me to try on the old tuxedo.  (Just in case I get lucky)  If I don’t win the Gold Medal, I intend to wait on some tables at the awards ceremony, which should pay for my trip to Denver.  On a final note, if you should happen upon a copy of the Memphis Daily News, look for the article they wrote about the passing of Elvis Presley (on August 16th) and you will see a lengthy reference to my very first mystery novel, titled, THE GRACELAND GANG.  (The book cover is shown, but they were wise enough not to show a photo of me!)

Well, take care, dear friends, and we shall meet again soon!  Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

 

P.S.  I will attempt to add a photo of the Elvis book and some shots of Rosemary Beach.

 

 

 

ROCKY MOUNTAIN HIGH!

Greetings from lovely (and hot) Rosemary Beach in Florida.  Two hours southwest of Tallahassee and definitely below sea level.  So what’s with the blog title?  Well, I’m glad you asked.  And I’m proud to announce that my new history book, TURBULENT TIMES (The Remarkable Life of William H. Seward) has just been chosen as a FINALIST in the 23rd Annual C.I.P.A. Awards.  (Which stands for Colorado Independent Publishers Association.)  Mere words cannot express my gratitude, as this is a VERY prestigious literary contest.

This year, the C.I.P.A. Awards attracted over 8,000 entries, and TURBULENT TIMES managed to be named as one of the best history books of the year.  In fact, three history books were chosen as Finalists, and the authors will soon find out whether they have won a Gold, Silver, or Bronze medal.  The order will be announced at a gala banquet on August 19th.  The event will be held at the Forney Museum of Transportation in Denver, Colorado, and tickets will be available to the public.

I understand that this is usually a sold out event, so if you’re intending to participate, order your tickets early.  Sometime during the evening, the awards will be presented, and this will be followed by a book signing and some slow dancing.  (Depending on the age of the crowd!)

As some of you might know, I am on my way to New Orleans to do some book stuff and eat a bunch of beignets, but I hope to be able to fly out to Denver to pick up my award, regardless of which one I receive.  I would like to thank all of the judges who made this award possible, and as I said before, I am very grateful.  (And just as grateful to all of my loyal blog followers!)

Well, I’m afraid I must leave you now.  I promised the manager of the Pearl Hotel that I would judge the wet T-shirt contest this afternoon.  I don’t mind judging, especially since they gave us such a lovely room upgrade, but I do wish I could have been assigned to the women’s contest.  (Some of these old geezers need to hit the weight room!)

You folks take care and we shall chat again in the near future.  I will keep you informed of the C.I.P.A. Awards, and in the meantime, keep your fingers crossed for me!  Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

 

 

THE VERDICT IS IN!

No, I’m not referring to those trumped up charges against me!  I’m talking about the review of my new history book, TURBULENT TIMES.  (The Remarkable Life of William H. Seward)  I would like to thank Mr. Ben Green and READER REVIEWS for all of their kind words.  I could not have asked for a better review of the book.  (And believe me, I was tempted to ask!)  Anyway, I hope you will soon purchase your own copy, and I would not wait too long.  TURBULENT TIMES has already won 4 literary awards and is well on the way to becoming a best-seller.

Thanks again for your continued support!

If you would like to read the entire review, simply scroll down on this post.

 

 

THE STAR TREATMENT!

If you’re a dedicated follower of this blog, then you know that I should have received some sort of treatment a long time ago.  However, it is never too late to spoil a bon vivant like me, so my bags are packed, and I’m ready to fly out to La-La Land to pick up my gold medal (and a wheelbarrow full of cash) for winning an award for “The Best U.S. History Book of 2017.”  As you might know, (if you subscribe, God forbid, to The New York Times) my new history book, TURBULENT TIMES, recently won this award at the Hollywood Book Festival.

That being the case, I have been invited to participate in a gala event at the Roosevelt Hotel in Hollywood, the site of the very first ACADEMY AWARDS ceremony!  I’m not really going to California, but only because I have a prior engagement in Florida, where I am going to pick up another literary award in the lovely city of Miami.  (Sometimes I wish I had a mini-me!)  From there, we begin our August Book Tour & Sun Tan Extravaganza.  First stop, Boca Raton, (the site of my new “Adam Gold Mystery,” titled, CAPONE ISLAND.)  The book is not finished yet, and I need to do some further research.

From Boca Raton, we head due north, up to lovely Tallahassee.  After one or two days in the capital, we mosey on down to the Pearl Hotel in Rosemary Beach.  I’ve never been to Rosemary Beach, but I hear it’s quite beautiful.  (It’s about “thyme” I got to Rosemary!)  Do I sound like a “sage?”  All right, enough herb jokes.  (Herb is getting annoyed.)  Where was I?  Oh yes, after Florida, we head west to the Crescent City.  (New Orleans)  Since New Orleans has French roots, I think they should call it the “Croissant City,” but that’s just me.

Thanks to my recently paroled publicist, Blind Lemon Lefkowitz, we will be staying at the lovely Windsor Court Hotel.  (I knew I’d end up in court again!)  I love this hotel, mainly because it has a roof-top pool and is right next door to Harrah’s Casino.  (Where I fleece those unsuspecting tourists and crazy Cajuns!)  If I don’t get in any trouble, I will be signing books at the French Market, so if you’re in town, stop by and we can share a beignet!  (And a cup of chicory coffee.)

Speaking of sharing wonderful things…  As some of you know, my second full-length book review (regarding Turbulent Times) has recently been published online by the prestigious READER VIEWS MAGAZINE.  I am happy to report that the reviewer was VERY gracious and kind, and absolutely loved the book.  If you would like to read the entire review (and let’s face it, who wouldn’t?) you can go to the following website:   http://www.readerviews.com    (Just click on the “book reviews” and then type in the name of my book.)

I would also like to thank the lovely and talented Sarah Doolittle for writing a marvelously entertaining article about me and my new book.  Sarah is an ace reporter from the Four Points News, and I am very grateful for her kind words.  The article can be found on the Internet, too.  (Just look up http://www.fourpointsnews.com)  You can’t miss my sorry mug on the front page.

Well, I would normally write an little more, but I’m actually plum wore out.  Today was my Grand-daughter’s second birthday, and so to keep her humble, we had a fully catered pool party at a local mansion near Zilker Park.  I love the little darling very much, but she sure leaks a lot.  (From at least 3 different openings!)  It’s hard to believe that so much fluid can be expelled from such a small source, but she manages to do it every time.  I think she may own a sprinkler company when she grows up.  (I’ll explain that later.)

You folks have a safe and joyous week, and we shall chat again whence I return from my road trip.  Until then, love to all,

Doc Yanoff

 

P.S.  How about an intriguing photo or two?

 

 

WOMEN RULE THE WORLD!

Not really, but my wife and daughters made me say that.  Actually, pets rule the world, or at least America.  Did you know that there are (ruff-ly) 90 million dogs in America?  (Not counting the hosts of “The View.”)  Meanwhile, for you cat loving degenerates, there are about 86 million feline creatures in our nation.  I’m a dog-lover, but I realize that many of my blog followers think that cats are “purr-fect” pets.  (Silly people!)  In any case, I bring up these fascinating statistics because of my recent dog-sitting adventures.  (One daughter spent the weekend in Dallas for some much needed R & R, and the other daughter is in lovely Miami at a fashion trade show.)  Would you like to guess who’s in charge of the pets?  (In truth, I only had to watch one dog and one two-year-old girl, but I had my hands full.  Full of what, I cannot say in public!)

Earlier in the week, I came to understand why women are taking over the universe.  First, I spent some quality time with Ms. Melinda Perez, the world’s BEST masseuse.  Melinda employs the art of “Ashiatsu” massage.  (“Ashi” is the Japanese word for foot.  “Atsu” means pressure.)  Melinda has a lot of “sole,” even when she’s massaging a “heel” like me!  Her motto is “The Toes Knows!”   OMG she is simply marvelous!

After my rub-a-dub-dub, I went to a wonderful new restaurant owned by my dear friend, Woinee Mariam.  Woinee is the owner/chef of an incredible eatery called TASTE OF ETHIOPIA II.  (This location is on 3801 S. Congress Ave., and she has another location at 1100 Grand Ave. Pkwy. in Pflugerville.)  I had the extreme pleasure of dining on Azifa (lentils), Doro Wot (chicken with diced red onions), Goat Kikil (stew), and Tikil Gomen (cabbage).  All of the above consumed with the BEST Injera (sponge bread) in our Solar System!  If you find yourself in downtown Austin, you MUST give this place a try.  The phone number is:  (512)  814-3141.

Whence I returned to my humble abode, I had the pleasure of meeting the incredibly talented Terry Davey, a Texas Registered Interior Designer who works with John-William Interiors.  Terry has been given the task of sprucing up my casa grande in time for the upcoming solar eclipse.  (or shortly thereafter)  If you need a competent and classy touch to your home or office, I suggest you give her a call at her work number:  (512)  451-5511.

By the way, do you know that 44 percent of dogs sleep in bed with their owners?  (No jokes, please!)  I find that rather fascinating.  When I was down in Port Aransas last week, I ran into some folks who owned a turtle farm.  (I referred to it as a “Shell Station.”  They didn’t think that was funny either.)  In any event, they told me that a turtle can hold its breath for up to 10 hours!  (The human record, believe it or not, is around 15 minutes.)  I don’t know why a turtle would want to hold its breath that long, but it’s still interesting.  Whenever I hold my breath, it makes me blue.

Speaking of feeling “blue,” I see that O.J. Simpson has been paroled.  I wonder if he’ll take another stab at marriage?

Well, I’m afraid it’s time for me to take my Sunday walk.  I am now walking two or three miles per month, I mean, day, in order to get back into fighting condition.  (Just in case I run into O.J. in Florida!)  I’m actually enjoying the exercise routine, which is starting to  scare me a little.  Thank God I only have five hours to go before it’s “Happy Hour” around here.  You folks take care, and we shall chat again next week….

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

 

 

*** Anybody out there know where the following photos were taken?