MERRY CHRISTMAS… HAPPY HANUKKAH… AND KINDLY KWANZAA! Did I forget anybody? Oh yeah, those damn atheists. Well, they can go to hell. On second thought, they can’t. (They don’t believe in heaven or hell) One of my neighbors claims to be an atheist. I asked him if he really was an atheist and he said, “I swear to God.” (Go figure.) In any case, anyone who doesn’t believe in hell should have been in Texas last week. OMG, was it cold! (I saw a chicken crossing the street with its capon!) Get it, “cape on?” Man, that was really a “fowl” joke. But it was cold for a few days. I actually had to get my mother-in-law, I mean, my wife’s mink coat, out of storage. Fortunately, the temperature will be in the seventies by the end of this week. (I’m already in my seventies!)
Naturally the temperature dropped to freezing just long enough to break two of my pool pipes, but that’s the cost of living in paradise. (It’s also the reason I’m a little late with this post) Of course, I’ve also been celebrating a little too much, but I’m beginning to think that tequila might be a worthy substitute for hot chicken soup. My wife enjoyed our family get-together, but she wasn’t thrilled with the gifts I bought her. She told me she needed a little “pick me up,” so I got her a vacuum cleaner. Her response? “You got me a Hoover? Damn.” Get it, “Hoover Dam?” I just can’t “hold back” these bad jokes.
As some of you may have read in my last newsletter, my overpaid literary agent, Swifty Saperstein, arranged for me to fly into a rather volatile war zone to receive a prominent writing award. I was tempted to go, even though the entire place was filled with violent criminals and gun-toting lunatics. However, after careful consideration (my insurance company refused to increase the limits of my life insurance policy) I decided to stay home and visit New York City at a later date. (Ten to twenty years from now) Still, I would like to thank the judges of “The New York City Big Book Awards” for choosing my new history book, titled, GONE BEFORE GLORY, as one of the best history books of 2022.
For those of you who have absolutely nothing to look forward to, cheer up, my new “Adam Gold Mystery,” which is titled, DEAD ENDING, is at the publisher and should be available across the free world sometime in March of 2023. I’m not permitted to divulge the plot, but I think you’re going to love this story. I’ve gotten a couple of “pre-publication reviews” and they were raving about the book. (They weren’t crazy, but they did rave quite a bit) You don’t have to be crazy to love my books, but it does help.
February is shaping up to be a rather interesting month, as I am once again scheduled to do several book signings and a lecture or two down in the Caribbean Basin. According to Swifty, my first stop is St. Barts, which is always a fun place to visit. (Except for the fact that most folks speak French.) I do not speak French, but I do know how to French Kiss which is infinitely more important. When I tried to “French Kiss” my wife, she slapped me! (She told me that she didn’t like my tongue-in-cheek attitude!) Which reminds me, they’re making another “Jaws” movie. This one is about an old shark. (It’s called, “GUMS!”) That jokes bites.
If you will take the time to scroll down, you will see some photographs of my recent trip to Normandy, France. Not to be too heavy, but it was the sacrifice of these incredibly brave Americans that won the war for the good guys and made everything possible for our generation. God bless each and every one of them, and as Tiny Tim said in “A Christmas Carol,” God bless us all… we are sooooooo lucky to live the good old U.S.A.
Love to all,
Doc Yanoff (P.S. I must be getting uglier in my old age. This holiday season my wife hung me up and kissed the mistletoe!)