July 13, 2014

SUMMER IN THE CITY…..

HOT TOWN, SUMMER IN THE CITY. BACK OF MY NECK GETTING DIRTY AND GRITTY….. Hey, I remember that song! It wasn’t written about Austin, Texas, but it could have been. Actually, it was about New York City, penned by John Sebastian and recorded by the Lovin’ Spoonful in 1966. (I hate to admit it, but I graduated from high school in 1967!) So how hot is it down here in the Lone Star State?

The Jehovah Witnesses have started telemarketing!

Congress has installed a fan in the debt ceiling!

I caught a FRIED catfish in Lake Travis! (Now that’s hot!)

Speaking of Lake Travis, my semi-brilliant mystery, DEVIL’S COVE, has recently been named as one of the Top Ten Mysteries of the Year by the Albany (N.Y.) Times Union newspaper. There was no cash award (darn it!) but it’s still a wonderful honor and one that is greatly appreciated. The book is now on its third printing, so if you haven’t been able to obtain a copy, now’s your chance. He who hesitates is lost!

Incidentally, I would like to thank Ms. Emily Garrison for all of her hard work in reference to typing and blocking mystery number four, RANSOM ON THE RHONE. The next “Adam Gold Mystery” will be published sometime in the fall, and this one takes place mostly in France. (Hence the title) The book was originally titled “Life On The Mississippi,” but the publisher thought it was a little long and a somewhat confusing. (What do they know?)

And since we’re on the subject of publishing, I recently read some interesting things in our local newspaper….. The finals of the World Cup (Germany vs. Argentina) might attract the largest television audience in history! I’ve never seen any of the World Cups, but I did meet Dolly Parton when I went to Pigeon Forge. (This would be a visual joke!) ….. Our current immigration crisis means no more Olympic teams from Central America. (All of their citizens who can run, jump, and swim are coming to America!) ….. The Republicans have chosen Cleveland as the site of their next national convention. The Democrats are looking at Baghdad, Gaza City, and Chicago. (The first two are getting the most votes!)

Last night was “Pool Party Number 200,” and a great time was had by all. We dined on grilled mahi-mahi, shrimp, fresh salads, and sushi. Our creative host (Me) prepared a large batch of homemade sangria, and lo and behold, every drop was consumed by our prestigious (and thirsty) guests. Nude bathing was kept to a “bare minimum,” but that’s the last time I send out invitations with a “clothing optional” message. (Don’t ask where I dropped a hot shrimp. And NO jokes about shrimps of any kind!)

Jeez, I’ve heard of THE SECOND MOURNING, but not THE FIRST SCALDING!

Well, my dear friends, I must leave thee now. Time to head for a late breakfast and some homemade biscuits. (I would like to thank Miss Rebecca Yanoff for supplying the Colorado honey and Chokecherry Jelly . (The actual name!) I can’t wait to gouge myself, I mean, gorge myself with these goodies. In the meantime, you folks take good care of yourselves, don’t worry about me over-eating, and have a great week!

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

September 29, 2013

SOMETHING FISHY!

SO GET A LOAD OF THIS….. I have owned 5 different boats, 7 trailers (don’t ask), a countless number of rods and reels, and several million fishing lures during my illustrious career as an outdoorsman. All this for 5 or 10 good fish. (worth eating) So what happens last week? Well, I spent about 5 days in the lovely coastal village of Port Aransas, Texas. Outside of our condo, there was a fishing pier, which I visited one evening….. and caught about 30 redfish and trout! Without a boat! Without a trailer! Using a borrowed rod and reel! I’m telling you folks, life just ain’t fair!

My wife also did some hooking. (Better make that, fishing.) She can cast quite well. On a “scale” of one to ten, I would give her an eight. She didn’t catch any fish, but she did manage to pierce a tourist from Arkansas. (Holy moly!) We stayed at the Dunes Condominiums, which are right on the beach. The weather was simply incredible, bright sunshine every day, and the water was actually quite warm. (Warmer than the Caribbean!) Port A is truly a lovely place, but they need a nude beach. Not that I would go there. I once went bottomless and asked a lady if I was making her uncomfortable. She replied….. (all together now) “No, it’s no big thing!”

Good news on the publishing front….. THE GRACELAND GANG went to the printer on Friday and in two or three weeks it will hit Amazon.com, Kindle, Nook, etc. I think my fans, or should I say Adam Gold’s fans, will really enjoy the new book. Judge Susan is the only resident of North America who has seen the newly designed cover, and she absolutely adored the darn thing. (Or was that me she was referring to?)

Speaking of Judge Susan….. I would like to send my warmest wishes to her lovely daughter, Miss Kellie. Just want you to know that we are all thinking about you, Miss K! (But you already knew that, right?)

My new publisher tells me that THE PIRATE PATH (another Adam Gold masterpiece) will be going to the book design department one day next week. I have seen the initial layout, and once again, I am overwhelmed by the professionalism of the resident artists.

The really BIG news is that my first (and so far, only) non-fiction book (THE SECOND MOURNING) has been read by a VERY prominent literary agent who absolutely loved the manuscript! I was truly surprised by his positive response, and I am now putting together a formal book proposal. I shall, as they say, keep you informed of my progress. Keep you fingers crossed for me!

My blog followers in Zaire (yeah, that’s right, I’m huge in Africa) have sent me some photographs of their last book club meeting, and with my daughter’s help, I will try to post them next Sunday. Do you know what they serve as a snack during their meetings? Baked missionary! (All right, I’m lion.) Maybe I should stop “beating around the bush?” Bongo, bongo, bongo, I just hate to leave the Congo….. However, I must prepare for the government shutdown. (I’m stocking up on tequila)

Take care, have a great week, and look for the vivid details of my upcoming karaoke dinner party! (Where can I buy ear-plugs?) Love to all…..

Doc Yanoff

April 7, 2013

HEADS OR TALES?

Well, you can have both when you order a copy of MURDER ON MAIDEN LANE! There is a colorful head on the cover, (I call it a “skulleton”) and inside you will find a thrilling tale of mayhem, mystery, and murder! The book, as you have probably surmised, is now available in paperback and on Kindle at Amazon.com! That’s right, happy days are here again!

Meanwhile, in order to keep THE PRESLEY PLOT front and center, I will soon be embarking on a lengthy book signing/speaking engagement tour, and my first stop will be at the Elvis Presley Birthplace & Community Center in Tupelo, Mississippi. Yes, my little hound dogs, yours truly will be speaking to the good folks of Tupelo on the weekend of May 11 & 12. Hopefully, I will also be negotiating a profitable business deal with the gift shop on premises. (I would like them to feature THE PRESLEY PLOT in the book section.) Soooo….. if you’re in the area, come on by and say hello. I will also be judging an “Elvis Look-Alike Contest,” so there should be plenty of levity and some memorable photography.

Shortly after I’m lynched, I mean, lauded, in Tupelo, I leave for my spring book tour in the (not so far) east. In conjunctivitis with Aberdeen Bay Publishing, I have arranged to make appearances in Baton Rouge, Birmingham, Atlanta, Savannah, and Jacksonville. Along the way I intend to sample some Southern comfort, and some bourbon, too.

My Dixie Diaspora will continue with a special guest appearance in Boca Raton, Florida. Whence I arrive in Palm Beach County I will be dining with “The Donald.” Unfortunately, I am referring to Donald Duck from Disney World, not the guy with the strange hair-do. The last time I had lunch with Donald Duck I got stuck with the bill. (“The bill?”)

The piece de resistance of my personal and persistent perseverance will be a ten-day period of peace and pleasantness in a perfect playground of pleasure. (No, not Paraguay.) The island of St. John! Now that I am a famous author, I have an entourage, so me and my posse (3 couples) will be heading down to the Caribbean for some R & R. (Incidentally, the would be “Rest & Rum!”) While we are there, we intend to soak up some rays, (which is better than stepping on them) snorkel, and consume a prodigious amount of rum.

Writing is brutal, but somebody has to do it! Besides, one must live for today. Need I remind you that Austin is number four on Kim Jong-un’s bombing list? (I blame those damn hippies downtown.) Little Kim is the son of Kim Jong-il, who I nicknamed “Kim Jong-mentallly-ill.” The young man, who bears a striking resemblance to the Pillsbury Dough-boy, is a tyrant. Do not be fooled by his recent meeting with Ambassador Rodman! Kim Jong-un is not a “Seoul Man!”

But I digress….. Where was I? Oh yeah, in the Caribbean. Well, after I damage my liver, I will make my way back to the Lone Star State and begin marketing book number 3 in the Adam Gold Mystery Series. (This one is called “DEVIL’S COVE,” and it is set entirely in the state of Texas!) Naturally, I will keep those cards and letters coming while I am on the road. Which reminds me…. Did you hear that a truck ran over Willie Nelson’s foot? Yeah, that’s right, he was “playing on the road again!” (Ouch!)

Well, take care, have a wonderful week, and remember to duck and cover if Kim starts shooting. Hopefully, we will meet again next Sunday! Love to all,

Doc (or should I change my name to “Duck?”) Yanoff. (I wouldn’t mind the change if I get “top billing!”)