June 15, 2014

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!

I think it would be fitting and appropriate to begin today’s blog by wishing all of you fathers out there a Happy Father’s Day. For those of you who live abroad (that would be overseas, not as a woman) I should explain that today is the day when American children honor their dads by giving them the most useless gifts they can find. These gifts usually include, but are not limited to, horrible ties, boxer shorts, heavy metal or rap music, and the always welcomed photo of your children looking like they have just posted bail.

Since I was my dad’s favorite (or one of them) I have fond memories of this uniquely American holiday. If it was a warm June day, my dad would take me to Jones Beach on Long Island and we would do fun things together. Just the two of us. For instance we might play an abbreviated version of hide and seek. (I would hide, but he wouldn’t look for me.) Sometimes he would bury me up to the neck in sand, but he always came back the following weekend to dig me up. (The only negative thing about this game were those pesky high tides.) On clear days we would walk up and down the beach, and my pop would encourage me to collect some seashells, and as many Portuguese Men of War as I could hold. Gosh, those were swell times. (Some of the swells were over my head!)

Speaking of the Portuguese….. Last night was my sixth birthday celebration, this one hosted by the Princess of Portugal and her hubby, Baron Lee. (We do at least six parties to make sure we get things right!) We were all delightfully surprised to encounter Countess Connie at the event. Even more surprised to sample her world-famous rice pudding. It was nearly the perfect dessert. (Mine had a tad too much cinnamon.) There were other guests, but to be perfectly frank, or Steve, they were just assorted riff raff from Steiner Ranch. Nice people, but a little boring.

In case you’re wondering, my latest masterpiece, THE SECOND MOURNING, is quickly climbing up the charts. Unfortunately, the record charts, which is a bit puzzling, but still pretty cool. By the way, my second mystery, THE PIRATE PATH, which is dedicated to my father, has just been re-issued due to popular demand. Talk about good timing! In all seriousness, this was a lovely father’s day surprise for me. You know, I don’t know if I ever mentioned this, but my dad always hoped that his first son was a boy. Which reminds me, do you know that my birthday is the same day as when I was born? Amazing coincidence.

Speaking of giving birth….. I’d like to send my love and best wishes to Laura Talbott and Kellie Hogan, two charming ladies who will soon have a special delivery to share with the world. (Laura is using FedEx, Kellie is going with UPS) Our thoughts and prayers are with you, ladies, so hang in there! Hey, I have a question about the birth process….. Does it take 18 months for TWINS to be born? Just curious.

Well, dear friends, I must leave you now. I am watching the 2014 Brazil World Cup Soccer Tournament. Unfortunately, the dumb announcer has not said which country is hosting the event, but it looks to be a South American venue. Then again, it might be Arkansas.

Y’all have a marvelous day, think of how lucky we were to have such a special father in our lives, and enjoy your week. Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

P.S. As a super special Father’s Day treat, I am attaching a rare photograph from last week’s book signing in Austin, Texas. We were astonished to discover that Robert Stroud’s children (Stroud was the “Birdman of Alcatraz) attended the event and allowed us to take a picture of them. (They were “perched” in the front row.) For contrast, I have included a photograph of some normal human beings.

December 15, 2013

“TIME” MARCHES ON!

Without me! Well, once again, I did not win TIME Magazine’s “Man of the Year Award.” Somehow, Pope Francis won. Naturally I asked for a recount of the votes, but I am not holding my breath. (The last time I held my breath it made me “blue!”) Since I lost, I thought I’d ask His Holiness to convey sainthood upon me, but no dice. (Did you know that the Vatican prefers Catholics? What’s up with that?) Anyway, I received a lovely email from the Pope (in Latin!) suggesting that I forward proof of 3 miracles that I have performed, and upon verification, they will consider a “saint-like” designation for me. Thus, I have sent the following miracles to Rome:

Miracle 1. I took the garbage can out to the curb 4 weeks in a row! (Unfortunately, I only brought it back twice.)

Miracle 2. I refrained from telling a bad joke for 8 hours! (I was sleeping, but it still counts.)

Miracle 3. I remembered the date of my wedding anniversary!

In case you’re wondering, my 7-year tenure at St. Edward’s University will mean bonus points for my cause. (assuming I return a few library books.) I shall keep you informed of my progress. So what else is new? Well, last Thursday was the annual River Place Garden Club Christmas Party. Each year the club holds a “white elephant,” but I don’t usually participate because I have no idea where to purchase a pale pachyderm. This year the party was hosted by the lovely and talented Jane Malone, and as usual, it was great fun. Thank you, Jane! You have a magnificent home!

Speaking of magnificent hosts and homes….. John and Andrea Schleich hosted a wonderful holiday get-together on Friday evening. (In their new custom home!) We were lucky enough to meet Andrea’s parents and children, and being from the heartland (Nebraska) they were all the most delightful people you can imagine. Welcome to the neighborhood! We look forward to seeing you in the near future.

NOW FOR SOME BOOK NEWS….. I was recently informed that my first two mystery novels (THE GRACELAND GANG and THE PIRATE PATH) will soon be translated into French, Spanish, and Italian, due to a strong demand in those countries! This is the most wonderful news an author can get, and as you might imagine, the translated copies greatly increase sales. I would like to thank Murder Ink Press and Penguin Books for their continued support of my fledgling career. You folks are the best!

Tonight we are hosting a birthday party for Helena de la Bomblatus, a Portuguese princess from the Azores. I understand that the princess is bringing her husband (some sort of duke) and an interpreter from the islands. I don’t normally hob nob with royalty (unless I’m holding a royal flush in poker) so this should be a wonderful fun-filled evening. I will have to watch my manners, though. (No picking my teeth with a knife.)

Well, you must excuse me. I need to try on my tuxedo. God, I look like a penguin. (See how I worked in another reference to Penguin Books?) Yeah, I’m shameless. Have a wonderful week…. and be careful. Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

October 21, 2012

BREAKING NEWS!

WHO NEEDS NORWAY? I say no way, Norway, you can keep that dang Nobel Prize for Boring Literature….. I have some really exciting news!

As some (most?) of you know, I was sailing through the Panama Canal on the day that the publisher sent me the final galleys for THE PRESLEY PLOT. Since I was preparing for a prolonged jungle trip (To visit the Embera Indians) my mind was on survival gear and head-hunting techniques, and so I did a VERY poor job of proofreading my own manuscript! Nobody to blame but myself, although I still think the tribal witch doctor put a curse on me. (He was a Jerry Lee Lewis fan.)

Anyway….. the good folks at Aberdeen Bay Publishing, having completely sold out of all the first editions of THE PRESLEY PLOT (and recognizing genius when they see it) have kindly agreed to make ALL OF THE CORRECTIONS for the second edition! For me, this is wonderful news. I was really annoyed that I did such a poor job proofreading, but now I have a chance to redeem myself. Frankly, this is probably the only reason that I did not win the Nobel Prize. (What else could it be?) In any case, the second edition will be out shortly and available on Amazon.com, Barnesandnoble.com, Googlebooks.com, etc. If you bought a first edition and want to trade it in, just let me know and I will be happy to make an exchange. (I intend to give the first editions to a charitable organization.) However, I understand that error laden books are actually valuable if and when the author becomes famous….. think of the stamps that are so valuable because of printing errors. So…. you might want to hold on to your first copy.

And since we are on the subject of publishing….. the brilliant acquisitions editor at Aberdeen Bay Books (who is also an accomplished author) has requested that I promptly forward a copy of my second mystery novel titled….. MURDER ON MAIDEN LANE. I am hoping to hear something positive in a month or so, and I will keep you informed of my progress. Keep your fingers (and some of your toes) crossed for me! My editor, a wonderful professional named Karl Monger, actually enjoyed the second book more than the first, which is a very good sign. Of course, as you know by now, there are no guarantees in the competitive world of publishing.

Finally, I would like to remind those that live in or near Austin, that I will be a featured speaker/panelist at a mystery writers seminar this coming Wednesday. The event is being sponsored by the Austin Literary Salon. The location of the event will be at Wildflower Terrace Apartments, 3801 Berkman Drive. (In their main auditorium) The festivities begin promptly at 6:30 p.m. and end at 8:30 p.m. As I mentioned previously, there will be a panel discussion, a Q & A session, and then a book reading and book signing. Admission is almost free, and a gourmet dinner prepared by a world famous French chef will be available. (For the modest sum of $12,000 per person, not including wine.) What a bargain! What a steal! Buy a book! Get a meal!

All right, enough with the marketing routine. If you’re free, come down and join the fun. You will not be disappointed. They are expecting a sold out crowd, so plan to arrive by 6 p.m. if you want to get a good seat. (And remember to ask me some easy questions and laugh at all of my dumb jokes!)

Well, I’m off to get ready for another Sunday function with some of my major blog followers up in Round Rock. Mrs. Helena Bomblatus (a charming and lovely woman from Portugal) is hosting an elaborate (and authentic) dinner party, featuring gourmet goodies from the Azores. She is quite the chef, and I am anxiously awaiting her most recent culinary creation. It will also be nice to be surrounded by a fawning bunch of psychopaths, I mean, sycophants, who think I’m the best thing since white bread. Ah, the price of fame. Well, it’s a dirty job, but someone has to do it. (I can really sympathize with Brad Pitt.)

Have a wonderful Sunday and be careful out there…..

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff