QUIET ON THE SET!

There’s very little quiet on any set these days, but that’s because of the cable networks.  In any case, I wasn’t referring to television.  (By the way, why do they call it a television “set” when there is only one device?)  Where was I?  Oh yes, the quiet on the set thing.  Well, I’ve got some potentially good news to share with my 21,000 loyal blog followers……  There is a possibility, albeit remote, that my second mystery novel, THE PIRATE PATH, will be optioned for a movie later this year.  Are you folks familiar with a production company called “Infinitum Nihil?”  (Meaning “infinite nothing.”)  This is Johnny Depp’s company, operated by the old pirate and his sister.  Keep your fingers crossed for me.  (Pirates always have to cross a few bones for luck!)

Speaking of luck…  I recently received two lovely gifts from two of my high school friends who are also blog followers.  First, I wish to thank the incredibly talented Joyce Harness McGregor for sending me a beautiful painting of my favorite bird.  (The red cardinal)  The painting is now hanging in my study for all to see.  Second, I would like to thank the brilliant Margaret Dinzler Shaw for sending me a copy of the book of essays she recently edited.  Good job, Margaret!

Incidentally, I recently received an invitation to become Facebook friends with the great Daniel Negreanu, one of the world’s best poker players.  Daniel is a fan of my mystery novels, and one of the truly nice guys on the professional poker circuit.  I wish him continued success at the tables, and urge him to wear the t-shirt I’m sending.  (The shirt displays a full face photo of President James A. Garfield on the front, and on the back it reads:  THE SECOND MOURNING.)  Dang shirt costs me five bucks to make!

Did you see that the CEO of Starbucks is telling his workers to be gentle with customers who may have lost money in the stock market last week?  Great advice from a guy who charges five dollars for a cup of coffee!  I’ve figured out how they get away with that…  they use Italian titles for all of their special drinks.  Makes the stuff sound fancy.  Hey, who charges more per cup, Starbucks or Victoria’s Secret?  (Both keep me up at night!)

My never-ending self-promoting book tour and tequila sampling took me to another fascinating location last week.  I spent a productive afternoon in lovely San Saba, the Pecan Capital of the World.  (Just think of all the “nut jokes” I could do right now!)  Believe it or not, the town produces over five million pounds of pecans every year!  They use pecans in almost everything down there, including beer, olive oil, pies, cakes, cookies, and pralines.  These items are not cheap.  You have to “shell out” some bucks if you want to eat well!  If you plan to stay f0r dinner, I’d try Diggs Restaurant & Club.  (Yummy steaks, cooked over….  pecan!)

Well, I must close now.  My new grand-daughter is expecting me, and if I show up late, she might need a diaper change.  (Man, if you guys thought an oil change was messy, you should see some of those diapers!)  How can anything so beautiful produce such a nasty odor?  Yes, dear pilgrims, the Lord works in mysterious ways!  (He also has a wicked sense of humor!)

Have a safe and happy week, and we shall meet again in the sweet by and by.  (or should I say, bye-bye?)  Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

 

 

P.S.   A free autographed book to the first person who can tell me where the attached photo was taken!

 

 

piratepathcover

 

 

 

DO NOT READ THIS SENTENCE!

OOPS, TOO LATE… NOW YOU HAVE TO READ MY ENTIRE BLOG POST…

SO….. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder or smart phone these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?  Well, almost no one.  CNN reports that there are 500 “sightings” per month, but alas, most are aircraft (earthly ones) or weather balloons.  I recently read that both Jimmy Carter and Dennis Kucinich are among the political class who swear to have seen a UFO.  Somehow, this does not surprise me.  I always wondered where their “home districts” really were.

Of course, there is another explanation… perhaps our intergalactic visitors have been furloughed due to the sequester?  Takes a lot of fuel to go from Mars to Earth, and then there are the tolls.  Not an easy trip.  (The AAA map weighs 75 pounds!)

Well, in any case, I am not interested in heading north.  No sir, my motto this week was “Go west, young man!”  Heeding the words of Horace Greeley, I packed up the old Ford pickup and drove west, bound for a sold-out book signing/speaking engagement in the lovely town of Wimberley, Texas.  (No, I did not go to Wimberley on a whim!)

I was actually invited, and I must admit, Wimberley is quite whimsical in a wonderful way.  (Whew!)  This was not my first trip to the lovely burgh, but the last time I was there I went swimming in the famous “blue hole,” a charming, spring-fed spot on Cypress Creek.  If you haven’t seen this little gem, you owe it to yourself to take a drive out yonder.  (If you go in April, you will see some truly amazing fields of Texas wildflowers.)  Did you know that they named a flower after Dennis Rodman?  (It’s called a “bloomin’ idiot!”)

So what else is new…..  Well, last night we celebrated not one, but two birthdays!  Miss Barbara (Talbott) and Miss Patty (Yanoff) reached an important milestone.  (Actually, they are both several miles down the road, if you know what I mean.)  Together with a large crowd of well-wishers (led by Judge Susan, and Helena and Lee Bomblatus) we ate, drank, made merry.  (Merry was our waitress.)  Thank God she didn’t complain about my tip.  Geez, that would have been embarrassing!

During the birthday festivities, Judge Susan gave me a box of cheese pockets from a famous Dallas bakery (No, I will NOT post the name…. the lines are getting too long!) and as I peck away, I am devouring the last tender morsels of my morning treat.  Bless you, Susan.

I will be sharing a beer or two with Larry Brill on Tuesday, so if you would like to meet this (semi) famous television personality, or learn about his forthcoming literary efforts, drop by North by Northwest around 5 p.m.  (We should still be erect by then.)

After my sterling (make that silver-plated) performance at the poker table last week, I will be putting my title on the line this evening…. as I play in another W.S.O.P. tournament, challenged, as it were, by a host of pretenders-to-the-throne.  Knaves!  Varmints!  Visigoths!  (What the hell is that?)  Do these fools really think they can beat the mighty COBRA?   Have they read THE PRESLEY PLOT?  Have they read MURDER ON MAIDEN LANE?   (I couldn’t think of any other way to get the book titles into the blog.)  Never mind, those are just rhetorical questions.

I will leave you with a thought I recently had.  As I was driving back from Wimberly, I spotted a herd of cattle.  Have you heard of cattle?  I digress… So as I’m driving down the highway, I says to myself, “Steve, I says, who was the first person to look at a cow and say, ‘I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out.’ ”   Now there’s a fellow I’d like to meet.  (Need I mention that he had a “lot of pull?”)  Got Milk?

Well, I must run… another grueling day of writing, eating, drinking, and poker awaits the mighty Cobra!  I hope everyone has a great week….   don’t forget to set your clocks ahead or back, depending on your political persuasion.  Love to all…

Doc Yanoff

 

 

THE PRESLEY PLOT MAKES HISTORY!!

THIS BETTER BE GOOD SINCE I USED TWO EXCLAMATION POINTS!!   Well, actually, it is very, very good.  For the first time since the Bronze Age (or maybe it was the Iron Age) Aberdeen Bay Press, the world’s foremost publisher of brilliant mystery novels, has decided to publish a SECOND EDITION of a book within a six month period!!  (There are those two exclamation points again.)  Would you like to guess the name of this best-selling book?  That’s right…..  THE PRESLEY PLOT!

Due to popular demand (and the fact that Amazon.com only has 3 copies left!) the publisher is re-issuing my book.   And here’s the best part….  they have gone through the book with a fine tooth comb and corrected every spelling and typographical error that was in the first edition!  Soooooo…..  if you need a wonderful, enchanting, entertaining novel for the holiday gift giving season (and you can’t find FIFTY SHADES OF GRAY) zip on over to Amazon.com or Barnesandnoble.com and order you brand new, fully revised copy of THE PRESLEY PLOT.  (Your brain will thank you!)  Incidentally…..   the new edition already has a pre-order of over 200 books!!  So remember, he who hesitates, is lost!

If you are one of the lovely young ladies who is awaiting a book (Ms. Baum and Mrs. Isler) be patient!  I will send one along as soon as they become available!

NOW FOR SOME OTHER ELVIS NEWS…….

Did you know that there is a “Little Graceland” in Texas?  True enough.  In the Rio Grande Valley town of Los Fresnos, Simon Vega curates a treasure trove of Elvis memorabilia at his LITTLE GRACELAND MUSEUM.  (Mr. Vega actually served in the Army with Elvis!)  The museum has pictures of Elvis, Elvis albums, Elvis 45’s (not the pistols) Elvis statues, Elvis mugs, and Elvis enchiladas.  (Just joshing about the food.)   In any case, the museum is open Thursday thru Sunday.  10 a.m. to 5 p.m. by appointment.  The next “Elvis Festivale” is set for January, 12, 2013, so if you’re in the area, swing by and join the fun.  I have spent some time down in the Valley and can honestly say that it is a warm and charming location…. and the residents are simply wonderful.

NOW FOR SOME FINAL, EXCITING NEWS…….

Keep your eyes and ears focused on The New York Times, Fox News, Variety, and Popular Mechanics, for some very exciting news concerning the SECOND ADAM GOLD MYSTERY NOVEL!   That’s right, my friends, book number two will be available in the not-too-distant future!  The book is titled, MURDER ON MAIDEN LANE.  This time around, Adam Gold will become entangled in a hunt for Captain Kidd’s treasure!  The book has already received some glowing reviews, and if you believe the literary pundits, it is destined to become another best selling mystery novel.  I shall, as they say, keep you apprised of the situation!

Until then, I remain, your humble correspondent.  (Which is better than being a bumbling despondent.)   Love to all …..

Doc Yanoff

GOBBLE GOBBLE!

HAPPY HOLIDAY!   Did you know that the very first Thanksgiving was held in a car?  Yep, in a PLYMOUTH!  (The Pilgrims couldn’t afFORD anything else and they didn’t want to DODGE the party!)  You can’t make these things up, folks.  (Well, actually you can, but I won’t go there.)  Anyway, a lot of Americans think this wonderful holiday has something to do with Captain John Smith and his main squeeze Pocahontas, but that is simply not the case.  I will admit that Captain Smith (almost) lost his head over her, but that’s only because he was rude.  (He kept pointing at her during dinner and then, after some cheap corn whiskey, he tried to poke her with his index finger.  You should never,ever, poke a hontas!

As you can see, I know a great deal about indigent people.  (Poor Indians)   Did you know that Pocahontas was the daughter of Powhatan?  Did you know that her uncle lived in New York City?  (Yeah, his name was MANHATTAN)  Did you know that one of her descendants was Nancy Reagan?  (This is actually true.)  But enough about her…..  let’s get to the great holiday known for peace, love, and wonderful sales at the mall.

Interestingly, seven other nations celebrate THANKSGIVING!  (Originally a day to celebrate a good harvest.)  I, of course, celebrate life, liberty, family, friends, and steadily increasing sales of THE PRESLEY PLOT.  (Do I have my priorities straight, or what?)  We can all thank (no pun intended) FDR for making the day official.  At his urging, Congress agreed to the 4th Thursday in November.  FDR was an interesting fellow.  Did you know that he was the first president to play Texas Hold ‘Em Poker?  Sure, don’t you remember the NEW DEAL?

He also started the tradition of “pardoning” a turkey.  (To make sure the herd continued.)  This year our president intends to pardon Susan Rice!  (Hey, come on, that was funny!)

Thanksgiving at our house in very, well, international.  How so?  We have a TURKEY, sitting in GREECE, and there are people with ROMAN hands and RUSSIAN fingers waiting for the bird to arrive.  Last year my wife burnt the stuffing, which stuck to the bird.  I had to kick the stuffing out of that fowl weather friend, but we did have a tasty meal.  By the way, speaking of reasons to celebrate…..  TODAY WAS THE BIG DAY!    On this day, in 1955, ELVIS signed his contract with RCA, which included all of the famous sound tracks from Sun Studios in Memphis.  I’m not sure if Elvis sold many records (ha ha) but I do know that the contract stipulated that the King produce eight sides per year, and that he received a 5% royalty.  (Which is half of what I get from Aberdeen Bay Publishing.)

Well, I must go do some prep work for the big meal, so I will say goodbye until we meet again.  I have sooooo much to be thankful for this year, and I know that most of you do too.  We have a bunch of loved ones coming for dinner and when they all get here, I intend to remind everyone that our Founding Father (George Washington) put it best when he said that our young country should use the day “as a day of public thanksgiving and prayer to be observed by acknowledging with grateful hearts the many and signal favours of Almighty God.”

Well said, General!  Be grateful!  Be thankful!  Be well!

Happy Thanksgiving and love to all…..

Doc Yanoff (The Prince of Puritans!)