HAPPY HOLIDAY!   Did you know that the very first Thanksgiving was held in a car?  Yep, in a PLYMOUTH!  (The Pilgrims couldn’t afFORD anything else and they didn’t want to DODGE the party!)  You can’t make these things up, folks.  (Well, actually you can, but I won’t go there.)  Anyway, a lot of Americans think this wonderful holiday has something to do with Captain John Smith and his main squeeze Pocahontas, but that is simply not the case.  I will admit that Captain Smith (almost) lost his head over her, but that’s only because he was rude.  (He kept pointing at her during dinner and then, after some cheap corn whiskey, he tried to poke her with his index finger.  You should never,ever, poke a hontas!

As you can see, I know a great deal about indigent people.  (Poor Indians)   Did you know that Pocahontas was the daughter of Powhatan?  Did you know that her uncle lived in New York City?  (Yeah, his name was MANHATTAN)  Did you know that one of her descendants was Nancy Reagan?  (This is actually true.)  But enough about her…..  let’s get to the great holiday known for peace, love, and wonderful sales at the mall.

Interestingly, seven other nations celebrate THANKSGIVING!  (Originally a day to celebrate a good harvest.)  I, of course, celebrate life, liberty, family, friends, and steadily increasing sales of THE PRESLEY PLOT.  (Do I have my priorities straight, or what?)  We can all thank (no pun intended) FDR for making the day official.  At his urging, Congress agreed to the 4th Thursday in November.  FDR was an interesting fellow.  Did you know that he was the first president to play Texas Hold ‘Em Poker?  Sure, don’t you remember the NEW DEAL?

He also started the tradition of “pardoning” a turkey.  (To make sure the herd continued.)  This year our president intends to pardon Susan Rice!  (Hey, come on, that was funny!)

Thanksgiving at our house in very, well, international.  How so?  We have a TURKEY, sitting in GREECE, and there are people with ROMAN hands and RUSSIAN fingers waiting for the bird to arrive.  Last year my wife burnt the stuffing, which stuck to the bird.  I had to kick the stuffing out of that fowl weather friend, but we did have a tasty meal.  By the way, speaking of reasons to celebrate…..  TODAY WAS THE BIG DAY!    On this day, in 1955, ELVIS signed his contract with RCA, which included all of the famous sound tracks from Sun Studios in Memphis.  I’m not sure if Elvis sold many records (ha ha) but I do know that the contract stipulated that the King produce eight sides per year, and that he received a 5% royalty.  (Which is half of what I get from Aberdeen Bay Publishing.)

Well, I must go do some prep work for the big meal, so I will say goodbye until we meet again.  I have sooooo much to be thankful for this year, and I know that most of you do too.  We have a bunch of loved ones coming for dinner and when they all get here, I intend to remind everyone that our Founding Father (George Washington) put it best when he said that our young country should use the day “as a day of public thanksgiving and prayer to be observed by acknowledging with grateful hearts the many and signal favours of Almighty God.”

Well said, General!  Be grateful!  Be thankful!  Be well!

Happy Thanksgiving and love to all…..

Doc Yanoff (The Prince of Puritans!)