ROCKY MOUNTAIN HIGH!

Greetings from lovely (and hot) Rosemary Beach in Florida.  Two hours southwest of Tallahassee and definitely below sea level.  So what’s with the blog title?  Well, I’m glad you asked.  And I’m proud to announce that my new history book, TURBULENT TIMES (The Remarkable Life of William H. Seward) has just been chosen as a FINALIST in the 23rd Annual C.I.P.A. Awards.  (Which stands for Colorado Independent Publishers Association.)  Mere words cannot express my gratitude, as this is a VERY prestigious literary contest.

This year, the C.I.P.A. Awards attracted over 8,000 entries, and TURBULENT TIMES managed to be named as one of the best history books of the year.  In fact, three history books were chosen as Finalists, and the authors will soon find out whether they have won a Gold, Silver, or Bronze medal.  The order will be announced at a gala banquet on August 19th.  The event will be held at the Forney Museum of Transportation in Denver, Colorado, and tickets will be available to the public.

I understand that this is usually a sold out event, so if you’re intending to participate, order your tickets early.  Sometime during the evening, the awards will be presented, and this will be followed by a book signing and some slow dancing.  (Depending on the age of the crowd!)

As some of you might know, I am on my way to New Orleans to do some book stuff and eat a bunch of beignets, but I hope to be able to fly out to Denver to pick up my award, regardless of which one I receive.  I would like to thank all of the judges who made this award possible, and as I said before, I am very grateful.  (And just as grateful to all of my loyal blog followers!)

Well, I’m afraid I must leave you now.  I promised the manager of the Pearl Hotel that I would judge the wet T-shirt contest this afternoon.  I don’t mind judging, especially since they gave us such a lovely room upgrade, but I do wish I could have been assigned to the women’s contest.  (Some of these old geezers need to hit the weight room!)

You folks take care and we shall chat again in the near future.  I will keep you informed of the C.I.P.A. Awards, and in the meantime, keep your fingers crossed for me!  Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

 

 

THE VERDICT IS IN!

No, I’m not referring to those trumped up charges against me!  I’m talking about the review of my new history book, TURBULENT TIMES.  (The Remarkable Life of William H. Seward)  I would like to thank Mr. Ben Green and READER REVIEWS for all of their kind words.  I could not have asked for a better review of the book.  (And believe me, I was tempted to ask!)  Anyway, I hope you will soon purchase your own copy, and I would not wait too long.  TURBULENT TIMES has already won 4 literary awards and is well on the way to becoming a best-seller.

Thanks again for your continued support!

If you would like to read the entire review, simply scroll down on this post.

 

 

THE STAR TREATMENT!

If you’re a dedicated follower of this blog, then you know that I should have received some sort of treatment a long time ago.  However, it is never too late to spoil a bon vivant like me, so my bags are packed, and I’m ready to fly out to La-La Land to pick up my gold medal (and a wheelbarrow full of cash) for winning an award for “The Best U.S. History Book of 2017.”  As you might know, (if you subscribe, God forbid, to The New York Times) my new history book, TURBULENT TIMES, recently won this award at the Hollywood Book Festival.

That being the case, I have been invited to participate in a gala event at the Roosevelt Hotel in Hollywood, the site of the very first ACADEMY AWARDS ceremony!  I’m not really going to California, but only because I have a prior engagement in Florida, where I am going to pick up another literary award in the lovely city of Miami.  (Sometimes I wish I had a mini-me!)  From there, we begin our August Book Tour & Sun Tan Extravaganza.  First stop, Boca Raton, (the site of my new “Adam Gold Mystery,” titled, CAPONE ISLAND.)  The book is not finished yet, and I need to do some further research.

From Boca Raton, we head due north, up to lovely Tallahassee.  After one or two days in the capital, we mosey on down to the Pearl Hotel in Rosemary Beach.  I’ve never been to Rosemary Beach, but I hear it’s quite beautiful.  (It’s about “thyme” I got to Rosemary!)  Do I sound like a “sage?”  All right, enough herb jokes.  (Herb is getting annoyed.)  Where was I?  Oh yes, after Florida, we head west to the Crescent City.  (New Orleans)  Since New Orleans has French roots, I think they should call it the “Croissant City,” but that’s just me.

Thanks to my recently paroled publicist, Blind Lemon Lefkowitz, we will be staying at the lovely Windsor Court Hotel.  (I knew I’d end up in court again!)  I love this hotel, mainly because it has a roof-top pool and is right next door to Harrah’s Casino.  (Where I fleece those unsuspecting tourists and crazy Cajuns!)  If I don’t get in any trouble, I will be signing books at the French Market, so if you’re in town, stop by and we can share a beignet!  (And a cup of chicory coffee.)

Speaking of sharing wonderful things…  As some of you know, my second full-length book review (regarding Turbulent Times) has recently been published online by the prestigious READER VIEWS MAGAZINE.  I am happy to report that the reviewer was VERY gracious and kind, and absolutely loved the book.  If you would like to read the entire review (and let’s face it, who wouldn’t?) you can go to the following website:   http://www.readerviews.com    (Just click on the “book reviews” and then type in the name of my book.)

I would also like to thank the lovely and talented Sarah Doolittle for writing a marvelously entertaining article about me and my new book.  Sarah is an ace reporter from the Four Points News, and I am very grateful for her kind words.  The article can be found on the Internet, too.  (Just look up http://www.fourpointsnews.com)  You can’t miss my sorry mug on the front page.

Well, I would normally write an little more, but I’m actually plum wore out.  Today was my Grand-daughter’s second birthday, and so to keep her humble, we had a fully catered pool party at a local mansion near Zilker Park.  I love the little darling very much, but she sure leaks a lot.  (From at least 3 different openings!)  It’s hard to believe that so much fluid can be expelled from such a small source, but she manages to do it every time.  I think she may own a sprinkler company when she grows up.  (I’ll explain that later.)

You folks have a safe and joyous week, and we shall chat again whence I return from my road trip.  Until then, love to all,

Doc Yanoff

 

P.S.  How about an intriguing photo or two?

 

 

WOMEN RULE THE WORLD!

Not really, but my wife and daughters made me say that.  Actually, pets rule the world, or at least America.  Did you know that there are (ruff-ly) 90 million dogs in America?  (Not counting the hosts of “The View.”)  Meanwhile, for you cat loving degenerates, there are about 86 million feline creatures in our nation.  I’m a dog-lover, but I realize that many of my blog followers think that cats are “purr-fect” pets.  (Silly people!)  In any case, I bring up these fascinating statistics because of my recent dog-sitting adventures.  (One daughter spent the weekend in Dallas for some much needed R & R, and the other daughter is in lovely Miami at a fashion trade show.)  Would you like to guess who’s in charge of the pets?  (In truth, I only had to watch one dog and one two-year-old girl, but I had my hands full.  Full of what, I cannot say in public!)

Earlier in the week, I came to understand why women are taking over the universe.  First, I spent some quality time with Ms. Melinda Perez, the world’s BEST masseuse.  Melinda employs the art of “Ashiatsu” massage.  (“Ashi” is the Japanese word for foot.  “Atsu” means pressure.)  Melinda has a lot of “sole,” even when she’s massaging a “heel” like me!  Her motto is “The Toes Knows!”   OMG she is simply marvelous!

After my rub-a-dub-dub, I went to a wonderful new restaurant owned by my dear friend, Woinee Mariam.  Woinee is the owner/chef of an incredible eatery called TASTE OF ETHIOPIA II.  (This location is on 3801 S. Congress Ave., and she has another location at 1100 Grand Ave. Pkwy. in Pflugerville.)  I had the extreme pleasure of dining on Azifa (lentils), Doro Wot (chicken with diced red onions), Goat Kikil (stew), and Tikil Gomen (cabbage).  All of the above consumed with the BEST Injera (sponge bread) in our Solar System!  If you find yourself in downtown Austin, you MUST give this place a try.  The phone number is:  (512)  814-3141.

Whence I returned to my humble abode, I had the pleasure of meeting the incredibly talented Terry Davey, a Texas Registered Interior Designer who works with John-William Interiors.  Terry has been given the task of sprucing up my casa grande in time for the upcoming solar eclipse.  (or shortly thereafter)  If you need a competent and classy touch to your home or office, I suggest you give her a call at her work number:  (512)  451-5511.

By the way, do you know that 44 percent of dogs sleep in bed with their owners?  (No jokes, please!)  I find that rather fascinating.  When I was down in Port Aransas last week, I ran into some folks who owned a turtle farm.  (I referred to it as a “Shell Station.”  They didn’t think that was funny either.)  In any event, they told me that a turtle can hold its breath for up to 10 hours!  (The human record, believe it or not, is around 15 minutes.)  I don’t know why a turtle would want to hold its breath that long, but it’s still interesting.  Whenever I hold my breath, it makes me blue.

Speaking of feeling “blue,” I see that O.J. Simpson has been paroled.  I wonder if he’ll take another stab at marriage?

Well, I’m afraid it’s time for me to take my Sunday walk.  I am now walking two or three miles per month, I mean, day, in order to get back into fighting condition.  (Just in case I run into O.J. in Florida!)  I’m actually enjoying the exercise routine, which is starting to  scare me a little.  Thank God I only have five hours to go before it’s “Happy Hour” around here.  You folks take care, and we shall chat again next week….

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

 

 

*** Anybody out there know where the following photos were taken?

 

 

SON OF A BEACH!

Would that blog title be justified if my mother served as a Wave during WWII?  (Just saying!)  Well, in any case, I recently returned from my “Beach Blanket Bingo” outing in the lovely coastal village of Port Aransas, Texas.  Whilst we did not play Bingo (thank God!) we did play some poker, and yours truly won a MAJOR tournament, by trouncing such notables players as the Princess of Portugal, Baron Lee, and Countess Connie.  (Three famous players from the European Tour)  In addition, we consumed a number of scrumptious meals and several gallons of Plantation Rum.

If you’re heading down to Port A this summer, I would highly recommend two dining establishments…  First, you must try Shells Seafood.  I got “hooked” on their capellini with seafood, served in a Thai coconut broth, and topped with wood fired mushrooms.  (While we were eating a mushroom came in and ordered a drink.  The bartender refused to serve him.  I don’t know why, he looked like a fungi to me!)

Another favorite dining spot was the Venetian Hot Plate.  Here I consumed a healthy portion of tender veal, gently swimming in a lovely brown caper sauce.  (Have you ever tried to “pull a caper?”  Very difficult.)  Anyway, I was very pleased with the cuisine and the service, and they also have an excellent wine list.

Our beachfront accommodations were superb, and as some of you know, Port A offers many distractions, including such intellectual pursuits as the “Wet T-Shirt Contest for Seniors.”  (Don’t ask!)  I won’t go into too much detail, but let’s just say that many of the older contestants were from Sag Harbor!  (Which happens to be a real town on Long Island!)

Hey, before I forget, some of you folks have been asking for more information about my author friend, Helen Ginger.  (The brilliant author of the new mystery novel, DEADPOINT.)  You can find out more about her by going to the following website:    https://straightfromhel.blogspot.com      (And don’t forget that all of her fine books are now available at Amazon.com

And since we are on the subject of great art, my other friend, the “Wizard of Watercolors,” Elizabeth Bell Taylor, has just completed a beautiful new painting titled, “Weeds.”  (These are the gorgeous version, and would look lovely anywhere.)  If you want to view her portfolio, simply go to:   Lil-Taylor.pixels.com   (You will be VERY impressed!)

By the way, for those of you living in Austin, you might have heard that one of our famous authors had his home struck by lightning last week.  Jeff Abbot, a highly acclaimed author of suspense novels, incurred substantial damage to his home in West Austin.  If you want to show your support for Jeff and his family, you can attend his book signing event this coming Tuesday evening.  (He will be speaking at BookPeople downtown, and I’m sure he would appreciate your support.)  Needless to day, we all wish him and his family the best.

Finally, as a complete non sequitur, I would like to remind you that on this day (July 16th) in 2004, Martha Stewart was sentenced to 5 months in prison for making false statements to federal investigators.  Her REAL crime, as I have recently discovered through careful research, was putting ketchup on an omelette.  (No, I don’t have a reliable endnote.  Just trust me.)

Speaking of food, if you get an email from the Hormel Company, just delete the darn thing.  (It will probably be Spam!)

Well, I must leave you now.  I just heard a young lady cough at the next table, so I must be a gentleman and offer her mouth to mouth rejuvenation.  I mean, mouth to mouth resuscitation.  God, I hope I don’t choke!

See you next week….  Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

 

 

HAPPY (BELATED) INDEPENDENCE DAY!

First, a question…  Did you drink a fifth on the Fourth?  I’ll second that!  (I sound like a numbers runner.)  Well, in any “case,” (another drinking pun) I hope you enjoyed your celebratory weekend.  Ours began with a bang.  One of my neighbors attempted to light some fireworks, but the guy has a short fuse, so it did not end well.  (Who needs ten fingers?)  Other than that, we had a splendid weekend.  Hey, did you know that 56 people signed the Declaration of Independence?  Ben Franklin, age 70, was the oldest signer.  Edward Rutledge, age 26, was the youngest.

By sheer coincidence, I recently spent a few days at the Rutledge House in Charleston, South Carolina.  (I think I found one of Edward’s socks under the bed!)  The sock had a hole in it, so when I gave it to the innkeeper, he said, “Darn it.”  (Look, there aren’t many good Rutledge House jokes!)  By the way, when I was in Charleston, I received a literary award at the Middleton Plantation, and therein lies another coincidence…..  Edward Rutledge actually married a charming young woman named Henrietta Middleton.  (Her father was Henry Middleton, the owner of the world famous plantation.)  I wasn’t invited to the wedding, but it must have been a swell affair.

Speaking of swell affairs….  Helen Ginger’s marvelous book signing event was completely sold out, and my dear friend sold a fair number of books.  Thanks again to the amazing Terri Schexnayder for putting the event together.  A great time was had by all.

And since we are on the subject of great times…  I am about to leave on another mini-book tour/road trip/tequila-tasting adventure!  This time we’re heading due south, toward lovely Port Aransas, one of my favorite spots on the Texas coast.  I will be traveling with a group of reprobates, and a few members of the Portuguese Royal Family.  The Princess of Portugal and Baron Lee will be spearheading the entourage, and happily, we will be joined by Countess Conceicao de la Sequeira.  (Everyone in Portugal and the Azores has at least 3 names!)  I will share (some) of our adventures when I return, assuming that I am not detained by the local authorities on some silly, trumped up charge again.

Finally, just in case you haven’t heard the news, my second history book, TURBULENT TIMES, recently won a Silver Medal for the “Best U.S. History Book of 2017.”  The award was announced at the New York Book Festival, and there will be an awards ceremony (open to the public) later this month at the fabulous Algonquin Hotel in Manhattan.  The hotel, as many of you know, once hosted the “Round Table,” a legendary group of wits who gathered to get drunk and utter brilliant remarks.  (Much like our group in Port Aransas!)  The Round Table included such notables as George S. Kaufman, Harpo Marx, Dorothy Parker, and Alexander Woollcott.  Impressive group, but not a single member of Portuguese royalty!

Well, lads and lassies, I must leave you now, but before I go…..  How come young Scottish women are referred to as dogs?  (Lassies)  That just doesn’t seem right.  And one more thing, what’s the connection between Loch Ness and Eliot Ness?  And finally, why do Scottish men like to walk over Heather?  What did that poor girl do to deserve such treatment?

If you know the answers to any of the above questions, please write them down on a sheet of paper, staple a ten-dollar bill to the paper, and send to me at my home address.  Bless you, my children.  Have a safe and joyous week.  Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

 

 

BETTER LATE THAN NEVER!

That sounds like something I would say to the I.R.S., but in this case, I’m referring to today’s blog.  (Which is usually posted on Sunday)  However, I do have a marvelous reason for the short delay…  yesterday was a day to celebrate the release of Helen Ginger’s new mystery novel, DEADPOINT.  The event was held at Wildflower Terrace (in Austin) and hosted by a real-life angel named Terri Schexnayder.  Miss Terri (who has more energy in her pinky than I have in my entire body) put together an author presentation, which included a book signing, and some tasty food for the overflow crowd that had gathered to cheer on our dear friend as she becomes rich and famous!

The event was a HUGE success, thanks to “Terrific Terri” and her band of merry pranksters…..  Beverly Horne, Jo Virgil, Diane Hernandez, and Pat Saunders, just to name a few.  These gorgeous and brilliant ladies never age!  (Which I find quite annoying when I look in the mirror!)  Helen is very lucky to have such wonderful friends, and they should all be proud of their good-hearted efforts.  (Helen also has one of those incredible husbands you hear about from time to time, and also a supportive family.)  Lots of love at that event yesterday, and it was an honor to be invited!  Thank you, ladies.

And since we are on the subject of books (surprise, surprise) allow me to mention that Helen’s newest book (DEADPOINT) happens to have a blurb from me on the back cover.  That alone should make it a collector’s item, but the book is also a great read, so if you love a good mystery, check it out!  I have actually begun to offer book blurbs through my literary agent, Jesse James Lipschitz, and have provided blurbs for none other than Michael Connelly and James Patterson.  (I doubt my blurbs will be chosen, but you never know.)  In any case, it is a new source of income, which might prove quite attractive.  (Do NOT mention this to the I.R.S.)

Meanwhile, sales of TURBULENT TIMES continue to skyrocket, and I would like to thank all of my blog followers for their support.  This wonderful ride would not be possible without the support of my friends and family, and I am very appreciative.  In fact, we’ve arranged for one of my blog followers to win a free trip to Athens later this year.  All you have to do is leave a nice review of the book on Amazon.com, and if your name is chosen in November, you are off to Athens!  I only have 50,000 blog followers (as opposed to James Patterson, who has 3 million!) so the odds are in your favor!

And speaking of favors… I would like to thank Baron Lee Bomblatus (Round Rock royalty) for taking me and my imminent cousin, Dr. Max Talbott, to the baseball game last Friday evening.  We had a splendid time, and I couldn’t help but notice that a lot of baseball terms are similar to dating terms.  For instance, the guys are always trying to get to first base.  (Many “strike out.”)  The bigger the diamond, the better!  There are other terms as well, but since this is a family blog, I shall move on!

By the way, I would also like to extend my very best to Mr. Jack Drucker, the host of the BookTalk Radio Show in Tampa, Florida.  Jack recently underwent back surgery, but I am happy to report that he has returned to the studio and is doing just fine.  Jack is back!  (Thank goodness)  Incidentally, I will be his guest sometime in September.  We will be chatting about TURBULENT TIMES, and I will keep you informed of the date and time of the show.

So this morning I told my wife that I was going out to get some breakfast.  She asked me how long I would be gone.  I told her the whole time.  Women ask such odd questions.

Well, it’s almost time for my nap.  Thus I shall leave thee with some fascinating trivia…..  Did you know that in Shakespeare’s time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes.  When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on.  Hence the phrase…  “goodnight, sleep tight.”   (Did you think that phrase had something to do with alcohol consumption?)  Now you know the rest of the story!

Good tidings, and love to all…

Doc Yanoff

**** P.S.  Attached are some charming photographs for your viewing pleasure.