Memphis

January 12, 2014

INVASION OF THE BOOK PEOPLE!

MY GOODNESS, THAT SOUNDS LIKE THE TITLE OF A 1950s HORROR MOVIE!  But it’s not…  In fact, it’s just the opposite of horrible, it’s some more wonderful news!  I love sharing good news with my blog followers, and today I have something splendid to share…..  Starting next Tuesday, January 14, 2014, all 3 of the “Adam Gold Mystery Novels” will be featured and sold at Austin’s most prestigious book store….. BookPeople!  (Located on N. Lamar Blvd.)  Yep, you read right, the good folks of Central Texas will now be able to purchase all of my books at a traditional book store, as well as on Amazon.com, Barnesandnoble.com, Kindle, and the Nook.

Two days ago I signed a contract with the store, and starting next Tuesday, the books (THE GRACELAND GANG, THE PIRATE PATH, and DEVIL’S COVE) will be featured at the front table as you walk into the store!  (Where the “best-sellers” are sold)  I will attach the covers at the end of this blog, just in case you forgot what they look like.  By the way, I will also be featured in their newsletter and in their online book catalogue, so if you can, please spread the word.  Incidentally, none of this would have been possible without you guys, so THANK YOU!

In other news, our 3-day winter has finally ended.  Whew, that was a rough few days!  How cold did it get down here in Austin?  Well, thanks to that darn polar vortex, Texas inmates were BEGGING for the electric chair!  People were getting the cold shoulder everywhere they went!  It was too frigid to get into a heated argument!  Our politicians had their hands in their own pockets!  (Now THAT’S cold)

I may have a book signing/lecture in San Antonio next week.  (Depending on the weather.)  I hope it comes off, because I would love to go back to El Mirador restaurant for a bowl of sopa de lima or chile de arbol.  If you ever find yourself in the historic King William neighborhood, you must stop in for some of Maria Trevino’s amazing food.  (Her family is keeping her reputation alive and well.)  Es muy bueno!

Finally, I was chatting with a neighbor yesterday, and he asked me what I thought about same sex marriage.  I told him that I’ve been having the same sex for the last 35 years!  I did ask my wife if she wanted me to take Viagra.  She told me to start with NoDoz, whatever that is.  Women!

Well, on that note, I wish you all a safe and pleasant week.  I might have another major announcement next week, so keep those cards and letters coming!  Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

 

gracelandgangcoverpiratepathcoverdevilscovecover

January 5, 2014

WHEN YOUR NUMBER IS UP…..

IT’S GREAT NEWS!  (IF YOU’RE A WRITER)  Otherwise, not so much.  The year end blog statistics have recently been published by WordPress, and once again, our little blog has achieved immorality!  Make that, immortality.  How you ask?  Well, first of all, our blog finished in the top 5% of all blogs on the Internet!  An amazing accomplishment that I wish to thank you for… no joking, I couldn’t have done it without you guys.  Secondly, we had a very healthy increase in readership.  We now have…..  (drum roll, please) ….. 6,500 followers in 40 countries!  All I can say is Wow and Thank You!

Last week, our esteemed publisher announced that THE GRACELAND GANG, THE PIRATE PATH, and DEVIL’S COVE have been translated into several foreign languages….. French, Spanish, Italian, and German!  All 3 mysteries are now available in those countries in their native tongue!  (I once felt some native tongues, but that’s another story…  I was on a study-abroad trip.  So, naturally, I studied some broads!)  Anyway, this is wonderful news, and all of my books can now be ordered in the above languages on Amazon.com or Barnesandnoble.com

NOW FOR THE BIG BOOK NEWS…..   My recently paroled literary agent, Black Bart Berkowitz, scored a major publishing victory on my behalf.  My first two books have been approved by some sort of screening committee in Beijing, and they will now be available, in Chinese, throughout the country of China!  Hot dog!  I mean, egg roll!  If our commie friends like inscrutable mysteries, then I’m their man!  Seriously though, I would like to thank Mr. Berkowitz (who I never stop teasing) and the government of China.  Hopefully, we will make a small fortune, cookie!

Finally, a word of thanks to Mr. Gary Rubenstein, the “Lobster King” of Austin, Texas.  He played Santa “Claws” last week and concocted a marvelous lobster casserole for New Year’s Eve.  Today, we are celebrating his wife’s 39th birthday at our house… and we went overboard with the food.  (Actually, we threw the food overboard, but I digress.)  Not to worry, though.  Miss Jaime will be pleasantly surprised.  (If she likes fast food.)

One last item…..  I want to send my love and kisses to a potentially new blog follower who was born last week….. my niece, Lindsay, just gave birth to a beautiful baby girl named Scarlett.  Welcome to our world, Miss Scarlett!  I hear you read my last blog and threw up?  Personally, I think it was the mashed carrots, but then again, I’m an optimist!  Don’t forget to change your diapers frequently, and I wish you well in the maternity ward.  (Watch those male babies, and don’t give out your phone number.)

Happy New Year once again!  Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

December 22, 2013

MERRY CHRISTMAS, Y’ALL!

NONE OF THAT P.C. GARBAGE FOR ME!  I still say Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Kindly Kwanzaa, or Far-Out Festivus!  I am such a rebel!  Hey, do you think elves listen to “wrap music” when they’re mailing gifts?  I used to think that Santa was Polish, because I kept hearing about the North Pole.  I love the holiday season, but I have one bad memory.  I was an ugly child.  My parents used to hang me up and kiss the mistletoe!  The best present I ever got was a subscription to National Geographic Magazine.  (You guys know where I’m coming from!)

Speaking of presents…..  I received a lovely compliment from Mr. Larry Wood, a prominent land development and construction consultant here in Austin.  Larry lived next door to the great mystery writer, Mickey Spillane, and they spent a lot of time together back in Myrtle Beach, S.C.  (Spillane wrote the “Mike Hammer Series.”)  After reading DEVIL’S COVE, my third mystery, Larry told me that I was just as good a writer as Mickey Spillane, if not better!  Wow, what a nice thing to say!  (I just hope I sell as many books!)

My second “present” of the week came from Max and Barbara Talbott, my dear friends who hosted a spectacular holiday dinner at the Austin Club.  The food, company, and conversation were top notch.  The club is housed in the old Millett Opera House, which was built in 1878, and is still a beauty.  Many famous people have performed there, including John L. Sullivan, John Phillip Sousa, Lily Langtry, and the most famous of all, me!  (My comedy routine was cut short by a slice of coconut cake.)

And since we’re on the subject of great evenings…..  Our birthday dinner honoring the Princess of Portugal (last Sunday) was a huge success.  Nobody got in a fight and nobody got arrested.  There was only one argument about “Duck Dynasty.”  Which reminds me,  I never order duck in a restaurant.  (I always get stuck with “the bill!”)

Well, believe it or not, I’m off to play Santa Claus.  I will be making the rounds in my neighborhood, delivering free copies of THE GRACELAND GANG and THE PIRATE PATH.  (The books are free, but I charge twenty dollars for an autograph!)  Just kidding.  In closing, I would like to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas, and I truly hope that you and yours have a wonderful day.  As Tiny Tim said, “God Bless Us All!”  Amen.

Ho-Ho-Ho and love to all…..

Doc Yanoff

December 15, 2013

“TIME” MARCHES ON!

Without me!  Well, once again, I did not win TIME Magazine’s “Man of the Year Award.”  Somehow, Pope Francis won.  Naturally I asked for a recount of the votes, but I am not holding my breath.  (The last time I held my breath it made me “blue!”)  Since I lost, I thought I’d ask His Holiness to convey sainthood upon me, but no dice.  (Did you know that the Vatican prefers Catholics?  What’s up with that?)  Anyway, I received a lovely email from the Pope (in Latin!) suggesting that I forward proof of 3 miracles that I have performed, and upon verification, they will consider a “saint-like” designation for me.  Thus, I have sent the following miracles to Rome:

Miracle 1.     I took the garbage can out to the curb 4 weeks in a row!  (Unfortunately, I only brought it back twice.)

Miracle 2.    I refrained from telling a bad joke for 8 hours!  (I was sleeping, but it still counts.)

Miracle 3.    I remembered the date of my wedding anniversary!

In case you’re wondering, my 7-year tenure at St. Edward’s University will mean bonus points for my cause.  (assuming I return a few library books.)  I shall keep you informed of my progress.  So what else is new?  Well, last Thursday was the annual River Place Garden Club Christmas Party.  Each year the club holds a “white elephant,” but I don’t usually participate because I have no idea where to purchase a pale pachyderm.  This year the party was hosted by the lovely and talented Jane Malone, and as usual, it was great fun.  Thank you, Jane!  You have a magnificent home!

Speaking of magnificent hosts and homes….. John and Andrea Schleich hosted a wonderful holiday get-together on Friday evening.  (In their new custom home!)  We were lucky enough to meet Andrea’s parents and children, and being from the heartland (Nebraska) they were all the most delightful people you can imagine.  Welcome to the neighborhood!  We look forward to seeing you in the near future.

NOW FOR SOME BOOK NEWS…..   I was recently informed that my first two mystery novels (THE GRACELAND GANG and THE PIRATE PATH) will soon be translated into French, Spanish, and Italian, due to a strong demand in those countries!  This is the most wonderful news an author can get, and as you might imagine, the translated copies greatly increase sales.  I would like to thank Murder Ink Press and Penguin Books for their continued support of my fledgling career.  You folks are the best!

Tonight we are hosting a birthday party for Helena de la Bomblatus, a Portuguese princess from the Azores.  I understand that the princess is bringing her husband  (some sort of duke) and an interpreter from the islands.  I don’t normally hob nob with royalty (unless I’m holding a royal flush in poker) so this should be a wonderful fun-filled evening.  I will have to watch my manners, though.  (No picking my teeth with a knife.)

Well, you must excuse me.  I need to try on my tuxedo.  God, I look like a penguin.  (See how I worked in another reference to Penguin Books?)  Yeah, I’m shameless.  Have a wonderful week…. and be careful.  Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

December 8, 2013

A BUSY BEE…..

     YEP, THAT WOULD BE ME!  (I suppose I could also be called a busy body.)  Incidentally, do you know that a bumble bee has to make over two million flower taps just to produce one pound of honey?  I’ve studied the bee-havior of these fascinating insects.  In my world, FYI stands for “Flying Yellow Insects.”  For instance, I know how to make these little creatures “bee-have” and produce lots of honey.  Soothing music is the key.  (They love Sting)  Ouch!  Should I have gone with Paul McCartney and Wings?  My mother did NOT do a good job explaining the “birds and the bees” to my sister.  After she got stung, she thought she was pregnant!  Un-bee-lievable!  (Shall we move on?)

     The week began with a productive literary trip to Schulenburg, a quaint little town south of Austin.  (Fayette County)  The town used to be known for its kolaches, but that was before they were introduced to THE GRACELAND GANG and THE PIRATE PATH.  Now they’ve become a literary mecca, which should no doubt increase the number of tourists that visit.  If you ever visit, make sure to stop at Sengelmann Hall, an historic dance hall built in the late 1800s.  (They still host polka bands on the weekend!)

     Speaking of polka, or poker for that matter, I would like to thank Fred and Leigh Ann Woodward for hosting (Saturday) the Ninth Annual Kings & Queens Poker Tournament in Lago Vista, Texas.  What a blast!  The place was filled to the rafters with some of the best poker players in the state.  (Including Sharon “Big Win” Walker and her husband, Rich “Also Ran” Walker.)  The food, drinks, and entertainment were simply over the top this year.  Don’t ask me how, but The Mighty Cobra (me) managed to make it to the Final Table, where I placed high up on the leader board, but failed to win the $100,000 first place prize.  (or something like that!)

     On Wednesday last, the “Princess of Poker,” (my wife) won Second Place in the annual Christmas Poker Extravaganza downtown.  (She won a generous gift card, but refuses to share it with me!)  No matter.  During the break, I managed to sell several copies of DEVIL’S COVE, which substantially increased my net worth.

     On Friday I went to a holiday party where the host hired a mime!  However, due to time constraints, the mime did not perform.  Personally, I thing a mime is a terrible thing to waste.  But that’s just me.  Hey, I just thought of something…  If you were going to shoot a mime, would you have to use a silencer?  Hmm.

     Next week I’m off to Athens.  No, not Greece.  Athens, Texas.  I actually like East Texas, since I went to college in that area, and have several children living in that part of the state.  Should be an interesting visit.  Well, I must leave you now as I have another charity poker tournament to go to!  (I told you I was a busy bee!)  If I do well (very unlikely) I will brag, I mean, write about it on my next post.  A lot of talented players will be there, and they’re expecting a “full house.”  (So am I!)  Have a wonderful week…. Love to all…

     Doc Yanoff

December 1, 2013

PILGRIM’S PROGRESS…..

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!  Did you and yours gobble up lots of food?  We had a veritable (Not vegetable) feast at my house.  The dining room table was a sight for sore eyes… and sore bellies!  I think I swallowed more stuffing than the bird.  Speaking of birds, and let’s face it, Thanksgiving is for the birds, President Obama continued a long tradition by pardoning a plump turkey.  (No, not Alec Baldwin.)  The turkey’s name was “Popcorn.”

Which reminds me…  Did you know that popcorn was invented by a high-ranking Army officer?  Yep, the guy was a kernel.  (Colonel)  Every time he made popcorn his troops would butter him up.  I would find that “ear-itating.”  (Do you think these jokes are too corny?)  All right, I’ll move on…..

My darling wife, Lucrezia Borgia Yanoff, made a splendid meal, and we were joined by my two beautiful daughters, my hard-working son-in-law, and most importantly, my grand-dog Baker.  Truly a memorable feast.  Especially for Baker.  (He got the bigger half of the wishbone.)  Who says you can’t teach an old dog new tricks?

Our festivities continued on Friday, when we drove down to my brother-in-law’s ranch in Boerne, Texas.  (Boerne, pronounced “Bernie,” is a lovely town in the Texas Hill Country.)  We got to visit with my brother-in-law, his sons, his lovely girlfriend, and several of my favorite in-laws from Dallas.  We sat around an outdoor fire, sipping bourbon and beer, telling tall tales, and enjoying some wonderful comraderie.  What a marvelous evening.

Since we’re on the subject of marvelous events…..  If you recall, I previously mentioned that some of my new book covers had been nominated for “Outstanding design and layout” by a major trade group in New York.  Well, the top prize went to a science fiction novel, but it was the first time in the group’s history that one author had received 3 nominations!  Just for the record, I had little to do with the exterior of the books, but I  am still very proud of this recognition.  (These were the front covers of THE GRACELAND GANG, THE PIRATE PATH, and DEVIL’S COVE.)

Before I leave you, I must say “thanks” to Ms. Amy from Dallas (and her incredibly gorgeous mother, Judge Susan) for the delivery of my favorite “treat” in life (that’s legal)…..  cheese pockets from Stein’s Bakery!  Thank you, ladies!

Also, I would like you to know that this particular blog is dedicated to a dear friend of mine who is recuperating from foot surgery.  (The Princess of Portugal)  I hope you are feeling better, Princess.  We look forward to your gala return to Austin.  Central Texas is too quiet without you!  (Although I’m trying my best to fill the void!)

Well, my dear family, friends, and blog followers….. I hope you had a joyous holiday, and like me, have much to be thankful for.  God bless you all this coming year, and as is my custom, I shall leave you with a bad joke…..  (Courtesy of my nephew, Colton)    What do you call a cow with no legs?  Are you ready?  Ground beef!

Love to all…..

Doc Yanoff

November 3, 2013

TRICK OR TREAT!!

WAIT!  DO NOT DISCONNECT ME!  This blog has nothing to do with Obamacare!  (If it did, you wouldn’t have been able to log on to the site in the first place!)  No politics are allowed!  I am strictly neutered.  (Is that the right word?)  Well, in any case, I hope you are having a pleasant Sunday.  I am recovering from another costume party and a wine tasting that got out of control.  Fortunately, this event was followed by a poker game, and the Mighty Cobra struck again!  (I hauled in $25, cash on the barrelhead.  Maybe the barrel was on my head, but you get the point.)

What do you think about the government mandating health care insurance?  (My wife had a few man dates in college, but that’s another story.)  Personally, I think they should mandate the purchase of my mystery novels.  I happen to know that my books have cured a number of patients suffering from insomnia.  Just saying.

I trust you had a happy Halloween?  Did you know that the word “Halloween” means “hallowed or holy evening?”  This would be a Scottish term, dating back to 1745.  Believe it or not, the Scots still celebrate by carving turnips instead of pumpkins!  (Which might account for their frugal reputation.)  I once fell off the back of a turnip truck.  I was young and naive.  Maybe I was young and a knave.  I forget which, but you get the drift.

Incidentally, do you know why ghosts can’t have children?  (Even when the “spirit moves them?”)  Because they have…..  hallow weenies!  (Ouch!)  My neighbor’s kid told me that joke.

Now for the important stuff…..          The five finalists for “Outstanding Book Design of the Year” have been announced by Murder Ink Press and listed in the New York Times Book Review Section.  Incredibly, both THE GRACELAND GANG and THE PIRATE PATH have made the final cut!  The winner will be announced in December, and three prizes will be awarded.  I hope I win a trophy, but I would prefer cash, that way I can buy my own trophy and still have some money left over for tequila.

Just a thought…..  I feel sorry for people who don’t have dogs.  I hear they have to pick up their own food if they drop it on the floor.

Speaking of people, dogs, and food…..  I had a lovely visit to Stephenville this week.  Not only is the whole town named after me (I think) but it is also the self-described “Cowboy Capital of the World.”  Fortunately, these cowboys love a good mystery, so our book signing was a big success.  Stephenville is roughly 3 hours north of Austin, and is the home of Tarleton State University, the Cowboy Walk of Fame, and Lone Star Arena.  If you decide to make the trip, don’t miss lunch at the world famous “Beans and Franks” restaurant.  The food is really good, and you won’t need to stop for gas on the way home!  (Just make sure your power windows are working.)

Since we’re on the subject of cowboys, I have a trivia question for you…..  What do they call a dull cow in Stephenville?  (Answer:  “A milk dud!”)  All right, I just made that up, but it’s still funny.

Next week I will be posting from a remote and tropical setting, so stay tuned for another exciting road trip/literary adventure…..  I will not disappoint my fans!  Even if it means posting a blog and a bail bond!   Until then, have a safe and prosperous week…..       Love to all…..

Doc Yanoff

October 27, 2013

WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS…..

“WHAT WOULD YOU THINK IF I SANG OUT OF TUNE….. ”   Do you remember this song penned by Lennon & McCartney?  It first appeared on the classic 1967 album, “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band.”  Frankly, it’s one of my favorite Beatle songs, and as fate would have it, I got plenty of help from my friends this week…..

On Wednesday, I was interviewed by Sarah Dolittle, the multi-talented reporter from the Four Points News.  Sarah and I spent several hours together, and we discussed THE GRACELAND GANG, THE PIRATE PATH, and DEVIL’S COVE.  I must warn you….  photographs were taken, so don’t be shocked if you see my mug on the cover of your Sunday newspaper.  (The photographs should NOT be used for target practice!)

On Friday, my poker friends in Cedar Park were kind enough to contribute $600 to my ever-growing poker fund, BUT…..  once again, the big news was made by my wife.  (Playing as “The Queen of Hearts.”)  Patty placed 4th in a major poker tournament and made the Mighty Cobra look silly.  (A rather simple task, I’m afraid!)

On Saturday, our good friends, Mary and Ivar Rachkind, had a lovely costume party to celebrate the arrival of Halloween.  The party was held at their beautiful home in River Place, and you might imagine, a great time was had by all.  I would like to thank the Rachkinds for the great food, great wine, great company, and great conversation.  In case you’re wondering, I came as “The Chic of Araby” and Miss Patty was “Catwoman.”   We didn’t win the costume contest, but we did receive several votes.  (Bribery works wonders!)

Finally, for those of you that might be attending the Texas Book Festival, please check out two of my dear friends that will be prominently featured at this year’s event…..   Mrs. Michael Schneider, the author of several highly acclaimed romantic suspense novels.  (Including BLIND FAITH and THE DARKNESS OF PERFECTION.)  Michael is an incredibly talented author AND a brilliant insurance underwriter!  (She works for my other friend, Mr. Ted Heaton, a State Farm agent.)  Mr. Larry Brill, a former television news broadcaster AND a terrific writer, will also be at the festival.  Larry’s latest book is titled, THE PATTERER, and it is described as “Monty Python meets Charles Dickens.”  The book has gotten a number of rave reviews and should be on everyone’s reading list this year.  If you mention my name, you will receive a (very) slight discount!

BONUS SURPRISE!  If you are still awake, I would like you to know that two of my book covers have been chosen as “finalists” in the annual book cover contest sponsored by Murder Ink Press!  (A very rare accomplishment.)  The new covers of THE GRACELAND GANG and THE PIRATE PATH are in the running, so keep your fingers crossed for me.  (Even though the artist gets the cash prize!)  I get some free publicity.  Ah well, free is good.

Have a safe and wonderful week!  Love to all…..

Doc Yanoff

October 20, 2013

DISCOVERY DAY, 2013!

NO, I DIDN’T FIND ANOTHER GRAY HAIR…..  October 12th was actually “Discovery Day” in the Bahamas.  (The site of my second mystery, THE PIRATE PATH.)  In the U.S., we celebrate this day as “Columbus Day.”  Did you know that Colorado was the first state to officially honor the great explorer?  (1906)  Back then, they gave out free beer, which might have led to the phrase “Rocky Mountain High.”  (Hey, anything’s possible.)

Columbus Day became a federal holiday in 1937, giving federal workers ANOTHER day off.  (Personally, I wouldn’t grant a day off unless you were of Italian heritage and you discovered a New World.)  But that’s just me.  In any case, here’s a little trivia question for you…..  Name the four states that DO NOT recognize Columbus Day.  No cheating!  (Answer:   Hawaii, Alaska, Oregon, and South Dakota)  People in those states have poor vision, so they don’t recognize a lot of things.  (The rest of the country is more “farsighted.”)

Last Wednesday, October 16th, was National Boss’s Day.  (In my house it’s called “Wife Day.”)  Oddly enough, this holiday is celebrated in the United States, Canada, and Lithuania.  (No joking)  Don’t ask me how Lithuania got involved.  They were probably trying to outdo Latvia and Estonia.

Speaking of celebrations…..  Our blog site has now reached a very special plateau… we have (slightly) over 6,000 followers!  Wow, what a wonderful accomplishment!  Thank you!   By the way, what do you folks think about the new book covers for THE GRACELAND GANG and THE PIRATE PATH?  I would love to hear your opinions, so don’t be shy!  Both covers were originally conceived by Mrs. Rachel Zell, a beautiful and talented artist who lives here in Austin.  Keep up the good work, Rachel.  (Conceiving is a wonderful thing!)

While we are on the subject of conceiving….. I would like to acknowledge a few of my younger blog followers.  (babies!)  Uncle Steve sends his best to Stella, Brooklyn, and Evan.  Make sure you stay dry and finish your mashed bananas.

Hey, did you hear that Native-Americans want to change the name of the Washington Redskins?  No joking.  They’re embarrassed to be associated with the city of Washington!  (I have certain “reservations” myself.)

Those of you that live or work in Austin, Texas, should keep your eyes on our award-winning newspaper next week.  A reporter will be coming up to my house on Wednesday for a feature-length interview.  I will be discussing my first two books (see above) and my last display of literary brilliance, DEVIL’S COVE.  She (the reporter) is bringing along a photographer, which means that I will have to groom myself.   Achieving fame and fortune is never easy!

By the way, last night we attended the Austin Music Festival, sponsored by Central Market.  Our group managed to wine and dine is splendid fashion, and most importantly, nobody got arrested.  I would like to thank the store management for featuring flyers of my books at the checkout counters.  Any publicity is good publicity  when you’re trying to sell books.

Finally, I would once again like to say thank you to the doctors and nurses at the Boca Raton Regional Hospital.  You took great care of my mother last week and I will never forget your competency and kindness.  What a great bunch of people…..  God bless you all!   (Mom is now in rehab, training for the 2014 Senior Olympics!)

Well, dear ones, have a great week, drive carefully, and keep those cards and letters coming.  God willing, I will have a special announcement for you next Sunday!  Love to all …..

Doc Yanoff

October 15, 2013

BOCA IS BEAUTIFUL!

HOWDY BUCKEROOS…..  Well, it’s Scamp Yanoff time again….  I’m back in Austin, back in the saddle, and back to blogging.  Sorry for the late post, but as some of you know, I had some personal business to attend to in Florida.  Two weeks ago, my sweet mother (Miss Hazel) fell down and broke her hip.  Due to her advanced age (and playing ice hockey in her youth) she needed an immediate hip replacement, so…… guess who got to spend 10 hours a day by her bedside in the hospital?  Yep.  (I was the one who got “bed sores!”)

My brothers (Glenn and Ron) were also by her side, and Glenn (a resident of the Sunshine State) actually slept over one night.  (When Mom was hallucinating!)  Glenn would take the morning shift, and I would drag my lazy butt into the room around ten o’clock and spend the entire day there.  The surgery went well (due to the expertise of the great Dr. Bergman) but the recovery was difficult at times.  As I found out, seniors take a while to rid themselves of the massive amount of drugs and painkillers they receive.  During this process, they often hallucinate and become quite paranoid.  (I tried to get my Mom’s PIN numbers while she was doped up, but to no avail.)  Anyway, everything worked out fine and she is now resting comfortably in a lovely rehab center in Boca Raton.

I must thank all of the lovely nurses who attended to Miss Hazel with great kindness and skill…..     Nurses Rachael, Heather, Veronica, Marie, Michael, and Guisselle.  All I can say, is God bless you folks.  Your sweetness and dedication was overwhelming to observe.  Each one of you were amazingly caring and competent, and in my humble opinion, you have made the Boca Raton Regional Hospital the BEST hospital in America!  I hope you all enjoy your autographed books, and if you check out the ACKNOWLEDGEMENT SECTION of my next book, you will see that your are mentioned!  (Believe it or not, I had TWO books published while Mom was in the hospital!  Man, did I do a lot of writing!)

Of course, I wasn’t the only creative person in the room.  My mother took the liberty of re-designing the “bed pan” while she was recuperating from surgery.  (The “Hazel Poopy Pot” will be available, in many different colors, sometime in the Spring of 2014.)

Finally, I would like to say a HUGE thank you to my beautiful and talented sister-in-law, Grace Yanoff.  During my stay, I was lucky enough to eat several gourmet meals at Grace and Glenn’s house, and my God, were they good!  Grace is just about the best Italian food chef in the universe, and as you can imagine, I dined (and wined) quite well.  Thank you, darling!

Incidentally, one of the great parts about going up to brother Glenn’s house was meeting all of his wonderful friends at the ADDISON COUNTRY CLUB.  Not only is the club magnificent, but the “Friday Night Ladies” were incredible!  Try to picture a room filled with beautiful, intelligent, sweet, sexy women…..  Yep, I had to put up with a lot this trip, but hey, I managed.  (I can’t wait to go back!)

I will post the covers of my two new books in a few days.  Let me know what you think.  I love both of them (THE GRACELAND GANG  and  THE PIRATE PATH) but I would be interested in your opinions.  Well, I must go pay some bills.  Take care and have a safe week…..    Love to all,

Doc Yanoff