Obamacare

March 2, 2014

SMOKEY AND THE (BOOK) BANDIT…..

10-4 ROAD WARRIORS, THIS IS THE KING COBRA… DO YOU GOT YOUR EARS ON?  I just passed a Kojak with a kodak.  He looks like a county Mountie, but he may be a state trooper.  Keep the metal off the petal and watch for a bear in the bushes.  Roger that?  Gosh, I just love this trucker CB lingo!  One question, though…..  Who’s this guy Roger they’re always talking about?

Well, as you can see, I’ve been spending a little too much time on the road.  By the way, did you know that our Interstate system is laid out in a gridlock, I mean, grid-like fashion?  Check it out, good buddies.  The even numbered roads run east to west.  (I-10, I-20, I-30, etc.)  The odd numbered roads run north to south.  (I-55, I-75, I-95, etc.)  Our Interstate system was apparently designed by a Czech!  I once passed a “bad Czech” (on the highway) but that’s another story.

My first stop (after Nashville) was Valdosta, Georgia.  I attended a book club event, autographed a few copies of THE GRACELAND GANG and THE PIRATE PATH, and then proceeded to amuse the Southern belles that were gathered at the big house.   Naturally I managed to make a fool of myself by inquiring about “Valdosta Onions.”  (They’re actually called VIDALIA Onions!)  Nevertheless, I did not lose my “appeal” to the group… and nobody was brought to tears.  Well, except for a few tears of laughter when I did my Rhett Butler impression.

I had “Georgia on my mind” until I reached warm and sunny Florida.  The weather has been absolutely perfect.  Last night my brothers and I threw a surprise party for our mother, who just turned 88 years old.  Two of Grandma’s favorite nieces (Rachel and Rebecca) flew in from Austin, Texas, and surprised everyone with a guest appearance!  We wined and dined at the Addison Club in Delray Beach… and feasted on the most incredible seafood (think lobster) buffet in the world!  A truly wonderful evening was had by all, and thanks to my generous sister-in-law (Miss Grace) we intend to have another gourmet festival this afternoon…..  when we will be celebrating the 39th birthday of my beautiful wife, Miss Patty.  (Think great Italian food!)

While we’re on the subject of celebrations…..   My third mystery novel, DEVIL’S COVE has just landed on the best-seller table at BookPeople in Austin, Texas!  If you need a copy, come on down!  (I will be happy to provide an autograph.)   Even more exciting, is the wonderful news we just heard about Miss Kellie (the enchanting daughter of Judge Susan)   Along with her handsome hubby, John, we are celebrating the soon-to-be birth of a little baby girl!  The princess is due on September 1, 2014.  (At approximately 3:45 p.m.)  If you intend to visit, please bring your own french fries, as Miss Kellie is rather stingy with her spuds!

We have about 5 more days of Floridian fun ahead of us, and then it’s back on the book tour trail, bound for Tallahassee, Mobile, New Orleans, and then Austin.  Whence I return, I will have a major announcement about book number four (THE SECOND MOURNING) so please stay tuned.  Until then, take care, and love to all…..

Doc Yanoff, The Sun Tan Man.

 

November 3, 2013

TRICK OR TREAT!!

WAIT!  DO NOT DISCONNECT ME!  This blog has nothing to do with Obamacare!  (If it did, you wouldn’t have been able to log on to the site in the first place!)  No politics are allowed!  I am strictly neutered.  (Is that the right word?)  Well, in any case, I hope you are having a pleasant Sunday.  I am recovering from another costume party and a wine tasting that got out of control.  Fortunately, this event was followed by a poker game, and the Mighty Cobra struck again!  (I hauled in $25, cash on the barrelhead.  Maybe the barrel was on my head, but you get the point.)

What do you think about the government mandating health care insurance?  (My wife had a few man dates in college, but that’s another story.)  Personally, I think they should mandate the purchase of my mystery novels.  I happen to know that my books have cured a number of patients suffering from insomnia.  Just saying.

I trust you had a happy Halloween?  Did you know that the word “Halloween” means “hallowed or holy evening?”  This would be a Scottish term, dating back to 1745.  Believe it or not, the Scots still celebrate by carving turnips instead of pumpkins!  (Which might account for their frugal reputation.)  I once fell off the back of a turnip truck.  I was young and naive.  Maybe I was young and a knave.  I forget which, but you get the drift.

Incidentally, do you know why ghosts can’t have children?  (Even when the “spirit moves them?”)  Because they have…..  hallow weenies!  (Ouch!)  My neighbor’s kid told me that joke.

Now for the important stuff…..          The five finalists for “Outstanding Book Design of the Year” have been announced by Murder Ink Press and listed in the New York Times Book Review Section.  Incredibly, both THE GRACELAND GANG and THE PIRATE PATH have made the final cut!  The winner will be announced in December, and three prizes will be awarded.  I hope I win a trophy, but I would prefer cash, that way I can buy my own trophy and still have some money left over for tequila.

Just a thought…..  I feel sorry for people who don’t have dogs.  I hear they have to pick up their own food if they drop it on the floor.

Speaking of people, dogs, and food…..  I had a lovely visit to Stephenville this week.  Not only is the whole town named after me (I think) but it is also the self-described “Cowboy Capital of the World.”  Fortunately, these cowboys love a good mystery, so our book signing was a big success.  Stephenville is roughly 3 hours north of Austin, and is the home of Tarleton State University, the Cowboy Walk of Fame, and Lone Star Arena.  If you decide to make the trip, don’t miss lunch at the world famous “Beans and Franks” restaurant.  The food is really good, and you won’t need to stop for gas on the way home!  (Just make sure your power windows are working.)

Since we’re on the subject of cowboys, I have a trivia question for you…..  What do they call a dull cow in Stephenville?  (Answer:  “A milk dud!”)  All right, I just made that up, but it’s still funny.

Next week I will be posting from a remote and tropical setting, so stay tuned for another exciting road trip/literary adventure…..  I will not disappoint my fans!  Even if it means posting a blog and a bail bond!   Until then, have a safe and prosperous week…..       Love to all…..

Doc Yanoff