“THE SECOND MOURNING” ARRIVES!!

WELL, IT TOOK A WHILE, BUT MY “BABY” WAS FINALLY “DELIVERED” TO THE PRINTER LAST FRIDAY!  What a sweet bundle of joy.  Looks just like his father.  500 pages of parental pride, now available on Amazon.com, Barnesandnoble.com, Kindle, Nook, and a huge number of bookstores throughout the free world.  (And several counties in Arkansas.)  Yep, my first non-fiction masterpiece, THE SECOND MOURNING, can now be purchased by the general public!  Please, hold your applause.  On second thought, I think I deserve a standing ovulation.  Hey, I just “gave birth” to new creation.  (The heck with a simple ovation!)  After delivering 500 + pages I’m just glad I didn’t deliver twins.  (A two-volume set.)

Truthfully, the process was invigorating, but somewhat stressful.  (i.e., Try to imagine 731 endnotes!)  Nevertheless, my incredible discoveries are fully documented.  Personally, I don’t know why I needed so many references.  I just figured out that I’m right 97% of the time.  Who cares about the other 4%?  Not me.  After I finished the book, I checked myself into the Hokey Pokey Clinic in Austin.  (I wouldn’t to “turn myself around.”)  While I was recuperating I had some very profound thoughts…..  For instance…..  Don’t stress about your eyesight failing as you get older.  It’s nature’s way of protecting you from shock as you walk past the mirror!

Don’t fret about your weight, either.  I’ve decided I’ll never get down to my original weight and I’m okay with that…..  After all, 7lbs. 6oz. is just not realistic.  Thus, I have formally given up exercise!  That’s right, no more exercise for this author!  Look, if walking was good for you, the postman would be immortal.  Right?  Heck, whales swim all day, mainly eat fish, and drink just water….. and they’re all fat!  Nothing but blubber!  Just remember, my healthy blog followers, a rabbit runs and hops all day long, but only lives 15 years.  (A tortoise, on the other hand, moves very slowly and lives 450 years!)  Do the math, my friends!

I once saw a tortoise at a Shell Station, but that’s another story.  Speaking of other stories, Mrs. Emily Martin won last week’s trivia contest.  (German immigrants introduced the Easter Bunny and also brought over….. pretzels!)  Would you like another question?  Fine.  Tell me the make of pistol that Charles Guiteau used to shoot President Garfield.  (Dr. Max Talbott, my weapons consultant, is NOT eligible to enter this contest!)  One answer per follower, please.

ONE SMALL FAVOR TO ASK…..  If you purchase a copy of THE SECOND MOURNING would you please be kind enough to leave a nice review of the book on Amazon.com?  Favorable reviews translate into advertising dollars from the publisher, so you would be doing me a HUGE favor.  Thank you very, very much.

Well, I must run… tonight we are attending a special dinner, hosted by the amazingly talented chef, Mrs. Pat Cutrone.  (The “Legend of Lakeway.”)  I’m hoping to read the first 30 chapters of my new book (aloud) but the other guests might have a problem digesting their dinner!  (Which is why I always travel with a case of books and a case of Alka-Seltzer!)  Have  yourself a safe and pleasant week, and we shall meet again next Sunday!   Love to all…

Doc Yanoff

SPRING HAS SPRUNG!

THE GRASS HAS RIZ!  I WONDER WHERE MY TAX REFUND IS?  (I won’t hold my breath!)  Well, in any case, let me start by wishing my faithful blog followers a very Happy Easter and a very Happy Passover.  I do hope you were able to spend the holiday with your loved ones, or folks that didn’t eat too much.  We celebrated by hosting the 62nd Annual Cajun Birthday Festival for Lee Bomblatus, the gentleman who single-handedly made Dell Computers a mega-corporation.  (Lee used to “screen” perspective employees.)  The wife (Princess Patty) made a huge caldron of her famous Swamp Thing Gumbo, and my goodness, did we eat well!  I am happy to report that only two utensils were “accidentally” taken by our guests, and that there was only one arrest.  Around here, that is what passes for a good night!

So last Friday I had my semi-annual head-to-toe health exam, and as usual, it provided a lot of new comedy material.  My nurse was a charming woman from Trinidad  (Trini was her dad’s name) and her “medical notes” were hilarious.  Here are a few of her actual observations…..

1.  “The patient has two female children, but no other abnormalities.”  (Actually those two are enough!)

2.  “Examination of the patient’s groin area reveals that he is circus sized.”  (No comment.)

3.  “The lab test indicated normal lover function.”   (Whatever that is!)

You know, at my age, my “train of thought” often leaves the station without me, but I must say, I could be a very rich man if they would let me hang around the doctor’s office for a while and take some more notes!  Speaking of doctors and such…..  the answer to last week’s trivia question (what famous ‘medical person’ ran out to help President Garfield after he was shot) is…..  Clara Barton!  (The founder of the American Red Cross.)  Nobody got the right answer….. so here’s another question:

Which ethnic group introduced America to the “Easter Bunny?”  (Hint:  They were not from Easter Island.)  These immigrants, who came over in the 1700s, had a custom of giving out brightly colored eggs in the spring….. and when you read my upcoming book, THE SECOND MOURNING, you will learn that they also introduced an unusual treat to Pennsylvania and the Ohio Wilderness….. a twisted dough concoction sprinkled with salt.  First correct answer wins a free copy of my new book.

I was driving by a herd of cattle the other day, and I could swear that the cows looked familiar.  Would this be an example of deja moo?  No bull, this really happened.  Maybe I shouldn’t try to milk this routine any further, eh?

Did you folks catch a glimpse of last week’s solar eclair?  I know a great deal about astrology, so for me it was a real eye-opener.  Yeah, I know what you’re thinking, I’m a real Renaissance man.  (I actually prefer Hampton Inn, but that’s an inside joke.)  Well, my dear friends, I must leave you now.  Time to finish off the remaining gumbo.  Ya Ya, baby!

Have a safe and wonderful week and don’t forget to spray the Lysol early and often!

Love to all…..

Doc Yanoff

 

 

YANOFF WINS MEGA-LOTTERY MILLIONS!

BEFORE YOU GET TOO EXCITED, OR ASK TO BORROW MONEY…..  I would simply like to remind you that April first is just around the corner.  (i.e., April Fools’ Day!)  Perhaps I should have gotten your attention with a different headline.  How about…..  CRACKPOT WINS JACKPOT!  Did you know that our national day of pranks is based upon ancient Roman and Hindu festivals which occurred just after the VERNAL EQUINOX?  (Which is similar to the VENAL MAALOX.)  Me neither.  Some folks believe it was ushered in as part of “spring fever,” and others think it is connected to the Jewish spring holiday of Purim.  (One of my favorite holidays.  You bring the wine, and the host will pour ’em!)  I think it has something to do with the I.R.S., but I can’t prove it.

Today, March 30th, was an interesting day in history, too.  On this very day, in 1856, Russia signed the Peace of Paris Treaty ending….. the Crimea War!  (What goes around, comes around.)

On this day, in 1870, Texas became the LAST Confederate state to be readmitted to the Union.  (Clearly a foolish mistake on our part.)  Whose idea was that?  (Somebody get a rope!)

On this day, in 1976, INDIANA went undefeated and won the NCAA Basketball Championship.  Are you from Indiana?  Hoosier mama?  Hoosier papa?  What the heck is a hoosier, anyway?

On this very day, in 1992, Anthony Hopkins AND Jodie Foster won Academy Awards for acting in a sweet, family-oriented animal movie.  (The Silence of the Lambs.)  Hey, I’m only trying to “pull the wool” over your eyes… this is one scary movie!

Speaking of scary things…..  Last week I appeared on a local radio show, sharing some insurance insights into the tragic disappearance of Malaysian Airlines Flight 370.  You might be interested to know what I discussed with the host…..  The Boeing 777 that was lost was valued at….. $320,000,000!  (Yep, you read that right.)  The plane contains over 3,000,000 different parts, manufactured by over 500 different companies around the world.  The insurance coverage is “All Risk,” which covers nearly every peril known to man.  (Which is why the companies involved have already begun to pay out claims.)  The high cost of the aircraft is due, in part, to the fact that it can travel at close to 600 mph — and has a cruising range of 6,000 miles.  I thought you might like to know these details, as the “insurance angle” is seldom discussed in the media.

On a lighter note…..  My esteemed publisher is working on the final book cover revisions for THE SECOND MOURNING.  I am very pleased with the cover and will be doing the final editing one day next week.  I really think you’re going to enjoy this story and I will keep you informed of my progress.  In the meantime, if you would like to listen to my coast-to-coast radio interview of last week, simply go to the website I listed on last Sunday’s blog.  You will find a convenient link.  Let me know what you think.

If are the first person to correctly identify the attached photograph, you will win a $25 gift card to Target.  (But if I were you, I would not give them your credit card information!)  Unless, of course, you want to become a target.  (Of identity thieves)  Did I mention that somebody stole my identity last week?  The son of gun cancelled his credit cards and told the police that he was embarrassed to be me!  He actually resumed his former identity!  (The cops told me that he was a voracious reader, whatever that means.)  Well, have a great week, and love to all…..

Doc Yanoff

On this day, in

FREQUENCY IS IMPORTANT!

NO, NOT THAT KIND OF FREQUENCY!  I’m referring to your radio frequency, ergo I shall remind thee of my upcoming radio interview, scheduled for this Tuesday, March 25th.  If you prefer, I will post a link to the podcast and you can listen at your leisure.  I’ve heard a tape of the interview, and I was very pleased.  (I only mispronounced my main character’s name once!)  The host, Jack Drucker, was exceedingly complimentary, which was a very pleasant surprise.  (He must not read a lot!)  Mr. Drucker thinks I might become a household name.  (If I change my name to Stephen Can-Opener.)  In any case it was a great experience and a terrific opportunity to discuss DEVIL’S COVE and my other semi-brilliant mystery novels.

As some of you know, my first non-fiction book, THE SECOND MOURNING is now in the hands of my publisher.  I’m told to expect a publication date in mid-April, which is a lovely time of year down here in Austin, Texas.  (Wildflowers and such)  I shall keep you informed of my progress.  So, how was your St. Paddy’s Day?  Did you know that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland?  (One reptile kept asking, “Are we there yet?”  Another had to stop and use the bathroom.)  I’m not sure, but I think the snakes were driven west, toward the District of Columbia.  Just saying.

My literary agent (Black Bart Berkowitz) tells me that my name was recently added to Vladimir Putin’s “no travel” list.  (I am now persona non gratitude in Russia.)  No big deal.  Did you know that there is a group of Russians that are claiming that Putin is a ruthless tyrant?  Do you know what they’re called?  Missing.

Speaking of oddities, did you hear about the “Woman’s Butt Size Study” that was conducted at Harvard University?  The results were quite interesting:   10% of women think their ass is too skinny.  30% of women think their ass is too fat.  60% say they don’t care, they love him, he is a good man and they wouldn’t trade him for the world!  (Would you folks like to guess which category my wife is in?)  Women!

After a short absence (due to parole requirements) I have returned to the world of professional, high-stakes poker.  Registering under the name of The Mighty Cobra (a lot of snakes in this blog, huh?) I managed to make the final table at the huge Steiner Ranch Tournament last Thursday!  If you can identify the photograph attached to this blog, I just might share my winnings with you!  (All right,  maybe not, but I will autograph your copy of THE SECOND MOURNING.)

Finally, I would like to mention that my book signing at the Barton Creek Mall has been postponed.  (At my request.)  I must attend another function, a birthday party hosted by the eminent Judge Susan!  We will be celebrating the birthdays of Patricia E. Yanoff (a living saint) and Ms. Barbara Talbott (a true martyr)  Gifts are not necessary, unless you want some food or drink or don’t care about walking around with a black eye and a broken arm.

In closing I would like to remind you that life is short….. so smile while you still have teeth!

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

 

RoscoeConkling

 

 

MAKING MORE WAVES! (AIRWAVES, THAT IS!)

Well, now that we have set our clocks backward or forward for daylight savings time (depending on which state you live in) it is time to adjust our radio dials so that we don’t miss the coast to coast interview of America’s most endearing mystery author!  Me!  As a public nuisance, I mean, public service, I would like to remind you that on Tuesday, March 25, I will be the featured guest on “THE AMERICAN BOOK CLUB” radio program.  The show begins at 12 noon, Eastern time, and will follow “Imus In The Morning,” on KLRG-AM 880.  The host will probably ask about my goal, which is simple.  (After all, I am a simple person.)  I just want the audience to accept me for who I pretend to be!  Not too much to ask, eh?

Speaking of radios, don’t you just hate it when you’re listening to a song and singing out loud and then the artist gets the words wrong?  Jeez, what’s wrong with those folks?  Now for some news about the folks who follow this blog…..     Did you know that my old friend (and former lawyer) Bruce Blakeman was running for Congress in the 4th District of New York?  Well, now you do, so I would ask all of my New York followers to please vote for this gentleman, who is a fine fellow and will make you proud!

And since I mentioned “pride,” I am very proud to have most of the “Deatrick Clan” as followers, as well as Ms. Lisa Reischer, one of the very best photographers in New York State!  I would also like to welcome the entire “Raymond Chandler Book Club” of El Paso, Texas.  (And thank you for choosing DEVIL’S COVE as your book-of-the-month!)  All I can say about that is…..  Yeeehaaaa!

Speaking of yahoos, how do you like the nerve of this guy Rootin’ Tootin’ Putin?  Did you see the photo of him riding that horse with his shirt off?  The commie obviously doesn’t understand the meaning of the word “bareback.”  If you ask me, he’s not “stable.”  (All right, I’ll stop “horsing around!”)  Wait, I’ve got one more commie joke…..  Did you hear that Putin just recorded his first record?  It’s called…..  “Crimea River.”  (Cry Me A River?)  I should have stopped while I was ahead!

Before I go, I would like to say “Happy Birthday” to one of my personal “idols.”  Today is the birthday of James Madison, our fourth President.  Did you know that Mr. Madison was the “Father of the American Constitution?”  He was also the primary author of the “Bill of Rights.”  Do you remember the saying about “good things come in small packages?”    Well, Mr. Madison was only 5′ 3” in height, and he weighed just 100 pounds!  (His favorite Broadway musical was…..  “Hello Dolly!”)  Just kidding about that last part!

Finally, congratulations to Daniel Mantrone of Richmond, Virginia, who was the first to identify last week’s photo of the assassin, Charles J. Guiteau. (I hope the attached caption was helpful!)  Another gift card will be given to the first person who can identify this week’s photograph.  Good luck to all!

Have a safe and prosperous week….  We shall chat next Sunday!

Love and knishes,

Doc Yanoff

 

JamesBlane

GOOD NEWS TRAVELS FAST!

A LOT FASTER THAN ME ON THE INTERSTATE!  Fellow travelers, I am proud to announce that I recently signed a new book contract, and that in mid-April, my fourth masterpiece will be published!  (Just in time to pay my taxes!) Please, hold your applause.  (Never mind, clap!)  Murder Ink Press, in collaboration with Penguin Publishers, will be publishing my first non-fiction book, titled THE SECOND MOURNING.  (The True Story of America’s Most Bizarre Political Murder.)  The book will reveal the true events surrounding the assassination of President James A. Garfield, our twentieth President.  I’m told that it will be available in hard-back, soft-back, and ebook versions.  Readers will be able to purchase the book on Amazon.com, Barnesandnoble.com, Kindle, Nook, and a large number of traditional book stores.  (Including BookPeople in Austin, Texas.)

I would like to thank each and every one of our 7,000 blog followers, because without your continued support, none of this would have been possible.  You folks are the best and I’m honored to be invited into your homes each Sunday.  We gained many new followers on our last book tour, which ended two days ago, and took us to Dallas, Texarkana, Little Rock, Nashville, Chattanooga, Atlanta, Valdosta, Boca Raton, Fort Lauderdale, Tallahassee, Mobile, Baton Rouge, and Houston!  Whew, what a drive!  Two thousand miles in two weeks!

While we were gone, the Winter Olympics “played out.”  You know what that means.  American athletes will now be appearing on cereal boxes!  (“Flakey” idea.  Too “corny.”)  I hear that Vladimir Putin wants to put his face on a box of crackers!  (Ever heard of “Putin on the Ritz?”)  Ouch!

Several of our curious blog followers have asked about my favorite road stop.  There were many great stops, but my personal favorite was Lynchburg, Tennessee, the charming town where they produce Jack Daniel’s Sour Mash Whiskey.  After a brief tour of the distillery, we sampled some Old No. 7, and from what I remember, our “spirits” were truly lifted!  (I think I met a guy named Jim Beam and a fellow named George Dickels, but don’t quote me on that!)  If you think I’m joking, I’ve got (ninety) proof!

Speaking of “blithe spirits,” I would like to say happy birthday to Ms. Barbara Talbott, who will be turning 39 or 49 tomorrow.  I forget her exact age, but I congratulate Barbara on reaching a new pinochle.  (I could have said pinnacle, but she’s a “real card!”)  Well, at least she’s playing with a “full deck!”  (Unlike me!)  Have a great day, darling!

In closing, I would like to remind you that we are now in the midst of Daylight Savings Time.  (Why don’t banks ever offer daylight savings accounts?)  Anyway, don’t forget the old motto:   “Spring back and fall ahead.”  Wait a minute, maybe it’s “Spring forward and fall back.”  Well, I don’t suppose it really matters.  Sooner or later you’ll have the right time.

Well, I’m off to the office to pay some bills, make some excuses, and catch up on my fan mail.  (I received a letter from my Mom.)  I hope everyone has a safe and happy week.  We will chat again next Sunday!

Love to all…..

Doc Yanoff

 

P.S.  Depending on my computer skills, which are minimal, you might see a photograph attached to this blog post.  Be the first to identify the person in the photo and you will win a $50 gift card!  (I will post the winner’s name next Sunday.)  Good luck!

 

CharlesGuiteau

SMOKEY AND THE (BOOK) BANDIT…..

10-4 ROAD WARRIORS, THIS IS THE KING COBRA… DO YOU GOT YOUR EARS ON?  I just passed a Kojak with a kodak.  He looks like a county Mountie, but he may be a state trooper.  Keep the metal off the petal and watch for a bear in the bushes.  Roger that?  Gosh, I just love this trucker CB lingo!  One question, though…..  Who’s this guy Roger they’re always talking about?

Well, as you can see, I’ve been spending a little too much time on the road.  By the way, did you know that our Interstate system is laid out in a gridlock, I mean, grid-like fashion?  Check it out, good buddies.  The even numbered roads run east to west.  (I-10, I-20, I-30, etc.)  The odd numbered roads run north to south.  (I-55, I-75, I-95, etc.)  Our Interstate system was apparently designed by a Czech!  I once passed a “bad Czech” (on the highway) but that’s another story.

My first stop (after Nashville) was Valdosta, Georgia.  I attended a book club event, autographed a few copies of THE GRACELAND GANG and THE PIRATE PATH, and then proceeded to amuse the Southern belles that were gathered at the big house.   Naturally I managed to make a fool of myself by inquiring about “Valdosta Onions.”  (They’re actually called VIDALIA Onions!)  Nevertheless, I did not lose my “appeal” to the group… and nobody was brought to tears.  Well, except for a few tears of laughter when I did my Rhett Butler impression.

I had “Georgia on my mind” until I reached warm and sunny Florida.  The weather has been absolutely perfect.  Last night my brothers and I threw a surprise party for our mother, who just turned 88 years old.  Two of Grandma’s favorite nieces (Rachel and Rebecca) flew in from Austin, Texas, and surprised everyone with a guest appearance!  We wined and dined at the Addison Club in Delray Beach… and feasted on the most incredible seafood (think lobster) buffet in the world!  A truly wonderful evening was had by all, and thanks to my generous sister-in-law (Miss Grace) we intend to have another gourmet festival this afternoon…..  when we will be celebrating the 39th birthday of my beautiful wife, Miss Patty.  (Think great Italian food!)

While we’re on the subject of celebrations…..   My third mystery novel, DEVIL’S COVE has just landed on the best-seller table at BookPeople in Austin, Texas!  If you need a copy, come on down!  (I will be happy to provide an autograph.)   Even more exciting, is the wonderful news we just heard about Miss Kellie (the enchanting daughter of Judge Susan)   Along with her handsome hubby, John, we are celebrating the soon-to-be birth of a little baby girl!  The princess is due on September 1, 2014.  (At approximately 3:45 p.m.)  If you intend to visit, please bring your own french fries, as Miss Kellie is rather stingy with her spuds!

We have about 5 more days of Floridian fun ahead of us, and then it’s back on the book tour trail, bound for Tallahassee, Mobile, New Orleans, and then Austin.  Whence I return, I will have a major announcement about book number four (THE SECOND MOURNING) so please stay tuned.  Until then, take care, and love to all…..

Doc Yanoff, The Sun Tan Man.

 

“GETTING TO KNOW YOU”

DO YOU REMEMBER THIS DELIGHTFUL TUNE?  Some folks think it’s the NSA theme song, but it was actually written by Rogers & Hammerstein for their Broadway show “The King and I.”  (Which was a musical about Elvis Presley, I think.)  Hopefully, you will get to know me better after today’s blog.  I enjoy sharing my life with 7,000 blog followers, and I encourage you to share the big events of your life with me.  Our blog is now in 40+ countries, so it would be interesting to hear what’s going on in your part of the world.

I am presently “on the road again.”  As some of you know, I was born in Nashville, Tennessee, and I have some close relatives in and around “Music City, USA.”    I drove up to Nashville to attend the funeral of my Uncle Jim, who was one of my favorite uncles and a truly great man.  Believe it or not, my uncle, James Deatrick, joined the United States Air Force when he was 19 years old, served with distinction for 41 years, and left the service with the rank of Senior Master Sergeant.  (Just about the highest NCO rank in the military!)  Uncle Jim flew on the huge C-130 aircraft, and during his career he delivered supplies and weapons to just about every combat zone on earth.

I have always had the greatest admiration and respect for our military, and the folks who have worn the military uniform, but after witnessing a funeral with full military honors, I am simply in awe.  Almost speechless.  (A rarity for me!)  What an incredibly moving ceremony.  Truly remarkable.  The precision of the flag folding, the repeated volley of rifle fire, and the playing of “Taps.”  Witnessing this event made me proud to be an American and proud to be the nephew of one of our noble warriors… the folks who keep the rest of us safe and sound.

And speaking of sounds…..  After the funeral, we returned to my Aunt Gladys’s home in Mt. Juliet, where we were serenaded by an up and coming Grand Ole Opry star named Skylar Starr.  (Her stage name.)  As her temporary agent, I can tell you that this young lady is destined for greatness.  (Remember her name!)  After her performance, I had the honor and privilege of meeting Uncle Jim’s family from “up north.”  (Michigan, Wisconsin, etc.)  What a great bunch of people!  They had never seen the sun before, and one of Jim’s brothers had never seen the ground during his lifetime!  (Too much snow!)   Naturally we had a book signing…. and I autographed several thousand copies of THE GRACELAND GANG and THE PIRATE PATH.  I fully expect to become a legend in Ann Arbor and certain counties on the Michigan peninsula.

Tomorrow I am driving down to Valdosta, Georgia, to sign some books at a local book club, eat a little pulled pork, and apologize for the Yankee intrusion known as “The War of Northern Aggression.”  (i.e., The Civil War.)    The following day I shall head due south, for the remote wilderness known as Boca Raton.  Whence I arrive, we will celebrate my mother’s 88th birthday with a semi-surprise party.  (She will be surprised when she gets the bill!)  I shall keep you informed of my whereabouts!  (we’re about out of time right now.)   Sooooo….  Have a safe and wonderful week…..

Love to all…..

Doc Yanoff

 

DON’T TOUCH THAT DIAL!

UNLESS YOU’RE TAKING A SHOWER…..  Then you may need some soap.  Now don’t get yourself in a “lather,” but I have two major announcements…..  On Tuesday, March 25, 2014, I will be featured (almost live) on a nationally broadcast radio program called “THE BOOK CLUB.”  The show will begin at noon, eastern time, and will be carried from coast to coast on WTAN-AM 1340 in Tampa, Florida, and on KLRG-AM 880 in Little Rock, Arkansas.  The interview will also be streamed live via the Internet on:  www.tantalk1340.com

The host of the show is Jack Drucker, former Vice-President of Harper and Row Publishers.  The program is quite popular and follows the Don Imus Show on stations around the country.  (I hope I don’t get any basketball questions)

Jack and I will be discussing my third mystery novel, DEVIL’S COVE.  Most exciting, the interview will later be broadcast worldwide, in well over 125 countries!  (and Louisiana)  Since all of my books have been translated (into French, German, Italian, Spanish, and Chinese) this exposure should result in a large increase in book sales.  (and more foreign marriage proposals.)

Speaking of radios, did you know that I once dated MISS EMERSON?  (I called her that because she was easy to pick up at night!)  She tried to “turn me on” but that only “turned me off” so we were never “in tune.”  (I could have made a few jokes about “frequency” but some of my blog followers are under 16.)

Speaking of X-rated events….  wait until you hear about the couple we had dinner with last night!  A lovely couple, who used the names “Debra and Fred.”  (I have no idea what their real names are.)  They had some great “convention tales,” but I’m a little suspicious of them.  (The beautiful woman who called herself “Debra” travels around a lot and had one of those very common last names… the ones they use in the Witness Protection Program!)

In closing, I would once again like to thank all of you for making my literary dreams comes true.  I could not have done it without you, and frankly, it wouldn’t be as much fun without your friendship and support.  Next Sunday’s blog will be sent from….. the Caribbean!  I am off on another book tour/tax deductible winter cruise!  And yes, the rumors are true, I will be scouting out locations for the movie version of THE PIRATE PATH!

Until we meet again, take care, and love to all…..

Doc Yanoff

 

AN ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE!

MODESTY IS VERY BECOMING…  (and it’s becoming quite rare)  I’m not that modest.  Every year, on my birthday, I send my mother a “congratulations card” for having me.  I just installed mirrors in my bedroom.  (no, not for that reason!)  To look at myself.  Does that “reflect” badly on me?  Well, today’s blog will not focus on me, but on my loyal blog followers!  (who I love)

Last weekend, we Austinites lost Steven Fromholz, one of the true legends of the outlaw country era.  Steve was a major talent, and he also served as the Poet Laureate of Texas.  I’m friends with his sweet daughter, Felicity, and my heart goes out to her and her family.  Your Dad was one of the great ones.

We also lost Mrs. Alice Bonefield, a gentle spirit, the mother of Paula Johnston.  “Miss Alice” was one of my favorite ladies and she will truly be missed by everyone who knew her.  She was, as they say, a class act.

I would like to extend my best wishes to Mrs. Donna Simon, who is recovering from a heart attack.  Donna and I are old friends, and she worked for Yanoff & Company for many years.  In fact, she was  the manager of our Chicago office.  We (the Yanoff clan) wish you a speedy recovery!  You did a great job for us and we all love you!  (Miss Hazel told me to send you a special kiss!)

Speaking of speedy recoveries…..  If you’re ever in need of emergency care, you should limp on over to the Texan Urgent Care facility in Riverplace.  Hopefully, you will be seen by Cindy Kelt, FNP-BC  (I have no idea what those letters mean, but Cindy is a brilliant and caring nurse practitioner!)  Tell her that I sent you and you will receive a free enema.  (Let me know how that comes out!)  We adore you, Cindy!

I’d like to give a big “shout out” to my friend Steven B. who is back in Iraq doing who-knows-what.  I hope you and your buddies are safe and sound, and we wish you a speedy return to the good old U.S.A.   Be careful if somebody offers you a camel.  (It might not be a cigarette!)

For you book lovers out there, please note that BookPeople has just restocked their shelves with 18 copies of my various mystery novels.  (The first group sold quickly.)  As you might guess, the books are to be found in the “mystery section” up front.  (Makes sense to me)

Finally, remember the secret of enjoying a good wine….. Open the bottle and allow it to breathe….. If it doesn’t seem to be breathing….. Give it mouth to mouth!  (The preceding humor courtesy of C.T. Nickles.)   C.T. is the head of my New Jersey humor division, and let’s face it, you have to have a sense of humor to live in New Jersey!

Have a safe and prosperous week!  Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

P.S.  My “big announcement” will be posted next week.  This blog is for my wonderful followers!