Without me!  Well, once again, I did not win TIME Magazine’s “Man of the Year Award.”  Somehow, Pope Francis won.  Naturally I asked for a recount of the votes, but I am not holding my breath.  (The last time I held my breath it made me “blue!”)  Since I lost, I thought I’d ask His Holiness to convey sainthood upon me, but no dice.  (Did you know that the Vatican prefers Catholics?  What’s up with that?)  Anyway, I received a lovely email from the Pope (in Latin!) suggesting that I forward proof of 3 miracles that I have performed, and upon verification, they will consider a “saint-like” designation for me.  Thus, I have sent the following miracles to Rome:

Miracle 1.     I took the garbage can out to the curb 4 weeks in a row!  (Unfortunately, I only brought it back twice.)

Miracle 2.    I refrained from telling a bad joke for 8 hours!  (I was sleeping, but it still counts.)

Miracle 3.    I remembered the date of my wedding anniversary!

In case you’re wondering, my 7-year tenure at St. Edward’s University will mean bonus points for my cause.  (assuming I return a few library books.)  I shall keep you informed of my progress.  So what else is new?  Well, last Thursday was the annual River Place Garden Club Christmas Party.  Each year the club holds a “white elephant,” but I don’t usually participate because I have no idea where to purchase a pale pachyderm.  This year the party was hosted by the lovely and talented Jane Malone, and as usual, it was great fun.  Thank you, Jane!  You have a magnificent home!

Speaking of magnificent hosts and homes….. John and Andrea Schleich hosted a wonderful holiday get-together on Friday evening.  (In their new custom home!)  We were lucky enough to meet Andrea’s parents and children, and being from the heartland (Nebraska) they were all the most delightful people you can imagine.  Welcome to the neighborhood!  We look forward to seeing you in the near future.

NOW FOR SOME BOOK NEWS…..   I was recently informed that my first two mystery novels (THE GRACELAND GANG and THE PIRATE PATH) will soon be translated into French, Spanish, and Italian, due to a strong demand in those countries!  This is the most wonderful news an author can get, and as you might imagine, the translated copies greatly increase sales.  I would like to thank Murder Ink Press and Penguin Books for their continued support of my fledgling career.  You folks are the best!

Tonight we are hosting a birthday party for Helena de la Bomblatus, a Portuguese princess from the Azores.  I understand that the princess is bringing her husband  (some sort of duke) and an interpreter from the islands.  I don’t normally hob nob with royalty (unless I’m holding a royal flush in poker) so this should be a wonderful fun-filled evening.  I will have to watch my manners, though.  (No picking my teeth with a knife.)

Well, you must excuse me.  I need to try on my tuxedo.  God, I look like a penguin.  (See how I worked in another reference to Penguin Books?)  Yeah, I’m shameless.  Have a wonderful week…. and be careful.  Love to all,

Doc Yanoff