THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN!

Great movie, but that’s not what today’s blog post is referring to… no siree, Bob!

Who the heck is Bob?  Never mind.  Back to the headline…   Believe it or not, my humble historical manuscript, THE SECOND MOURNING, has just won its 7th book award of the year!  Yes siree, Bob, it’s true!  (This guy Bob is starting to get on my nerves.)  Anyway, here’s the Press Release that went out yesterday…..

(Associated Press, December 19, 2015)

“Margaret Brown, National Book Critics Circle Lifetime Member, has announced the six FINALISTS of the 2015 Shelf Unbound Writing Competition.  Stephen G. Yanoff, author of THE SECOND MOURNING, has been chosen as one of the finalists from an entrant list of over 2,000 writers, many of them established professional authors.  Yanoff’s highly acclaimed book has now won 7 major literary awards, making history in the publishing world.”

I won’t bore you with the entire press release, but if you would like to read a full length article about me and the book, simply go to:  Shelf Unbound Literary Magazine.  (December/January 2015 Issue)   You will find a flattering article (no, I didn’t write it!) by going to:   http://www.shelfmediagroup.com

So, what else is new?  Well, last night was the gala event of the year down here in lovely Austin…  The Third Annual Festivus For-the-best-of-us Dinner, hosted by the wonderful and generous Barbara and Max Talbott.  Once again, the affair was held at the historic Austin Club, which began life in 1878 as the Millet Opera House.  Do you folks know that I used to sing professionally?  Well, they asked me to sing solo.  (so low that nobody could hear me!)  Others thought I should sing tenor.  (ten or twelve miles down the road!)  Anyways it was another great evening, complete with champagne, wine, wonderful food, and great company.  (I am blowing a big kiss to the “Terrific Talbotts!”)

Poor Mother Teresa.  Did you see what the Pope wants to do to her?  He wants to shoot her out of a cannon!  No joke, they intend to canonize the poor woman.  I heard the Pope say that she was a great gal, but no saint.  Well, that’s about to change.  I assume you folks know that Mother Teresa cared for the leopards of Calcutta?  I knew there were tigers in India, but leopards, too?  I have a great deal of respect for Mother Teresa, but I think my wife should have been chosen.  (A lot of people have told me that my wife MUST be a saint!)

In case you’re planning on burglarizing my house, I would like to confirm that my next book tour will be in the sunny Caribbean, and I will be gone for 3 weeks.  (If you do decide to break in, please feed the pit bulls.  But NOT the alligators.)  My semi-honest publicist, Blind Lemon Lefkowitz, has booked a lovely suite for me on one of the Oceania Cruise Ships.  I will be sending daily updates on my pending incarceration, so stay tuned.  (I may need you to send bail money.)

Well, lest I run off and forget, allow me to wish you a very MERRY CHRISTMAS and a HAPPY NEW YEAR.  Thanks to you, I have had a marvelous year in the wonderful world of books, and I am most appreciative.  If I could, I would hug each and every one of my 23,000 blog followers!  Seriously, you folks are the best!  God bless each and every one of you, and we shall chat again in the New Year!  Until then, be safe and be happy…..

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

 

 

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HAPPY HOLIDAYS, 2014!

If you celebrate Christmas, joy to the world!  If you celebrate Hanukkah, oy to the world!  Either way, I hope you and yours have a wonderful holiday season, filled with laughter and love!  I love the holidays because of all the gifts I receive.  (Actually, I have enough lumps of coal to open my own mine!)  It’s good to have an open mine, yes?  Still, I’m hoping that Santa will bring me something different this year.  Here’s a hint:  Coal and diamonds are primarily made of carbon.  If you squeeze that black lump, and add some heat, you’ll get a sparking jewel.  (I once saw Superman do it.)  Just saying.

Speaking of gifts, here are this week’s trivia questions:  What gifts did the Three Wise Men bring?  If you said gold, frankincense, and myrrh, you’re right!  (If you said “Adam Gold,” The Bride of Frankenstein, and Myrrh Griffin, we need to talk.)  Second question:  What is the meaning of Hanukkah?  If you said it was an 8-day Jewish holiday commemorating the rededication of the Holy Temple, you’re right!  (If you said Jews are supposed to sing “You Light Up My Life,” and burn the candle at both ends, we need to talk.)

So what’s new in the secular world?  Well, this week President Obama reached out to a wacky government of commie radicals living on a small island close to the U.S. mainland.  He even spoke to their left-leaning leader on the telephone!  (I have no idea what Obama and DeBlasio talked about.)

Hey, I joined a new club for writers this week.  It’s called the Thesaurus Club.  The only rule of the club is you don’t talk about, mention, speak of, discuss, or chat about meetings.

Did you hear about the man who walked into a bookstore and said, “I hope you don’t have a book on reverse psychology.”

Last Thursday I had the pleasure of attending the 2nd annual “Talbott Tuneful Tie Festival,” down at the Austin Club.  The food and wine were outstanding.  (I was out standing in the lobby.)  I’d like to thank our hosts, who recently posted bail, Barbara and Max Talbott.  Another perfect evening!  (Well, almost perfect.  Whistle-blower #7 was a problem.)

For those of you that are searching for the perfect last-minute gift, please remember that all of my searing novels are still available on Amazon.com, Barnesandnobe.com, Kindle, and Nook.  (Oddly enough, my searing books are not sold at Sears.)  Go figure.

In closing, I would like to share an interesting thought with my loyal blog followers.  Do you realize what you would have if you combined a fictional detective (similar to Adam Gold) with Santa Claus?  Why, nothing less than….. Santa Clues!  Verily, I say unto thee, go forth and have a marvelous holiday!  And please, remember one thing, try not to catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have flown south!

Peace on earth, goodwill toward men… and women, too!

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

 

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A HAPPY HILL COUNTRY HOLIDAY!

HOWDY BUCKEROOS AND BUCKETTES!  I hope y’all had a wonderful holiday.  Ma and Pa Kettle (Patty and I) spent the last few days on the McCloskey Ranch, in the heart of the Texas Hill Country, wining and dining with family and friends.  Our most groovy adventure began on the Riverwalk in San Antonio.  Hey, am I dating myself by using the word “groovy?”  I used to date myself in high school, but that’s another story.  (I was very lonely.)  Anyway, where was I?  Oh yes, the Riverwalk.  Well, we strolled along the lovely river and then made our way to Mi Tierra Mexican Restaurant, the world’s BEST Mexican restaurant!  After two (fabulous) margaritas, we feasted on a truly memorable meal.

Now don’t get mad at me, but… I ate a kid!  I know it sounds cruel, but the kid was stewed to perfection and the meat literally fell off the bones.  This particular kid was served with rice and beans!  Well, you know what they say, “kids should be stewed, not herded.”  (Don’t call the police, a “kid” is a baby goat!)  Which reminds me, our waiter really “got my goat!”  There wasn’t a baaaaad piece on my plate!

We spent Christmas Eve and Christmas Day at Tim McCloskey’s humble abode, and his very significant other, Miss Hannah, rustled up some mighty good grubs, I mean, grub.  We dined on a magnificent rib roast and maple ham, and then had the pleasure of watching Colton McCloskey drink an entire bottle of port!  (almost)  After dinner, we entered a cut-throat poker tournament, featuring the “Magical Minard Brothers,” (Andrew and Jeff) who just happen to be fine fellows and great card players.  (I think their mother cheats, but I will tell the story of the 3 queens at a later date!)

Being a true cowboy, I decided to go horseback riding on the way back to Austin.  Unfortunately, we stopped at a place that only had one horse!  A mare named Molasses.  She refused to gallop during the day.  (She was a “night mare.”)  Definitely not a “stable” animal!  I rode bareback for a while, but then I got cold and put my shirt back on.  All right, enough horsing around…..

In closing, I wish to thank Sarah Doolittle, a prominent reporter from the Four Points News, for her wonderful article, illuminating my illustrious writing career.  Sarah recently penned a great article about me, and if you would like to read it, just Google:  Four Points News.  Click on the December 25, 2013 issue.  You will see my mug on the front page (in color!) and a long article about my books.  Thanks again, Sarah!

Finally, my next blog will be a special year-end treat for all of you Marx Brothers fans out there.  You won’t want to miss this one!  As I bid you farewell today, I ask that you ponder the following enigma…..  What makes teflon stick to a pan???

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

MERRY CHRISTMAS, Y’ALL!

NONE OF THAT P.C. GARBAGE FOR ME!  I still say Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Kindly Kwanzaa, or Far-Out Festivus!  I am such a rebel!  Hey, do you think elves listen to “wrap music” when they’re mailing gifts?  I used to think that Santa was Polish, because I kept hearing about the North Pole.  I love the holiday season, but I have one bad memory.  I was an ugly child.  My parents used to hang me up and kiss the mistletoe!  The best present I ever got was a subscription to National Geographic Magazine.  (You guys know where I’m coming from!)

Speaking of presents…..  I received a lovely compliment from Mr. Larry Wood, a prominent land development and construction consultant here in Austin.  Larry lived next door to the great mystery writer, Mickey Spillane, and they spent a lot of time together back in Myrtle Beach, S.C.  (Spillane wrote the “Mike Hammer Series.”)  After reading DEVIL’S COVE, my third mystery, Larry told me that I was just as good a writer as Mickey Spillane, if not better!  Wow, what a nice thing to say!  (I just hope I sell as many books!)

My second “present” of the week came from Max and Barbara Talbott, my dear friends who hosted a spectacular holiday dinner at the Austin Club.  The food, company, and conversation were top notch.  The club is housed in the old Millett Opera House, which was built in 1878, and is still a beauty.  Many famous people have performed there, including John L. Sullivan, John Phillip Sousa, Lily Langtry, and the most famous of all, me!  (My comedy routine was cut short by a slice of coconut cake.)

And since we’re on the subject of great evenings…..  Our birthday dinner honoring the Princess of Portugal (last Sunday) was a huge success.  Nobody got in a fight and nobody got arrested.  There was only one argument about “Duck Dynasty.”  Which reminds me,  I never order duck in a restaurant.  (I always get stuck with “the bill!”)

Well, believe it or not, I’m off to play Santa Claus.  I will be making the rounds in my neighborhood, delivering free copies of THE GRACELAND GANG and THE PIRATE PATH.  (The books are free, but I charge twenty dollars for an autograph!)  Just kidding.  In closing, I would like to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas, and I truly hope that you and yours have a wonderful day.  As Tiny Tim said, “God Bless Us All!”  Amen.

Ho-Ho-Ho and love to all…..

Doc Yanoff