February 19, 2017

OFF TO THE RACES!

Well, almost off. I was supposed to be running in today’s 26th Annual Austin Marathon, but I overslept and missed the entire race! I am soooo annoyed. I hate to admit it, but this is the 26th time that I have overslept and missed the dang race! What the heck is wrong with me? (Not enough time to go into that!) I was hoping to participate so that I could get in shape for my upcoming appearance on “Dancing With The Stairs.” (A new show that offers you a chance to “get up in the world.”) Speaking of getting up in the world, did you know that one of my brothers was an orphan? My brother Ron was born during an elevator strike. He had nobody to bring him up. Very sad.

I would actually be a good dancer except for two things. My feet. I simply lack the muscular coordination to glide effortlessly around the dance floor. Of course, that has not stopped me from trying. My grand-daddy told me that I should enjoy dancing and dance as if nobody was watching… because in my case, they weren’t!

Since we are on the subject of “effortless movement,” allow me to address a number of inquiries about my last voyage to the sun-drenched Caribbean. A rather large number of my blog followers have asked me to write more about my travels, since they love the topic or might be planning their own adventure. Your wish is my command! Shall we start with Turks & Caicos? Lovely little islands, almost always warm and sunny. Not much to do if you don’t swim, snorkel, or scuba dive. I enjoy all three activities, and the water in this part of the world is G-R-E-A-T! They have 2 or 3 beaches that are worth a visit, and all of the beaches are open to the public. (You may have to rent a chair & umbrella on some beaches.) No food worth dreaming about, but the locals are sweet and gracious, and they do have some very good rum.

The Turks & Caicos are actually a group of about 40 islands clustered together. The Caicos are the larger islands, and the Turks the smaller ones. Population somewhere around 33,000 (depending on Hurricanes!) If you’re a water rat like me, you should seek out the island of Providenciales (known as Provo). Here you will find an incredible 14-mile-long barrier reef filled with every imaginable fish, and if you’re lucky, you might find some pirate treasure!

I love this spot for several reasons, and if you want to learn more about the area, you should read my second “Adam Gold mystery,” titled, THE PIRATE PATH. We actually handled a fascinating insurance claim in the Bahamas, so if you want to learn more, check out the book. Most of it is true. (Like my life!)

So what else is new? Well, congratulations to the gorgeous owner of the COVE BOUTIQUE on Congress Avenue. (Downtown Austin) I understand that the lovely establishment was recently named as “the best new clothing store in Austin,” and also posted its most profitable day since opening! Wow, quite impressive for a store that has only been open for one year. (I wish the owner would buy me a condo in Hawaii!) Hey, is that too much to ask of my own daughter? I think not.

By the way, several of my astute blog followers have asked about the poker tournaments on my last voyage. (They probably want to borrow some money) Well, I got lucky. Very lucky. I won the first big tournament (with a pair of deuces!) and came in 4th in the second tournament. The pay-out was fairly substantial, and covered most of my trip expenses. (If you work for the IRS, please disregard this entire blog!)

In closing, I would like to thank my friends at the Broken Spoke for a most entertaining evening. After my last beer-fest, I told myself that I was drinking too much. Then I thought about it and realized that I was being foolish. Why should I listen to a guy who gets drunk and talks to himself? (Just saying.)

Finally, I would like to send some special thoughts and prayers to Mrs. Margaret Bell, a VERY dear friend and one of the most remarkable and lovely ladies I have ever met. Get well soon, Miss Margaret. I miss my margarita buddy!

Well, time to run. I am spending this afternoon in deep contemplation, trying to figure out how those little insects manage to get inside a sealed light bulb. Very puzzling. Nevertheless, I wish you well, and hope you have a safe and pleasant week! Love to all…..

Doc Yanoff

P.S. The winner of last week’s trivia contest (and a $200 gift card) was Gianmario Sanguineti of Milan, Italy. Well done, sir!

February 12, 2017

IF AT FIRST YOU DON’T SECEDE…..

OMG, I leave the country for a couple of weeks, and the world begins to fall apart! (Or maybe just the west coast) I just read that the groovy citizens of California are seriously considering c-section! Oh wait, make that secession. Either one would be foolish, and if I remember correctly, secession has been tried before. I don’t remember the details, but I think it ended rather poorly. In any case, I hope our confused brethren don’t leave until my books have been optioned by Hollywood. (Talk about national tragedies!)

Frankly, I think that some of the protest signs have been a little questionable. One guy had a “Stop” sign, and some old hippie chick had a yellow “Yield” sign. Man, talk about mixed messages! My favorite signs were “Slippery When Wet” and “No U-Turn.” (I don’t intend to touch these jokes with a “ten foot pole!”) Besides, methinks I doth protest too much. (See how I slip those clever literary references into my blog?)

Well, I had my first book signing at a full-fledged honky -tonk last week, and it was great fun. Did you know that the word “tonk” used to mean piano? So when a fellow honked the tonk, he played some music. I thought you might find that interesting. One old cowboy came up to me and asked if I knew the difference between a dog and a fox. (The answer? Nine shots of tequila!) By the way, if you haven’t been to Giddings, you should go there. (The folks in Giddings get a little giddy after those tequila shots!)

For those of you who have inquired about the release date of my next historical masterpiece (TURBULENT TIMES), we are looking at early May. I recently had the pleasure (?) of reviewing 932 endnotes, which only took two weeks! Don’t ask me why, but I wound up with over 300 books on my bibliography! Actually, I had to do quite a bit of research for this book, as many of my “factoids” have never been presented to the public before. When you present startling information, you must leave a paper trail for subsequent authors and researchers. Very time-consuming, but such is life.

So what else is new? Well, last week’s gala dinner honoring Judge Susan and the Princess of Portugal was absolutely fabulous. (Both ladies turned 39!) The invited guests (and a few party-crashers) dined on Chicken Patriciano, eggplant parmigiana, and assorted Italian greens. As usual, the gluttons (me) overate, over-drank, and over-stayed their welcome. You know, it’s not easy to over-stay your welcome when the party is at your own house, but I managed to do it!)

Incidentally, for those of you who live in the Southeastern portion of America, please mark your calendars that I will be coming to Savannah and Charleston in May to pick up my recent literary award. (My last mystery novel, A RUN FOR THE MONEY, won a major award in January.) I am really looking forward to returning to “the scene of the crime,” so to speak. The book, or most of it, takes place in the South Carolina Low Country. Get those mint juleps ready!

Finally, I would like to extend a belated birthday wish to the captain of our recent ship voyage. (Captain Sven “Iceberg” Olson, of Oslo, Norway) I remember asking him (last month) about our particular vessel. I asked him how frequently smaller ships sink. He said, “Only once.” Well, that was certainly a reassuring answer. (Now you know why I sleep with my life preserver on!)

In closing, I would like to congratulate my cousin Max, who recently caught (and released) a huge, 8-pound bass in Florida! (Yes, he provided photographic evidence.) Max used a special pole (a south pole, I believe) to catch the behemoth, and then, coincidentally, watched some pole dancing back at the lodge. Ah, wilderness! (Do I sound jealous?) Don’t feel sorry for me, endnotes can be very stimulating. (Yeah, right.)

Well, my friends, keep those cards and letters coming. And… if you want to win a gift card… be the first to provide the correct answer to the following question: What famous person rented a house from William H. Seward during the Civil War?

Good luck, and have a safe and happy week! Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

December 11, 2016

SWEDES SIMMER & STEW OVER SONGWRITER SNUB!

How’s that for alliteration? By the way, alliteration has nothing to do with dogs or puppies. (Just saying.) I posted this headline to remind my blog followers that, despite my best intentions, I could not resolve the ongoing dispute between the Nobel Prize Committee and Bob Dylan. (Who sent a lousy note of thanks, instead of showing up for the ceremony.) I offered to fly to Sweden and accept the loot, but they refused to show me the money. I even offered to pretend that I was a (more) famous writer, such as Dylan Thomas. Nope, that wasn’t good enough. Marshal Dylan was out, too. (Do you think James Arness drove a Dodge?) Well, you can’t say that I didn’t try.

Now you know why I prefer the Danish. (Some good pastry jokes here!) I still say that the only good thing about Sweden was Inger Stevens. (And you folks know what happened to that poor girl!) Anyway, I’m not bitter, I just sound it. Personally, I’d rather have that Beverly Hills Award I mentioned last week. (No Lutefisk at our awards dinner!) Time to move on, but don’t be surprised if I ask for a recount. (Everyone else is!)

So what else is new? Well, for one thing, my next book tour (and rum swigging adventure) has finally been announced in the trade papers. However, you don’t have to trade papers to learn my itinerary. Here it is (roughly) subject to final approval from the Dept. of Homeland Insecurity: First, the Cayman Cookout on January 12-15 (featuring the infamous chef, Anthony Mundane) is still questionable, BUT I will definitely have a presence (or some presents) on the following Caribbean islands…. Grand Turk, Puerto Rico, St. Bart’s, Antigua, Tortola, and the Dominican Republic.

All of my (somewhat) brilliant mystery novels, and my (semi) interesting nonfiction masterpiece, THE SECOND MOURNING, will be available at all of the book festivals scheduled for 2017. If you find yourselves in the Caribbean (well, not IN the Caribbean, but near it) you should attend an event. These festivals are really quite interesting (great food and drink) and you will be helping the local economy. (Not to mention enriching me!) Jeez, I said not to mention that! What’s wrong with this blog editor? Anyway, it should be great fun, and another wonderful tax deduction, I mean, literary event.

Speaking of great fun, the winner of our last trivia contest was Judith Freeman of Bozeman, Montana. (Just south of Muleshoe and a little north of Bellylint) Just kidding, I know where Bozeman is, and it is quite lovely. Ms. Freeman gave the correct answer to the following question: “What was the name of Jesse James’ favorite horse?” Her answer? The outlaw had 4 favorites! (Another trick question!) Not only did she get the number right, but she also knew their names! (Katie, Skyrocket, Stonewall, and Red Fox.) Congratulations, and she will now receive a $300 gift card to Home Depot. (God, my blog followers are soooooo smart!)

And since we are on the subject of “congratulations,” allow me to congratulate Mr. Adam Zell, my hard-working, Pittsburg-Steeler-Loving, son-in law, who recently received the Diamond Club Award from Realty Austin (one of our city’s most prominent realtors) for selling over….. (drum roll, please!)….. $10,000,000 in real estate! We are very proud of Adam, and this is truly a great accomplishment. (But slightly below marrying my daughter and producing Miss Goldie!) If the boy was a Yankee fan, he’d be perfect!

Well, dear friends, I must start packing for my next appearance. I have some special events lined up in Houston this coming weekend, and a HUGE party to attend on Wednesday and Thursday. (Thursday is our annual Steiner Ranch Poker & Pilsner Party. Thanks to the generosity of Rich & Sharon Walker (two other great realtors in Austin) we will be celebrating a decade of poker decadence and downright dependency! (I’m really starting to enjoy this alliteration thing.)

We shall chat again upon thy return! (assuming I can find my way out of Houston!) Until then, be well, and God Bless… Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

*** God-willing, there might be a photo or two attached to this blog!

July 24, 2016

ROME WASN’T BUILT IN A DAY!

It just looks that way. OMG what a wonderful, but confusing city! One wrong turn and you’re lost forever. Get this: all of the street signs are written in Italian! What’s up with that? Our group did a LOT of walking, so we had to consume a copious amount of water and wine. (Which means that “european” all day long!) Fortunately I learned some key phrases, such as, “dove de toilet?” Our favorite stop was the Coliseum and Roman Forum. (Be advised that the Coliseum, for some strange reason, has no air-conditioning.) I suggested enclosing the structure, but our guide had no (verbal) response. She did, however, make an interesting hand gesture.

I will be attaching photographs of the Forum, which is where many lively debates were held by local politicians. (You were either “forum” or “against ‘um”) Two of the most famous emperors, Donaldo Trumpus and Hilarious Clinton have statues prominently displayed near the outdoor commodes. (Draw your own conclusions on this one!) Ah, the mystery of history!

So what else is new? Well, I just read a study that stated that the average Japanese senior citizen has sex once a year. The average American senior has sex seven times a year. This study was shocking to me. Frankly, I never knew that I was Japanese!

If you live in or near the city of Austin, check out this month’s issue of AUSTIN WAY MAGAZINE. The front cover mentions a young lady named Rebecca Yanoff, who they refer to as “SOCO’S New Style Queen.” (SOCO stands for “South Congress,” our main shopping thoroughfare.) The enclosed article and photographs are lovely, but just between you and me, I hate it when my daughters get more publicity than me! Jeez, don’t people read anymore?

Speaking of shopping… somebody stole my wife’s American Express Card last month. I haven’t reported it yet. Whoever stole the card is spending less than my wife! (My momma didn’t raise no fool!)

By the way, last night was a VERY special night in these parts. Miss Helena, the Princess of Portugal, and her fabulously rich husband, Baron Lee, held a gala event at their mansion in Round Rock. The guests (and a couple of party-crashers from Steiner Ranch) were treated to an assortment of fine wines and spirits. The cuisine was simply superb… roasted potatoes, Corpus Christi cole slaw, braised asparagus, and…. (are you sitting down?) ….. grilled Maine lobster tails! (Being something of a writer, I just love tails/tales!)

And since we are on the subject of tall tales, I would like to remind you to circle August 23 on your calendar. On that day I shall once again be the featured guest on the Authors of America Radio Program. I will be discussing my new mystery novel, A RUN FOR THE MONEY, which is selling briskly and receiving some very nice reviews. (I’m still waiting for my mother’s comments!) I will, of course, post the exact time and stations as the date draws near.

Well, since I’ve dabbled into the high risk field of politics on this blog post, I shall leave you with the immortal words of Abraham Lincoln… (WARNING: I never get this quote exactly right) ….. “You can fool some of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time. And sometimes you can fool some people who are foolish at times, but you can’t be fooled all of the time no matter how many times you’re fooled.” (You were warned!)

Frankly, my dear, I prefer the semi-immortal words of my former tax advisor, Myron “My Mistake” Moskowitz, who once said, “You can fool some of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time… and those are pretty good odds!” Myron recently received a pen with a life-time guaranty. (Leavenworth Prison!)

Verily, I say unto thee, go forth and have yourselves a safe and joyful week! Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

***** Photographic evidence attached!

July 17, 2016

SWEET SIXTEEN!

Now there’s an oxy-moronic term if I ever heard one… Do you know any sixteen-year-olds that are sweet? (They’re too busy playing Pokemon Go!) When I was a teenager we spent our time more wisely — reading. (Mainly Playboy and National Geographic Magazine.) In any case, the blog title is not meant as a reference to juvenile delinquents, but as a reference to the fact that I recently received my 16th literary award. While I was traipsing around Italy, my history book, THE SECOND MOURNING, won the “Honorable Mention Award,” (third place) at the 2016 New York Book Festival.

The awards ceremony is going to be held at the (in) famous Algonquin Hotel in midtown Manhattan. I may attend the ceremony, mainly out of respect for all the incredible writers who made the hotel famous back in the 20’s and 30’s. Back in the day, a group of editors, book authors, and playwrights gathered at the Round Table Restaurant and spent countless hours engaged in brilliant repartee. The group included such literary geniuses as Dorothy Parker, Robert Benchley, Robert Sherwood (winner of 4 Pulitzer Prizes!), Alexander Woolcott, Edna Ferber, and my personal playwriting idol, George S. Kaufman. (who also wrote some of the movie scripts for the Marx Brothers.)

For those of you concerned about my mental well-being, fear not, I have finally caught up with my emails and have returned to my (semi) normal routine as a (semi) famous author and bon vivant. I am thrilled to report that we now have close to 30,000 blog followers, and that most of them actually speak a version of the English language. (Those folks from Gozo are a bit problematic.)

Several of my curious blog followers have requested a little more information about my archaeological stop in the Sicilian port of Agrigento. So, for your educational edification, allow me to add that the town was originally founded by the Greeks, overtaken by the Romans, conquered by the Muslim Arabs, and preserved by the Normans. (Whew, what a cast of characters!) In other words, there was an incredible mix of cultures, adding to the overall charm and mystique of the city. (At the end of this blog, I will post some photos of our stop in Agrigento, so please remain awake… I know it’s a little early for some of you!)

On the home front, I would like to congratulate the Princess of Portugal (and her hubby, Baron Lee) for sponsoring the soccer team of Portugal, which recently won the 2016 Euro Championship. (Their frequent trips to the Azores paid for the uniforms and the foot powder used by the players!)

Also close to home (actually, just inside our house) we were honored to wine and dine with Judge Susan, the (semi) notorious “Hanging Judge” of Central Texas. She got that moniker not for sentencing scofflaws to hang, but for “hanging around” the courthouse with a pair of crutches and beating unprepared lawyers over the head. (with the soft end of the crutches) I am happy to report that her Honor is on the mend, and will soon resume her flagging tap-dancing career.

And since we are on the subject of friends, allow me to thank Mr. Robert Todaro for sending me a lovely Maltese poem as a remembrance of my visit to Malta and Gozo. (Robert actually speaks and understands their language, which is remarkable. Only a handful of human beings have conquered that challenge!) Nonetheless, I would like to leave you with this poem, which I hope you enjoy:

“Il-bjuda taz-zahar u l-hegga tat-tfulija huma I-poezija tal-holm.”

Translation: (roughly) “The whiteness of blossoms and the enthusiasm of boyhood are the poetry of dreams.”

I apologize for leaving out some of the symbols above the words, but my ancient computer doesn’t seem to have any of these in stock. (or perhaps I just can’t find them) Still, you get the idea. So, with that, allow me to say goodbye until next Sunday. I hope all of you have a wondrous week. Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

*** Stay tuned for some enchanting photographs!

July 10, 2016

LA DOLCE VITA!

BUONGIORNO! Hello my dear friends. I just returned from a magnificent 3-week vacation/book signing/wine guzzling voyage to Italy, and although I loved every minuto, there is no place like home. As for Italy, mama mia, what a beautiful country! Our group of merry pranksters sailed from Rome to Malta, and then circled Sicily, stopping in some very memorable ports. And speaking of port, the wine was truly memorable, too. From what I remember, we drank almost every night. (Hey, you know what they say, “when in Rome… “)

Before I go on about our voyage, let me state, unequivocally, that I had NOTHING to do with England leaving the European Union. Well, almost nothing. I did make a few remarks about Germany and Italy dominating the ongoing soccer tournament. But that was all I did.

We began our long voyage in Rome, which was fitting. Why? Because when I was a young lad, the girls told me that I had “Roman hands.” (and “Russian fingers,” I might add!) In any case, after we left Rome (and 3 days of intense archaeological activity) we sailed south through the Straight of Messina, which wasn’t really that strait, but still quite fascinating. Our first stop was in Catania, where we spent the day high up in the mountain village of Taormina… and trekked around the base of our first volcano… Mt. Aetna. (Which, by the way, is still a very active volcano.) I didn’t really want to hike up to the summit, but I had to “go with the flow,” so to speak. When you live under a volcano, every day is “ash wednesday.” Very hard to breathe in certain spots, but well worth the effort. The view was simply incredible. (for at least 30 seconds!)

On days two and three, we recovered on the islands of Malta and Gozo, which were quite interesting. I got to use all of my bad jokes about Maltese falcons and malted meal, which the locals seemed to have heard before. (What’s up with that?) Most importantly, on the lovely island of Gozo (slightly north of Malta) our group got to visit the oldest known human settlement in history. (A 6,000-year-old pagan temple.) I was surprised to learn that it was a pagan temple. How the heck did a motorcycle gang cross the Mediterranean Sea? Beats me.

From Gozo, we sailed north to Sicily and made several stops in some pretty amazing ports… Agrigento, Trapini, and Lipari for starters. They were all incredibly interesting, and on the remote island of Lipari, we hired a boat and made our way to the still-smoldering island of Vulcano. (Yep, this volcano was belching, too!) During our morning hike (which I called our “death march”) we stopped for lunch at a bubbling lake of warm mud, and some of us took a mud bath. I, of course, suggested that the female archaeologists in our group engage in a mud wrestling contest, but the ladies wouldn’t bite. (See what happens when you get a Ph.D?)

The voyage of the (nearly) damned then continued eastward, arriving in the enchanting town of Sorrento, where some of our group traveled to Pompeii and others to Herculaneum . Risking life and limb, I spent the day viewing our third major volcano, Mount Vesuvius. (Yeah, you guessed it, this one is still an active volcano, too.) By now you might be wondering what’s wrong with me. Good question. Would you believe I was doing some research for my next book? I hope so, because that’s what I intend to tell the IRS. (Actually, it’s true, but I’ll explain later.)

The third week of our delightful voyage was spent on shore, in the impossibly beautiful town of Positano, along the Amalfi Coast. Here I learned (once again) that anchovies and cappuccino don’t mix very well. (Especially after a day of diving and swimming!) Nonetheless, we all had a magnificent time with our gracious hosts at Villa Franco. If you look at a photograph of Positano, you will see a lovely white villa on the highest point of the mountain overlooking the Tyrrhenian Sea. This is where we spent the week, and dear God, was it something special. (Photographs to follow!)

As always, the best part of any trip is making new friends, and we made plenty of them during this adventure. (Starting with the captain of our ship, Captain Sverre, (a modern-day Viking!) and including some lovely folks from Australia, England, Italy, Argentina, and the good old U.S.A.) On the book front, we gained a hundred new blog followers, and more importantly, a hundred new friends around the world. (I held two book signings, and our sales were phenomenal.)

Well, I hope I didn’t bore you with all the travel talk. I also have some great news on the publishing front, but I think I’ll save it for next Sunday’s blog. Like me, you might be on sensory overload, so I’ll share the good news next weekend. Until then, take care and have a great week.

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

*** Hopefully there will be some photographs attached to this blog. The nude shots were confiscated by Interpol. (Thank God.)

September 6, 2015

QUIET ON THE SET!

There’s very little quiet on any set these days, but that’s because of the cable networks. In any case, I wasn’t referring to television. (By the way, why do they call it a television “set” when there is only one device?) Where was I? Oh yes, the quiet on the set thing. Well, I’ve got some potentially good news to share with my 21,000 loyal blog followers…… There is a possibility, albeit remote, that my second mystery novel, THE PIRATE PATH, will be optioned for a movie later this year. Are you folks familiar with a production company called “Infinitum Nihil?” (Meaning “infinite nothing.”) This is Johnny Depp’s company, operated by the old pirate and his sister. Keep your fingers crossed for me. (Pirates always have to cross a few bones for luck!)

Speaking of luck… I recently received two lovely gifts from two of my high school friends who are also blog followers. First, I wish to thank the incredibly talented Joyce Harness McGregor for sending me a beautiful painting of my favorite bird. (The red cardinal) The painting is now hanging in my study for all to see. Second, I would like to thank the brilliant Margaret Dinzler Shaw for sending me a copy of the book of essays she recently edited. Good job, Margaret!

Incidentally, I recently received an invitation to become Facebook friends with the great Daniel Negreanu, one of the world’s best poker players. Daniel is a fan of my mystery novels, and one of the truly nice guys on the professional poker circuit. I wish him continued success at the tables, and urge him to wear the t-shirt I’m sending. (The shirt displays a full face photo of President James A. Garfield on the front, and on the back it reads: THE SECOND MOURNING.) Dang shirt costs me five bucks to make!

Did you see that the CEO of Starbucks is telling his workers to be gentle with customers who may have lost money in the stock market last week? Great advice from a guy who charges five dollars for a cup of coffee! I’ve figured out how they get away with that… they use Italian titles for all of their special drinks. Makes the stuff sound fancy. Hey, who charges more per cup, Starbucks or Victoria’s Secret? (Both keep me up at night!)

My never-ending self-promoting book tour and tequila sampling took me to another fascinating location last week. I spent a productive afternoon in lovely San Saba, the Pecan Capital of the World. (Just think of all the “nut jokes” I could do right now!) Believe it or not, the town produces over five million pounds of pecans every year! They use pecans in almost everything down there, including beer, olive oil, pies, cakes, cookies, and pralines. These items are not cheap. You have to “shell out” some bucks if you want to eat well! If you plan to stay f0r dinner, I’d try Diggs Restaurant & Club. (Yummy steaks, cooked over…. pecan!)

Well, I must close now. My new grand-daughter is expecting me, and if I show up late, she might need a diaper change. (Man, if you guys thought an oil change was messy, you should see some of those diapers!) How can anything so beautiful produce such a nasty odor? Yes, dear pilgrims, the Lord works in mysterious ways! (He also has a wicked sense of humor!)

Have a safe and happy week, and we shall meet again in the sweet by and by. (or should I say, bye-bye?) Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

P.S. A free autographed book to the first person who can tell me where the attached photo was taken!

January 5, 2014

WHEN YOUR NUMBER IS UP…..

IT’S GREAT NEWS! (IF YOU’RE A WRITER) Otherwise, not so much. The year end blog statistics have recently been published by WordPress, and once again, our little blog has achieved immorality! Make that, immortality. How you ask? Well, first of all, our blog finished in the top 5% of all blogs on the Internet! An amazing accomplishment that I wish to thank you for… no joking, I couldn’t have done it without you guys. Secondly, we had a very healthy increase in readership. We now have….. (drum roll, please) ….. 6,500 followers in 40 countries! All I can say is Wow and Thank You!

Last week, our esteemed publisher announced that THE GRACELAND GANG, THE PIRATE PATH, and DEVIL’S COVE have been translated into several foreign languages….. French, Spanish, Italian, and German! All 3 mysteries are now available in those countries in their native tongue! (I once felt some native tongues, but that’s another story… I was on a study-abroad trip. So, naturally, I studied some broads!) Anyway, this is wonderful news, and all of my books can now be ordered in the above languages on Amazon.com or Barnesandnoble.com

NOW FOR THE BIG BOOK NEWS….. My recently paroled literary agent, Black Bart Berkowitz, scored a major publishing victory on my behalf. My first two books have been approved by some sort of screening committee in Beijing, and they will now be available, in Chinese, throughout the country of China! Hot dog! I mean, egg roll! If our commie friends like inscrutable mysteries, then I’m their man! Seriously though, I would like to thank Mr. Berkowitz (who I never stop teasing) and the government of China. Hopefully, we will make a small fortune, cookie!

Finally, a word of thanks to Mr. Gary Rubenstein, the “Lobster King” of Austin, Texas. He played Santa “Claws” last week and concocted a marvelous lobster casserole for New Year’s Eve. Today, we are celebrating his wife’s 39th birthday at our house… and we went overboard with the food. (Actually, we threw the food overboard, but I digress.) Not to worry, though. Miss Jaime will be pleasantly surprised. (If she likes fast food.)

One last item….. I want to send my love and kisses to a potentially new blog follower who was born last week….. my niece, Lindsay, just gave birth to a beautiful baby girl named Scarlett. Welcome to our world, Miss Scarlett! I hear you read my last blog and threw up? Personally, I think it was the mashed carrots, but then again, I’m an optimist! Don’t forget to change your diapers frequently, and I wish you well in the maternity ward. (Watch those male babies, and don’t give out your phone number.)

Happy New Year once again! Love to all,

Doc Yanoff