THE COBRA IS KING!

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE…..  I THOUGHT ELVIS WAS THE KING??

Well, as it turns out, Elvis was the king of rock ‘n’ roll, but THE MIGHTY COBRA is now the king of poker!  Ladies and gentlemen, modesty prevents me from talking about myself, so I’ve decided to write a 10-page blog about my recent accomplishment.  Wait!  Don’t leave!  I was just kidding!  (I think I can adequately describe my victory in 5 or 6 full length pages.)  Then again, the goal is not to put my blog followers to sleep, so perhaps I shall present the abbreviated version of my glorious victory…..

Last night, poker history was made (up) when yours truly, playing professional poker as the dreaded COBRA, slithered back upon his throne, capturing FIRST PLACE at the Main Event of the W.S.O.P.  (Waterloo Series Of Poker)  The venue, located just south of Las Vegas, was filled with the world’s best poker players, representing every crook and cranny, I mean nook and cranny, in this great card playing country of ours.  Why there were people from all 51 states, 12 European nations, two third-world countries, and Arkansas!  Yes sir, that joint was jumpin’!

For those of you that care (mainly my relatives) the going was tough, but as you know, when the going gets tough, the tough get lucky.  I can tell you one thing, they do not make men like me any more.  (Thank God.)  I managed to survive the first round by getting an ace-high flush on the flop.  (Unfortunately for Miss Kathleen, a/k/a “Mean Kathleen The Poker Machine,” she also had a flush, but a lower one.)  I was catapulted onto the final table (actually, I tripped) by winning a huge pot from one of the great poker stars of Texas…..  Ms. Sharon “Bad Barth” Barth.  Sharon had a good hand, but I “rivered” a full house…..  kings over tens!

The final table, now covered in cold, hard cash, spilled beer, and dabs of ketchup, was a real doozy.  As some of you know, they bring the cash out in a wheelbarrow, surrounded by scantily clad, voluptuous young ladies.  (All of them virgins.)  Well, maybe not all of them.  Anyway, when the smoke cleared (the dealer was also dealing marijuana) there were three of us left standing.  All right, we were sitting, but you get the point.  Surrounded by lights, cameras, and action (I told you they weren’t all virgins) the Cobra dispatched a young gun named “Billy The Kidder.”  (I made a straight on the river!)  That pot, believe it or not, contained about $400,000 in chips!  The young lad kept calling my bets, but the old snake taught him a good lesson about respecting one’s elders.  The final hand of the night, saw the mighty Cobra win another huge pot ($600,000 in chips!) when he was blessed with TWO KINGS in the hole, and triumphed over his opponent’s straight draw.

Sooooooo……  as you can see, our little tale is truly about TWO KINGS…… Elvis and me, and those lovely cards!  Now that I am filthy rich (some say just filthy) I intend to slow down and enjoy life.  Sadly, I realized that I was already retired and completely slowed down, so I have to come up with another game plan.  If you have any ideas about jobs or work, please keep them to yourself.  (The doctor said no stress.)  I shall, as they say, muddle through on my own.  Speaking of muddling….. did you know that on this very day, in 1956, Elvis Presley (The subject of that famous mystery novel, THE PRESLEY PLOT) received his second speeding ticket in Memphis, Tennessee?

I am debating whether to conclude this blog.  To be honest, I used to be indecisive.  Now I’m not so sure…..

Before I leave, I wish to thank the eminent Dr. Max Talbott for his thoughtful gift… a renewal subscription of my favorite magazine, GARDEN  & GUN!  If you folks want to read a truly marvelous magazine, then this one is for you.  Every article is well written and extremely informative.  Thanks, buddy!

In leaving, I would suggest that you take my advice about filling out medical forms.  When you are wasting away in the doctor’s office, filling out an application for the tenth time, and you come to the place where it says, “Who should we notify in case of an emergency?” ……….  write in “THE DOCTOR!”    (If nothing else, you will receive a free sample of Prozac.)

Enjoy your weekend….   love to all….

Doc Yanoff

*** NEWS ALERT *** YANOFF WEIGHS RUN FOR PRESIDENT IN 2016! *** NEWS ALERT ***

HOW MUCH DO YOU HAVE TO WEIGH TO BE PRESIDENT?   Never mind, if I run, I’ll lose weight.  Since I’m fed up with both political parties, I have decided to accept the nomination of my new political group, The Texas Iced Tea Party.  (Our motto:  WE ARE “COOLER” THAN THOSE OTHER GUYS! )    In honor of ELVIS PRESLEY’S BIRTHDAY  (which was actually yesterday, but what difference does a day make?)  I would like to share my very first (self-written) political speech with all of my blog followers.  Please take a moment to read and digest (or throw up) my thoughts……  I think you will see that I am cut from a different cloth.  You are, of course, welcome to send in your comments and suggestions (which I will ignore) or if you insist, you may make a large contribution to my campaign.  (which I will spend on tequila.)    So, without further comment, I give you a sample of my political brilliance……….

“ANYTHING WORTH WINNING IS WORTH CHEATING FOR”

(A Political Speech)

Good morning, my fellow Americans.  In the words of another great political leader, I have come to bury my opponent, not to praise him!  As you know,

I am running against a person of INFINITE worth, but I have vowed to conduct myself with the utmost DUPLICITY, even if my opponent continues to

act in a SCRUPULOUS manner.  Yes, my friends, I intend to rise above petty, PARTISAN politics, and seize the high ground ….. where I can openly

DISPARAGE my INCONSEQUENTIAL rival.  Fellow citizens, these are the times that try men’s souls!  And speaking of trials, I’d like to mention that

I’ve been ACQUITTED of all those CREDIBLE charges that were leveled against me.  While I don’t hold a grudge, I’d like to shed some light on my

opponent’s SALUBRIOUS background.  In response to an IMPRUDENT  question, he recently acknowledged that he was, in fact, a HOMO SAPIEN.

Furthermore, he confessed to engaging in HETEROSEXUAL activities since puberty!  I shall not pass judgement on this NATURALISTIC behavior.

However, I think it’s important to remind you that my opponent has frequently engaged in social INTERCOURSE….. often at dinner parties, surrounded

by aides!

Recently, he was seen MASTICATING at a crowded restaurant in San Francisco!  Later that evening, while EXPOUNDING on one of his pet projects, he

began to GESTICULATE before a group of Girl Scouts!  Revealing his true nature, he offered to have a PLATONIC relationship with one of the scouts.

I hate  to point out the obvious, but my opponent has become a PROPREIETOR!

Now friends, I’ve always been known as a DISINGENUOUS man, but I can only be pushed so far.  Did you know that my opponent’s wife once held a missionary

position?  Did you know that she was arrested for being a PROSELYTE?   My God, the woman has actually written a pamphlet about religious SECTS!

As you might expect, her PIETY has led to a MONOGAMOUS  relationship with her spouse.  In my humble opinion this is nothing short of marital FIDELITY,

and can only lead to NUPTIAL bliss.  My, how their poor children have FLOURISHED from this union.  The daughter has recently become a THESPIAN, and

according to published reports, she is performing her little act in front of paying customers!  Last summer, she traveled to Holland….. a country filled with dikes.

I’m told that while she was still abroad she became involved with a MENAGERIE, and would RUMINATE in front of caged PRIMATES!

Apparently, the son is cut from the same PEERLESS cloth, for he too has decided to ESCHEW promiscuity and remain in the company of CHASTE individuals.

Furthermore, he has enrolled in college and MATRICULATES on a daily basis, often surrounded by young coeds!  I’m no saint, but if he EMULATES one of those

young ladies, he should be CASTIGATED!

Ladies and gentlemen, I know you must be shocked by these BANAL and MUNDANE activities, but I can assure you that all of my statements have been completely

FABRICATED and are thoroughly FATUOUS.  I implore you to turn away from my opponent’s CANDOR and VERACITY, and cast you vote for me, a MISCREANT

who is undeniably VAPID.  I thank you for your APATHY and indifference, and remind you to vote early and vote often!

GOD BLESSS AMERICA IF I’M ELECTED!

THE (SEMI) HONORABLE, STEPHEN G. YANOFF   (I)

 

 

EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT!

(AND I DON’T MIND IF YOU STAND UP AND SHOUT IT!)

Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure (and more money) to inform you that Aberdeen Bay Publishing has just (yesterday) agreed to publish……  my second mystery novel!

Yes, it’s true!  The second “Adam Gold Mystery” will be available to the general public (and certain penal institutions) on or about MARCH 1, 2013!

For those of you on the Pulitzer Committee, the name of this book is……  MURDER ON MAIDEN LANE.      As some of you know, Maiden Lane is located in the Financial District of Lower Manhattan.  In fact, the lovely lane is right around the corner from my old insurance office on John Street.  Maiden Lane has quite a checkered past (much like my high school girlfriend) but is most famous for two things…… being in the heart of the “high risk” insurance neighborhood, and being the home of Captain Kidd, the famous American pirate.

AND SINCE WE ARE ON THE SUBJECT OF PIRATES…….    I shall now share with you the exact “book cover blurb” that will appear on the back cover of the new book…. right above my new and improved photograph…..   (Let me know if it grabs your attention!)    If so, you can grab the book on Amazon.com when it becomes available…….   All right, here goes…….

“WHILE EXCAVATING A VACANT LOT IN LOWER MANHATTAN, WORKERS UNEARTH A 300-YEAR-OLD SKELETON AND SOME COINS THAT MIGHT BE PART OF A PIRATE TREASURE.  THE DISCOVERY HALTS THE CONSTRUCTION OF A SKYSCRAPER, DRAWING THE IRE OF CORRUPT POLITICIANS, GREEDY DEVELOPERS, AND THE MAFIA.  IT ALSO ATTRACTS THE ATTENTION OF A MYSTERIOUS YOUNG WOMAN WHO CLAIMS TO BE A DESCENDANT OF A FAMOUS PIRATE….. A WOMAN WHO IS WILLING TO DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO GET HER HANDS ON THE TREASURE!”

Well, there you have it.  The cover is in the “design phase” as we speak, and will be a bold presentation of color and content.  (Much like me)   If I get an opportunity, I will post some of the first designs to give my blog followers a sense of how a fiction book is put together.  I think you will find the process quite interesting.

AND NOW FOR SOME OTHER NEWS…….       CONGRATULATIONS to Ms. Rebecca Lee Yanoff, who has a brand new position in Austin.  A commercial development project coordinator for a prestigious local firm that is about to build the very first “high end” luxury day spa in the city!  Rebecca’s responsibilities are numerous, and in order to build an authentic Japanese facility, the firm is sending her (and the marketing genius) to ……….  Hawaii and Japan!    Yep, you read that right.  My little girl will be spending four or five days in MAUI (Wowee!) and then fly to TOKYO AND OSAKA to interview some of the leading Asian spa owners on the island.  The idea is to see and learn what makes a world-class facility.  When the Austin project is complete, they want Rebecca to manage (and partially own!) the spa.  So……  hooray for Rebecca-san!    (But remember, no blow fish!)

A big shout out and congratulations also to Mr. Adam Zell……   the First Place Winner of the “River Place New Year Poker Championship!”     Adam played very well and beat some terrific poker players (including me!) on his way to the final heads-up competition.   It was looking grim until the lad got lucky on the river and pulled a Jack of clubs, giving him a very sweet flush!  He won a substantial amount of money.  (None of which he shared with me!)  What’s up with that?

More congratulations to one of my long-time blog followers…….   Mrs. Rita York-Hennecke…… the beautiful daughter of the beautiful Portuguese Princess Helena Bomblatus.  Rita has recently discovered that she is “with child,” as they say in Kansas.  Her pregnancy is wonderful news!  I’m sure she will have a gorgeous baby.  (If she has a boy, I think “Stephen” would be a wonderful name.  Just saying.)  Best wishes to Rita and Mike!

FOR MY ADORING ELVIS FANS…….   (OR SHOULD I SAY, “ADORABLE”)  …….  DID YOU KNOW……  That on this day in 1957, Elvis made the last of his three appearances on the Ed Sullivan Show?  (Which was filmed at the Maxine Elliot Theatre on W. 39th Street.)   I used to go there when I was a youngster, but I missed this show.  Too bad.  The King sang “Hound Dog.” “Don’t Be Cruel,” “Love Me Tender,” and “Heartbreak Hotel.”     Wow!  Imagine hearing the big guy sing all four of those classics!  (By the way, this is the infamous performance where the network would only film Elvis from the waist up!)   Just think of how far we’ve come (descended) from those days!  Now all television is a “waist.”  (Waste)     Incidentally, after the show, which was a “really big show,” Elvis took the midnight train home to Memphis!  Well, at least he was on the “right track” back then!   Amusing to think that there were no flights to Memphis at the time.

In closing, I would like to tell you that THE PRESLEY PLOT has now been purchased (and hopefully read!) in 40 different countries around the globe!  God Bless the internet!  We should all be grateful to Al (Jazeera) Gore for inventing the darn thing in his spare time.  Thanks to the world wide web, great literature (and my books) can be shared with uneducated heathens and unrepentant criminals in all four corners of the globe!  (By the way, how can a globe have corners?  The dang thing is round!  Just saying.)

Well, I wish you a happy and healthy week and a wonderful post-New Year period.  Drop me a line when you can, and thanks again for following my weekly rant.

Love to all…..

Doc Yanoff

 

 

THE RULES OF ENGAGEMENT!

WHEN I SAY “ENGAGEMENT” I AM REFERRING TO….. Speaking engagements!  I have two interesting events scheduled for this coming week.  First, I will be regaling an audience of “seasoned citizens” at the Austin Senior Center, which is always fun.  Wisdom comes with age.  (So do Social Security checks.)   On Thursday, I shall be having a delightful brunch with the charming ladies of the River Place Book Club.  These wonderful women have invited me to a gourmet feast, followed by a fascinating lecture centered around THE PRESLEY PLOT and my recent  foray into the cut-throat world of publishing!  The event is being hosted by Claudia Tobias, a truly remarkable woman who donates many long hours to various charitable groups in our community.  I think this will be great fun and I am looking forward to a lively discussion.  (I know some of these ladies from the River Place Garden Club and they are a smart and worldly group.)

And speaking of smart and lively women….. Leigh Ann Woodward, one of the sweetest and most talented poker players in Texas, recently hosted the 8th Annual Kings & Queens Poker Event at her lovely country estate in Lago Vista last night.  I have played in this tournament several times (and done remarkably well, I might add) so I know how much fun it is, and I also know that it attracts some very good poker players.  The evening is filled with great drinks, great food, and great company!  Unfortunately, I could not play this year, but I am anxious to hear who won.  In any case, Leigh Ann should be congratulated for throwing one of the best Christmas-time events of the season!

Since I have been writing about South Africa recently, I think I should mention that we now have 12 new blog followers in that fascinating country!  G’day mates!  (Australian is as close as I can come!)  Rachel (my daughter) and Adam (the son-in-law) recently returned from your beautiful country and they loved it!  Of course, being related to me, you might expect one or two (how shall I put this?) “Mishaps.”     For instance, when they went to Robben Island to view Nelson Mandela’s jail cell, the guard told them that “Nelson spent 18 years on this island.”  Rachel, being a chip off the old block, asked, “Which one, Ricky or David?”    Adam wasn’t much better.  He told the guard that if Mandela had been Jewish they wouldn’t have kept him in a jail cell.  (Jewish people eat “locks.”)  And so it went……   Surprisingly, we still have diplomatic relations with South Africa.

AND NOW FOR SOME ELVIS PRESLEY NEWS…..     I have some very exciting news for all of my fans and blog followers….. THE PRESLEY PLOT has been chosen to receive a “full book review,” by the international website called AMAZON BOOK CLUBS!  This is really great news for me, and once the review is posted, it should attract world-wide attention.  The Amazon Book Club selections are seen by millions of readers throughout the world and they are also posted on just about every social website known to man.  (or woman)  I am very excited about this development and I will keep you posted of my progress.  I should get a “first draft” sometime within the next two weeks.  Just between you and me, this sort of makes up for losing the Nobel Prize for Literature to that Ecuadorian Llama rancher.  (I’d like to “pull the wool” over that guy sometime!)  All right, I have to stop being bitter.  Just let it go.  Keep moving forward.  (But come on, a book about Montezuma’s revenge?  Really?)

Incidentally, just to keep you in the loop, I will (unless there is breaking news) be posting one blog per week from now on.  (No cheering, please.)  My writing commitments (the ones I get paid for!) have recently grown experimentally, I mean, exponentially.  In short, there are not enough hours in the day!  (I think we’re stuck at 24)  I for one would vote for a longer day and a shorter night, but that’s just me.  In any case, I just don’t have enough time to produce such mind-boggling brilliance twice a week and still play poker.  I hope I have not disappointed anyone.  You must go on with your lives.  Forget about me.  (Not entirely, though)  We shall still meet each and every Sunday!  (One more thing to pray for!)

So….. until next Sunday….. I wish you joy and happiness.  (Aren’t those the same things?)

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

MAKING HISTORY, PART II

IN MY HUMBLE VIEW….. Making history is almost as much fun as making whoopee.  (I said almost.)  I am referring, of course, to the re-publishing of THE PRESLEY PLOT.  I am very happy to report that Aberdeen Bay Press has sent me the official notification and that the newly revised version will be available on Amazon.com, Barnesandnoble.com, and other sites in about  two or three weeks.  As I believe I previously mentioned, they already have a standing (or sitting) order for 225 copies, so if you need some books for the holidays, do not delay ordering.  After they’re gone you will have to wait… I have a little gout, I mean, clout, but even I have to wait in line.  (Oh, the injustice of it all!)

Several of my loyal devotees have asked about the American Queen riverboat cruise.  (The Elvis-themed excursion leaving from New Orleans.)  Well….. here I was, preparing my brilliant lecture on Tupelo, when lo and behold we hit a snag.  (Not the boat, me)  The snag was the river itself!  Have you read about our drought in this part of the country?  Lake Austin (here in lovely Austin, Texas) is only 40% full!   If my math is correct, that means its almost 60% empty!  Yikes!  What the hell did Al Gore do?

Anyway, no water means no riverboating, no riverfloating, and no rivergloating.  What can I say?  For the first time in American history, the Mighty Mississippi is suffering from low water levels, and it is severely affecting all of the river traffic, both private and commercial vessels!  Due to this lack of H2o, I thought it best to reschedule my voyage.  I will keep my fellow travelers informed of my whereabouts!  (Easy to do with this darn electric ankle bracelet!)

Now for some Elvis news…..  Did you know that on this very day, in 1954, Elvis Presley did something very rare?  (No, he didn’t go on a diet.)  But he did miss two previously scheduled shows that were sold out in Memphis, Tennessee.  (Which, I might add, is where Graceland happens to be.)  So what happened, you ask?  Well, he actually missed his airline connection in Houston!  If you have ever flown through Houston, you know how easy this can be.  So it seems that we are in good company.  I do not know if the airline offered The King any travel compensation, but I’m sure he got several bags of free peanuts.  (Maybe even one of his favorite peanut butter snacks!)

Incidentally, a number of my more curious blog followers have asked about Rachel and Adam (my daughter and new son-in-law) and they wanted to know what those two crazy kids thought of Cape Town, South Africa.  Well, they loved the place.  I have seen some of the photographs, and they are truly amazing.  Mountains on one side, the ocean on the other, and the most magnificent flora and fauna you can imagine.  (Flora was particularly attractive!)  The only “tricky” part of the trip was the safari.  On day one they were detained by a horde of pygmies!  (But just for a “short” time.)  Then they were stopped by headhunters!  (But neither needed a job.)  Finally, on day three, they were asked to play the drums for a tribe of Ubangi warriors!  (The tribesmen kept shouting, “You bangee!”  “You bangee!”)  Adam finally gave in and banged the damn drum, but as they found out, he marches to the beat of a different drum.  In any case, Rachel explained the “big bang theory” to the tribal chieftain and all was well.  You can’t “beat” a vacation like that!

Finally, I would like to give a big shout out to Max and Barbara, the President and Vice-President of my Indiana Fan Club For Elvis Authors!  They are taking care of some personal business this week, and we wish them well!  Also, thanks to Judge Susan for her recent legal work on behalf of my growing literary estate!  Another job well done.  If you are in or around Salado, Texas next week, look for my mug on a poster.  (No, not at the Post Office)  I am tentatively engaged to speak at a  book club in that charming town.  I will send the details later.

Have a wonderful day and please drive carefully.  (I keep hearing about a fiscal cliff in front of us.)  I will write again soon…..

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

 

 

 

 

THE PRESLEY PLOT MAKES HISTORY!!

THIS BETTER BE GOOD SINCE I USED TWO EXCLAMATION POINTS!!   Well, actually, it is very, very good.  For the first time since the Bronze Age (or maybe it was the Iron Age) Aberdeen Bay Press, the world’s foremost publisher of brilliant mystery novels, has decided to publish a SECOND EDITION of a book within a six month period!!  (There are those two exclamation points again.)  Would you like to guess the name of this best-selling book?  That’s right…..  THE PRESLEY PLOT!

Due to popular demand (and the fact that Amazon.com only has 3 copies left!) the publisher is re-issuing my book.   And here’s the best part….  they have gone through the book with a fine tooth comb and corrected every spelling and typographical error that was in the first edition!  Soooooo…..  if you need a wonderful, enchanting, entertaining novel for the holiday gift giving season (and you can’t find FIFTY SHADES OF GRAY) zip on over to Amazon.com or Barnesandnoble.com and order you brand new, fully revised copy of THE PRESLEY PLOT.  (Your brain will thank you!)  Incidentally…..   the new edition already has a pre-order of over 200 books!!  So remember, he who hesitates, is lost!

If you are one of the lovely young ladies who is awaiting a book (Ms. Baum and Mrs. Isler) be patient!  I will send one along as soon as they become available!

NOW FOR SOME OTHER ELVIS NEWS…….

Did you know that there is a “Little Graceland” in Texas?  True enough.  In the Rio Grande Valley town of Los Fresnos, Simon Vega curates a treasure trove of Elvis memorabilia at his LITTLE GRACELAND MUSEUM.  (Mr. Vega actually served in the Army with Elvis!)  The museum has pictures of Elvis, Elvis albums, Elvis 45’s (not the pistols) Elvis statues, Elvis mugs, and Elvis enchiladas.  (Just joshing about the food.)   In any case, the museum is open Thursday thru Sunday.  10 a.m. to 5 p.m. by appointment.  The next “Elvis Festivale” is set for January, 12, 2013, so if you’re in the area, swing by and join the fun.  I have spent some time down in the Valley and can honestly say that it is a warm and charming location…. and the residents are simply wonderful.

NOW FOR SOME FINAL, EXCITING NEWS…….

Keep your eyes and ears focused on The New York Times, Fox News, Variety, and Popular Mechanics, for some very exciting news concerning the SECOND ADAM GOLD MYSTERY NOVEL!   That’s right, my friends, book number two will be available in the not-too-distant future!  The book is titled, MURDER ON MAIDEN LANE.  This time around, Adam Gold will become entangled in a hunt for Captain Kidd’s treasure!  The book has already received some glowing reviews, and if you believe the literary pundits, it is destined to become another best selling mystery novel.  I shall, as they say, keep you apprised of the situation!

Until then, I remain, your humble correspondent.  (Which is better than being a bumbling despondent.)   Love to all …..

Doc Yanoff

SPEAKING OF TEXAS…..

“I SORTA GOT MY START IN TEXAS,”  A reflective Elvis Presley told reporters at Dallas’ Love Field in August 1958.  The King was on his way to Fort Hood at the time (to complete his basic training) and he told the reporters that just a few years earlier, a largely unknown ELVIS had thrilled audiences throughout the Lone Star State.  In fact, one of Presley’s first shows was held in the East Texas town of Gladewater.  (A charming hamlet that I visited several years ago, while I was doing some research for THE PRESLEY PLOT)  Just for the record, I discovered that Elvis played more than a hundred shows in Texas from 1954 to 1956, arguably the most important years of his long career.

Since I am now a world renowned author of sorts (I said “sort of”) I would highly recommend that my brilliant blog followers check out a couple of books on the subject to satisfy their own curiosity about the King’s early years.  Mr. Stanley Oberst (of Waco) has written two little gems titled ELVIS IN TEXAS and ELVIS PRESLEY: ROCKIN’ ACROSS TEXAS.  These delightful books are most interesting and informative, and when combined with a revised edition of THE PRESLEY PLOT, make up the world’s greatest trilogy of Elvis Presley books.  (According to the author of the last book mentioned.)

Incidentally, since I often mention and thank the many Elvis Presley Fan Clubs that have supported my book and blog, I would like to present you with some interesting trivia……  Did you folks know that the very first Elvis Presley Fan Club, founded by 17-year-old Dallasite Kay Wheeler, was formed in February, 1956??  Did you know that nine months later the club had over 5,000 members??  Did you know that she actually reviewed on the King’s Cotton Bowl performances??  Did you know that it’s not necessary to use two question marks at the end of a sentence??

Well, there you have it friends.  Enough Elvis info to fill a trunk….. and speaking of trunks…..  My darling Rachel (Eldest Daughter) is now on Safari in deepest, darkest Africa, surrounded by herds of elephants.  (You’ve heard of Elephants, right?)  I hope she packed her own trunk and brought a rifle.  Her new hubby, Adam Zell, made friends with a Zulu war chief (who just happened to be a Pittsburgh Steelers fan) and the two of them went looking for Tarzan and Jane one night.  (No telling what those crazy kids were up to.)  Anyway, Adam sent me a most unusual telegram, which I would like to share with my readers:

WESTERN UNION.  NOV. 9, 2012.

ARRIVED IN CAPE TOWN.  STOP.  NICE TOWN.  STOP.  VERY FEW CAPES.  STOP.  HAD TO USE MEN’S ROOM.  STOP.  NO PUBLIC TOILETS.  STOP.  HAD TO TAKE A PITH.  STOP.  USED PITH HELMET.  STOP.  LAST NIGHT WAS CRAZY.  STOP.  SHOT A LION IN MY PAJAMAS.  STOP.  HOW HE GOT IN MY PAJAMAS IS A MYSTERY.  STOP.  MUST LEAVE YOU NOW.  STOP.  HAVING AUTHENTIC AFRICAN LUNCH.  STOP.  BOILED MISSIONARY.  STOP.  I COULD MAKE MORE JOKES, BUT I’M SURE THAT YOU WANT ME TO ……STOP!!!

Ah, to be young and in love!  Sounds like the lovebirds are having fun.  Glad I took my credit cards back.

Thanks for tuning in this morning!  I hope you all have a joyous Sunday and a productive work week.  I will write again soon…..

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

 

NEVER A DULL MOMENT!

WHERE DO I BEGIN?   Well, let’s start with the exciting news that my dear friend Diane Gee has recently shared with me…..  (Diane is one of the charming ladies that run the office of Dr. Michael Williamson, another friend, and the world’s BEST periodontist!)  I have know Diane for over 10 years, but only recently did her wonderful brother Steve (probably named after me) start playing professional poker.  Steve now spends a great deal of time in Las Vegas, and will soon (October 28th) be spending even more time there because……  Steve Gee just made it to the final table of THE WORLD SERIES OF POKER!!

I am very excited about all of this, especially because I have formally suggested Steve’s new “professional nickname.”  Are you ready for this?  All right, Steve will now be known as “THE G-MAN.”  I love the connection to his last name, and the fact that he is connected to the Feds.  (Although I think an I.R.S. connection would have been better, because if Steve wins the whole enchilada, he will receive $8,500,ooo!!!!!)

Good luck, buddy!  We here in Austin will be rooting for you!  (And don’t forget to hold up a copy of THE PRESLEY PLOT whenever the camera swings to you!)  The Elvis t-shirts are on the way.

MORE EXCITING NEWS……   Last night’s Literary Salon Event was a huge success!  The audience was alive and kicking, and we had a marvelous time discussing mystery novels, publishing, and the lack of parking spaces at the Wildflower Terrace.  (Which is a very lovely venue, I might add.)  Our wonderful hostess, Terri Schexnayder, held a pre-seminar party in her brand new apartment, and some of the guests (i.e., Ms. Beverly Horne) wore Halloween costumes.  The wine and food were greatly appreciated, and so was the post-seminar book signing.  The lovely and talented Helen Ginger was my co-panelist, and together we sold many, many books.  SO THANK YOU AGAIN, TERRI!

After the mystery seminar, I joined some dear friends for a late-night Cajun snack.  (Which consisted of great fried oysters, catfish, and Abita Beer.)  I must say, it was a wonderful conclusion to a most wonderful day.  And by the way, since one of the couples (Max and Barbara Talbott, of the Chateau Talbott Family in France) was at our table, I will end this post by mentioning something about their home state, Indiana…..

Thirty-six years ago today, ELVIS PRESLEY performed a memorable concert in Fort Wayne, Indiana.  The show was held at the Memorial Coliseum, and there were roughly 14,000 people in attendance.  The crowd was VERY enthusiastic, and just by coincidence, Elvis had just released a wonderful rendition of “How Great Thou Art.”

Naturally, the next day’s headline read:  “How Great He Was!”   Those in attendance swear that this was one of The King’s best shows….. and I don’t doubt it.   I just wonder if Elvis began the concert by asking the crowd….   “Hoosier Mama?”

A “Hoosier” is a resident of Indiana, but the etymology of the word is actually unkown.  (Some folks think the word comes from “hoo,” meaning high or hill in the old Angl0-Saxon language, or “hoozer” which means large)  Whatever the case, the good people of Indiana made Elvis feel quite welcome, and we should do our best to welcome them to Texas.  (Here we have a sneaky reference to my lovely birthday gift to Max Talbott, which will certainly get him “high.”)  Think Bourbon.

Well, gang, I must run…..  Sunday is my sweet Rachel’s wedding day (my oldest daughter) and we are putting together “gift boxes” for our out-of-town guests.  The story of Rachel’s wedding will be told in future blogs…. and you will not want to miss a single installment!  I shall write again soon……  Love to all……

Doc Yanoff, The Father of the Bride!

 

LIFE IS A MYSTERY! (WHAT A “NOVEL” CONCEPT!)

OF COURSE, SOME DAYS ARE MORE MYSTERIOUS THAN OTHERS……

For instance, Wednesday, October 24th will be a VERY mysterious day.  How so you ask?  Well, I’m glad you asked.  On that very day (actually, at night, from 6:30 p.m. to 8:30 p.m.) yours truly will be a featured author/speaker/lecturer/know-it-all at the Austin Literary Salon!

So, you might ask, who are these folks?  Well, since you asked, these are the wonderful folks who sponsor famous (and infamous) authors who live and work in the great state of Texas.  Brilliant, creative, handsome, and modest writers like me.  Shy types who feel funny about tooting their own horns.  (Or here in Austin, Longhorns.)  Writers like little old Stephen G. Yanoff, author of THE PRESLEY PLOT!

That’s right, for some inexplicable reason known only to God, I have been invited to discuss reading, writing, and arithmetic.  (The math of making money in publishing.)  Lord knows I have made a small fortune over the years.  (The key word here being “small.”)  Nevertheless, my expertise is sorely lacking, I mean, sorely needed.  I am truly honored by the invitation and look forward to putting my best foot forward.  In fact, I intend to show off both of my feet.  (I’m no heel, though!)  However, I do have a lot of “sole.”  (How did I get on shoe jokes, anyway?)

Anyway, I will be participating in a mystery writers panel at the Wildflower Terrace Apartments in East Austin.  (Located at lovely 3801 Berkman Drive, Austin, Texas.)  The event will be held in their brand new auditorium and seats are on a first-come, first-seat basis….. so get there early for a good seat!  Doors open at 6:00 p.m. and they are expecting a huge turnout due to guest speakers that will be present.  (i.e., ME!)  I understand that I will be forced to share the stage with Helen Ginger, one of the brains behind the Writers’ League of Texas and an author herself.  Oh well, I’ll have to play nice and let her say a few words.  Maybe I’ll hand her the microphone and say, “I’ve talked enough about myself, Helen.  What do you think of me?”

Yeah, there’s an idea!

By the way, the Wildflower Terrace Apartments are located on the corner of Manor Road and Berkman.  (At the entrance of the old Mueller Airport on I-35.)  If you need more information, steal a copy of the Austin American-Statesman or find a copy of the Austin Chronicle that isn’t stained with picante sauce.  You can also look for details in the book review section of the New York Times.  (You can look, but you won’t find anything.)  I wouldn’t buy any one of those Commie rags myself, but it’s your call.  Frankly, if you need directions, you can always send me an email and I will get back to you in several weeks.  (If I’m not playing video poker.)

Incidentally, the evening will include a panel discussion (why we’re discussing panels, I have no idea), a book reading, and an opportunity to actually buy a copy of THE PRESLEY PLOT and have it autographed by me!  What joy!  What fun!  What royalties!  (Hey, I never said I wanted to be a starving artist.)

Attendees are welcome to bring a camera or video recorder.  (We’ll see what “develops.”)  You can also throw under garments on the stage if you are so inclined, however, please note that this offer does NOT apply to ANY of my male friends or neighbors.  Sorry, guys, we gotta draw the line somewhere.

In all seriousness, I hope to see you there!  Most importantly, you will get to meet the charming and talented Terri Schexnayder, the organizer of this event and one of the remarkable women who make Austin such a great place to live and work.  Trust me, you will love every moment!

Take care… and love to all.

Doc Yanoff

LOVE THY NEIGHBORS!

I sure do!  Especially after our recent book reading/book signing block party, held yesterday on Merrywing Circle in lovely Austin, Texas.  We had a great turnout, and much to my surprise, I was the featured entertainment!

Bowing to popular demand (some were just kneeling) I read several excerpts from my new mystery novel THE PRESLEY PLOT.  Much to my delight, nobody booed or threw any food, so I went on to discuss the perils and pitfalls of modern day publishing.

After a thunderous round of applause (Yes, it was raining) I held a Q & A (Question and Answer) session, and that too went quite well.  In fact, it was the first time I’ve held such a session outside of a police department, and I found it very educational.  There were some great questions.  I answered all of them as honestly as I could, but I did make up the part about me being nominated for the Pulitzer Prize.  (Nobody challenged me, so I threw in the Oscar and Emmy for good measure.)

As a token of my appreciation to our hosts, the lovely and talented Erika Lima, and her brilliant and sophisticated husband Francisco, I brought a bag filled with books and gave each neighbor an autographed copy of THE PRESLEY PLOT.  (Two wanted money, but they settled for the book.)  Our neighbors were simply overjoyed, but just between you and me, I think a few of them thought that I was Stephen King.)

Nevertheless, a wonderful time was had by all.  The event was sort of a “pot luck” deal, meaning that each neighbor brought a different dish and some liquid refreshments tailored toward adults.  (i.e., booze)  Patty’s pasta was the hit of the party, but all of the food was good, and so was the company.

One neighbor told me that if I was ever in his area I should drive by his house.

Hey, what did he mean by that?

Well, buckeroos, I have some gardening to do, so I must bid you farewell.

Keep those cards and letters coming and remember never to squat with your spurs on!

Happy trails!

Doc Yanoff