New York City

February 12, 2017

IF AT FIRST YOU DON’T SECEDE…..

OMG, I leave the country for a couple of weeks, and the world begins to fall apart! (Or maybe just the west coast)  I just read that the groovy citizens of California are seriously considering c-section!  Oh wait, make that secession.  Either one would be foolish, and if I remember correctly, secession has been tried before.  I don’t remember the details, but I think it ended rather poorly.  In any case, I hope our confused brethren  don’t leave until my books have been optioned by Hollywood.  (Talk about national tragedies!)

Frankly, I think that some of the protest signs have been a little questionable.  One guy had a “Stop” sign, and some old hippie chick had a yellow “Yield” sign.  Man, talk about mixed messages!  My favorite signs were “Slippery When Wet” and “No U-Turn.”  (I don’t intend to touch these jokes with a “ten foot pole!”)  Besides, methinks I doth protest too much.  (See how I slip those clever literary references into my blog?)

Well, I had my first book signing at a full-fledged honky -tonk last week, and it was great fun.  Did you know that the word “tonk” used to mean piano?  So when a fellow honked the tonk, he played some music.  I thought you might find that interesting.  One old cowboy came up to me and asked if I knew the difference between a dog and a fox.  (The answer?  Nine shots of tequila!)  By the way, if you haven’t been to Giddings, you should go there.  (The folks in Giddings get a little giddy after those tequila shots!)

For those of you who have inquired about the release date of my next historical masterpiece (TURBULENT TIMES), we are looking at early May.  I recently had the pleasure (?) of reviewing 932 endnotes, which only took two weeks!  Don’t ask me why, but I wound up with over 300 books on my bibliography!   Actually, I had to do quite a bit of research for this book, as many of my “factoids” have never been presented to the public before.  When you present startling information, you must leave a paper trail for subsequent authors and researchers.  Very time-consuming, but such is life.

So what else is new?  Well, last week’s gala dinner honoring Judge Susan and the Princess of Portugal was absolutely fabulous.  (Both ladies turned 39!)  The invited guests (and a few party-crashers) dined on Chicken Patriciano, eggplant parmigiana, and assorted Italian greens.  As usual, the gluttons (me) overate, over-drank, and over-stayed their welcome.  You know, it’s not easy to over-stay your welcome when the party is at your own house, but I managed to do it!)

Incidentally, for those of you who live in the Southeastern portion of America, please mark your calendars that I will be coming to Savannah and Charleston in May to pick up my recent literary award.  (My last mystery novel, A RUN FOR THE MONEY, won a major award in January.)  I am really looking forward to returning to “the scene of the crime,” so to speak.  The book, or most of it, takes place in the South Carolina Low Country.  Get those mint juleps ready!

Finally, I would like to extend a belated birthday wish to the captain of our recent ship voyage.  (Captain Sven “Iceberg” Olson, of Oslo, Norway)  I remember asking him (last month) about our particular vessel.  I asked him how frequently smaller ships sink.  He said, “Only once.”   Well, that was certainly a reassuring answer.  (Now you know why I sleep with my life preserver on!)

In closing, I would like to congratulate my cousin Max, who recently caught (and released) a huge, 8-pound bass in Florida!  (Yes, he provided photographic evidence.)  Max used a special pole (a south pole, I believe) to catch the behemoth, and then, coincidentally, watched some pole dancing back at the lodge.  Ah, wilderness!  (Do I sound jealous?)  Don’t feel sorry for me, endnotes can be very stimulating.  (Yeah, right.)

Well, my friends, keep those cards and letters coming.  And… if you want to win a gift card… be the first to provide the correct answer to the following question:   What famous person rented a house from William H. Seward during the Civil War?

Good luck, and have a safe and happy week!  Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

 

 

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July 28, 2013

LIGHTNING STRIKES TWICE!

First, I allude to the amazing storm we had last Friday!  I watched part of it from a high-rise apartment downtown, and it was truly a sight to behold.  Did you know that a lightning bolt can heat the surrounding air to 54,000 degrees Fehrenheit?  That’s six times hotter than the surface of the sun!  Hotter than yours truly in a tight speedo!  (There’s a troubling image!)

Second, I refer to the wonderful news that my new publisher (Murder Ink Press/Penguin Books) has recently purchased all rights to my first two books, THE PRESELY PLOT and MURDER ON MAIDEN LANE.  Both books will be lengthened, re-edited, and re-published in a much more professional package.  New chapters have been added, so get ready for some great fall reading.

Meanwhile, DEVIL’S COVE continues to garner some excellent reviews, and as I have recently learned, the book cover is about to be nominated for some kind of art award later in the year.  I shall keep you posted.  (or rather, emailed)  Thanks again to the beautiful and talented Rachel Zell, the dear who designed the initial cover.

So what else is new?  Well, as some of you know, I made poker history by making it to the final table in the last 8 tournaments in a row….. BUT……the big news is that some of my friends and colleagues have done ever better!  For instance, Judge Susan (The Legal Eagle) made it to the final table last Thursday and astonished the crowd by getting FOUR KINGS in a very big hand!  Beverly Skipper Lange and Steven Gee recently participated in the MAIN EVENT at the World Series of Poker in Las Vegas.  There were well over 6,000 great players in the event.  ($10,000 Buy-in!)  Beverly placed 86th and won $71,000!  Steven placed 24th and won…..  $285,000!!    (I was instrumental in both of their careers, albeit in a roundabout fashion.  Neither one of them took my poker advice!)

Great week for my brother, Glenn Yanoff.  He spent the last 10 days sailing down the Rhone River on a luxury cruise.  (He was vacationing and hopefully doing some research for my next mystery novel titled, RANSOM ON THE RHONE.)  His lovely daughter, Jessica, just landed a terrific teaching position.  He has two handsome and talented sons, and the oldest, Jarrett, just got accepted into the University of Miami Law School!  Well done, J-Man!   (Uncle Steve is going to need some legal representation!)

Speaking of representation…..  I think my hometown (NYC) has lost its collective mind.  Eliot Spitzer is running for Comptroller?  (You remember Spitzer….. he gave new meaning to the term “room service.”)  Anthony Weiner wants to be the mayor?  How can he “expose” himself to further humiliation?  I heard they’re calling his campaign “The Tour de Pants!”

Did you hear that Michael and Rita Hennecke are making a movie called “From Here To Paternity?”   (Hey, Stella!  Stella!)  Wait a minute, that line is from “A Streetcar Named Desire.”  Of course, down here in Texas, the movie is called “A Streetcar Named Perspire.”   (Next week we will have 6 days of 100 degree temperatures!)

Well, my friends, I must leave you now.  I am on my way to Comfort, Texas, for a book signing/speaking engagement.  (I love the name of that town!)  I hope to have lunch or dinner at a great new restaurant called the Plaid Goat.  (No, I’m not bringing my “nanny!”)  Food review to follow!  Until we meet again, be safe, behave, and believe……….   Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

 

 

March 8, 2013

THE COBRA IS KING!

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE…..  I THOUGHT ELVIS WAS THE KING??

Well, as it turns out, Elvis was the king of rock ‘n’ roll, but THE MIGHTY COBRA is now the king of poker!  Ladies and gentlemen, modesty prevents me from talking about myself, so I’ve decided to write a 10-page blog about my recent accomplishment.  Wait!  Don’t leave!  I was just kidding!  (I think I can adequately describe my victory in 5 or 6 full length pages.)  Then again, the goal is not to put my blog followers to sleep, so perhaps I shall present the abbreviated version of my glorious victory…..

Last night, poker history was made (up) when yours truly, playing professional poker as the dreaded COBRA, slithered back upon his throne, capturing FIRST PLACE at the Main Event of the W.S.O.P.  (Waterloo Series Of Poker)  The venue, located just south of Las Vegas, was filled with the world’s best poker players, representing every crook and cranny, I mean nook and cranny, in this great card playing country of ours.  Why there were people from all 51 states, 12 European nations, two third-world countries, and Arkansas!  Yes sir, that joint was jumpin’!

For those of you that care (mainly my relatives) the going was tough, but as you know, when the going gets tough, the tough get lucky.  I can tell you one thing, they do not make men like me any more.  (Thank God.)  I managed to survive the first round by getting an ace-high flush on the flop.  (Unfortunately for Miss Kathleen, a/k/a “Mean Kathleen The Poker Machine,” she also had a flush, but a lower one.)  I was catapulted onto the final table (actually, I tripped) by winning a huge pot from one of the great poker stars of Texas…..  Ms. Sharon “Bad Barth” Barth.  Sharon had a good hand, but I “rivered” a full house…..  kings over tens!

The final table, now covered in cold, hard cash, spilled beer, and dabs of ketchup, was a real doozy.  As some of you know, they bring the cash out in a wheelbarrow, surrounded by scantily clad, voluptuous young ladies.  (All of them virgins.)  Well, maybe not all of them.  Anyway, when the smoke cleared (the dealer was also dealing marijuana) there were three of us left standing.  All right, we were sitting, but you get the point.  Surrounded by lights, cameras, and action (I told you they weren’t all virgins) the Cobra dispatched a young gun named “Billy The Kidder.”  (I made a straight on the river!)  That pot, believe it or not, contained about $400,000 in chips!  The young lad kept calling my bets, but the old snake taught him a good lesson about respecting one’s elders.  The final hand of the night, saw the mighty Cobra win another huge pot ($600,000 in chips!) when he was blessed with TWO KINGS in the hole, and triumphed over his opponent’s straight draw.

Sooooooo……  as you can see, our little tale is truly about TWO KINGS…… Elvis and me, and those lovely cards!  Now that I am filthy rich (some say just filthy) I intend to slow down and enjoy life.  Sadly, I realized that I was already retired and completely slowed down, so I have to come up with another game plan.  If you have any ideas about jobs or work, please keep them to yourself.  (The doctor said no stress.)  I shall, as they say, muddle through on my own.  Speaking of muddling….. did you know that on this very day, in 1956, Elvis Presley (The subject of that famous mystery novel, THE PRESLEY PLOT) received his second speeding ticket in Memphis, Tennessee?

I am debating whether to conclude this blog.  To be honest, I used to be indecisive.  Now I’m not so sure…..

Before I leave, I wish to thank the eminent Dr. Max Talbott for his thoughtful gift… a renewal subscription of my favorite magazine, GARDEN  & GUN!  If you folks want to read a truly marvelous magazine, then this one is for you.  Every article is well written and extremely informative.  Thanks, buddy!

In leaving, I would suggest that you take my advice about filling out medical forms.  When you are wasting away in the doctor’s office, filling out an application for the tenth time, and you come to the place where it says, “Who should we notify in case of an emergency?” ……….  write in “THE DOCTOR!”    (If nothing else, you will receive a free sample of Prozac.)

Enjoy your weekend….   love to all….

Doc Yanoff

January 6, 2013

EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT!

(AND I DON’T MIND IF YOU STAND UP AND SHOUT IT!)

Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure (and more money) to inform you that Aberdeen Bay Publishing has just (yesterday) agreed to publish……  my second mystery novel!

Yes, it’s true!  The second “Adam Gold Mystery” will be available to the general public (and certain penal institutions) on or about MARCH 1, 2013!

For those of you on the Pulitzer Committee, the name of this book is……  MURDER ON MAIDEN LANE.      As some of you know, Maiden Lane is located in the Financial District of Lower Manhattan.  In fact, the lovely lane is right around the corner from my old insurance office on John Street.  Maiden Lane has quite a checkered past (much like my high school girlfriend) but is most famous for two things…… being in the heart of the “high risk” insurance neighborhood, and being the home of Captain Kidd, the famous American pirate.

AND SINCE WE ARE ON THE SUBJECT OF PIRATES…….    I shall now share with you the exact “book cover blurb” that will appear on the back cover of the new book…. right above my new and improved photograph…..   (Let me know if it grabs your attention!)    If so, you can grab the book on Amazon.com when it becomes available…….   All right, here goes…….

“WHILE EXCAVATING A VACANT LOT IN LOWER MANHATTAN, WORKERS UNEARTH A 300-YEAR-OLD SKELETON AND SOME COINS THAT MIGHT BE PART OF A PIRATE TREASURE.  THE DISCOVERY HALTS THE CONSTRUCTION OF A SKYSCRAPER, DRAWING THE IRE OF CORRUPT POLITICIANS, GREEDY DEVELOPERS, AND THE MAFIA.  IT ALSO ATTRACTS THE ATTENTION OF A MYSTERIOUS YOUNG WOMAN WHO CLAIMS TO BE A DESCENDANT OF A FAMOUS PIRATE….. A WOMAN WHO IS WILLING TO DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO GET HER HANDS ON THE TREASURE!”

Well, there you have it.  The cover is in the “design phase” as we speak, and will be a bold presentation of color and content.  (Much like me)   If I get an opportunity, I will post some of the first designs to give my blog followers a sense of how a fiction book is put together.  I think you will find the process quite interesting.

AND NOW FOR SOME OTHER NEWS…….       CONGRATULATIONS to Ms. Rebecca Lee Yanoff, who has a brand new position in Austin.  A commercial development project coordinator for a prestigious local firm that is about to build the very first “high end” luxury day spa in the city!  Rebecca’s responsibilities are numerous, and in order to build an authentic Japanese facility, the firm is sending her (and the marketing genius) to ……….  Hawaii and Japan!    Yep, you read that right.  My little girl will be spending four or five days in MAUI (Wowee!) and then fly to TOKYO AND OSAKA to interview some of the leading Asian spa owners on the island.  The idea is to see and learn what makes a world-class facility.  When the Austin project is complete, they want Rebecca to manage (and partially own!) the spa.  So……  hooray for Rebecca-san!    (But remember, no blow fish!)

A big shout out and congratulations also to Mr. Adam Zell……   the First Place Winner of the “River Place New Year Poker Championship!”     Adam played very well and beat some terrific poker players (including me!) on his way to the final heads-up competition.   It was looking grim until the lad got lucky on the river and pulled a Jack of clubs, giving him a very sweet flush!  He won a substantial amount of money.  (None of which he shared with me!)  What’s up with that?

More congratulations to one of my long-time blog followers…….   Mrs. Rita York-Hennecke…… the beautiful daughter of the beautiful Portuguese Princess Helena Bomblatus.  Rita has recently discovered that she is “with child,” as they say in Kansas.  Her pregnancy is wonderful news!  I’m sure she will have a gorgeous baby.  (If she has a boy, I think “Stephen” would be a wonderful name.  Just saying.)  Best wishes to Rita and Mike!

FOR MY ADORING ELVIS FANS…….   (OR SHOULD I SAY, “ADORABLE”)  …….  DID YOU KNOW……  That on this day in 1957, Elvis made the last of his three appearances on the Ed Sullivan Show?  (Which was filmed at the Maxine Elliot Theatre on W. 39th Street.)   I used to go there when I was a youngster, but I missed this show.  Too bad.  The King sang “Hound Dog.” “Don’t Be Cruel,” “Love Me Tender,” and “Heartbreak Hotel.”     Wow!  Imagine hearing the big guy sing all four of those classics!  (By the way, this is the infamous performance where the network would only film Elvis from the waist up!)   Just think of how far we’ve come (descended) from those days!  Now all television is a “waist.”  (Waste)     Incidentally, after the show, which was a “really big show,” Elvis took the midnight train home to Memphis!  Well, at least he was on the “right track” back then!   Amusing to think that there were no flights to Memphis at the time.

In closing, I would like to tell you that THE PRESLEY PLOT has now been purchased (and hopefully read!) in 40 different countries around the globe!  God Bless the internet!  We should all be grateful to Al (Jazeera) Gore for inventing the darn thing in his spare time.  Thanks to the world wide web, great literature (and my books) can be shared with uneducated heathens and unrepentant criminals in all four corners of the globe!  (By the way, how can a globe have corners?  The dang thing is round!  Just saying.)

Well, I wish you a happy and healthy week and a wonderful post-New Year period.  Drop me a line when you can, and thanks again for following my weekly rant.

Love to all…..

Doc Yanoff

 

 

September 14, 2012

FLEA MARKET MANIA!

SO…..  a while back, as I was ruminating about my trip to France… and discussing some of the French masters, I signed out by saying “Au Renoir!”   (Instead of “au revoir!)

Well….. apparently my harmless little joke set off a chain of cosmic events that culminated in a brief, but shining example of serendipity!  (What the heck is he babbling about now?)  First, my definition of “serendipity.”  Which to me, is like searching for a needle in a haystack and finding the farmer’s daughter!  In other words, incredible good luck.  So, to what cosmic-like happening am I referring?  (Fasten your seat belts, art lovers!)

Two days ago, as I was putting the finishing touches on my second mystery novel titled MURDER ON MAIDEN LANE, an actual RENOIR came on the market in a most unusual fashion!  Several years before, a Virginia woman went to a local flea market (ostensibly to buy fleas) but ended up plunking down $7.00 for a little framed painting that she thought was a “poor copy” of Renoir’s painting style.  Well, fast forward several years, and guess what?  The woman now owns a bona fide work by Pierre-Auguste Renoir!!  (I wonder which summer month Renoir liked the most?)  Anyway, the French impressionist was very talented.  (They say he did a great Elvis impersonation!)  He was also a decent painter.

How decent you ask?

The Potomac auction house handling the sale is expecting a MINIMUM bid of…..  $100,000!  (And if you want more than the frame, bring a lot of loot!)  Just between you and me, this little darling is going to fetch much, much more.  How do I know?  Because I know something others don’t.  (This guy Renoir is dead!  No more paintings from him!)  By the way, in case you are interested, the painting goes on the auction block on September 29th.  (No out-of-town checks will be accepted.)

For you cultured types, the painting dates back to 1879 (the year before James Garfield was elected President!) and is titled……   “Paysage Bords de Seine.”   (Which in English, means “Landscape on the Banks of the Seine.”)  Having just come from Paris, I can tell you that there are many banks along the Seine, but the exchange rate stinks!)  I hope the French go back to using francs.  (The Germans could then use sausage!)  Hot dog!  I would “relish” such a monetary shift.

And speaking of francs…..  one of the few things that is known about the Renoir painting is that it was purchased by a French art gallery in June 1925 from a woman who called herself Madame Papillon for 5,000 francs.  (Remember the movie called “Papillon?”  Starring Steve McQueen and Dustin Hoffman?)  Just coincidence?  I think not,  monsieur!  Want to hear something even weirder?  “Papillon” is the French word for butterfly!  And Steve McQueen’s last name?  Yeah, now you know where I’m going…..  Butterfly McQueen!  Just another coincidence?  I think not again!  (I’m spending too much time on the computer.)

Well, in all seriousness, I think this is a fascinating story.  I will never, ever make fun of folks who go to the flea market again!  (Unless they come back with a Rembrandt.)

Have a wonderful weekend!  Love to all,

Doc Yanoff