HEY, WAIT A MINUTE….. I THOUGHT ELVIS WAS THE KING??
Well, as it turns out, Elvis was the king of rock ‘n’ roll, but THE MIGHTY COBRA is now the king of poker! Ladies and gentlemen, modesty prevents me from talking about myself, so I’ve decided to write a 10-page blog about my recent accomplishment. Wait! Don’t leave! I was just kidding! (I think I can adequately describe my victory in 5 or 6 full length pages.) Then again, the goal is not to put my blog followers to sleep, so perhaps I shall present the abbreviated version of my glorious victory…..
Last night, poker history was made (up) when yours truly, playing professional poker as the dreaded COBRA, slithered back upon his throne, capturing FIRST PLACE at the Main Event of the W.S.O.P. (Waterloo Series Of Poker) The venue, located just south of Las Vegas, was filled with the world’s best poker players, representing every crook and cranny, I mean nook and cranny, in this great card playing country of ours. Why there were people from all 51 states, 12 European nations, two third-world countries, and Arkansas! Yes sir, that joint was jumpin’!
For those of you that care (mainly my relatives) the going was tough, but as you know, when the going gets tough, the tough get lucky. I can tell you one thing, they do not make men like me any more. (Thank God.) I managed to survive the first round by getting an ace-high flush on the flop. (Unfortunately for Miss Kathleen, a/k/a “Mean Kathleen The Poker Machine,” she also had a flush, but a lower one.) I was catapulted onto the final table (actually, I tripped) by winning a huge pot from one of the great poker stars of Texas….. Ms. Sharon “Bad Barth” Barth. Sharon had a good hand, but I “rivered” a full house….. kings over tens!
The final table, now covered in cold, hard cash, spilled beer, and dabs of ketchup, was a real doozy. As some of you know, they bring the cash out in a wheelbarrow, surrounded by scantily clad, voluptuous young ladies. (All of them virgins.) Well, maybe not all of them. Anyway, when the smoke cleared (the dealer was also dealing marijuana) there were three of us left standing. All right, we were sitting, but you get the point. Surrounded by lights, cameras, and action (I told you they weren’t all virgins) the Cobra dispatched a young gun named “Billy The Kidder.” (I made a straight on the river!) That pot, believe it or not, contained about $400,000 in chips! The young lad kept calling my bets, but the old snake taught him a good lesson about respecting one’s elders. The final hand of the night, saw the mighty Cobra win another huge pot ($600,000 in chips!) when he was blessed with TWO KINGS in the hole, and triumphed over his opponent’s straight draw.
Sooooooo…… as you can see, our little tale is truly about TWO KINGS…… Elvis and me, and those lovely cards! Now that I am filthy rich (some say just filthy) I intend to slow down and enjoy life. Sadly, I realized that I was already retired and completely slowed down, so I have to come up with another game plan. If you have any ideas about jobs or work, please keep them to yourself. (The doctor said no stress.) I shall, as they say, muddle through on my own. Speaking of muddling….. did you know that on this very day, in 1956, Elvis Presley (The subject of that famous mystery novel, THE PRESLEY PLOT) received his second speeding ticket in Memphis, Tennessee?
I am debating whether to conclude this blog. To be honest, I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure…..
Before I leave, I wish to thank the eminent Dr. Max Talbott for his thoughtful gift… a renewal subscription of my favorite magazine, GARDEN & GUN! If you folks want to read a truly marvelous magazine, then this one is for you. Every article is well written and extremely informative. Thanks, buddy!
In leaving, I would suggest that you take my advice about filling out medical forms. When you are wasting away in the doctor’s office, filling out an application for the tenth time, and you come to the place where it says, “Who should we notify in case of an emergency?” ………. write in “THE DOCTOR!” (If nothing else, you will receive a free sample of Prozac.)
Enjoy your weekend…. love to all….
I swear, this is the funniest and most clever blog I have ever seen! Keep up the great work! You’re a genius!
Just love reading all these things that you write about. Congrats on the big win – that is marvelous. The COBRA strikes again.
Omg. Another hilarious post! Congrats on your win last night. Nice you taught the youngsters to respect their elders :))
See you soon! Xo Sharon
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Congrats Cobra! Great win, way to take down those kids. Thanks for the mention! Sharon “Bad” Barth
Congrats Cobra! Great win! Thanks for the mention. Sharon “bad” Barth 🙂