THE GANG THAT COULDN’T SHOOT STRAIGHT!

WELL, NOW THAT WE FIND OURSELVES TEETERING ON THE EDGE OF A FINANCIAL APOCALYPSE…..   IT’S TIME FOR…..SOME HUMOR!!

(Hey, laughter is the best medicine, remember?)   All right, I was just trying to envision the upcoming Senate hearings….  The hearings that will determine our next Secretary of the Treasury (assuming that Timothy Geithner is run out of town.)   Sooooo…. perhaps it’s time to turn over the reins of government to a couple of “Marxists.”   (Stay with me on this one!)  Here goes:

GROUCHO:  Wake up, Chicoletti.  How would you like to be the next Secretary of the Treasury?

CHICO:  I don’t think so.  My legs are too hairy.

GROUCHO:  What’s your view of the fiscal picture?

CHICO:  That was a good movie.

GROUCO:  Come again?

CHICO:  “A Fiscal Full of Dollars.”  Eastwood in Deadwood.

GROUCHO:  (Sighing)  What can you tell me about currency?

CHICO:  Well, I currency live in New York.

GROUCHO:  No, you idiot, I’m referring to dollars!

CHICO:  My cousin lives in Dallas

GROUCHO:  I’m talking about taxes!

CHICO:  Yeah, that’s where he lived.  Dollars, taxes.

Ah, if only George S. Kaufman and the gang were alive today!  What a (W.C.) field day they would have with Washington, D.C.    So…….since we are on the subject of “political theatre,” I would like to give you my take on some recent issues in the press…..

My high school buddy, Pete Weisberg, read that President Obama recently won a man date!  (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.  Just saying.)

My Republican sweetheart (Barbaroo Talbott) heard that Eric Holder has already asked for one exemption to the upcoming “assault weapons ban.”   (Eric the Red wants to exempt all Mexican Drug Cartels!)  Si?

I just heard on the news that the Russians have banned all American adaptations!   Commie bastards.  (There goes my screenplay of “THE PRESLEY PLOT!”)

I was out of town when the Mayan Apocalypse occurred.   Does anybody know if the world actually ended?  Just drop me a line, so I can adjust my schedule accordingly.

SPEAKING OF WORLD CHANGING EVENTS…..   Some of my (more) alert blog followers have inquired about last week’s WATERLOO POKER CHAMPIONSHIPS.  NO, I DID NOT WIN!   However, (you’d better sit down) Patty Yanoff, a/k/a “The Corpus Christi Crusher,” WON FIRST PLACE AND A WHEELBARROW FULL OF CASH!!!    Yep, you have read correctly.  The wife actually won the whole darn tournament!  (Without cheating!)   I would have been very proud of the dear woman, except for one thing.  She kept the wheelbarrow and gave the money to charity!  (How selfish is that!)  I normally split my winnings with her, but not any more!  Jeez, giving money to charity?  Really?  (Poor girl is clueless!)

AND FOR YOU ELVIS DIE-HARDS……  Did you know that on this day, in 1957, the album “Elvis’ Christmas Album” became the NUMBER ONE album in the United States?  In my humble view, this is arguably one of the best holiday albums of all time.  (Although, Johnny Mathis also put out an amazing album.)  I do hope that nobody had a “Blue Christmas!”  Which, incidentally, was the King’s FAVORITE Christmas song of all time!

I don’t want to scare anybody, but on this day, in 1862, the U.S.S. Monitor sank!  (Back to the fiscal cliff?)  Yikes.

Finally, for you literary types, did  you know that on this day, in 1816, Shelley married Mary?  (I should explain that this would be Percy Bysshe SHELLEY and MARY Wollstonecraft)  Two fun people from the nineteenth century.  Neither one of them had a sense of humor, but they were above average writers.  (No mystery novels.)  Well, that’s more than enough academia for one blog, eh?  Fine, I shall return to the gutter!  I just saw a truly bad movie.  “Les Miserables.”  It was miserable!  Lots of dancing and singing, and very few guillotine scenes.  What’s up with that?  I wanted to see Hugh Jackman “lose his head” over some French chick.  You know, observe a true “slice of life” from the Revolution.  I thought the movie was going to be a “cut above,” the usual Hollywood garbage, but I was wrong.  (Hey, I could have gone with the director yelling, “CUT!”)

Well, I’d better quit while I’m “ahead.”  (Oops!)    Sorry about that last one.  I hope you all have a HAPPY AND HEALTHY NEW YEAR!  GOD BLESS US ALL!

Love to all…..   Doc Yanoff

DRIBS AND DRABS…..

HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED ABOUT THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A DRIB AND A DRAB??   (Me neither)  Well as they say in guitar class, don’t fret.  They basically mean the same thing.  (“A small drop”)  Some folks think that the word “Drib” is short for “Dribble.”   They are wrong.  You can’t get much shorter than a drib.  And by the way, speaking of shortening words….  How come the word “Abbreviation” is so darn long?  Does that make sense to you?  (Me neither)  Such is the English language, which just happens to be one of 2,700 languages in the world.  (Composed of roughly 750,000 words!)  Oddly enough, I can only spell 10% of them.  Bummer dude.

AND NOW FOR SOME DRIBS AND DRABS…….   I had my hour-long telephone interview with AMAZON BOOK CLUB on Monday.  The conversation went very well and the good folks at Amazon will be dedicating a FULL PAGE to THE PRESLEY PLOT sometime in the next week or two.  (I will keep you informed.)  They intend to run a full book cover, my photo, and a lengthy review of the book.  The Amazon Book Page will be sent to…..  100,000 websites across the world!  I am very excited about this development.  Book sales should swell.  (Along with my ego!)

Playing under the nom de plume of “THE COBRA,” I entered a huge poker tournament this past week.  The prizes were substantial (But I am loath to mention the amounts, due to my recent I.R.S. Blog followers)  and as usual, I made a fine and slithering show of myself.  I placed SECOND, and would have won if not for a damn “river king.”     Ah well, I still had a great time and raked in some moola.  (Do cows ever rake in “moo-la?”)  Just asking.

Ravi Shankar passed away this week.  The New York Times (a commie rag) described him as a “prolific sitarist,” but I don’t think he was that clever or funny.  The lad was 92, which meant that he “strung us along” for many years.  (So much for satire.)  Speaking of the Times, do you guys remember William Satire, the columnist?  Now he was clever and funny.

Hilary Clinton must be writing a book, too.  I heard she fell down and came up with a conclusion.  (She should quit while she’s still “ahead.”)

I just finished my third mystery novel yesterday!  (Titled…..   “DEVIL’S COVE.”)   The tale is centered around the planned theft of the Gutenberg  Bible from the Ransom Center in Austin.  After I finished it, I realized that I could write a “healthier” sequel for folks on a special diet.  In the second book, the bad guys would try to steal a “Guten-free Bible” made of protein-less wheat!  (They hope to get a lot of “dough” for the book.)   Do this sound like an interesting “slice” of life?  Will Adam Gold “rise” to the occasion?  Will he protect the “upper crust” of society?  These, and many other bad puns, await my dedicated followers!

A word to some of those followers……   Our thoughts and prayers go out to my great friend Max Talbott, who is now in Indiana handling a family situation.  God’s speed, cousin!   Happy belated birthday to a brilliant and beautiful lady named Christine Nickles!  (One of my oldest and dearest friends!)   Hard to believe she’s sixty.  (That means I’m getting older, too!)  A big kiss to Miss Rebecca Lee.  (Suffering from allergies)  I hope you are feeling better today!   A huge “Thank You” to the Fort Worth chapter of the Presley fanatics.  They purchased a large amount of books recently.  If you need some autographs, just let me know and I’ll meet you at the Stockyards!  (And buy you a big steak!)

SPEAKING OF ELVIS PRESLEY……   On this day, in 1956, The King made his 50th (and final) appearance on “Louisiana Hayride.”    And more importantly……  Elvis must have been a little chilly, because he was just about to be contacted by his local “draft board!”   (You’re in the Army now!)     One last item….. also on this day, in 2004, Lisa Marie Presley announced that she would keep Graceland, but sell the bulk of the Elvis estate.  (Which she did, for…..  $100,000,000!)   Not bad for a hillbilly singer.

Well, I hope I have brought some cheer into your lives.  (This has been a rough week for a lot of us.)    Please take good care of yourselves and have a wonderful week.   (As the Jewish gastroenterologist once said…..  “This too shall pass!”)

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

MARKETING 101 (HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE)

WHAT IS GREEN AND SINGS?   GIVE UP? …..  ELVIS PARSLEY!   (Hey, I could have gone with “Frank Snot-tra!)   Well, in any case, this was my opening joke at the Austin Senior Center last week.  Would you believe that a 90-year-0d woman told me it was lame!  (She was a little lame, herself)  As some of you know, I occasionally volunteer at the center.  I am a C.T.C.  (Certified Trip Chaperon)  We bring 30 seniors on a field trip and then (ideally) return the same 30 seniors to the center.  Every so often someone wanders away and then we have an awkward situation.  (I personally just pick up a hitchhiker or two and then drop them off at the center.)  They only count heads.  (Sometimes tails.)  Anyway, I love speaking to seniors.  They are always the best audience and the most interesting folks.  Some of the octogenarians are poor poker players, but it’s nice knowing that they only have to wait one month to get reimbursed for their losses.  What a great country we live in!

I would like to extend a hardy “buenos dias” to Helena Mont’ Alverne de Sequeira and Countess Connie, the two lovely ladies that have promoted THE PRESLEY PLOT in Portugal!  These two women are Lesbonians.  (From Lisbon?)  They are both members of the “Awesome Azores Elvis Fan Club,” one of the largest fan clubs in that part of the world!  Welcome to America, ladies!  I look forward to dining with you during the upcoming week.  (No sardines, though!)

Last Thursday I had the honor and pleasure of speaking before the River Place Book Club here in Austin, Texas.  My goodness, what a fun event that was!  The speaking engagement and book signing was hosted by the lovely and talented Mrs. Claudia Tobias.  Mrs. “T” has a beautiful home overlooking one of our magnificent canyons, and this being the holiday season, the entire house was decorated with Christmas ornaments.  The place looked great!  So cheerful and warm.  I held court (after one very strong Mimosa) for two hours, and during that time, the ladies of the group asked some truly insightful and intelligent questions.  (No, they did not ask for my PIN numbers!)  These ladies were highly educated and very well read, and I absolutely loved the questions they asked.  In all honesty, this was one of my most enjoyable outings.  Sooooo……  I would like to say thanks again to my good friend Claudia, and I would also like to say “howdy” to all of the wonderful women that were present…..  Pat, Suzanne, Lois, Sharon, Pam, Betty, Kay, Sylvia, Betsey, and Donna D.

AND NOW FOR YOU ELVIS FANS……  Did you know that on or near this date in 1972, Elvis Presley went shopping (Not at Barton Creek Mall) and spent more money than my own wife does on one of her mad dash outings?  True enough, folks.  The King spent $10,000 for 5 jumpsuits, 5 silk shirts, and repairs to 8 other jumpsuits.  That, my friends, is a lot of money to spend on jumpsuits and silk, considering that Elvis never went sky-diving.  He did “jump” to conclusions now and then.  He also had several “leaps of faith.”  And yes, he “fell” for many women.  God, when will these puns ever end??   Well, shoot (chute?) I should stop while I’m ahead.

Several of my blog followers have asked when MURDER ON MAIDEN LANE will be available.  (The second “Adam Gold Mystery.”)   God willing, I should hear something this coming week, and as soon as I do, I will pass the news along.  My publicist will be doing some holiday advertising in our local newspapers, so if you live in Texas, you might just see my face or image in your newspaper.  If you can’t wait, just head on down to the post office.  They have a very flattering mug shot, I mean, head shot, of me on display.  (I don’t care for those profile photos.)

Finally, since this is the first day of Hanukkah, I would like to wish all of my Jewish friends a joyous week.  I don’t think any other Jewish holiday can “hold a candle” to Hanukkah.

Come on, now, that was funny!     L’chaim!

Love to all…..

Doc Yanoff

THE RULES OF ENGAGEMENT!

WHEN I SAY “ENGAGEMENT” I AM REFERRING TO….. Speaking engagements!  I have two interesting events scheduled for this coming week.  First, I will be regaling an audience of “seasoned citizens” at the Austin Senior Center, which is always fun.  Wisdom comes with age.  (So do Social Security checks.)   On Thursday, I shall be having a delightful brunch with the charming ladies of the River Place Book Club.  These wonderful women have invited me to a gourmet feast, followed by a fascinating lecture centered around THE PRESLEY PLOT and my recent  foray into the cut-throat world of publishing!  The event is being hosted by Claudia Tobias, a truly remarkable woman who donates many long hours to various charitable groups in our community.  I think this will be great fun and I am looking forward to a lively discussion.  (I know some of these ladies from the River Place Garden Club and they are a smart and worldly group.)

And speaking of smart and lively women….. Leigh Ann Woodward, one of the sweetest and most talented poker players in Texas, recently hosted the 8th Annual Kings & Queens Poker Event at her lovely country estate in Lago Vista last night.  I have played in this tournament several times (and done remarkably well, I might add) so I know how much fun it is, and I also know that it attracts some very good poker players.  The evening is filled with great drinks, great food, and great company!  Unfortunately, I could not play this year, but I am anxious to hear who won.  In any case, Leigh Ann should be congratulated for throwing one of the best Christmas-time events of the season!

Since I have been writing about South Africa recently, I think I should mention that we now have 12 new blog followers in that fascinating country!  G’day mates!  (Australian is as close as I can come!)  Rachel (my daughter) and Adam (the son-in-law) recently returned from your beautiful country and they loved it!  Of course, being related to me, you might expect one or two (how shall I put this?) “Mishaps.”     For instance, when they went to Robben Island to view Nelson Mandela’s jail cell, the guard told them that “Nelson spent 18 years on this island.”  Rachel, being a chip off the old block, asked, “Which one, Ricky or David?”    Adam wasn’t much better.  He told the guard that if Mandela had been Jewish they wouldn’t have kept him in a jail cell.  (Jewish people eat “locks.”)  And so it went……   Surprisingly, we still have diplomatic relations with South Africa.

AND NOW FOR SOME ELVIS PRESLEY NEWS…..     I have some very exciting news for all of my fans and blog followers….. THE PRESLEY PLOT has been chosen to receive a “full book review,” by the international website called AMAZON BOOK CLUBS!  This is really great news for me, and once the review is posted, it should attract world-wide attention.  The Amazon Book Club selections are seen by millions of readers throughout the world and they are also posted on just about every social website known to man.  (or woman)  I am very excited about this development and I will keep you posted of my progress.  I should get a “first draft” sometime within the next two weeks.  Just between you and me, this sort of makes up for losing the Nobel Prize for Literature to that Ecuadorian Llama rancher.  (I’d like to “pull the wool” over that guy sometime!)  All right, I have to stop being bitter.  Just let it go.  Keep moving forward.  (But come on, a book about Montezuma’s revenge?  Really?)

Incidentally, just to keep you in the loop, I will (unless there is breaking news) be posting one blog per week from now on.  (No cheering, please.)  My writing commitments (the ones I get paid for!) have recently grown experimentally, I mean, exponentially.  In short, there are not enough hours in the day!  (I think we’re stuck at 24)  I for one would vote for a longer day and a shorter night, but that’s just me.  In any case, I just don’t have enough time to produce such mind-boggling brilliance twice a week and still play poker.  I hope I have not disappointed anyone.  You must go on with your lives.  Forget about me.  (Not entirely, though)  We shall still meet each and every Sunday!  (One more thing to pray for!)

So….. until next Sunday….. I wish you joy and happiness.  (Aren’t those the same things?)

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

MAKING HISTORY, PART II

IN MY HUMBLE VIEW….. Making history is almost as much fun as making whoopee.  (I said almost.)  I am referring, of course, to the re-publishing of THE PRESLEY PLOT.  I am very happy to report that Aberdeen Bay Press has sent me the official notification and that the newly revised version will be available on Amazon.com, Barnesandnoble.com, and other sites in about  two or three weeks.  As I believe I previously mentioned, they already have a standing (or sitting) order for 225 copies, so if you need some books for the holidays, do not delay ordering.  After they’re gone you will have to wait… I have a little gout, I mean, clout, but even I have to wait in line.  (Oh, the injustice of it all!)

Several of my loyal devotees have asked about the American Queen riverboat cruise.  (The Elvis-themed excursion leaving from New Orleans.)  Well….. here I was, preparing my brilliant lecture on Tupelo, when lo and behold we hit a snag.  (Not the boat, me)  The snag was the river itself!  Have you read about our drought in this part of the country?  Lake Austin (here in lovely Austin, Texas) is only 40% full!   If my math is correct, that means its almost 60% empty!  Yikes!  What the hell did Al Gore do?

Anyway, no water means no riverboating, no riverfloating, and no rivergloating.  What can I say?  For the first time in American history, the Mighty Mississippi is suffering from low water levels, and it is severely affecting all of the river traffic, both private and commercial vessels!  Due to this lack of H2o, I thought it best to reschedule my voyage.  I will keep my fellow travelers informed of my whereabouts!  (Easy to do with this darn electric ankle bracelet!)

Now for some Elvis news…..  Did you know that on this very day, in 1954, Elvis Presley did something very rare?  (No, he didn’t go on a diet.)  But he did miss two previously scheduled shows that were sold out in Memphis, Tennessee.  (Which, I might add, is where Graceland happens to be.)  So what happened, you ask?  Well, he actually missed his airline connection in Houston!  If you have ever flown through Houston, you know how easy this can be.  So it seems that we are in good company.  I do not know if the airline offered The King any travel compensation, but I’m sure he got several bags of free peanuts.  (Maybe even one of his favorite peanut butter snacks!)

Incidentally, a number of my more curious blog followers have asked about Rachel and Adam (my daughter and new son-in-law) and they wanted to know what those two crazy kids thought of Cape Town, South Africa.  Well, they loved the place.  I have seen some of the photographs, and they are truly amazing.  Mountains on one side, the ocean on the other, and the most magnificent flora and fauna you can imagine.  (Flora was particularly attractive!)  The only “tricky” part of the trip was the safari.  On day one they were detained by a horde of pygmies!  (But just for a “short” time.)  Then they were stopped by headhunters!  (But neither needed a job.)  Finally, on day three, they were asked to play the drums for a tribe of Ubangi warriors!  (The tribesmen kept shouting, “You bangee!”  “You bangee!”)  Adam finally gave in and banged the damn drum, but as they found out, he marches to the beat of a different drum.  In any case, Rachel explained the “big bang theory” to the tribal chieftain and all was well.  You can’t “beat” a vacation like that!

Finally, I would like to give a big shout out to Max and Barbara, the President and Vice-President of my Indiana Fan Club For Elvis Authors!  They are taking care of some personal business this week, and we wish them well!  Also, thanks to Judge Susan for her recent legal work on behalf of my growing literary estate!  Another job well done.  If you are in or around Salado, Texas next week, look for my mug on a poster.  (No, not at the Post Office)  I am tentatively engaged to speak at a  book club in that charming town.  I will send the details later.

Have a wonderful day and please drive carefully.  (I keep hearing about a fiscal cliff in front of us.)  I will write again soon…..

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

 

 

 

 

THE PRESLEY PLOT MAKES HISTORY!!

THIS BETTER BE GOOD SINCE I USED TWO EXCLAMATION POINTS!!   Well, actually, it is very, very good.  For the first time since the Bronze Age (or maybe it was the Iron Age) Aberdeen Bay Press, the world’s foremost publisher of brilliant mystery novels, has decided to publish a SECOND EDITION of a book within a six month period!!  (There are those two exclamation points again.)  Would you like to guess the name of this best-selling book?  That’s right…..  THE PRESLEY PLOT!

Due to popular demand (and the fact that Amazon.com only has 3 copies left!) the publisher is re-issuing my book.   And here’s the best part….  they have gone through the book with a fine tooth comb and corrected every spelling and typographical error that was in the first edition!  Soooooo…..  if you need a wonderful, enchanting, entertaining novel for the holiday gift giving season (and you can’t find FIFTY SHADES OF GRAY) zip on over to Amazon.com or Barnesandnoble.com and order you brand new, fully revised copy of THE PRESLEY PLOT.  (Your brain will thank you!)  Incidentally…..   the new edition already has a pre-order of over 200 books!!  So remember, he who hesitates, is lost!

If you are one of the lovely young ladies who is awaiting a book (Ms. Baum and Mrs. Isler) be patient!  I will send one along as soon as they become available!

NOW FOR SOME OTHER ELVIS NEWS…….

Did you know that there is a “Little Graceland” in Texas?  True enough.  In the Rio Grande Valley town of Los Fresnos, Simon Vega curates a treasure trove of Elvis memorabilia at his LITTLE GRACELAND MUSEUM.  (Mr. Vega actually served in the Army with Elvis!)  The museum has pictures of Elvis, Elvis albums, Elvis 45’s (not the pistols) Elvis statues, Elvis mugs, and Elvis enchiladas.  (Just joshing about the food.)   In any case, the museum is open Thursday thru Sunday.  10 a.m. to 5 p.m. by appointment.  The next “Elvis Festivale” is set for January, 12, 2013, so if you’re in the area, swing by and join the fun.  I have spent some time down in the Valley and can honestly say that it is a warm and charming location…. and the residents are simply wonderful.

NOW FOR SOME FINAL, EXCITING NEWS…….

Keep your eyes and ears focused on The New York Times, Fox News, Variety, and Popular Mechanics, for some very exciting news concerning the SECOND ADAM GOLD MYSTERY NOVEL!   That’s right, my friends, book number two will be available in the not-too-distant future!  The book is titled, MURDER ON MAIDEN LANE.  This time around, Adam Gold will become entangled in a hunt for Captain Kidd’s treasure!  The book has already received some glowing reviews, and if you believe the literary pundits, it is destined to become another best selling mystery novel.  I shall, as they say, keep you apprised of the situation!

Until then, I remain, your humble correspondent.  (Which is better than being a bumbling despondent.)   Love to all …..

Doc Yanoff

NEVER A DULL MOMENT!

WHERE DO I BEGIN?   Well, let’s start with the exciting news that my dear friend Diane Gee has recently shared with me…..  (Diane is one of the charming ladies that run the office of Dr. Michael Williamson, another friend, and the world’s BEST periodontist!)  I have know Diane for over 10 years, but only recently did her wonderful brother Steve (probably named after me) start playing professional poker.  Steve now spends a great deal of time in Las Vegas, and will soon (October 28th) be spending even more time there because……  Steve Gee just made it to the final table of THE WORLD SERIES OF POKER!!

I am very excited about all of this, especially because I have formally suggested Steve’s new “professional nickname.”  Are you ready for this?  All right, Steve will now be known as “THE G-MAN.”  I love the connection to his last name, and the fact that he is connected to the Feds.  (Although I think an I.R.S. connection would have been better, because if Steve wins the whole enchilada, he will receive $8,500,ooo!!!!!)

Good luck, buddy!  We here in Austin will be rooting for you!  (And don’t forget to hold up a copy of THE PRESLEY PLOT whenever the camera swings to you!)  The Elvis t-shirts are on the way.

MORE EXCITING NEWS……   Last night’s Literary Salon Event was a huge success!  The audience was alive and kicking, and we had a marvelous time discussing mystery novels, publishing, and the lack of parking spaces at the Wildflower Terrace.  (Which is a very lovely venue, I might add.)  Our wonderful hostess, Terri Schexnayder, held a pre-seminar party in her brand new apartment, and some of the guests (i.e., Ms. Beverly Horne) wore Halloween costumes.  The wine and food were greatly appreciated, and so was the post-seminar book signing.  The lovely and talented Helen Ginger was my co-panelist, and together we sold many, many books.  SO THANK YOU AGAIN, TERRI!

After the mystery seminar, I joined some dear friends for a late-night Cajun snack.  (Which consisted of great fried oysters, catfish, and Abita Beer.)  I must say, it was a wonderful conclusion to a most wonderful day.  And by the way, since one of the couples (Max and Barbara Talbott, of the Chateau Talbott Family in France) was at our table, I will end this post by mentioning something about their home state, Indiana…..

Thirty-six years ago today, ELVIS PRESLEY performed a memorable concert in Fort Wayne, Indiana.  The show was held at the Memorial Coliseum, and there were roughly 14,000 people in attendance.  The crowd was VERY enthusiastic, and just by coincidence, Elvis had just released a wonderful rendition of “How Great Thou Art.”

Naturally, the next day’s headline read:  “How Great He Was!”   Those in attendance swear that this was one of The King’s best shows….. and I don’t doubt it.   I just wonder if Elvis began the concert by asking the crowd….   “Hoosier Mama?”

A “Hoosier” is a resident of Indiana, but the etymology of the word is actually unkown.  (Some folks think the word comes from “hoo,” meaning high or hill in the old Angl0-Saxon language, or “hoozer” which means large)  Whatever the case, the good people of Indiana made Elvis feel quite welcome, and we should do our best to welcome them to Texas.  (Here we have a sneaky reference to my lovely birthday gift to Max Talbott, which will certainly get him “high.”)  Think Bourbon.

Well, gang, I must run…..  Sunday is my sweet Rachel’s wedding day (my oldest daughter) and we are putting together “gift boxes” for our out-of-town guests.  The story of Rachel’s wedding will be told in future blogs…. and you will not want to miss a single installment!  I shall write again soon……  Love to all……

Doc Yanoff, The Father of the Bride!

 

INTERNATIONAL MAN OF MYSTERY!

IF YOU WRITE MYSTERY NOVELS…. which I do, and you travel internationally, which I just did, would you be considered an international man of mystery?  Groovy, baby!  I thought so, too.  And frankly, that’s better than being an international house of pancakes.  (Certainly better than eating there!)  The reason I ask is that I am contemplating a trip to Oslo, Norway, to supervise the voting re-count of the Nobel Prize for Literature.  I still find it hard to believe that THE PRESLEY PLOT lost out to some hack story from Viet Nam or Ghana or Paraguay or wherever the heck that writer came from.  (I don’t trust those Third World judges….  look at the last Miss Universe Contest.  Miss Maldives wins?  What’s that about?)

Speaking of international delights….. I would like to say “szia” to Miss Monika Leipniker, a beautiful and brilliant young lady from Hungary.  I met Monika on my last trip to London and was very impressed by her keen wit and literary insight.  (Which means she liked my book!)  “Hogy vagy?”  (How are you?)   I hope all is well in Jolly Old England…. and remember, if it gets too cold in London, you’re welcome to come to Austin, Texas!

And since we’re on the subject of moving to Austin…..  If any of my worldwide followers are planning a move to our lovely city, you must get your hands on a copy of the AUSTIN RELOCATION GUIDE….. the brainchild of a local genius (and world-class poker player) named Kevin Evans.  Mr. E publishes a wonderful guide to our city, and in my humble view, it is definitely the place to start if you’re planning to relocate.  (And let’s face it, the whole world wants to live in Austin….  except Miss Maldives.)  You can reach my buddy Kevin at Kevans@argpub.com

Before I close, I would also like to welcome a few more Elvis Presley Fan Clubs.

THESE CLUBS ARE THE MAIN REASON THAT MY BLOG NOW HAS CLOSE TO 3,000 FOLLOWERS IN 37 DIFFERENT COUNTRIES!!

(Which is why I capitalized the entire sentence!)

So…..   A big thank you to…..  Itsonlylove4thepresleys@yahoogroups.com….. Bigethehounddogs@yahoogroups.com….. Crazy4Elvis42@yahoogroups.com….. and last, but not least,  Elivslovemetender@hotmail.com

Incidentally, on October 16, 1956 (Yesterday) the Elvis Presley film “Love Me Tender” premiered in the good old U.S.A.  (How’s that for timing?)

Well, time to walk the grand-dog…..  Have a wonderful day and be careful out there…..  Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

 

 

LIFE IS A MYSTERY! (WHAT A “NOVEL” CONCEPT!)

OF COURSE, SOME DAYS ARE MORE MYSTERIOUS THAN OTHERS……

For instance, Wednesday, October 24th will be a VERY mysterious day.  How so you ask?  Well, I’m glad you asked.  On that very day (actually, at night, from 6:30 p.m. to 8:30 p.m.) yours truly will be a featured author/speaker/lecturer/know-it-all at the Austin Literary Salon!

So, you might ask, who are these folks?  Well, since you asked, these are the wonderful folks who sponsor famous (and infamous) authors who live and work in the great state of Texas.  Brilliant, creative, handsome, and modest writers like me.  Shy types who feel funny about tooting their own horns.  (Or here in Austin, Longhorns.)  Writers like little old Stephen G. Yanoff, author of THE PRESLEY PLOT!

That’s right, for some inexplicable reason known only to God, I have been invited to discuss reading, writing, and arithmetic.  (The math of making money in publishing.)  Lord knows I have made a small fortune over the years.  (The key word here being “small.”)  Nevertheless, my expertise is sorely lacking, I mean, sorely needed.  I am truly honored by the invitation and look forward to putting my best foot forward.  In fact, I intend to show off both of my feet.  (I’m no heel, though!)  However, I do have a lot of “sole.”  (How did I get on shoe jokes, anyway?)

Anyway, I will be participating in a mystery writers panel at the Wildflower Terrace Apartments in East Austin.  (Located at lovely 3801 Berkman Drive, Austin, Texas.)  The event will be held in their brand new auditorium and seats are on a first-come, first-seat basis….. so get there early for a good seat!  Doors open at 6:00 p.m. and they are expecting a huge turnout due to guest speakers that will be present.  (i.e., ME!)  I understand that I will be forced to share the stage with Helen Ginger, one of the brains behind the Writers’ League of Texas and an author herself.  Oh well, I’ll have to play nice and let her say a few words.  Maybe I’ll hand her the microphone and say, “I’ve talked enough about myself, Helen.  What do you think of me?”

Yeah, there’s an idea!

By the way, the Wildflower Terrace Apartments are located on the corner of Manor Road and Berkman.  (At the entrance of the old Mueller Airport on I-35.)  If you need more information, steal a copy of the Austin American-Statesman or find a copy of the Austin Chronicle that isn’t stained with picante sauce.  You can also look for details in the book review section of the New York Times.  (You can look, but you won’t find anything.)  I wouldn’t buy any one of those Commie rags myself, but it’s your call.  Frankly, if you need directions, you can always send me an email and I will get back to you in several weeks.  (If I’m not playing video poker.)

Incidentally, the evening will include a panel discussion (why we’re discussing panels, I have no idea), a book reading, and an opportunity to actually buy a copy of THE PRESLEY PLOT and have it autographed by me!  What joy!  What fun!  What royalties!  (Hey, I never said I wanted to be a starving artist.)

Attendees are welcome to bring a camera or video recorder.  (We’ll see what “develops.”)  You can also throw under garments on the stage if you are so inclined, however, please note that this offer does NOT apply to ANY of my male friends or neighbors.  Sorry, guys, we gotta draw the line somewhere.

In all seriousness, I hope to see you there!  Most importantly, you will get to meet the charming and talented Terri Schexnayder, the organizer of this event and one of the remarkable women who make Austin such a great place to live and work.  Trust me, you will love every moment!

Take care… and love to all.

Doc Yanoff

LOVE THY NEIGHBORS!

I sure do!  Especially after our recent book reading/book signing block party, held yesterday on Merrywing Circle in lovely Austin, Texas.  We had a great turnout, and much to my surprise, I was the featured entertainment!

Bowing to popular demand (some were just kneeling) I read several excerpts from my new mystery novel THE PRESLEY PLOT.  Much to my delight, nobody booed or threw any food, so I went on to discuss the perils and pitfalls of modern day publishing.

After a thunderous round of applause (Yes, it was raining) I held a Q & A (Question and Answer) session, and that too went quite well.  In fact, it was the first time I’ve held such a session outside of a police department, and I found it very educational.  There were some great questions.  I answered all of them as honestly as I could, but I did make up the part about me being nominated for the Pulitzer Prize.  (Nobody challenged me, so I threw in the Oscar and Emmy for good measure.)

As a token of my appreciation to our hosts, the lovely and talented Erika Lima, and her brilliant and sophisticated husband Francisco, I brought a bag filled with books and gave each neighbor an autographed copy of THE PRESLEY PLOT.  (Two wanted money, but they settled for the book.)  Our neighbors were simply overjoyed, but just between you and me, I think a few of them thought that I was Stephen King.)

Nevertheless, a wonderful time was had by all.  The event was sort of a “pot luck” deal, meaning that each neighbor brought a different dish and some liquid refreshments tailored toward adults.  (i.e., booze)  Patty’s pasta was the hit of the party, but all of the food was good, and so was the company.

One neighbor told me that if I was ever in his area I should drive by his house.

Hey, what did he mean by that?

Well, buckeroos, I have some gardening to do, so I must bid you farewell.

Keep those cards and letters coming and remember never to squat with your spurs on!

Happy trails!

Doc Yanoff