THE GANG THAT COULDN’T SHOOT STRAIGHT!

WELL, NOW THAT WE FIND OURSELVES TEETERING ON THE EDGE OF A FINANCIAL APOCALYPSE…..   IT’S TIME FOR…..SOME HUMOR!!

(Hey, laughter is the best medicine, remember?)   All right, I was just trying to envision the upcoming Senate hearings….  The hearings that will determine our next Secretary of the Treasury (assuming that Timothy Geithner is run out of town.)   Sooooo…. perhaps it’s time to turn over the reins of government to a couple of “Marxists.”   (Stay with me on this one!)  Here goes:

GROUCHO:  Wake up, Chicoletti.  How would you like to be the next Secretary of the Treasury?

CHICO:  I don’t think so.  My legs are too hairy.

GROUCHO:  What’s your view of the fiscal picture?

CHICO:  That was a good movie.

GROUCO:  Come again?

CHICO:  “A Fiscal Full of Dollars.”  Eastwood in Deadwood.

GROUCHO:  (Sighing)  What can you tell me about currency?

CHICO:  Well, I currency live in New York.

GROUCHO:  No, you idiot, I’m referring to dollars!

CHICO:  My cousin lives in Dallas

GROUCHO:  I’m talking about taxes!

CHICO:  Yeah, that’s where he lived.  Dollars, taxes.

Ah, if only George S. Kaufman and the gang were alive today!  What a (W.C.) field day they would have with Washington, D.C.    So…….since we are on the subject of “political theatre,” I would like to give you my take on some recent issues in the press…..

My high school buddy, Pete Weisberg, read that President Obama recently won a man date!  (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.  Just saying.)

My Republican sweetheart (Barbaroo Talbott) heard that Eric Holder has already asked for one exemption to the upcoming “assault weapons ban.”   (Eric the Red wants to exempt all Mexican Drug Cartels!)  Si?

I just heard on the news that the Russians have banned all American adaptations!   Commie bastards.  (There goes my screenplay of “THE PRESLEY PLOT!”)

I was out of town when the Mayan Apocalypse occurred.   Does anybody know if the world actually ended?  Just drop me a line, so I can adjust my schedule accordingly.

SPEAKING OF WORLD CHANGING EVENTS…..   Some of my (more) alert blog followers have inquired about last week’s WATERLOO POKER CHAMPIONSHIPS.  NO, I DID NOT WIN!   However, (you’d better sit down) Patty Yanoff, a/k/a “The Corpus Christi Crusher,” WON FIRST PLACE AND A WHEELBARROW FULL OF CASH!!!    Yep, you have read correctly.  The wife actually won the whole darn tournament!  (Without cheating!)   I would have been very proud of the dear woman, except for one thing.  She kept the wheelbarrow and gave the money to charity!  (How selfish is that!)  I normally split my winnings with her, but not any more!  Jeez, giving money to charity?  Really?  (Poor girl is clueless!)

AND FOR YOU ELVIS DIE-HARDS……  Did you know that on this day, in 1957, the album “Elvis’ Christmas Album” became the NUMBER ONE album in the United States?  In my humble view, this is arguably one of the best holiday albums of all time.  (Although, Johnny Mathis also put out an amazing album.)  I do hope that nobody had a “Blue Christmas!”  Which, incidentally, was the King’s FAVORITE Christmas song of all time!

I don’t want to scare anybody, but on this day, in 1862, the U.S.S. Monitor sank!  (Back to the fiscal cliff?)  Yikes.

Finally, for you literary types, did  you know that on this day, in 1816, Shelley married Mary?  (I should explain that this would be Percy Bysshe SHELLEY and MARY Wollstonecraft)  Two fun people from the nineteenth century.  Neither one of them had a sense of humor, but they were above average writers.  (No mystery novels.)  Well, that’s more than enough academia for one blog, eh?  Fine, I shall return to the gutter!  I just saw a truly bad movie.  “Les Miserables.”  It was miserable!  Lots of dancing and singing, and very few guillotine scenes.  What’s up with that?  I wanted to see Hugh Jackman “lose his head” over some French chick.  You know, observe a true “slice of life” from the Revolution.  I thought the movie was going to be a “cut above,” the usual Hollywood garbage, but I was wrong.  (Hey, I could have gone with the director yelling, “CUT!”)

Well, I’d better quit while I’m “ahead.”  (Oops!)    Sorry about that last one.  I hope you all have a HAPPY AND HEALTHY NEW YEAR!  GOD BLESS US ALL!

Love to all…..   Doc Yanoff

One thought on “THE GANG THAT COULDN’T SHOOT STRAIGHT!

  1. Hope this doesn’t go to your head, Cobra, but this is terrific as usual!!!!!!!!!! You are what the doctor ordered…………but why was he carrying that straight jacket behind his back? hmm….. Move over King and Grisham, the prolific and hysterical Yanoff is coming through.

    Your devoted fan, Barbaroo

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