HAPPY HOLIDAYS, 2014!

If you celebrate Christmas, joy to the world!  If you celebrate Hanukkah, oy to the world!  Either way, I hope you and yours have a wonderful holiday season, filled with laughter and love!  I love the holidays because of all the gifts I receive.  (Actually, I have enough lumps of coal to open my own mine!)  It’s good to have an open mine, yes?  Still, I’m hoping that Santa will bring me something different this year.  Here’s a hint:  Coal and diamonds are primarily made of carbon.  If you squeeze that black lump, and add some heat, you’ll get a sparking jewel.  (I once saw Superman do it.)  Just saying.

Speaking of gifts, here are this week’s trivia questions:  What gifts did the Three Wise Men bring?  If you said gold, frankincense, and myrrh, you’re right!  (If you said “Adam Gold,” The Bride of Frankenstein, and Myrrh Griffin, we need to talk.)  Second question:  What is the meaning of Hanukkah?  If you said it was an 8-day Jewish holiday commemorating the rededication of the Holy Temple, you’re right!  (If you said Jews are supposed to sing “You Light Up My Life,” and burn the candle at both ends, we need to talk.)

So what’s new in the secular world?  Well, this week President Obama reached out to a wacky government of commie radicals living on a small island close to the U.S. mainland.  He even spoke to their left-leaning leader on the telephone!  (I have no idea what Obama and DeBlasio talked about.)

Hey, I joined a new club for writers this week.  It’s called the Thesaurus Club.  The only rule of the club is you don’t talk about, mention, speak of, discuss, or chat about meetings.

Did you hear about the man who walked into a bookstore and said, “I hope you don’t have a book on reverse psychology.”

Last Thursday I had the pleasure of attending the 2nd annual “Talbott Tuneful Tie Festival,” down at the Austin Club.  The food and wine were outstanding.  (I was out standing in the lobby.)  I’d like to thank our hosts, who recently posted bail, Barbara and Max Talbott.  Another perfect evening!  (Well, almost perfect.  Whistle-blower #7 was a problem.)

For those of you that are searching for the perfect last-minute gift, please remember that all of my searing novels are still available on Amazon.com, Barnesandnobe.com, Kindle, and Nook.  (Oddly enough, my searing books are not sold at Sears.)  Go figure.

In closing, I would like to share an interesting thought with my loyal blog followers.  Do you realize what you would have if you combined a fictional detective (similar to Adam Gold) with Santa Claus?  Why, nothing less than….. Santa Clues!  Verily, I say unto thee, go forth and have a marvelous holiday!  And please, remember one thing, try not to catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have flown south!

Peace on earth, goodwill toward men… and women, too!

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

 

gracelandgangcoverpiratepathcoverDevilsCoveCover

MARKETING 101 (HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE)

WHAT IS GREEN AND SINGS?   GIVE UP? …..  ELVIS PARSLEY!   (Hey, I could have gone with “Frank Snot-tra!)   Well, in any case, this was my opening joke at the Austin Senior Center last week.  Would you believe that a 90-year-0d woman told me it was lame!  (She was a little lame, herself)  As some of you know, I occasionally volunteer at the center.  I am a C.T.C.  (Certified Trip Chaperon)  We bring 30 seniors on a field trip and then (ideally) return the same 30 seniors to the center.  Every so often someone wanders away and then we have an awkward situation.  (I personally just pick up a hitchhiker or two and then drop them off at the center.)  They only count heads.  (Sometimes tails.)  Anyway, I love speaking to seniors.  They are always the best audience and the most interesting folks.  Some of the octogenarians are poor poker players, but it’s nice knowing that they only have to wait one month to get reimbursed for their losses.  What a great country we live in!

I would like to extend a hardy “buenos dias” to Helena Mont’ Alverne de Sequeira and Countess Connie, the two lovely ladies that have promoted THE PRESLEY PLOT in Portugal!  These two women are Lesbonians.  (From Lisbon?)  They are both members of the “Awesome Azores Elvis Fan Club,” one of the largest fan clubs in that part of the world!  Welcome to America, ladies!  I look forward to dining with you during the upcoming week.  (No sardines, though!)

Last Thursday I had the honor and pleasure of speaking before the River Place Book Club here in Austin, Texas.  My goodness, what a fun event that was!  The speaking engagement and book signing was hosted by the lovely and talented Mrs. Claudia Tobias.  Mrs. “T” has a beautiful home overlooking one of our magnificent canyons, and this being the holiday season, the entire house was decorated with Christmas ornaments.  The place looked great!  So cheerful and warm.  I held court (after one very strong Mimosa) for two hours, and during that time, the ladies of the group asked some truly insightful and intelligent questions.  (No, they did not ask for my PIN numbers!)  These ladies were highly educated and very well read, and I absolutely loved the questions they asked.  In all honesty, this was one of my most enjoyable outings.  Sooooo……  I would like to say thanks again to my good friend Claudia, and I would also like to say “howdy” to all of the wonderful women that were present…..  Pat, Suzanne, Lois, Sharon, Pam, Betty, Kay, Sylvia, Betsey, and Donna D.

AND NOW FOR YOU ELVIS FANS……  Did you know that on or near this date in 1972, Elvis Presley went shopping (Not at Barton Creek Mall) and spent more money than my own wife does on one of her mad dash outings?  True enough, folks.  The King spent $10,000 for 5 jumpsuits, 5 silk shirts, and repairs to 8 other jumpsuits.  That, my friends, is a lot of money to spend on jumpsuits and silk, considering that Elvis never went sky-diving.  He did “jump” to conclusions now and then.  He also had several “leaps of faith.”  And yes, he “fell” for many women.  God, when will these puns ever end??   Well, shoot (chute?) I should stop while I’m ahead.

Several of my blog followers have asked when MURDER ON MAIDEN LANE will be available.  (The second “Adam Gold Mystery.”)   God willing, I should hear something this coming week, and as soon as I do, I will pass the news along.  My publicist will be doing some holiday advertising in our local newspapers, so if you live in Texas, you might just see my face or image in your newspaper.  If you can’t wait, just head on down to the post office.  They have a very flattering mug shot, I mean, head shot, of me on display.  (I don’t care for those profile photos.)

Finally, since this is the first day of Hanukkah, I would like to wish all of my Jewish friends a joyous week.  I don’t think any other Jewish holiday can “hold a candle” to Hanukkah.

Come on, now, that was funny!     L’chaim!

Love to all…..

Doc Yanoff