thrillers

August 24, 2014

STARRY STARRY NIGHT!

Last evening, my new book, THE SECOND MOURNING, received the equivalent of a 5-STAR review from Kirkus Book Reviews!  (One of the most prominent book reviewers in the country!)  They began by referring to the story of President Garfield’s assassination as “a fascinating narrative that covers new ground.”  After a thorough analysis of the entire book, they concluded with another great compliment…..  one that I might add to the back cover…..   “[Yanoff’s book] is an immensely readable narrative that portrays the mood and tumultuous events of the day.”

What can I say?  I am humbled and delighted, and this is bound to increase our sales, which are starting to head toward the “best-seller” designation.  Thank you, Kirkus, for the great review!  (By the way, if you would like to read the entire review, just go to Kirkus Reviews and look up the title of the book or my name.)

Speaking of “Starry Starry Nights,” did you know that I once insured Vincent Van Gogh’s masterpiece?  They were having a special show at the New York Museum of Modern Art, and the curator was looking for some extra insurance coverage.  Back then, the painting was estimated to be worth well over $100 million dollars, but by today’s standards, it is truly priceless.

I was very “moved” by the painting.  So was Van Gogh.  Of course, he was sort of a “moving Van.”  The question is, where did Van Gogh?  (Off the deep end.)  What can I say, the man was talented, but “ear-rational.”  (All right, no more ear jokes!)

But since we’re on the subject of humor…..  Here is Part 2 of “Kids Say The Darndest Things.”  These comments were recorded at (I hope you’re sitting down) Harvard University!  A sophomore summer school class was discussing the recent civil unrest in Ferguson, Missouri, and the students had this to say…..

1.  The young man who got killed was severely wounded.  (Undoubtedly.)

2.  I heard that the victim was shot six times.  My friend said it was more like half a dozen times.  (Tough call.)

3.  The percolator should be severely penalized.  (Uh-oh, there’s trouble brewing.)

4.  The case will go to the Grand Jury, and they will decide whether to entice or equip the police officer.  (They might do both.)

And my personal favorite…..

5.  The National Guard was called out to enforce a no-fly zone in the neighborhood.  (Well, some of the protestors did seem high.)

Incidentally, since we’re on the subject of “lofty events,” did you read the newspaper story about the family court judge who issued an eviction notice to her own daughter?  No joke.  The judge’s daughter is VERY pregnant, and in order to “push things along,” the sweet baby, resting comfortably in the womb, was issued (in absentia) an eviction notice!!  There was no mention of the baby girl’s reaction, but I would be willing to bet that she will be kicking and screaming when she makes her grand entrance!

Well, it is time for me to make my not-so-grand exit.  (Pancakes on the griddle!)  Before I leave, I would like to mention that today’s blog is dedicated to a delightful gentleman named Marvin Rubenstein.  Mr. Rubenstein recently passed away, but he gave the world 96 years of joy and laughter.  He will be missed by many.

I hope you all have a wonderful week.  Be safe and keep smiling… love to all.

Doc Yanoff

June 1, 2014

THE BIRTHDAY BOY!

Well, as many of you know, (since I have been sending out frequent reminders) last Thursday was my 39th birthday.  (In Texas, you’re allowed to celebrate any year you wish!)  A gentleman never mentions his age, but I am now old enough to order an alcoholic libation.  (At a senior center.)  I suppose I should be grateful that I am still, more or less, of sound mind and body.  Which reminds me…..  If my therapist says, “There’s really nothing more that I can do for you,” that means I’m cured, right?

By the way, I just read that a woman gives birth to a baby every 15 seconds in America.  Personally, I think they should find that woman and have a talk with her.  Just saying.

Did you know that 3 other famous people were born on May 29th?  Patrick Henry, Bob Hope, and JFK.  I don’t know what, if anything, they ever accomplished, but I do know that I was recently invited back for another interview on the “American Book Club!”  (The nationally syndicated program that follows “Imus In The Morning.”)  The good folks at KLRG in Tampa want to discuss THE SECOND MOURNING in another full-length format, which is truly a great honor for me.  I’d like to personally thank the host, Jack Drucker, for his continued interest and support.

I don’t know the exact date yet, but I promise to keep you abreast.  (Or, if you prefer, a leg or wing.)  As they say in sniper school, we aim to please!  Speaking of schools…..  my new non-fiction book (THE SECOND MOURNING) is currently under consideration at several prominent universities.  What are they considering?  Whether or not the book should be added to their “Recommended Reading” list!  (Two of the schools are in the Ivy League!  I will refrain from making any jokes about poison ivy.)

Did you notice that Harvard, Yale, and other major colleges have recently announced another tuition increase?  Believe it or not, the AVERAGE cost of a 4-year college education at a private university in now…..  $125,000!  I should mention that this figure does not include books, food, lodging, alcohol, drugs, or birth control devices.  Dude, what a ripoff!  When I attended the Dodge City School of Taxidermy & Chiropractic Medicine tuition was only $350 per semester.  (Embalming fluids were extra.)

What is this country coming to?  When I was a boy, my mother would send me down to the corner store with a dollar and I’d come back with 5 potatoes, 2 loaves of bread, 3 bottles of milk, a hunk of cheese, and a dozen eggs.  You can’t do that now…  too many damn security cameras!

Before I take my leave (which is what Adam said to Eve) I would like to remind you that I will be at a major book-signing and self-adoration event this coming Friday, June 6th.  The event will take place at 7 p.m. down at BookPeople on Lamar Blvd.  Please feel free to bring your family and friends and some hard currency.  Also, somebody should call Mrs. Barbara Talbott to remind her of the date and time.  (I’ve already sent 10 emails.)

In closing, I would like to leave you with some wise words from Albert Einstein, the owner (I think) of Einstein Bagels…..  “The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.”  I wonder if he was referring to mystery authors?  Hmmm.

Have a safe and wonderful week!  Love to all…..

Doc Yanoff

May 25, 2014

LEST WE FORGET…..

TOMORROW IS MEMORIAL DAY!  That being the case, I would like to start with a huge THANK YOU to all who have served in our nation’s military.  We appreciate your service to our country and I salute you for your efforts to keep us free.  God bless each and every one of you!  I don’t know if I ever mentioned it, but my father was in the Army Air Corps during World War II.  Airman Yanoff flew across the Atlantic Ocean on a B-24 (a rare event at the time) and served as a tail-gunner during the campaign in North Africa.

I used to kid my father about the first 3 aircraft he shot down.  I told him that he would have gotten a medal if they hadn’t been BRITISH aircraft!  He would laugh, and then tell me that he might have gotten a medal AND a promotion if they had been FRENCH aircraft!  Like most men who served back then, he had a sense of humor about his experience, but was also very proud of his involvement.

Thanks to Sgt. Max Talbott, I received a long-overdue medal for “good conduct” from the U.S. Air Force.  (I tried to enlist, but failed the entrance exam.)  I received the medal (after a 30-year wait) because I returned the test pencil!  Better late than never.  Not to brag, but I once worked for the Salvation Army.  I was stationed in Times Square, and if I remember correctly, I raised quite a bit of money.  (Of which I only kept half.)  Hard service, but somebody had to do it.

In case you’re wondering, our Friday night food festival was a big success.  We had the pleasure of entertaining the Princess of Portugal and her wealthy hubby, Baron Lee.  Judge Susan was also in attendance, as well as some uninvited guests…..  which brings us to the main course….. roast COATIMUNDI!  (A truly amazing delicacy from South America.)  Trust me, you haven’t dined lavishly until you’ve eaten a ring-tailed Coati with fried onion rings.  After dinner, we watched “Fiddler On The Roof,” which seemed oddly appropriate, since that is where we caught the main course.

If I sound like I’m rambling, it’s because I’ve only had one cup of coffee.  Still, I think I’ve discovered a Sunday morning pattern…..   Denial.  Anger.  Bargaining.  Depression.  Acceptance.  Yes, these are the five stages of waking up!  What a gift to be young (?) and talented!  Reminds me of an old adage…..  “Talent is good.  Practice is better.  Passion is best.”  Frank Lloyd Wright said that, he knew about talent.  He and his brothers, Orville and Wilbur invented the first airplane….. the one that flew at Kitty Wells.

In closing, I would like to thank all of my blog followers for supporting my recent literary effort.  (THE SECOND MOURNING)  I have been fortunate to receive some excellent reviews, but I am fully prepared for a bad review!  If and when I receive some unkind words, I shall order the following license plate for that mean old person…..    are you ready?

How do you like this plate?          370HSSV

To get the full effect, you must read the plate upside down!

Yes, I know, talent on loan from God!   Have a safe and wonderful week!   Love to all…..

Doc Yanoff

 

 

SecondMourning

May 18, 2014

TRUTH IS STRANGER THAN NON-FICTION, TOO!

BELIEVE IT OR NOT…..  3 days after the publication of my first non-fiction book, THE SECOND MOURNING, (The True Story of President Garfield’s assassination) thieves broke into Garfield’s tomb in Cleveland, Ohio!!  No joking.  Vandals shattered a window to get inside a 180-foot-tall monument at Lakeview Cemetery in Cleveland Heights!

Interestingly, Garfield’s casket is the ONLY Presidential casket on full display for the public to view.  (He’s buried beside his wife, Lucretia.)  The thieves stole some silver spoons from a glass display case, but they were not able to reach the coffins.  They couldn’t have lifted them out anyway.  Too much dead weight.  (Ouch!)

In case you’re wondering, I had NOTHING to do with the break-in, and furthermore, I have an air-tight alibi.  Still, you have to admit that the timing is a little suspicious.  Book comes out, grave robbers go in.  Hmmm.

I’d like to thank my friend, and poker buddy, Kevin Evans, for sending me the link about the break-in.  If you want to read the full story, just go to:   http://www.foxnews.com   (Published on 5/11/14.)

Incidentally, I am happy to report that THE SECOND MOURNING has sold over 300 copies on Amazon.com alone!  (Not counting Kindle and Nook.)  I’d like to thank all of my blog followers who have purchased a book, and please remember that anyone who buys 3 or more copies can audition for the movie role of Charles Guiteau.  (The deranged psychopath who shot Garfield.)  Yeah, I know.  They don’t make guys like me anymore.

Speaking of rare guys…  I’d like to say “top o’ the mornin'” to my good friend Max Talbott (and his lovely lass, Barbara)  who are presently vacationing in Ireland.  They are having a grand time, but Max got into a little trouble in Belfast.  Apparently, he walked into a bank and inquired about opening an I.R.A.  (I think they’ve been outlawed.  So has Max.)

My wife’s maiden name was McCloskey, and she told me that she was recently at an authentic Irish wedding where the M.C. made the following announcement:  “Would all the married men please stand next to the person who has made your life worth living.”  (The bartender was almost crushed to death!)   And since we’re on the subject of crushes, please remember that if you love books (or me) you are invited to attend a gala book signing event on Friday, June 6, at 7 p.m.   The event will be held at BookPeople on Lamar Blvd.  (Next to Whole Foods.)  Free admission, free parking, free porches.  (Just kidding about the cars.)

By the way, I’m sorry this blog came out a little late today, but I just got back from another wild weekend in Boerne, Texas.  My brother-in-law, Tim McCloskey was celebrating his 60th birthday, so he and the lovely Miss Hannah threw a lavish party at their one-of-a-kind ranch.  Unfortunately for me, they had some authentic “moonshine,” which tasted mighty smooth going down, but it had a bit of a kick.  (From what I recall, it was a very long night.)

In closing, I would like to mention a new survey that said that 55 percent of Americans think they are smarter than the “average American.”  Damn, that’s almost half.  The same study indicated that 1 in 10 Americans no longer carry cash.  (They’re called Liberal Arts Majors.)   Well, have a safe and prosperous week!  Love to all…..

Doc Yanoff

 

 

April 6, 2014

FAST AND FURIOUS!

NO, I WILL NOT BE DISCUSSING MY HONEYMOON NIGHT AGAIN!  (Besides, as I explained to the wife, I had jet lag.)  Nor will I be discussing illegal gun shipments to Mexico.  Actually, I’m referring to my writing revisions, which have been fast and furious in order hit my publishing deadline for THE SECOND MOURNING.  Man, this editing thing is for the birds.  No rest for the wicked, I mean, the weary.  I don’t even have time to take a nap!  Which reminds me…..  If a person refuses to take a nap, could they be locked up for….. “resisting a rest?”  Hmmmm.

Well, what else is new?  (Wait, don’t tell me!)  I am pleased to announce that I received notification that DEVIL’S COVE (Adam Gold mystery number three) was recently nominated to receive the 2014 Raymond Chandler Writing Award!  However, I wouldn’t get my hopes up.  (Elmore Leonard is also in the running!)  Still, all of these little awards add up, and I am thrilled to be among such wonderful writers.  In other words, I have little chance of winning, but my writing resume keeps growing.  Nothing wrong with that.

On the subject of honors…..  The Mighty Cobra (my poker identity) was well on his way to another final table when he tangled with Rich “Big Win” Walker last Thursday evening.  Incredibly, my pair of sevens held up against his Ace/King!  However, the poker gods do have a wicked sense of humor, so a few hands later my two aces in the hole got busted by a lousy set of fives!  Life ain’t fair!

Did you folks hear that President Obama asked the Pope to make him a saint because of Obamacare?  The Pope said he would consider the request, since it was going to take a miracle to make the program work!  All I can say is Bingo!

I have attached another photograph to this blog, so if you are the first person to tell me where this lady went to college, you will win a $100 gift card!  Good luck, and no cheating!  (If you were willing to split the prize with me, I might give you the answer!)

Speaking of great prizes…..   I would like to share some bizarre history with you folks.  As you might know, my next book (The Second Mourning) deals with the assassination of President Garfield.  Well, try this on for size…..  Did you know that Lincoln was shot at the theatre named “Ford?”  Kennedy was shot in a car called “Lincoln,” which was made by….. Ford!  (Get this:  Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.  Both Presidents were shot in the head.  Lincoln’s secretary was named Kennedy.  Kennedy’s secretary was named Lincoln!)  Ah, the mystery of history!!

Well, my dear family and friends, that’s about it for this week.  Please tune in next Sunday for another thrilling post, and until we meet again, please have a safe and happy week.  Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

P.S.  This Sunday’s blog is dedicated to “Miss Mollie,” a very special dog who brought fifteen years of happiness to a dear friend.  R.I.P., little princess.

And now for your photograph…..

 

LucretiaGarfield

 

March 30, 2014

YANOFF WINS MEGA-LOTTERY MILLIONS!

BEFORE YOU GET TOO EXCITED, OR ASK TO BORROW MONEY…..  I would simply like to remind you that April first is just around the corner.  (i.e., April Fools’ Day!)  Perhaps I should have gotten your attention with a different headline.  How about…..  CRACKPOT WINS JACKPOT!  Did you know that our national day of pranks is based upon ancient Roman and Hindu festivals which occurred just after the VERNAL EQUINOX?  (Which is similar to the VENAL MAALOX.)  Me neither.  Some folks believe it was ushered in as part of “spring fever,” and others think it is connected to the Jewish spring holiday of Purim.  (One of my favorite holidays.  You bring the wine, and the host will pour ’em!)  I think it has something to do with the I.R.S., but I can’t prove it.

Today, March 30th, was an interesting day in history, too.  On this very day, in 1856, Russia signed the Peace of Paris Treaty ending….. the Crimea War!  (What goes around, comes around.)

On this day, in 1870, Texas became the LAST Confederate state to be readmitted to the Union.  (Clearly a foolish mistake on our part.)  Whose idea was that?  (Somebody get a rope!)

On this day, in 1976, INDIANA went undefeated and won the NCAA Basketball Championship.  Are you from Indiana?  Hoosier mama?  Hoosier papa?  What the heck is a hoosier, anyway?

On this very day, in 1992, Anthony Hopkins AND Jodie Foster won Academy Awards for acting in a sweet, family-oriented animal movie.  (The Silence of the Lambs.)  Hey, I’m only trying to “pull the wool” over your eyes… this is one scary movie!

Speaking of scary things…..  Last week I appeared on a local radio show, sharing some insurance insights into the tragic disappearance of Malaysian Airlines Flight 370.  You might be interested to know what I discussed with the host…..  The Boeing 777 that was lost was valued at….. $320,000,000!  (Yep, you read that right.)  The plane contains over 3,000,000 different parts, manufactured by over 500 different companies around the world.  The insurance coverage is “All Risk,” which covers nearly every peril known to man.  (Which is why the companies involved have already begun to pay out claims.)  The high cost of the aircraft is due, in part, to the fact that it can travel at close to 600 mph — and has a cruising range of 6,000 miles.  I thought you might like to know these details, as the “insurance angle” is seldom discussed in the media.

On a lighter note…..  My esteemed publisher is working on the final book cover revisions for THE SECOND MOURNING.  I am very pleased with the cover and will be doing the final editing one day next week.  I really think you’re going to enjoy this story and I will keep you informed of my progress.  In the meantime, if you would like to listen to my coast-to-coast radio interview of last week, simply go to the website I listed on last Sunday’s blog.  You will find a convenient link.  Let me know what you think.

If are the first person to correctly identify the attached photograph, you will win a $25 gift card to Target.  (But if I were you, I would not give them your credit card information!)  Unless, of course, you want to become a target.  (Of identity thieves)  Did I mention that somebody stole my identity last week?  The son of gun cancelled his credit cards and told the police that he was embarrassed to be me!  He actually resumed his former identity!  (The cops told me that he was a voracious reader, whatever that means.)  Well, have a great week, and love to all…..

Doc Yanoff

On this day, in