Cruise ships

June 1, 2014

THE BIRTHDAY BOY!

Well, as many of you know, (since I have been sending out frequent reminders) last Thursday was my 39th birthday.  (In Texas, you’re allowed to celebrate any year you wish!)  A gentleman never mentions his age, but I am now old enough to order an alcoholic libation.  (At a senior center.)  I suppose I should be grateful that I am still, more or less, of sound mind and body.  Which reminds me…..  If my therapist says, “There’s really nothing more that I can do for you,” that means I’m cured, right?

By the way, I just read that a woman gives birth to a baby every 15 seconds in America.  Personally, I think they should find that woman and have a talk with her.  Just saying.

Did you know that 3 other famous people were born on May 29th?  Patrick Henry, Bob Hope, and JFK.  I don’t know what, if anything, they ever accomplished, but I do know that I was recently invited back for another interview on the “American Book Club!”  (The nationally syndicated program that follows “Imus In The Morning.”)  The good folks at KLRG in Tampa want to discuss THE SECOND MOURNING in another full-length format, which is truly a great honor for me.  I’d like to personally thank the host, Jack Drucker, for his continued interest and support.

I don’t know the exact date yet, but I promise to keep you abreast.  (Or, if you prefer, a leg or wing.)  As they say in sniper school, we aim to please!  Speaking of schools…..  my new non-fiction book (THE SECOND MOURNING) is currently under consideration at several prominent universities.  What are they considering?  Whether or not the book should be added to their “Recommended Reading” list!  (Two of the schools are in the Ivy League!  I will refrain from making any jokes about poison ivy.)

Did you notice that Harvard, Yale, and other major colleges have recently announced another tuition increase?  Believe it or not, the AVERAGE cost of a 4-year college education at a private university in now…..  $125,000!  I should mention that this figure does not include books, food, lodging, alcohol, drugs, or birth control devices.  Dude, what a ripoff!  When I attended the Dodge City School of Taxidermy & Chiropractic Medicine tuition was only $350 per semester.  (Embalming fluids were extra.)

What is this country coming to?  When I was a boy, my mother would send me down to the corner store with a dollar and I’d come back with 5 potatoes, 2 loaves of bread, 3 bottles of milk, a hunk of cheese, and a dozen eggs.  You can’t do that now…  too many damn security cameras!

Before I take my leave (which is what Adam said to Eve) I would like to remind you that I will be at a major book-signing and self-adoration event this coming Friday, June 6th.  The event will take place at 7 p.m. down at BookPeople on Lamar Blvd.  Please feel free to bring your family and friends and some hard currency.  Also, somebody should call Mrs. Barbara Talbott to remind her of the date and time.  (I’ve already sent 10 emails.)

In closing, I would like to leave you with some wise words from Albert Einstein, the owner (I think) of Einstein Bagels…..  “The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.”  I wonder if he was referring to mystery authors?  Hmmm.

Have a safe and wonderful week!  Love to all…..

Doc Yanoff

March 30, 2014

YANOFF WINS MEGA-LOTTERY MILLIONS!

BEFORE YOU GET TOO EXCITED, OR ASK TO BORROW MONEY…..  I would simply like to remind you that April first is just around the corner.  (i.e., April Fools’ Day!)  Perhaps I should have gotten your attention with a different headline.  How about…..  CRACKPOT WINS JACKPOT!  Did you know that our national day of pranks is based upon ancient Roman and Hindu festivals which occurred just after the VERNAL EQUINOX?  (Which is similar to the VENAL MAALOX.)  Me neither.  Some folks believe it was ushered in as part of “spring fever,” and others think it is connected to the Jewish spring holiday of Purim.  (One of my favorite holidays.  You bring the wine, and the host will pour ’em!)  I think it has something to do with the I.R.S., but I can’t prove it.

Today, March 30th, was an interesting day in history, too.  On this very day, in 1856, Russia signed the Peace of Paris Treaty ending….. the Crimea War!  (What goes around, comes around.)

On this day, in 1870, Texas became the LAST Confederate state to be readmitted to the Union.  (Clearly a foolish mistake on our part.)  Whose idea was that?  (Somebody get a rope!)

On this day, in 1976, INDIANA went undefeated and won the NCAA Basketball Championship.  Are you from Indiana?  Hoosier mama?  Hoosier papa?  What the heck is a hoosier, anyway?

On this very day, in 1992, Anthony Hopkins AND Jodie Foster won Academy Awards for acting in a sweet, family-oriented animal movie.  (The Silence of the Lambs.)  Hey, I’m only trying to “pull the wool” over your eyes… this is one scary movie!

Speaking of scary things…..  Last week I appeared on a local radio show, sharing some insurance insights into the tragic disappearance of Malaysian Airlines Flight 370.  You might be interested to know what I discussed with the host…..  The Boeing 777 that was lost was valued at….. $320,000,000!  (Yep, you read that right.)  The plane contains over 3,000,000 different parts, manufactured by over 500 different companies around the world.  The insurance coverage is “All Risk,” which covers nearly every peril known to man.  (Which is why the companies involved have already begun to pay out claims.)  The high cost of the aircraft is due, in part, to the fact that it can travel at close to 600 mph — and has a cruising range of 6,000 miles.  I thought you might like to know these details, as the “insurance angle” is seldom discussed in the media.

On a lighter note…..  My esteemed publisher is working on the final book cover revisions for THE SECOND MOURNING.  I am very pleased with the cover and will be doing the final editing one day next week.  I really think you’re going to enjoy this story and I will keep you informed of my progress.  In the meantime, if you would like to listen to my coast-to-coast radio interview of last week, simply go to the website I listed on last Sunday’s blog.  You will find a convenient link.  Let me know what you think.

If are the first person to correctly identify the attached photograph, you will win a $25 gift card to Target.  (But if I were you, I would not give them your credit card information!)  Unless, of course, you want to become a target.  (Of identity thieves)  Did I mention that somebody stole my identity last week?  The son of gun cancelled his credit cards and told the police that he was embarrassed to be me!  He actually resumed his former identity!  (The cops told me that he was a voracious reader, whatever that means.)  Well, have a great week, and love to all…..

Doc Yanoff

On this day, in

June 5, 2012

WELCOME ELVIS FAN CLUB MEMBERS!

Groucho Marx famously declared that he would never join any club that wanted

him as a member.

Well, I don’t feel that way!

I have recently joined a couple of Elvis Presley Fan Clubs and I’m quite impressed

by their members and the clever posts they create.  These are very talented and

passionate folks, and they are doing a great job keeping The King in the public

eye.  (As I have previously stated, Elvis is selling more records today than when he

was alive!)

To all of you fan club members I have one (or two) things to say…..

Keep up the good work!

And thank you.

Now, for all of you old salts (and young peppers) hold onto your life jacket because

Carnival Cruise Line is now offering a 7-day voyage called….  “THE LEGENDS

ELVIS CRUISE!”     The ship leaves from Galveston (without Glenn Campbell)

on February 3, 2013.     Stops include Montego Bay, Grand Cayman, Cozumel,

and Tupelo, Mississippi.  (Just kidding about that last port!)

If you’re interested check out the ship…  the Carnival Magic.

Well, shiver me timbers, it’s time to go.  (Believe it or not, I’m on my way to an

authentic Hawaiian luau!)  In Austin!  Go figure.

Happy “sails” to you until we meet again!

Doc Yanoff