THE GRASS HAS RIZ!  I WONDER WHERE MY TAX REFUND IS?  (I won’t hold my breath!)  Well, in any case, let me start by wishing my faithful blog followers a very Happy Easter and a very Happy Passover.  I do hope you were able to spend the holiday with your loved ones, or folks that didn’t eat too much.  We celebrated by hosting the 62nd Annual Cajun Birthday Festival for Lee Bomblatus, the gentleman who single-handedly made Dell Computers a mega-corporation.  (Lee used to “screen” perspective employees.)  The wife (Princess Patty) made a huge caldron of her famous Swamp Thing Gumbo, and my goodness, did we eat well!  I am happy to report that only two utensils were “accidentally” taken by our guests, and that there was only one arrest.  Around here, that is what passes for a good night!

So last Friday I had my semi-annual head-to-toe health exam, and as usual, it provided a lot of new comedy material.  My nurse was a charming woman from Trinidad  (Trini was her dad’s name) and her “medical notes” were hilarious.  Here are a few of her actual observations…..

1.  “The patient has two female children, but no other abnormalities.”  (Actually those two are enough!)

2.  “Examination of the patient’s groin area reveals that he is circus sized.”  (No comment.)

3.  “The lab test indicated normal lover function.”   (Whatever that is!)

You know, at my age, my “train of thought” often leaves the station without me, but I must say, I could be a very rich man if they would let me hang around the doctor’s office for a while and take some more notes!  Speaking of doctors and such…..  the answer to last week’s trivia question (what famous ‘medical person’ ran out to help President Garfield after he was shot) is…..  Clara Barton!  (The founder of the American Red Cross.)  Nobody got the right answer….. so here’s another question:

Which ethnic group introduced America to the “Easter Bunny?”  (Hint:  They were not from Easter Island.)  These immigrants, who came over in the 1700s, had a custom of giving out brightly colored eggs in the spring….. and when you read my upcoming book, THE SECOND MOURNING, you will learn that they also introduced an unusual treat to Pennsylvania and the Ohio Wilderness….. a twisted dough concoction sprinkled with salt.  First correct answer wins a free copy of my new book.

I was driving by a herd of cattle the other day, and I could swear that the cows looked familiar.  Would this be an example of deja moo?  No bull, this really happened.  Maybe I shouldn’t try to milk this routine any further, eh?

Did you folks catch a glimpse of last week’s solar eclair?  I know a great deal about astrology, so for me it was a real eye-opener.  Yeah, I know what you’re thinking, I’m a real Renaissance man.  (I actually prefer Hampton Inn, but that’s an inside joke.)  Well, my dear friends, I must leave you now.  Time to finish off the remaining gumbo.  Ya Ya, baby!

Have a safe and wonderful week and don’t forget to spray the Lysol early and often!

Love to all…..

Doc Yanoff