October 17, 2012

INTERNATIONAL MAN OF MYSTERY!

IF YOU WRITE MYSTERY NOVELS…. which I do, and you travel internationally, which I just did, would you be considered an international man of mystery? Groovy, baby! I thought so, too. And frankly, that’s better than being an international house of pancakes. (Certainly better than eating there!) The reason I ask is that I am contemplating a trip to Oslo, Norway, to supervise the voting re-count of the Nobel Prize for Literature. I still find it hard to believe that THE PRESLEY PLOT lost out to some hack story from Viet Nam or Ghana or Paraguay or wherever the heck that writer came from. (I don’t trust those Third World judges…. look at the last Miss Universe Contest. Miss Maldives wins? What’s that about?)

Speaking of international delights….. I would like to say “szia” to Miss Monika Leipniker, a beautiful and brilliant young lady from Hungary. I met Monika on my last trip to London and was very impressed by her keen wit and literary insight. (Which means she liked my book!) “Hogy vagy?” (How are you?) I hope all is well in Jolly Old England…. and remember, if it gets too cold in London, you’re welcome to come to Austin, Texas!

And since we’re on the subject of moving to Austin….. If any of my worldwide followers are planning a move to our lovely city, you must get your hands on a copy of the AUSTIN RELOCATION GUIDE….. the brainchild of a local genius (and world-class poker player) named Kevin Evans. Mr. E publishes a wonderful guide to our city, and in my humble view, it is definitely the place to start if you’re planning to relocate. (And let’s face it, the whole world wants to live in Austin…. except Miss Maldives.) You can reach my buddy Kevin at Kevans@argpub.com

Before I close, I would also like to welcome a few more Elvis Presley Fan Clubs.

THESE CLUBS ARE THE MAIN REASON THAT MY BLOG NOW HAS CLOSE TO 3,000 FOLLOWERS IN 37 DIFFERENT COUNTRIES!!

(Which is why I capitalized the entire sentence!)

So….. A big thank you to….. Itsonlylove4thepresleys@yahoogroups.com….. Bigethehounddogs@yahoogroups.com….. Crazy4Elvis42@yahoogroups.com….. and last, but not least, Elivslovemetender@hotmail.com

Incidentally, on October 16, 1956 (Yesterday) the Elvis Presley film “Love Me Tender” premiered in the good old U.S.A. (How’s that for timing?)

Well, time to walk the grand-dog….. Have a wonderful day and be careful out there….. Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

October 14, 2012

FOOD FOR THOUGHT!

I don’t know about you, but I think about food all of the time. (Except when I’m eating.) So….. I was very happy to celebrate my recent poker victory at a wonderful new Hill Country restaurant called VERDE’S MEXICAN PARILLA. (Parilla means “grill.”) Unlike THE PRESLEY PLOT, there’s no cover, but they do have a great story to tell. Cody Kidwell is the amazingly talented chef, and if you ever want to sample the best bacon wrapped quail on earth, then drive over to Hamilton Pool Road and pull up a chair on their lovely outdoor patio. (And don’t forget to order the tequila cheesecake!)

Now for some Elvis Presley Food Trivia…..

What was the King’s favorite snack?

A. Priscilla Presley

B. Possum & grits

C. Peanut butter, banana, and bacon sandwich

If you chose A or B we need to talk. The correct answer is C. (Everyone knows that Elvis was a health nut.)

And since we’re on the subject of Elvis Presley, I wish to extend a warm welcome to our newest Elvis Presley Fan Club groups….. Elvisworld@yahoogroups.com…..Kostas20052002@yahoogroups.com…..Elviest_ Group@yahoogroups.com…. and Elvis_101@yahoogroups.com

If you get a chance, please support these wonderful groups by leaving them a nice message. They all do a great job of keeping the memory of Elvis alive. Thanks again, folks!

By the way, I haven’t mentioned the Nobel Prize for Literature (and my apparent snub) because I have requested a re-count of the votes from a guy named Sven. (I will keep you “posted” on the outcome.) In the meantime, please join my Norwegian boycott by not eating pickled herring or grilled reindeer. (This should be fairly easy.)

Have a great week and be careful out there!

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

October 7, 2012

LIFE IS A MYSTERY! (WHAT A “NOVEL” CONCEPT!)

OF COURSE, SOME DAYS ARE MORE MYSTERIOUS THAN OTHERS……

For instance, Wednesday, October 24th will be a VERY mysterious day. How so you ask? Well, I’m glad you asked. On that very day (actually, at night, from 6:30 p.m. to 8:30 p.m.) yours truly will be a featured author/speaker/lecturer/know-it-all at the Austin Literary Salon!

So, you might ask, who are these folks? Well, since you asked, these are the wonderful folks who sponsor famous (and infamous) authors who live and work in the great state of Texas. Brilliant, creative, handsome, and modest writers like me. Shy types who feel funny about tooting their own horns. (Or here in Austin, Longhorns.) Writers like little old Stephen G. Yanoff, author of THE PRESLEY PLOT!

That’s right, for some inexplicable reason known only to God, I have been invited to discuss reading, writing, and arithmetic. (The math of making money in publishing.) Lord knows I have made a small fortune over the years. (The key word here being “small.”) Nevertheless, my expertise is sorely lacking, I mean, sorely needed. I am truly honored by the invitation and look forward to putting my best foot forward. In fact, I intend to show off both of my feet. (I’m no heel, though!) However, I do have a lot of “sole.” (How did I get on shoe jokes, anyway?)

Anyway, I will be participating in a mystery writers panel at the Wildflower Terrace Apartments in East Austin. (Located at lovely 3801 Berkman Drive, Austin, Texas.) The event will be held in their brand new auditorium and seats are on a first-come, first-seat basis….. so get there early for a good seat! Doors open at 6:00 p.m. and they are expecting a huge turnout due to guest speakers that will be present. (i.e., ME!) I understand that I will be forced to share the stage with Helen Ginger, one of the brains behind the Writers’ League of Texas and an author herself. Oh well, I’ll have to play nice and let her say a few words. Maybe I’ll hand her the microphone and say, “I’ve talked enough about myself, Helen. What do you think of me?”

Yeah, there’s an idea!

By the way, the Wildflower Terrace Apartments are located on the corner of Manor Road and Berkman. (At the entrance of the old Mueller Airport on I-35.) If you need more information, steal a copy of the Austin American-Statesman or find a copy of the Austin Chronicle that isn’t stained with picante sauce. You can also look for details in the book review section of the New York Times. (You can look, but you won’t find anything.) I wouldn’t buy any one of those Commie rags myself, but it’s your call. Frankly, if you need directions, you can always send me an email and I will get back to you in several weeks. (If I’m not playing video poker.)

Incidentally, the evening will include a panel discussion (why we’re discussing panels, I have no idea), a book reading, and an opportunity to actually buy a copy of THE PRESLEY PLOT and have it autographed by me! What joy! What fun! What royalties! (Hey, I never said I wanted to be a starving artist.)

Attendees are welcome to bring a camera or video recorder. (We’ll see what “develops.”) You can also throw under garments on the stage if you are so inclined, however, please note that this offer does NOT apply to ANY of my male friends or neighbors. Sorry, guys, we gotta draw the line somewhere.

In all seriousness, I hope to see you there! Most importantly, you will get to meet the charming and talented Terri Schexnayder, the organizer of this event and one of the remarkable women who make Austin such a great place to live and work. Trust me, you will love every moment!

Take care… and love to all.

Doc Yanoff

October 3, 2012

FAKES… SNAKES… AND PATTY-CAKES!

Dearest Lovers of All Things Literary…..

On this very day, October 3rd, 1945, Elvis Presley entered a talent contest at the annual Mississippi-Alabama Fair and Dairy Show. (The states were poor even then, so they had to combine the sponsorship!) Anyway, one of Presley’s TEACHERS arranged for him to enter the contest after she heard him sing in class. (Her name, just for “the record” was Mrs. Oleta Grimes.) Elvis sang while standing on a chair and without any accompaniment. (For those of you who went to school in New York that means without music.) The Once and Future King sang a tender old hymn called “Old Shep.”

The poor lad won 5th prize! (and got spanked by his mother for going on a dangerous ride!)

Well, that was NOT the case last night! The FAKES refer to the poor folks who thought they could play poker with The Queen of Cork. (Called thus because of her love of rose wine and also because she is VERY Irish… think freckles!) The SNAKES refer to yours truly, well known in poker circles (and among squares) as THE COBRA! And finally, PATTY-CAKES is the nickname (yeah, she has several) of the woman who destroyed all of the competition at the huge and vicious My Place Poker Palace last night….. the one and only cutthroat chick, formerly known as the Corpus Christi Crusher…. Patricia Eileen McCloskey! (nee Yanoff)

Don’t ask me how (because it’s too painful to remember) but the above poker machine ousted the mighty Cobra and several hundred others saps to place SECOND in the tournament.

She almost won the whole darn thing, but lost to a full house (the place was crowded) on the river! (Actually, we were playing inside, not on the river, but you know what I mean.) Yes, sir, that woman is “one of a kind” when it comes to games of chance. And me? Well, I played extremely good (what else is new?) but alas, my pocket queens were trumped by Big Slick on the flop. (In keeping with THE PRESLEY PLOT theme I took my defeat well, but I insisted on singing two verses of “Don’t Be Cruel.”)

My utter grief and humiliation was short-lived… I ran into some friends in the parking lot and they asked me if they could purchase a couple of books. (By sheer coincidence, I had several boxes, I mean, copies in my pickup truck.) Consequently, I sold two books, autographed them, and went on my merry way… back to Merrywing Circle. Well, I didn’t win the dang tournament or increase my standing, but I am now the best-selling author of the Jester Center Parking Lot. (Hey, it’s all good!)

Today is sunny and pleasant down here in Austin, Texas. I am on my way to spend some quality time with my grand-dog! I hope you have a wonderful day, too.

(Baker, my grand-dog says hello!)

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff, F.P.L. (Former Poker Legend.)

September 30, 2012

LOVE THY NEIGHBORS!

I sure do! Especially after our recent book reading/book signing block party, held yesterday on Merrywing Circle in lovely Austin, Texas. We had a great turnout, and much to my surprise, I was the featured entertainment!

Bowing to popular demand (some were just kneeling) I read several excerpts from my new mystery novel THE PRESLEY PLOT. Much to my delight, nobody booed or threw any food, so I went on to discuss the perils and pitfalls of modern day publishing.

After a thunderous round of applause (Yes, it was raining) I held a Q & A (Question and Answer) session, and that too went quite well. In fact, it was the first time I’ve held such a session outside of a police department, and I found it very educational. There were some great questions. I answered all of them as honestly as I could, but I did make up the part about me being nominated for the Pulitzer Prize. (Nobody challenged me, so I threw in the Oscar and Emmy for good measure.)

As a token of my appreciation to our hosts, the lovely and talented Erika Lima, and her brilliant and sophisticated husband Francisco, I brought a bag filled with books and gave each neighbor an autographed copy of THE PRESLEY PLOT. (Two wanted money, but they settled for the book.) Our neighbors were simply overjoyed, but just between you and me, I think a few of them thought that I was Stephen King.)

Nevertheless, a wonderful time was had by all. The event was sort of a “pot luck” deal, meaning that each neighbor brought a different dish and some liquid refreshments tailored toward adults. (i.e., booze) Patty’s pasta was the hit of the party, but all of the food was good, and so was the company.

One neighbor told me that if I was ever in his area I should drive by his house.

Hey, what did he mean by that?

Well, buckeroos, I have some gardening to do, so I must bid you farewell.

Keep those cards and letters coming and remember never to squat with your spurs on!

Happy trails!

Doc Yanoff

September 28, 2012

QUEENS AND KINGS… ARE WONDERFUL THINGS!

GOOD AFTERNOON, FELLOW STALACITES!

I say stalacites, because like me, you are “hanging in there.” Uh oh, I’m off to a “rocky” start. What can I say? I have a “cavernous” mind. Well, I’m sure you get “the point.”

All right, no more mineral or stone jokes!

Who do I think I am, Chris Rock? Billy “Crystal?” I think not! (I had to get those two out of my system.)

Anyway….. I used the above heading (Queens and Kings) not to reference THE PRESLEY PLOT and The King, but to point out that I have been spending way too much time playing the cruel and devious game of Texas Hold ‘Em Poker. True, I have been winning loads of chips from my fellow gambling enthusiasts, but man does not live by “bread” alone. (Especially in France.)

I have made the “Final Table” (sounds like an autopsy thing) in the last 3 poker tournaments! (With little or no cheating I might add!) Naturally, my brilliant card play has resulted in a huge increase in my overall ranking and point accumulation. If I keep playing at this level, I will become a gambling legend throughout the Southwest and in two or three counties in rural Arkansas. Time will tell if I make the move to Vegas, but since I detest casinos, I doubt it. (No light, no sun, no fresh air, no fun!)

Yesterday was enjoyable and profitable for another reason….. I had a long overdue reunion with Terri Schexnayder and Helen Ginger, the two wonderful women who used to run the Writers’ League of Texas during its heyday. They looked marvelous, and as I expected, they are still accomplishing some wonderful things here in Austin. Those two are a class act! (More about the purpose of our meeting in a future blog….. but hold onto your hats, because it’s quite exciting!)

I also had a great meeting with Larry Brill, the former television newscaster and talented producer of “Writing Across Texas.” (Which in my humble opinion, was the best show ever produced in Austin. And I’m not just saying that because I was one of the interviewers!) Larry is also a class act, and in addition to his thriving media career, he is also an author! He has written several books and one day I expect to see his name on the New York Times Bestseller List. If any of you folks need a great media person, Larry Brill is the man to call. (Listed, of course, under Brill Media in the phone book.)

Finally, on this day, in 1957, the Long-Playing Album “ELVIS PRESLEY’ reached number one on the Billboard album chart and stayed there for six weeks. When you get a chance, ask someone under the age of 30 to describe a “Long Playing Album.” Trust me, you will have a good laugh! (One of my college students thought a turn table was something that a bird sat on!)

I think he was confusing “turn” with “tern.”

Well, in any case, it’s my turn to say adios! Have a great day and make somebody smile…..

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

September 24, 2012

ON THE ROAD AGAIN… AND AGAIN… AND AGAIN!

Good morning, family, friends, and faithful followers…..

As many of you know, being a writer means being a traveler. In order to be successful in today’s publishing world, an author must spend a lot of time, effort, and money promoting their own books. Advertising budgets have shrunk, and whatever funds are available go to well-established authors. Seldom do publishers invest big bucks in an up and coming author like me. (Thank God I married a rich woman!)

So…. in order to promote THE PRESLEY PLOT (and whatever books follow) I have devised a rather brilliant marketing plan! Modesty prevents me from elaborating on the compliments that I have already received from my gardener and mailman. However, I will share this concept with you now! Ladies and gentlemen, it is my pleasure to introduce…..

The S.M.A.R.T. Program!

S ales

M arketing

A nd

R oad

T rips!

Each week, until I win the Pulitzer Prize (They can keep the Nobel Prize!) I will be driving to a different Texas town or city to promote THE PRESLEY PLOT. Upon my arrival, if there is no posse gathered in the square, I shall proceed to engage in some public speaking (pre-arranged) and hawk some books. Hopefully, I will sell plenty of copies, but even if sales are modest, I know that I will eat well. How do I know this, you ask?

Because my first S.M.A.R.T. Adventure will be in lovely Lockhart….. “The Barbecue Capital of Texas!” (If not the Free World!) Yes, I shall be joining several hundred thousand race car fanatics for the opening (or close to it) festivities of our brand new N.A.S.C.A.R. Race Track! I’m not thrilled with watching cars go round and round, but I understand that lots of folks will be in Lockhart in the next few weeks, so it seems like a good place to start my marketing program. (I just hope I don’t get “off track” when speaking!)

Frankly, I think Lockhart is a wonderful little town, and I’m sure they will adore THE PRESLEY PLOT. (After all, the book is a little “saucy!”) I just hope I don’t miss my “cue” when I’m down there!

Well, wish me luck. I will let you know how I enjoyed this “slice” of Americana!

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

September 16, 2012

TWO THOUSAND IS TOO GRAND!

WELL, WE DID IT! (Actually, YOU did it.) Thanks to you we have just reached, and will soon surpass, a very important milestone.

Our blog, “BOOKS BY STEPHENGYANOFF,” now has over 2,000 followers!

Yep, you read that right! Over 2,000 dedicated followers!

Before I continue, I must thank all of the individuals, Elvis Fan Club Members, and my Linkedin connections for making this possible. So… thank you, thank you, thank you! Words cannot express my gratitude. I really appreciate your support, and I promise to keep the good stuff coming. (And the bad jokes, too!)

Incidentally, thanks to you, THE PRESLEY PLOT can now be found and purchased at Amazon.com, Barnesandnoble.com, Better World Books, Google Books, Tower Books, and on Kindle! Simply amazing! (Hollywood has also reached out, but I will share the details later….. when I have more to report.) Until then, just know that I am plugging along, and that I have just finished proof-reading my second mystery…. titled MURDER ON MAIDEN LANE. In fact, I am now halfway through my third manuscript, which is set in Texas, and titled DEVIL’S COVE. (No sense resting on my laurels…. or my hardys.)

Well, this will be a short missive, as I just wanted to share the news with you…. and let you know that things are proceeding nicely. Very nicely!

Until we meet again….. Take care and have a wonderful week.

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

September 14, 2012

FLEA MARKET MANIA!

SO….. a while back, as I was ruminating about my trip to France… and discussing some of the French masters, I signed out by saying “Au Renoir!” (Instead of “au revoir!)

Well….. apparently my harmless little joke set off a chain of cosmic events that culminated in a brief, but shining example of serendipity! (What the heck is he babbling about now?) First, my definition of “serendipity.” Which to me, is like searching for a needle in a haystack and finding the farmer’s daughter! In other words, incredible good luck. So, to what cosmic-like happening am I referring? (Fasten your seat belts, art lovers!)

Two days ago, as I was putting the finishing touches on my second mystery novel titled MURDER ON MAIDEN LANE, an actual RENOIR came on the market in a most unusual fashion! Several years before, a Virginia woman went to a local flea market (ostensibly to buy fleas) but ended up plunking down $7.00 for a little framed painting that she thought was a “poor copy” of Renoir’s painting style. Well, fast forward several years, and guess what? The woman now owns a bona fide work by Pierre-Auguste Renoir!! (I wonder which summer month Renoir liked the most?) Anyway, the French impressionist was very talented. (They say he did a great Elvis impersonation!) He was also a decent painter.

How decent you ask?

The Potomac auction house handling the sale is expecting a MINIMUM bid of….. $100,000! (And if you want more than the frame, bring a lot of loot!) Just between you and me, this little darling is going to fetch much, much more. How do I know? Because I know something others don’t. (This guy Renoir is dead! No more paintings from him!) By the way, in case you are interested, the painting goes on the auction block on September 29th. (No out-of-town checks will be accepted.)

For you cultured types, the painting dates back to 1879 (the year before James Garfield was elected President!) and is titled…… “Paysage Bords de Seine.” (Which in English, means “Landscape on the Banks of the Seine.”) Having just come from Paris, I can tell you that there are many banks along the Seine, but the exchange rate stinks!) I hope the French go back to using francs. (The Germans could then use sausage!) Hot dog! I would “relish” such a monetary shift.

And speaking of francs….. one of the few things that is known about the Renoir painting is that it was purchased by a French art gallery in June 1925 from a woman who called herself Madame Papillon for 5,000 francs. (Remember the movie called “Papillon?” Starring Steve McQueen and Dustin Hoffman?) Just coincidence? I think not, monsieur! Want to hear something even weirder? “Papillon” is the French word for butterfly! And Steve McQueen’s last name? Yeah, now you know where I’m going….. Butterfly McQueen! Just another coincidence? I think not again! (I’m spending too much time on the computer.)

Well, in all seriousness, I think this is a fascinating story. I will never, ever make fun of folks who go to the flea market again! (Unless they come back with a Rembrandt.)

Have a wonderful weekend! Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

September 12, 2012

THE GOOD BOOK….. THE VERY GOOD BOOK!

No, my friends, not THE PRESLEY PLOT! The other Good Book. (The Holy Bible) I have some interesting news to report, and as you might imagine, it will be the “gospel truth!” (Surely you saw that one coming!) Well, in any case, check this out…..

A bible once owned by ELVIS PRESLEY (a Chrisitmas gift from his uncle way back in 1957) was recently sold at auction (in England) for the incredibly sum of ….. 59,000 Pounds!

So, you might wonder, how much would that be in U.S. currency? How does $94,000 sound? (I hope it sounds good, because that’s the amount.) My mom always said that the Scriptures can enrich the soul, but she never mentioned an exact number.

I had heard rumors about this auction when I was in London two weeks ago, but I had no idea that the worn and tattered Bible would fetch such a handsome price. The big numbers are usually reserved for books or manuscripts that are in good to excellent condition. The Presley Bible was in fair condition at best, but that just proves how valuable anything connected to the King can be. When I heard the news I wondered what two reels of never-before-heard songs by Elvis Presley might be worth. Just between you and me, that would be a good plot for a mystery novel. (Sounds a little familiar to me!)

Anyway, I understand that an American gentleman was the winning bidder, but the dear boy did not wish to be identified. (NO, it was not me!) However, I should mention that there were over 300 bidders involved at the auction and hundreds more bidding online. (Including a certain mystery author from Austin, Texas.) In case you’re curious, the Bible was leather-bound with gold lettering on the cover. Roughly 1600 pages long. And now for the best part….. there were at least 20-30 annotations by the King himself! (How cool!)

One of the entries written by ELVIS read….. “To judge a man by his weakest link or deed is like judging the power of the ocean by one wave.” (I always attributed this saying to Jacques Cousteau, but I guess I was wrong.) Nevertheless, it is a very deep thought and speaks volumes about the man himself. I wonder what he was referring to? I don’t suppose we will ever know for sure, but it’s quite intriguing.

Finally, in light of my September 4th blog (“I see London, I see France… “) you might be interested to know that one of the few items that did NOT sell was a pair of underwear once worn by Elvis himself! Would this be considered a “stain” on the event? The underwear was shown “briefly,” but alas, there were no bidders. Again, I do not wish to make a “big flap,” about this, but I am surprised. (I can’t think of any Fruit of the Loom jokes, so let’s move on.)

On my next blog post I have some exciting news about our blog membership level and all of the new outlets that are now offering THE PRESLEY PLOT.

If I were you, I would stay home, forget about work, grab a cold beer, and wait for the next post. (Welcome to my world!)

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff