THE HISTORY CHANNEL…

Today would be a good day to channel some history!  Why?  Because today is December 7th, the day that Pearl Harbor was attacked.  (73 years ago!)  President Roosevelt declared that the day would be “A date which will live in infamy.”  True enough, but I’m not so fond of April 15th either!  (I find that date very “taxing.”)

Did you know that one of my relatives was an aviation ace during World War I?  My great uncle Izzy was wounded during a ferocious dogfight with a German dirigible.  (Fortunately, my uncle and the dirigible were both filled with hot air, so this tale will have an “uplifting” ending.)  Uncle Isadore shot down the dirigible only to discover that he had flown off course and actually attacked one of the balloons at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.  (Ever wonder why the Popeye balloon is squinting?)

There were other notable events on December 7th … In 43 B.C., Cicero, an Italian orator from Illinois, was assassinated.  In 1787, Delaware became the first state to ratify the Constitution.  In 1868, Jesse James and his gang robbed the bank in Gallatin, Missouri.  (Sadly, they robbed a sperm bank and ended up in a “cell.”)

Speaking of outlaws… my second non-fiction masterpiece will be titled, HELL-BENT IN THE HEARTLAND.  (The Tragic Tale of the Reno Gang.)  God willing, I will finish a rough outline sometime this winter, and then it’s off to the library!  I enjoy the research part, but it is quite laborious, so I might just make up a few things this time around!  (Just kidding.)

Last Thursday marked the annual Steiner Ranch Christmas Barbecue and Poker Tournament.  I played brilliantly, but didn’t win the dang tournament.  (They wouldn’t let me deal!  If they had, I would have done better!)  I ran short of chips at the end, so I tried to bet with pretzels.  No dice.  Anyway, I would like to thank Rich & Sharon Walker for running another great evening, and also Kevin Evans, who generously supplied the barbecue and beer.  A great time was had by all.

Finally, I am pleased as punch (fitting for the holiday season) to announce that I was mentioned not once, but twice, on the recent radio tribute to Charles Dickens.  (Hosted by the talented John Austin, the genius behind The Book Club radio program.)  The program can be found at TanTalk 1340.com.  I was honored to be mentioned in the same sentence as Dickens, but we do have something in common.  He actually wrote an entire book about my honeymoon.  It’s called “GREAT EXPECTATIONS!”  (Please, no jokes about Tiny Tim!)

Well, my friends, I must leave you now.  I am off to the senior center to do some volunteer work.  Hey, before I leave, do you know what they call an alligator in a vest?  (You’d better sit down.)  An “investigator!”  Adam Gold told me that joke!  Take care and have a marvelous week…     Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

P.S.  Another admiring fan!  (Tough life.)

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LET’S TALK TURKEY!

GOBBLE GOBBLE.  (Which is “turkish” for Happy Thanksgiving!)  By the way, wasn’t George Gobble a great comedian?  Some folks think we should combine Election Day and Thanksgiving, since they both include a lot of turkeys.  (And let’s face it, our politicians do gobble up our taxes!)  While some politicians are “for the birds,” the birds are for all of us, and a reminder that we have a lot to be thankful for.  Even though I make jokes about the political scene, I would be the first to admit that we are blessed to live in a free country where our votes determine who serves, and for how long.  When you start traveling around the world, you quickly realize just how special America really is, and how lucky we are to live in such a glorious place.

This year, my wife is making our family an “international feast.”  (Since you asked, that would be Turkey, sitting in Greece, and after you take a bite, you are Russian to the bathroom!)  My bride is a graduate of the Lucretia Borgia Culinary Institute, so every meal is a treat.  We have our main course in the dining room, but she insists on serving dessert in the bathroom.  (What can I say, she loves pie a la commode.)

Speaking of hazardous places, I noticed that the Oak Ridge Nuclear Facility was in the news this week.  (security concerns)  If you recall, I wrote about the facility in my first mystery novel, THE GRACELAND GANG.  Since I am now an expert on all things nuclear, let me give you some advice:  never trust an atom.  (They make up everything.)  Did you know that the atom bomb was dropped from a plane called the Ebola Gay?  (Talk about over-kill!)

So what else is new?  I recently learned that Cynthia Brian, the lovely and talented host of “Be The Star You Are,” has a not-so-secret connection to CCRR!  (No, not Creedence Clearwater Revival.)  Believe it or not, the letters stand for:  California Champion Rooster Raiser!  Now I know why she thinks Henny Youngman is so funny!  And yes, Rooster Cogburn is her favorite lawman!  Cynthia is so smart that she actually knows why the chicken crossed the road!  I must remember to ask her which came first, the chicken or the egg.

Jack Drucker, the host of The Book Club Radio Program, is producing a special Christmas broadcast.  He will actually be interviewing an up-and-coming author named Charlie Dickens.  (Charlie wrote a book about one of his girlfriends in London.  I think it’s called “A Christmas Carol.”)  Anyway, in honor of the holiday season, he will also be re-broadcasting both of my legendary radio interviews!  I will publish the details as soon as I have them.  (The interviews were among the most listened to of the year, and we discussed DEVIL’S COVE and then THE SECOND MOURNING.)

For those of you that might have seen the modest article about me in the Chicago Tribune, I would like to say that the rumors are true!  I am halfway through the fifth “Adam Gold Mystery,” which will be titled:  “A RUN FOR THE MONEY.”  The story takes place in the South, primarily in Richmond, Charleston, and Lexington, Kentucky.  This time, Adam Gold will confront grave robbers and horse thieves in pursuit of strife, liberty, and the happiness thing.  I am thoroughly enjoying the book, which should be finished some time this spring.

Well, in closing, let me wish all of my family and friends a wonderful Thanksgiving.  I do hope you are able to be with the ones you love, and that you have a splendid, and truly American holiday.  Please remember not to serve those nasty cranberry globs, mincemeat pies, or those damn celery sticks.  (Trust me, nobody likes that stuff!)  See you next Sunday!  Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

 

P.S.  There just might be a photograph attached to this blog!

 

 

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PROMISES, PROMISES!

Last Sunday, I had the pleasure of participating in a charity poker tournament intended to raise funds for Africa’s Promise Village, a marvelous organization dedicated to providing clean (disease free) water and a good education to the children of Tanzania.  (As well as orphans throughout Africa.)  I am delighted to report that thousands of dollars were raised in this effort, and I would like to publicly acknowledged our tournament director, my good friend, Rich Walker.  Well done, Ricardo!  I didn’t win the safari trip, but I did get two tickets to the Bronx Zoo.  (The one BEHIND the bars!)

On Wednesday, the Princess of Portugal, and her distinguished husband, Baron Lee, kept a promise to me and hosted a gala lobster festival at their mansion in Round Rock.  Guests consumed an inordinate amount of crustacean meat, grilled corn, roasted potatoes, and several gallons of fine wine.  (All wine is fine with me!)  The evening was a complete success, and now I have some new tails, I mean tales, to share with my blog followers.  Do you think my hosts were trying to “butter me up?”  Hmm.

Speaking of promising events…..  the Darrell K. Royal Research Fund is raising money to find a cure for Alzheimer’s Disease, and you can help by contributing some moolah.  Mr. Chris Cutrone is doing his part (and then some) by serving on the Legacy Council.  (Chris is the son of the beautiful and talented Pat Cutrone, one of my charming friends from Austin.)      Chris’s father, Lee Cutrone Jr., one of the finest men I’ve ever met, was stricken with the disease at the age of 57.  If you can help, please contact Chris at the following address:

http://www.dkrfund.org/legacy-chris-cutrone.cfm

***  If you contribute $100 or more I will send you a FREE, autographed copy of one of my brilliant mystery novels!  As we say in Brooklyn, this is an offer you can’t refuse!

Since we’re on the subject of beautiful and talented women, I would like you to know that my wife is now taking dance lessons!  Her instructor is from Wausau, Poland, which is quite fitting.  (She wants to become a “pole dancer.”)  I would be a great dancer, except for two things.  My feet.  I’m not sure why my wife loves pole dancing, but it might have something to do with her first boyfriend, who was a fireman.  (Hey, just be grateful that I didn’t refer to him as an “old flame!”)

I’m scheduled to do a television interview later this week, which means that I’ll have to get all cleaned up and look presentable.  I hate grooming on a Sunday.  You brush your teeth, take a shower, shave, comb your hair, and one month later you have to start all over again.  Life ain’t fair.  If the interview proceeds according to plan, we will be discussing my non-fiction book, THE SECOND MOURNING.  I’ll let you know when and where it will be shown.

Did you hear that they are now selling Italian ISIS in New York?  (Ouch!)

I inadvertently rented a Jewish porno film last night.  (One minute of sex, followed by 29 minutes of guilt!)  Oy vey, what do you say, take that ball, down the other way!  This was the one and only football cheer that I created for the Yeshiva University Football Team.  I don’t think they ever used it, but only because they had no team.  Who knew?

Well, my dear friends, thanks for your continued support and encouragement.  Have a safe and happy week and we will meet again next Sunday.  Love to all…..

Doc Yanoff

STARRY STARRY NIGHT!

Last evening, my new book, THE SECOND MOURNING, received the equivalent of a 5-STAR review from Kirkus Book Reviews!  (One of the most prominent book reviewers in the country!)  They began by referring to the story of President Garfield’s assassination as “a fascinating narrative that covers new ground.”  After a thorough analysis of the entire book, they concluded with another great compliment…..  one that I might add to the back cover…..   “[Yanoff’s book] is an immensely readable narrative that portrays the mood and tumultuous events of the day.”

What can I say?  I am humbled and delighted, and this is bound to increase our sales, which are starting to head toward the “best-seller” designation.  Thank you, Kirkus, for the great review!  (By the way, if you would like to read the entire review, just go to Kirkus Reviews and look up the title of the book or my name.)

Speaking of “Starry Starry Nights,” did you know that I once insured Vincent Van Gogh’s masterpiece?  They were having a special show at the New York Museum of Modern Art, and the curator was looking for some extra insurance coverage.  Back then, the painting was estimated to be worth well over $100 million dollars, but by today’s standards, it is truly priceless.

I was very “moved” by the painting.  So was Van Gogh.  Of course, he was sort of a “moving Van.”  The question is, where did Van Gogh?  (Off the deep end.)  What can I say, the man was talented, but “ear-rational.”  (All right, no more ear jokes!)

But since we’re on the subject of humor…..  Here is Part 2 of “Kids Say The Darndest Things.”  These comments were recorded at (I hope you’re sitting down) Harvard University!  A sophomore summer school class was discussing the recent civil unrest in Ferguson, Missouri, and the students had this to say…..

1.  The young man who got killed was severely wounded.  (Undoubtedly.)

2.  I heard that the victim was shot six times.  My friend said it was more like half a dozen times.  (Tough call.)

3.  The percolator should be severely penalized.  (Uh-oh, there’s trouble brewing.)

4.  The case will go to the Grand Jury, and they will decide whether to entice or equip the police officer.  (They might do both.)

And my personal favorite…..

5.  The National Guard was called out to enforce a no-fly zone in the neighborhood.  (Well, some of the protestors did seem high.)

Incidentally, since we’re on the subject of “lofty events,” did you read the newspaper story about the family court judge who issued an eviction notice to her own daughter?  No joke.  The judge’s daughter is VERY pregnant, and in order to “push things along,” the sweet baby, resting comfortably in the womb, was issued (in absentia) an eviction notice!!  There was no mention of the baby girl’s reaction, but I would be willing to bet that she will be kicking and screaming when she makes her grand entrance!

Well, it is time for me to make my not-so-grand exit.  (Pancakes on the griddle!)  Before I leave, I would like to mention that today’s blog is dedicated to a delightful gentleman named Marvin Rubenstein.  Mr. Rubenstein recently passed away, but he gave the world 96 years of joy and laughter.  He will be missed by many.

I hope you all have a wonderful week.  Be safe and keep smiling… love to all.

Doc Yanoff

BACK FROM THE “BIG EASY!”

NO, I WASN’T VISITING KIM KARDASHIAN!  I recently returned from New Orleans, which as you may know, is often called “The Crescent City.”  Personally, I think it should be called “The Croissant City.”  After all, it’s very French, very hot, and very flaky!

And speaking of flakes, our illustrious group had a splendid time.  After Commander’s Palace, we dined at the Red Fish Grill and the Bombay Club, and both were superb.  Especially good was the alligator sausage, and that’s no crock!  As a courtesy to my readers, I shall leave out some rather good jokes about “boudin balls” and “dirty rice.”  (They were X-rated, and this is a family blog!)

Incidentally, I would like to thank Harrah’s Casino for allowing me to play some poker during my stay.  As usual, I got very lucky and won a great deal of money, which I promptly spent on Sazerac Cocktails!  The biggest pot of the trip was won (by me) with two pair, and on that hand alone, the Mighty Cobra raked in over $500!   All in all, it was a lovely and prosperous way to spend the afternoon.

Now that the “Bourbon & Beignets Book Tour” is over I can concentrate on my upcoming radio interview.  I am pleased to report that yours truly will be returning to the “National Book Club” on August 18th.  (We will be discussing my first non-fiction book, THE SECOND MOURNING.)  As you might recall, the program follows “Imus In The Morning,” and can be heard on KLRG (Little Rock) and WTAN & WDCF (Tampa).  The entire interview will also be streamed live on the World Wide Web.

So what else is new?  Well, the CDC office in New York City just announced that germs are easily spread with a handshake.  Fortunately, the most popular greeting in New York is the middle finger.  Meanwhile, the New York Times published a series of articles stating that the current marijuana laws are “useless” and “outdated.”  (Just like the newspaper!)  Congress is on summer break.  From what, I don’t know!

In closing, I would like to share a couple of photographs that were taken at the Elvis Presley Center during our recent book tour.  (We were promoting THE GRACELAND GANG.)  I may have posted some of these, but they’re worth a second look.  (Mainly because I’m not in them!)  I’m not very photographic.  My wife told me that she’s seen better faces on a clock!  (Ouch!)  Yeah, well she has skinny legs.  (I told her that I’ve seen better legs on a piano!)  (Double Ouch!)

Take care, gentle readers, and have yourself a great week!  Love to all …..

Doc Yanoff

 

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THE RAGIN’ CAJUN!

GOOD MORNING, GENTLE READERS, and please forgive the tardy post, but once again I find myself in the great state of Louisiana, driving across the Atchafalaya Basin on my way to New Orleans.  (Actually, I arrived Sunday morning, but the above sounds more dramatic.)  In any case, we made it across the swamp without incident, except for one odd inquiry that came from our navigator.  (Miss Patty)  My wife asked me if I could explain the difference between a swamp and a bayou.  I told her that a swamp has no current, but in the second instance, the water will run “by-you.”  (Believe it or not, she accepted that explanation!)

This week’s book tour has brought us to the Adolescent City in fine style.  (Wait a minute, I think that was supposed to be the “Crescent City.”)  Then again, maybe not.  In any case we are staying at the Windsor Court Hotel, a lovely establishment near the French Quarter.  Being the consomme marketer, I mean, consummate marketer, I immediately made friends with some of my fellow tourists and spread the word about my newest masterpiece, THE SECOND MOURNING.  On that note, I would like to welcome some new fans and blog followers, namely, Crystal & Madison and Amy & William, each from the wild and wonderful state of Louisiana.

Our culinary adventures began at the Carousel Lounge in the French Quarter and then to Commander’s Palace for dinner.  As you can imagine, it was quite a feast….  After a round of Sazerac Cocktails and some champagne, we dined on Bourbon & Coffee coated quail, white shrimp and grits, turtle soup, fried oysters, and the piece of resistance…..  bread pudding souffle!  (I know, life is tough for a famous mystery author!)

After dinner we managed to stroll into Harrah’s Casino, where gambling history was made not by the Mighty Cobra (Me) but by the Princess of Portugal, a/k/a Helena Bomblatus, the queen of Creole Poker!  I will not bore you with the gory details, but let’s just say that our dear friend was dealt a straight, a flush, and  four of a kind, in succession!  Needless to say, the dear woman won a small fortune, and she is definitely paying for dinner tonight.

This morning began with another culinary feast at Mother’s Restaurant, where Baron (Lee) Bomblatus and I consumed a hefty portion of eggs, grits, maple ham, and home made biscuits.  (Washed down with some mighty fine chicory coffee.)  The ladies in our group (escorted by Dr. Max Talbott) just set off for cooking school.  Thus, I find myself faced with a dilemma….  shall I write another chapter of my new mystery novel….. or play some Texas Hold ‘Em at the casino?  What would Elmore Leonard do?  What would Dashiell Hammett do?  What would Raymond Chandler do?

DEAL ME IN, BOYS!  I’M ON MY WAY!

So much for practicing one’s craft.  Hey, maybe my craft is playing poker.  (I am a crafty guy.)  Well, I guess you know where I’m heading.  Fortunately, the casino is right across the street from our hotel.  Assuming I win big, which is usually the case, I am going to take my friends to Cafe Du Monde for some beignets and coffee au lait!  (What a sport)  Personally, I would rather consume a bowl of bananas foster, which incidentally, was NOT named after the great Southern composer, Stephen Foster, the “Father of American Music.”  The dish, created in 1951 at Brennan’s Restaurant, was actually named for Richard Foster, a friend of Owen Brennan.  (By the way, you are welcome to use me as a “life line!”)

Well, my friends, I must bid you adieu.  And believe me, “I do” hope I win some money!  Bonjour until next Sunday…..   love to all…..   les bon temps roule!

Doc Yanoff

 

BACK IN BUSINESS!

Monkey business, that is!  As some of you know, I taught various communication courses at St. Edward’s University in Austin for about 7 years, and every so often, I still participate in “relationship seminars,” which are designed to improve communication between couples and promote marital bliss.  (Where ignorance is bliss, ’tis folly to be wise!)  Well, this year I brought my wife to a seminar, and after 37 years of marriage, I learned some new things about the old girl…..

First, I learned that I had indeed married “MRS. RIGHT.”  What I didn’t know, but soon learned, was that her first name was “ALWAYS!”     Second, I learned that my darling wife enjoys “romance” in the morning.  (Right after I go to work!)     Third, I learned that my wife simply desires a man who’s loyal, faithful, patient, attentive, forgiving, even-tempered, and a good listener.  (What she really needs is a dog!)

After the seminar, we drove down to Port Aransas, a lovely town on the Texas Gulf Coast.  They have a great beach, but surprisingly, there were turtle nests all along the shore.  They’re interesting to observe, but they make a mess of your tires.  Fortunately, the turtles are on the endangered species list.  Every so often a mama turtle tries to crawl into the dunes to lay her eggs, but sometimes they run out of gas.  In that instance, she has to stop at a “Shell station.”  Hey, I just thought of something…..  If a turtle breaks down on the beach, would that be considered a “reptile dysfunction?”

Speaking of dysfunctions…..

A word about the DEMOCRAT PARTY…   President Obama’s approval rating has fallen to 35%    The drug-addicted mayor of Toronto has an approval rating of 45%   Do you realize what this means?  People would rather smoke crack than sign up for Obamacare!

A word about the REPUBLICAN PARTY…  The President is demanding that Congress do something about the Minimum Wage.  If there is one group of people who know something about doing the Minimum for their Wage, it’s definitely Congress!

A word about the PREGNANT PARTY…  I hear that Miss Kellie (Judge Susan’s daughter) had a lovely baby shower.  Why the baby needed a shower is beyond me, but what do I know?  (Not much.)  Hey, do you think they have baby showers in Bath, England?  Anyway, we wish Miss Kellie the very best and we are looking forward to meeting her clean little darling in a month or two.

Finally, I would like to say a word about my first 3 mystery novels (The Graceland Gang, The Pirate Path, and Devil’s Cove.)  I would also like to mention my non-ficiton masterpiece, The Second Mourning.  Never mind.  That would be tacky.  Simply a cheap and under-handed way to get my blog followers to think of my books, and perhaps, if they had the time and wherewithal, order a copy or two from Amazon.com, Barnesandnoble.com, Kindle, or Nook.  I refuse to stoop to such dastardly depths of depravity!  (By the way, the books can also be purchased at BookPeople in Austin.)

Well, now that my moral compass is pointing in the right direction, I must leave you for a gourmet breakfast/pool party on the veranda!  My daughter Rebecca and her boyfriend Peter are on their way to Villa Yanoff for a traditional New York Sunday Morning Feast!  (Bagels, lox, and cream cheese!)  Yummy in my tummy!  Luckily, they are also bringing Madame Romy.  Who might this be?  Check out the attached photograph that I have hopefully managed to include…..  Have a great week…..    Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

 

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SUMMER IN THE CITY…..

HOT TOWN, SUMMER IN THE CITY.  BACK OF MY NECK GETTING DIRTY AND GRITTY…..  Hey, I remember that song!  It wasn’t written about Austin, Texas, but it could have been.  Actually, it was about New York City, penned by John Sebastian and recorded by the Lovin’ Spoonful in 1966.  (I hate to admit it, but I graduated from high school in 1967!)  So how hot is it down here in the Lone Star State?

The Jehovah Witnesses have started telemarketing!

Congress has installed a fan in the debt ceiling!

I caught a FRIED catfish in Lake Travis!  (Now that’s hot!)

Speaking of Lake Travis, my semi-brilliant mystery, DEVIL’S COVE, has recently been named as one of the Top Ten Mysteries of the Year by the Albany (N.Y.) Times Union newspaper.  There was no cash award (darn it!) but it’s still a wonderful honor and one that is greatly appreciated.  The book is now on its third printing, so if you haven’t been able to obtain a copy, now’s your chance.  He who hesitates is lost!

Incidentally, I would like to thank Ms. Emily Garrison for all of her hard work in reference to typing and blocking mystery number four, RANSOM ON THE RHONE.  The next “Adam Gold Mystery” will be published sometime in the fall, and this one takes place mostly in France.  (Hence the title)  The book was originally titled “Life On The Mississippi,” but the publisher thought it was a little long and a somewhat confusing.  (What do they know?)

And since we’re on the subject of publishing, I recently read some interesting things in our local newspaper…..     The finals of the World Cup (Germany vs. Argentina) might attract the largest television audience in history!  I’ve never seen any of the World Cups, but I did meet Dolly Parton when I went to Pigeon Forge.  (This would be a visual joke!) …..   Our current immigration crisis means no more Olympic teams from Central America.  (All of their citizens who can run, jump, and swim are coming to America!) …..  The Republicans have chosen Cleveland as the site of their next national convention.  The Democrats are looking at Baghdad, Gaza City, and Chicago.  (The first two are getting the most votes!)

Last night was “Pool Party Number 200,” and a great time was had by all.  We dined on grilled mahi-mahi, shrimp, fresh salads, and sushi.  Our creative host (Me) prepared a large batch of homemade sangria, and lo and behold, every drop was consumed by our prestigious (and thirsty) guests.  Nude bathing was kept to a “bare minimum,” but that’s the last time I send out invitations with a “clothing optional” message.  (Don’t ask where I dropped a hot shrimp.  And NO jokes about shrimps of any kind!)

Jeez, I’ve heard of THE SECOND MOURNING, but not THE FIRST SCALDING!

Well, my dear friends, I must leave thee now.  Time to head for a late breakfast and some homemade biscuits.  (I would like to thank Miss Rebecca Yanoff for supplying the Colorado honey and Chokecherry Jelly .  (The actual name!)  I can’t wait to gouge myself, I mean, gorge myself with these goodies.  In the meantime, you folks take good care of yourselves, don’t worry about me over-eating, and have a great week!

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

 

 

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THE RETURN OF CAPTAIN KIDDER!

I am happy to report that the infamous pirate/punster (Captain Kidder) and his female accomplice and first mate (Poker Patty) have returned to port…  (we found a bottle in our luggage!)  After we consume the port, our intention is to unpack, which might take some doing after logging 3,545 miles on our recent book tour/family visitation/Caribbean voyage.  Nonetheless, somebody has to do it, so it mighty as well be Patty.  (I only handle booty….  no jokes, please!)

All in all, it was a remarkable venture, which began in Austin and continued east, with stops in Delray Beach, Boca Raton, Fort Lauderdale, Eleuthera (Bahamas), Jamaica, Cayman Island, Cozumel (Mexico), and then up through the Florida Straights to Miami.  Whew, what a trip!  Too much food and drink, but just the right amount of Texas Hold ‘Em Poker.  (We won enough loot to fill a small treasure chest, or Dolly Parton’s bra.)  Incredibly, the seas were almost flat (no more bra jokes, please) and every day was sunny and warm.  Needless to say, we got very lucky.  (And missed Hurricane Arthur!)

While each day brought new adventures, some events were truly memorable…..  For instance, I learned that the good folks of Jamaica, in preparation for my arrival, named a culinary dish after me.  It’s called “Jerk Chicken,” and just like its namesake, it is hot and spicy, and easier to swallow with a hefty dose of rum.  When we reached the Cayman Islands, we saw the maritime version of that movie about Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons.  (JERSEY BUOYS)  After a glass or two of tequila, (in Cozumel) I actually tripped over the Captain’s Log!  (What was he doing on the bridge?)

The highlight of our trip was meeting new people and making friends with some wonderful folks from all over America…..  Kathy & Ernie from Naples, Beth and her hard-working hubby from Illinois, Susan and James from Florida, Jeanie & Carl from Michigan, and the list goes on and on……  (please forgive me if I left your name out!)  Like I said, the best parts of travel always include the amazing, unselfish, hard-working, honest, loyal, and intelligent citizens that you meet.  What a blessing to live in a country with so many wonderful human beings!

Which reminds me…..  Happy Birthday, America!  (You still look great for your age!)  We celebrated part of the Fourth by drinking some fine Caribbean rum in a famous water-side tavern…. a tavern that was once frequented by Captain Kidd.  (The tavern was mentioned in my second mystery, THE PIRATE PATH)  I was surprised to learn that some Caribbean bars actually charge you for resting your fists on the bar while you’re drinking!  Imagine my surprise when they handed me a…..   “Bar Knuckle Bill!”    (Hey, they don’t call me Captain Kidder for nothin’!)

Well, mates, I must leave thee now….. time to return to the mundane world of law and order… and a different set of bills.  (Electric, gas, water, etc.)  If you get a chance, check out the new reviews for THE SECOND MOURNING which have been posted on Amazon.com   Thanks for your continued support, and please continue to spread the word about the book… I may need bail money for my next voyage!  (Especially if I don’t get some new material!)

Have yourself a safe and wonderful week!  Love to all…..

Doc Yanoff

 

 

 

 

THE FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH!

Following in the footsteps of the great Spanish explorer, Ponce de Leon, (who was NOT related to Leon Redbone or Leon Spinks) I have come to the Sunshine State (Florida) in pursuit of a magical elixir!  (Rum and tequila.)  I am delighted to report that I have discovered vast quantities of both!  From what I remember, there are no impending shortages on the horizon.  Of course, the horizon was a little blurry at the time, so I might be overly optimistic.  Which reminds me, my uncle was an optimist.  He sold eyeglasses at the mall, but he missed a lot of work because he had an eye problem.  (He just couldn’t see coming to work.)  On second thought, he might have been an optometrist.  In any case, he had to quit, because he was starting to envision optical delusions.

As you may have surmised, I am still consuming alcoholic libations, but my true goal this trip is pursuing fame and fortune, and a bronze-colored body.  (Not necessarily my own, either!)  Thus far, we are off to a good start.  I am traveling with my semi-domesticated partner, and the weather could not be better.  We spent the morning at nude beach (by accident) and we both felt quite uncomfortable.  The wife is from Texas, and she thought the sign said “DUDE Beach.”)  She was wrong.  I, being the courteous type, asked the lady sitting next to me if I was making her uncomfortable by not wearing a swimsuit.  She replied, “No, it’s no big thing!”

Needless to say, she ruined my morning, but I got over it.  (I consoled myself with a pastrami sandwich from the Flakowitz Deli.  Accompanied by a Dr. Brown black cherry soda.)  Life is good.

I may have mentioned this already, but I have recently been invited for another interview on the National Book Club Radio Program.  The host, Jack Drucker, wants to have a chat about THE SECOND MOURNING, and I am very pleased and honored to return as a guest.  My first appearance resulted in a surge of book sales and some very interesting speaking invitations.  We are tentatively scheduled to conduct the interview in mid-August, and I will keep you informed of any changes, and provide the exact broadcast time when it becomes available.

In the meantime, I will be doing some “Caribbean research” for the movie version of THE PIRATE PATH.  After our stop in Florida, we are heading down to Jamaica, the Cayman Islands, and Cozumel.  I know what you’re thinking.  How do I handle the intense pressure?  How can one man survive the trials and tribulations of becoming a literary beach bum?  How does this fellow avoid a full-scale investigation by the I.R.S.?  (Would you believe I’m friends with Lois Lerner?)  On second thought, maybe that was Lois Lane.

Well, I must leave you now, mainly because the boss wants me to clean my room before we head out for some snorkeling.  I told her that I have ADCD, but she doesn’t believe me.  In case you’re curious, ADCD is Attention Deficit Cleaning Disorder.  Every time I start to clean up, I realize that my efforts are futile, and I’m compelled to lay down and take a nap.  This is usually followed by a violent headache.  (Caused by a hard strike to the head.)  One of these days…..

All right, gang, I’m outta here.  Please have a safe and wonderful week, and keep those cards and letters coming.  The next time you hear from me, I shall be sailing through the Caribbean, bound for ports unknown.  (Thank God I love port!)

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff