August 9, 2015

SOME LIKE IT HOT?

Maybe so, but not this hot! Yikes, boys and girls, we’re in the middle of another heat wave! (Why is it called a “wave” when there is no water or rain in sight?) Dang, it’s really hot down here in Austin, Texas. It’s so hot, the hens are laying hard boiled eggs! It’s so hot, I saw two cedar trees fighting over a dog! (Hey, wait a minute, didn’t we do enough “hot jokes” last time?) All right, let’s move on to something more pleasant …..

Since we’re on the subject of “hot streaks,” allow me to (proudly) announce that THE SECOND MOURNING (The Untold Story of America’s Most Bizarre Political Murder) has recently been named as a FINALIST of the 2015 USA BEST BOOK AWARDS! This honor caught me by surprise, and I am very grateful for the acknowledgement of my work. Gold, Silver, and Bronze medals will be awarded in November, so keep your fingers crossed for me!

By the way, you can take a look at the review online. Simply go to the USA BEST BOOK AWARDS website: http://www.usabooknews.com/nonfichistory

So what else is new? I just heard that Ultimate Frisbee has become an official Olympic sport. (Participants will be REQUIRED to be on drugs!) What’s next, Pachisi and Chinese Checkers? I hear that Gov. Chris Christie is demanding Dominoes. (Not the game, the pizza!) Hey, how come Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream endorsed Bernie Sanders and not Chris Christie? What’s the story with that? Bernie Sanders is kind of old to become President. Hell, he can still remember when Howard Johnson only had two flavors! (Now that’s old. Older than that joke!)

My recent book signing in lovely Marble Falls was a huge success. (Some very big people were in the audience.) They got big from eating at the Blue Bonnet Cafe! (Yeah, I ate there, too.) We feasted on some very good pies, and believe it or not, they actually have a “Pie Happy Hour!” If you’re in the mood for a good slice of coconut cream pie, then this is the place to go. When you’re done eating, head over to Save the World Brewing Company. They offer some excellent Belgian-style brews. (They go great with coconut cream pie!) Thanks to the Chamber of Commerce for arranging a most interesting afternoon!

Finally, in closing, I would like to welcome my newest (and definitely youngest) blog follower to our Sunday get-together. I don’t usually single out anyone, but this young lady is sort of special, and I’m very close to her mother. Soooooo ….. without any further adieu, welcome to the club, Miss Goldie Delilah! (Who just happens to be my newly born grand-daughter/tax deduction!) Grandpa Steve sends his love! (And don’t worry, you’ll like some of these jokes when you get older!)

Well, my dear friends, time to take my leave. The temperatures for the next 3 days are expected to be… 104, 105, and 106! Consequently, I must supervise my wife’s roofing chores this afternoon. (She’s replacing a few loose tiles.) Actually, I’m the one with a few loose tiles, but that’s a different story! Have yourselves a safe and wonderful week…..

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

P.S. Several of you have asked to see a photo of the “floating tavern” that visited us each day in the Caribbean. Your wish is my command! (SEE ATTACHED)

June 22, 2014

THE FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH!

Following in the footsteps of the great Spanish explorer, Ponce de Leon, (who was NOT related to Leon Redbone or Leon Spinks) I have come to the Sunshine State (Florida) in pursuit of a magical elixir! (Rum and tequila.) I am delighted to report that I have discovered vast quantities of both! From what I remember, there are no impending shortages on the horizon. Of course, the horizon was a little blurry at the time, so I might be overly optimistic. Which reminds me, my uncle was an optimist. He sold eyeglasses at the mall, but he missed a lot of work because he had an eye problem. (He just couldn’t see coming to work.) On second thought, he might have been an optometrist. In any case, he had to quit, because he was starting to envision optical delusions.

As you may have surmised, I am still consuming alcoholic libations, but my true goal this trip is pursuing fame and fortune, and a bronze-colored body. (Not necessarily my own, either!) Thus far, we are off to a good start. I am traveling with my semi-domesticated partner, and the weather could not be better. We spent the morning at nude beach (by accident) and we both felt quite uncomfortable. The wife is from Texas, and she thought the sign said “DUDE Beach.”) She was wrong. I, being the courteous type, asked the lady sitting next to me if I was making her uncomfortable by not wearing a swimsuit. She replied, “No, it’s no big thing!”

Needless to say, she ruined my morning, but I got over it. (I consoled myself with a pastrami sandwich from the Flakowitz Deli. Accompanied by a Dr. Brown black cherry soda.) Life is good.

I may have mentioned this already, but I have recently been invited for another interview on the National Book Club Radio Program. The host, Jack Drucker, wants to have a chat about THE SECOND MOURNING, and I am very pleased and honored to return as a guest. My first appearance resulted in a surge of book sales and some very interesting speaking invitations. We are tentatively scheduled to conduct the interview in mid-August, and I will keep you informed of any changes, and provide the exact broadcast time when it becomes available.

In the meantime, I will be doing some “Caribbean research” for the movie version of THE PIRATE PATH. After our stop in Florida, we are heading down to Jamaica, the Cayman Islands, and Cozumel. I know what you’re thinking. How do I handle the intense pressure? How can one man survive the trials and tribulations of becoming a literary beach bum? How does this fellow avoid a full-scale investigation by the I.R.S.? (Would you believe I’m friends with Lois Lerner?) On second thought, maybe that was Lois Lane.

Well, I must leave you now, mainly because the boss wants me to clean my room before we head out for some snorkeling. I told her that I have ADCD, but she doesn’t believe me. In case you’re curious, ADCD is Attention Deficit Cleaning Disorder. Every time I start to clean up, I realize that my efforts are futile, and I’m compelled to lay down and take a nap. This is usually followed by a violent headache. (Caused by a hard strike to the head.) One of these days…..

All right, gang, I’m outta here. Please have a safe and wonderful week, and keep those cards and letters coming. The next time you hear from me, I shall be sailing through the Caribbean, bound for ports unknown. (Thank God I love port!)

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

July 18, 2012

ELVIS AUTHOR TAKES THE FIFTH!

Now don’t go jumping to conclusions! The above title is not what it appears to be… final proof (as if we needed it!) that our beloved author of THE PRESLEY PLOT, Stephen G. Yanoff, has finally been brought to (literary) justice in a court of law! No sir, that is not what I mean to imply. In fact, the above title deals with a lovely situation that I have recently encountered…. As my loyal followers know, last night was the Grand, Super Deluxe, One Of A Kind Poker Tournament down at MY PLACE SPORTS BAR.

The field was extremely tough. (Actually, we played inside.) Nevertheless, there might have been 2,000 highly qualified Texas Hold ‘Em champion players in the room (all right, I said “might.”) Whatever the number, there were no seats available for any late-comers or stragglers. The place was packed to the rafters and I am pleased to say that it was our largest turnout of the season. Many, many great and semi-famous players showed up, and as you can imagine, the competition was stiff. (Too much alcohol!)

I, of course, do not know the meaning of the word fear. (Or several other words.) Still, when I saw who was at my table, I figured that I would soon be eliminated. (Especially if they caught me cheating again.) However, I played quite well, and the poker gods were with me most of the time. Don’t ask me how, but I managed to make it to the final table! (With very little cheating.)

You can imagine my surprise when I looked to my left and saw one of my most brilliant students (a woman who was on full scholarship at my poker academy in Austin)…… none other than Judge Susan, THE LEGAL EAGLE! Her Honor played brilliantly and outlasted a room full of folks who were anxious to get their greedy little hands on a VERY LARGE JACKPOT of cold, hard cash! To be honest, I thought that the Judge and I were going to make history, but it was not meant to be.

HOWEVER….. we both placed high up in the tournament! Judge Susan came in 6th and I finished 5th. (Hence the above title regarding me taking the fifth!)

NOW FOR THE BIG NEWS! Gin Keller, our lovely host, sold a ton of books entitled THE PRESLEY PLOT! Almost half of the tournament participants purchased a copy of my new mystery novel! Naturally, I was happy to autograph and few thousand copies, and I was very, very pleased by the support I received from my fellow gambling addicts. Oddly enough, I made more money selling books last night than playing poker!

I would like to thank Miss Linda, the owner of MY PLACE for hosting such a great tournament and also for allowing me to set up a table loaded with copies of THE PRESLEY PLOT… which were selling like hot cakes! We all had a wonderful evening, and those present, will remember a truly outstanding event.

Be well and be careful….. Your tired but happy author…..

Doc Yanoff