AHOY THERE, landlubbers!  Captain Kidder (yours truly) has returned from his 3-week nautical adventure on the high seas.  Actually, I never got “high,” but I did consume a fair amount of rum.  One guy on our ship drank a gallon of shellac and died, but he had a “nice finish.”  (Ouch!)  I recently returned to lovely Austin, Texas, and I’m glad to be home.  (I didn’t want to miss the end of cedar season!)  In any case, it’s great to be back, but I do miss the warm salt air and the fragrance of Coppertone suntan lotion.  By the way, my wife also loves Coppertone lotion.  (She supports the women’s lubrication movement!  Frankly, so do I, but I won’t go there right now.)

My recent sojourn began in Boca Raton, Florida, the land of silk and money.  During our voyage we covered roughly 3,000 nautical miles, but since I was on a ship, I stayed dry.  (Or was that my martini?)  Naturally, I made many new friends, sold some books, and gained a few more blog followers.  (We will probably have 50,000 followers by the end of 2017!)

As most of you know, I LOVE the Caribbean, and not just because the locals named a dish after me.  (Jerk Chicken)  This voyage started in the Turks & Caicos, but I didn’t meet any Turks or Caicos.  From there we sailed to Puerto Rico to visit my hubcaps.  After San Juan, we traveled to Tortola, which is part of the British Virgin Islands.  Not to complain, but once again I did not meet a single virgin.  After leaving Tortola, we stopped in a remote and lovely spot called Punta Cana, which is located on the eastern end of the Dominican Republic.  Punta Cana is GORGEOUS, and has soft white sand and crystal clear water.  Great diving, snorkeling, and swimming.  We were actually the very first “touristas” to ever visit by ship, and it was well worth the stop.  The Dominicans are gracious and welcoming, but don’t confuse the Dominican Republic with the island of Dominica, which is much further south.  (If you do, they will throw a coconut at your head!)

Our final port of call was Nassau, in the Bahamas, where I spent the day scouting movie locations for my second mystery novel, THE PIRATE PATH.  (More on that later)  I would like to thank our hosts at the Melia Beach Resort for a truly memorable visit.  The weather, water, and women were perfect!  (Remind me to tell you my “Coppertone story.”  Let’s just say that I rubbed a few chicks the wrong way!)

Of course, the best part of spending much of your adult life on a cruise ship is meeting other travelers, and this voyage was no exception.  In fact, I’d like to say “howdy” to a few of my new friends, which includes, Jon & Candace Hatch (our “Happy Hour” buddies) Jerry & Miriam Klein from Nashville, and Cyril & Joan Villiers from the U.K.  It was such a pleasure to wine and dine with you folks!

Well, now that I’m “back in the saddle,” I have to review the final editing revisions on my next history book, titled, TURBULENT TIMES.  (The Remarkable Life of William H. Seward)  The publisher is aiming for a May 1st release date, which would arrive just in time for the summer season.  (I can’t believe that I now have to read my own writing!  For the third time!)

In closing, I would like to thank the D.H.S. for allowing me to re-enter the country.  Apparently they did not hear about the “Coppertone incident” on St. Barts, which was our second stop.  Nor did they learn about the “topless” photographs that I took on the island of Antigua.  (Our fourth stop.)  Those dang French ladies are more modest that they appear to be… and they can run very quickly in thongs… the thongs you wear on your feet!)

I will post some (uncensored) photographs on my next blog, but don’t get your hopes up.  The topless photographs were confiscated by some pervert in Customs.  Besides, my wife only let me take pictures of the men on the beach!  (That woman is such a prude!)  Well, be well and have yourselves a safe and joyful week.  Speak to you next Sunday…..

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff