immigration

HOT TOWN, SUMMER IN THE CITY. BACK OF MY NECK GETTING DIRTY AND GRITTY….. Hey, I remember that song! It wasn’t written about Austin, Texas, but it could have been. Actually, it was about New York City, penned by John Sebastian and recorded by the Lovin’ Spoonful in 1966. (I hate to admit it, but I graduated from high school in 1967!) So how hot is it down here in the Lone Star State?

The Jehovah Witnesses have started telemarketing!

Congress has installed a fan in the debt ceiling!

I caught a FRIED catfish in Lake Travis! (Now that’s hot!)

Speaking of Lake Travis, my semi-brilliant mystery, DEVIL’S COVE, has recently been named as one of the Top Ten Mysteries of the Year by the Albany (N.Y.) Times Union newspaper. There was no cash award (darn it!) but it’s still a wonderful honor and one that is greatly appreciated. The book is now on its third printing, so if you haven’t been able to obtain a copy, now’s your chance. He who hesitates is lost!

Incidentally, I would like to thank Ms. Emily Garrison for all of her hard work in reference to typing and blocking mystery number four, RANSOM ON THE RHONE. The next “Adam Gold Mystery” will be published sometime in the fall, and this one takes place mostly in France. (Hence the title) The book was originally titled “Life On The Mississippi,” but the publisher thought it was a little long and a somewhat confusing. (What do they know?)

And since we’re on the subject of publishing, I recently read some interesting things in our local newspaper….. The finals of the World Cup (Germany vs. Argentina) might attract the largest television audience in history! I’ve never seen any of the World Cups, but I did meet Dolly Parton when I went to Pigeon Forge. (This would be a visual joke!) ….. Our current immigration crisis means no more Olympic teams from Central America. (All of their citizens who can run, jump, and swim are coming to America!) ….. The Republicans have chosen Cleveland as the site of their next national convention. The Democrats are looking at Baghdad, Gaza City, and Chicago. (The first two are getting the most votes!)

Last night was “Pool Party Number 200,” and a great time was had by all. We dined on grilled mahi-mahi, shrimp, fresh salads, and sushi. Our creative host (Me) prepared a large batch of homemade sangria, and lo and behold, every drop was consumed by our prestigious (and thirsty) guests. Nude bathing was kept to a “bare minimum,” but that’s the last time I send out invitations with a “clothing optional” message. (Don’t ask where I dropped a hot shrimp. And NO jokes about shrimps of any kind!)

Jeez, I’ve heard of THE SECOND MOURNING, but not THE FIRST SCALDING!

Well, my dear friends, I must leave thee now. Time to head for a late breakfast and some homemade biscuits. (I would like to thank Miss Rebecca Yanoff for supplying the Colorado honey and Chokecherry Jelly . (The actual name!) I can’t wait to gouge myself, I mean, gorge myself with these goodies. In the meantime, you folks take good care of yourselves, don’t worry about me over-eating, and have a great week!

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

WELL, THIS IS ANOTHER FINE MESS YOU’VE GOTTEN ME INTO! Thanks to you, my nearly 4,000 faithful blog followers, my new mystery novel, MURDER ON MAIDEN LANE, has sold over 300 books this past week. Wonderful, you say? Have you considered the tax implications of becoming a famous author? My accountant, Jesse James Lipschitz, tells me that I now owe the I.R.S. a substantial amount of money. (Which is why I’m not filing a tax return this year.) What can they do to me? Throw me in jail? Come to think of it, Al Capone ended up in Al-catraz!

Please don’t worry about me or my finances. Just keep buying as many copies of THE PRESLEY PLOT and MURDER ON MAIDEN LANE as you can afford. I’ll worry about the tax thing after I’m caught, I mean, after the books are bought. By the way, did you know that Al Capone only dated bank tellers? That’s where we get the term “safe sex.” (Jeez, that joke should be “barred!”)

Incidentally, the new book (Murder on Maiden Lane) came out just beautiful. It’s much thicker than The Presley Plot and it’s printed on high quality creme-colored paper. Aberdeen Bay did a wonderful job this time around, and there are no mistakes in the text. (I actually proofread the book this time!) If you need an autographed copy, just contact me and I’ll see what I can do. (If you live in a foreign country, you can always sign it on my behalf. Who will know?)

What else is happening in the world? Well, last Thursday, Barbara Talbott, a/k/a The Dragon-Slayer, won second place at the Waterloo Loose-Woman and Hopeless Hombre Poker Tournament in Austin. I made it to the final table (what else is new?) but my “big slick” (suited ace and king) did not hold up, and I was crushed by a lousy pair of fives. Life ain’t fair.

I don’t know about you, but I feel sorry for those pesky North Koreans. The New York Times reported that because of food shortages and poor nutrition, North Koreans are now, on average, two inches shorter than South Koreans! But wait, there’s a silver lining to this story… if we wait a few years nobody in North Korea will be tall enough to reach the missile launch buttons on the console! Speaking of short turds, did you know that Kim Jung-un has officially banned “capitalist celebrations.” including Christmas?! Who bans Christmas? Only a grinch. (I read that Kim Jung-un was an ugly child. How ugly? During Christmas, they would hang him up and kiss the mistletoe! (There I go with the missiles again!) I pity his poor wife, Holly. She has to bow whenever he enters the room. (Surely you’ve heard of the “bows of Holly?”) Dang, if I keep going, I might start a war!

Due to an unexpected tooth extraction, followed by a slight case of “dry socket,” I was forced to cancel my one and only speaking engagement this past week. (You might have seen them celebrating in Giddings.) Nonetheless, I am now “well-healed,” and ready to resume my illustrious career as a literary diplomat! So, look for my next missive (again with the missiles?) as it will be a good one…..

Have a safe and happy week… Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

Books By Stephen G. Yanoff

SUMMER IN THE CITY…..

A TAXING SITUATION!