March 1, 2015

RANSOM DEMAND!

NO, I’M NOT DEMANDING MONEY! I’m referring to the unprecedented demand for my new mystery novel, RANSOM ON THE RHONE. (Which sounds dangerously close to “Ransom Over The Phone.”) Anyway, the book is selling briskly (what else would you expect with these frigid temperatures?) and is well on its way to becoming another huge literary sensation. Believe it or not, the first printing has already sold out (thanks to my mom) and we are now on our 2nd or 3rd round of printing.

Soooo…. If you’ve been waiting to order a book, they are now available at Amazon.com, Barnesandnoble.com, GoodReads.com, Kindle, and Nook. They can also be purchased at a large number of “brick and mortar” stores. If you are a fan of Adam Gold, and let’s face it, who isn’t, then you will love this new story. Here is the blurb from the back cover: “The theft of a priceless Gobelin tapestry drags insurance investigator, Adam Gold, into the murky and violent world of international artnapping – and a life or death struggle with the Corsican mafia.” There is more, but my publicist, Blind Lemon Lefkowitz, thinks we should just “tease” the public, which be you.

I would like to ask a small favor of my 16,000 blog followers…. if you read the book and enjoy it, please leave a nice comment/review on Amazon.com or Barnesandnoble.com These kind words are very helpful to future sales and help attract advertising dollars from the publisher. Thank you in advance for your support!

So what else be new? Today in my mother’s birthday. Miss Hazel just turned 89! As usual, I sent her a “congratulations card” for giving birth to me. (See why I’m her favorite?) I’m not sure why, but my sister, who is three years younger than me, sent me a birthday card. She just discovered that we are not identical twins after all. Surprise,surprise. Anyway, I will be sending mom a discounted copy of my new book, assuming she is willing to pay for shipping and handling.

To make matters more expensive, tomorrow is my wife’s birthday! Yes, I’m buying flowers. Last year I found a great deal on some unused flowers from a local funeral home. Seemed appropriate, since she is always threatening to kill me! In my humble opinion, marriage is very educational. How so, you ask? Well, as the philosopher Emmanuel Can’t-Do once said, “marriage is when a man loses his bachelor’s degree….. and a woman gets her master’s degree!”

Amen, brother! Hey, what did you think of the Annual Insomnia Awards? (a/k/a the Academy Awards.) OMG, was that a long show or what? The “Best Picture” award was actually presented on “Good Morning America!” By the end of the show the kid from “Boyhood” was living in a senior center! Where the heck was Bradley Cooper when we needed him? (He could have at least taken out Sean Penn!)

Speaking of celebrations… Last night we attended the birthday party of the lovely and talented Miss Melinda Perez. The Princess of Pressure (she works as a masseuse) held a gala affair in a most charming venue…. the train station depot in Austin. The building was an actual train station for many years, and is still in remarkable condition. Next door is a brand new beer brewery, and naturally, we got to sample some of their wares. A great time was had by all, and Miss Melinda is one lucky gal… she has an amazing family and lots of friends who love her dearly. (Including a semi-famous author!)

In closing, I would remind you to dress in layers during these long months of global warming. Winter has to end some time, doesn’t it? (I think Al Gore is somehow responsible for this weather, but I can’t prove it.) Why couldn’t he stick to the Internet and leave us alone? By the way, does “net neutrality” mean that I have to poke fun at Democrats and Republicans equally? (That should be easy!) Well, I must leave you now… I am sponsoring a clothing drive for naked soldiers in Somalia. I am looking at a photograph of their army. Very sad. I see so many privates. (Think about that and call me later!)

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

P.S. I promise that this will be the last time I post a picture of my new book cover!

October 12, 2014

SPEAK SOFTLY AND CARRY A BIG SCHTICK!

I’m not sure who said that, but I think it was either Theodore Roosevelt or Shecky Greene… In any case, I concur with the sentiment, which is why I am pleased to announce that yours truly will soon be featured on… (are you sitting down?) … THE LARGEST RADIO NETWORK IN THE WORLD! That’s right, my dear blog followers, thanks to your continued encouragement and support I have now become a “highly sought after personality.” (Which is similar to being on America’s Most Wanted, but different.)

Where was I? Oh yes, the radio program. I have recently formalized a written agreement to be the featured author on “Star Style,” an award-winning radio program now in its 17th season. The program is hosted by Cynthia Brian, (a hugely popular radio personality) and is broadcast by Voice America/World Talk Radio. Here’s the coolest part….. the program is broadcast to 219 countries and has a current listening audience of 4.5 MILLION listeners!

Yikes, I’d better be coherent and glib! Guess why? The show is done LIVE! No rehearsals, no tape, no second chances! (Not much pressure there!) Hopefully, there will only be 3.5 MILLION people listening. (I prefer smaller audiences.) Now for the details…. (I’ll wait while you grab a pen and paper) OK, here goes….. The LIVE 20-minute interview will be broadcast on Wednesday, November 12, 2014. The show comes on at 4-5 p.m. Pacific Time, which means that my Texas friends will hear it 3 hours later. (My interview slot has been assigned a specific time, which is 7:15 to 7:40 p.m. EASTERN TIME.)

MORE GOOD NEWS… If you do not own a radio, or have dinner plans on November 12th, you can access the entire interview on the radio station’s archive site. (Which means that you can listen to it over and over, like I’m going to do.) All you have to do is get your hands on a computer and go to: http://www.VoiceAmerica.com/show/2206/be-the-star-you-are

So what else is new? As a public service I would like to remind you of the symptoms of Ebola. The virus will cause headaches, feelings of nausea, and is difficult to get rid of. (Much like a politician.) I’m starting to think that Kim Jong Un, the North Korean dictator, might have contracted the disease. The poor guy has vanished! He didn’t even go to George Clooney’s wedding. The North Koreans sent his daughter, Kim Kardashi Un.

The head of the Secret Service was recently fired. (She had to jump over the White House fence to turn in her office keys!) The whacko that broke into the White House was inside a lot longer than we were told. He was there long enough to be appointed Acting Secretary of Agriculture! Then the President gets on an elevator with a civilian who was carrying a loaded weapon. Thank God Ray Rice wasn’t on the elevator!

Chelsea Clinton’s new daughter just uttered her first word! She reportedly said, “I-O-W-A.”

The government of Turkey has finally announced that it will join America’s fight against ISIS. Unfortunately, they didn’t indicate whose side they will be on. But do not fear! Those cold-blooded bastards in ISIS will soon surrender to us. They were recently told that Sylvester Stallone is contemplating another “Rocky” movie. (Their leader supposedly said, “How much can we take!”)

Today I find myself in sunny Florida, basking on the beach in Boca Raton. We have had 5 days of perfect weather, and the food has been outstanding. We are eating lots of bagels and have seen some “bay-gulls” flying around. I have also seen many bikini-clad women, and surprisingly, most of them DO NOT want their photographs taken… even from behind. What’s the story with that? I told one lady that I will take just one shot, and then we’ll see what “develops.” (She threatened to take one shot at me!)

Well, I must leave you now… we are off to see my sister, Jan, down in Fort Lauderdale. Which reminds me, today’s blog is dedicated to a very special man who recently passed away. My smart and talented brother-in-law (Larry Baum) recently lost his favorite uncle, who was one of the sweetest and kindest men I ever met. So this one’s for you, Heshy!

And as for the rest of you… please have a safe and joyous week! Thanks for taking the time to read my blog, and we shall meet again soon. Love to all…

Doc Yanoff

P.S. I forgot to mention that my upcoming radio interview will be covering THE SECOND MOURNING, my non-fiction book. The host just finished reading the book and loved it, so that will be our main emphasis.

October 5, 2014

TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR!

YOU PROBABLY WONDER WHERE I ARE… I MEAN, WHERE I WAS! Well, rather than keep you guessing, I’ll just tell you that I spent Saturday evening in the charming town of Lockhart, Texas. (“The Barbecue Capital of The World!) Last night, I was one of the featured authors at the gala event known as Evening With The Authors, and even though I might be considered a “little star,” I still had a twinkle in my eye! Ah, what a marvelous time was had by all… The event was held at Judge Rebecca Hawener’s enchanting garden estate, a lovely setting festooned with an incredible array of flora and fauna. (Flora was the woman sitting beside me.)

The grounds were decorated with lovely plants, flower arrangements, and special lighting. (I was the only “dim thing” present!) Each author had their own table, designated by a huge neon sign (just kidding) and was chaperoned through the evening by a series of wonderful volunteer guides. Our first guide was an interesting and intelligent woman named Linda Brooks, and she was simply a marvelous hostess. In fact, every volunteer we met was just wonderful, and I can see why Lockhart is such a pleasant place to live. The town is filled with sweet, pleasant folks. (Folks who love to read, too!)

I met a couple of wonderful ladies from Barnes & Noble Book Sellers, and they were kind enough to feature all 3 of my mystery novels, plus my new non-fiction book, THE SECOND MOURNING. I understand that my history book was actually the best seller of the evening, and for that, I am extremely grateful. (No, I didn’t buy 30 copies!) The hard-working ladies from Barnes & Noble set up a book tent, handled the sales, and provided the perfect venue for browsing throughout the evening.

Patty and I were amazed by all of the people who love American history, and we got to meet some truly incredible folks who were quite anxious to learn about President Garfield’s assassination. I must have autographed at least 5,000 books (slight exaggeration here) but I loved every minute, and the best part was meeting so many interesting citizens. Life is good, especially in a small town. Even better in a small town with 4 great barbecue joints!

In case you’re wondering, we didn’t dine on barbecue. The fare consisted of healthy cuisine, including a shrimp-filled paella and lots of green salads. (See what happens when women run the show?) If men were in charge, we would have feasted on brisket and ribs, and consumed copious amounts of Lone Star Beer. With the ladies running things, we were treated to an endless supply of good wine from the Pleasant Hill Winery. Of course, there were several tables of homemade desserts, but I resisted the temptation! (My motto is still: “Boys who eat sweets, take up two seats!”)

I might have mentioned this already, but all net proceeds went to support the Dr. Eugene Clark Library of Lockhart. If you live in Texas, you should definitely plan a trip to Lockhart, which represents the best characteristics of American life. You will meet a lot of honest, decent, hard-working folks who will make you feel proud to live in such a great country as ours. You will also be treated to some mighty good food, so come hungry!

Finally, in celebration of my newest Adam Gold Mystery (RANSOM ON THE RHONE) I am now packing for another book tour/road trip/vacation to sunny Florida! I am not quite sure of our itinerary, but my publicist, Blind Lemon Lefkowitz, tells me that we have some intriguing stops along the way. (God knows what that means!) Our last “intriguing” venture resulted in a stiff fine and a suspended jail sentence! If any of my blog followers know the name of a reliable bail bondsman, please forward asap.

In closing, I would like to assure you that I will definitely NOT be exercising during this outing. In fact, if my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail, just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there!

Have a safe and wonderful week! Love to all…

Doc Yanoff

P.S. I will post some photographs of last night’s event in the near future!

September 7, 2014

PROMISES, PROMISES!

Last Sunday, I had the pleasure of participating in a charity poker tournament intended to raise funds for Africa’s Promise Village, a marvelous organization dedicated to providing clean (disease free) water and a good education to the children of Tanzania. (As well as orphans throughout Africa.) I am delighted to report that thousands of dollars were raised in this effort, and I would like to publicly acknowledged our tournament director, my good friend, Rich Walker. Well done, Ricardo! I didn’t win the safari trip, but I did get two tickets to the Bronx Zoo. (The one BEHIND the bars!)

On Wednesday, the Princess of Portugal, and her distinguished husband, Baron Lee, kept a promise to me and hosted a gala lobster festival at their mansion in Round Rock. Guests consumed an inordinate amount of crustacean meat, grilled corn, roasted potatoes, and several gallons of fine wine. (All wine is fine with me!) The evening was a complete success, and now I have some new tails, I mean tales, to share with my blog followers. Do you think my hosts were trying to “butter me up?” Hmm.

Speaking of promising events….. the Darrell K. Royal Research Fund is raising money to find a cure for Alzheimer’s Disease, and you can help by contributing some moolah. Mr. Chris Cutrone is doing his part (and then some) by serving on the Legacy Council. (Chris is the son of the beautiful and talented Pat Cutrone, one of my charming friends from Austin.) Chris’s father, Lee Cutrone Jr., one of the finest men I’ve ever met, was stricken with the disease at the age of 57. If you can help, please contact Chris at the following address:

http://www.dkrfund.org/legacy-chris-cutrone.cfm

*** If you contribute $100 or more I will send you a FREE, autographed copy of one of my brilliant mystery novels! As we say in Brooklyn, this is an offer you can’t refuse!

Since we’re on the subject of beautiful and talented women, I would like you to know that my wife is now taking dance lessons! Her instructor is from Wausau, Poland, which is quite fitting. (She wants to become a “pole dancer.”) I would be a great dancer, except for two things. My feet. I’m not sure why my wife loves pole dancing, but it might have something to do with her first boyfriend, who was a fireman. (Hey, just be grateful that I didn’t refer to him as an “old flame!”)

I’m scheduled to do a television interview later this week, which means that I’ll have to get all cleaned up and look presentable. I hate grooming on a Sunday. You brush your teeth, take a shower, shave, comb your hair, and one month later you have to start all over again. Life ain’t fair. If the interview proceeds according to plan, we will be discussing my non-fiction book, THE SECOND MOURNING. I’ll let you know when and where it will be shown.

Did you hear that they are now selling Italian ISIS in New York? (Ouch!)

I inadvertently rented a Jewish porno film last night. (One minute of sex, followed by 29 minutes of guilt!) Oy vey, what do you say, take that ball, down the other way! This was the one and only football cheer that I created for the Yeshiva University Football Team. I don’t think they ever used it, but only because they had no team. Who knew?

Well, my dear friends, thanks for your continued support and encouragement. Have a safe and happy week and we will meet again next Sunday. Love to all…..

Doc Yanoff