MR. (GOOD) DEEDS GOES TO TOWN!

Good morning, ladies and gentlemen.  I am proud to announce that I have joined a wonderful new charity called “Project E-Book,” a group dedicated to providing FREE e-books to members of the United States Air Force!  Consequently, all of my brilliant mystery novels will soon be FREE to currently serving members our military.  Sooo… if you have family or friends serving in the Air Force, please let them know about this modest token of appreciation.  (Hopefully, this will soon be available to ALL branches of our military.)

If you’re a writer, think about joining us in this noble endeavor.  Please remember that this small sacrifice for our heros in uniform is a small consequence when weighed against the sacrifice these folks make on a daily basis.  If you’re interested, please contact me for details about the project.  Until then, at ease blog followers!

So what else be new?  Well, we are still waiting for two famous authors to “sign off” on a back cover blurb for RANSOM ON THE RHONE.  (Yes, they actually charge for these endorsements!)  If we don’t come to terms this week, the book will be published without their glowing words of praise.  (Just between us, who cares what Raymond Chandler and Dashiell Hammett think?  Neither one of them have written anything new in years.)

In other news…..  Mitt Romney has decided NOT to run for President.  He said it was time for fresh faces.  So that’s good news for Bruce Jenner.  Personally, I like Romney.  He reminds me of the guy who comes with the picture frame.

Harper Lee, the author of “To Kill A Mockingbird,” is publishing her second novel after a 55-year hiatus.  (She must be a slow thinker.)  Anyway, the book is tentatively titled, “Mock Two:  The Need For Speed.”  If you ask me, the title is for the birds.  What would you expect from an empty-nester?  (Did those jokes lay an egg?)  Apparently, she releases a new book every time the measles comes back.  Connect the dots and you’ll see what I mean.

Did you hear that Tom Brady, the quarterback of the Patriots, won the M.V.P. award at the Super Bowl?  He received a brand new pickup truck.  I wonder if the tires were properly inflated?  Personally, I think they should have given the truck to the guy most responsible for the Patriot’s victory.  (Seattle coach, Pete Carroll!)

Before I forget, I would like to thank the good folks at Ohio State University (department of history) for adding THE SECOND MOURNING to their suggested reading list for incoming freshman.  I hope those youngsters learn a thing or two about our wonderful country and its amazing history.  (Hope springs eternal!)

Finally, in closing, I would like to briefly address a vicious rumor floating around the Internet.  There is no truth, none whatsoever, that ANY of my mystery novels have been “ghost written” by Brian Williams!  A couple of chapters might have been penned by Dan Rather, but I forget which ones they were.  (If you find any misspelled words, that was Daniel’s fault.)

Well, my dear friends, I must be on my way…..   tonight is a special reunion dinner with some dear old chums, and the event requires that I bathe and shave and change my socks.  What can I say, ” a friend in need, should be clean indeed.”  I think the great Asian philosopher, Confusion, said that.  Please take care and have a wonderful week!

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

 

P.S.  Attached are a few more photographs from my river cruise in France.  (The locale of my new book, RANSOM ON THE RHONE.)

 

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SUMMER IN THE CITY…..

HOT TOWN, SUMMER IN THE CITY.  BACK OF MY NECK GETTING DIRTY AND GRITTY…..  Hey, I remember that song!  It wasn’t written about Austin, Texas, but it could have been.  Actually, it was about New York City, penned by John Sebastian and recorded by the Lovin’ Spoonful in 1966.  (I hate to admit it, but I graduated from high school in 1967!)  So how hot is it down here in the Lone Star State?

The Jehovah Witnesses have started telemarketing!

Congress has installed a fan in the debt ceiling!

I caught a FRIED catfish in Lake Travis!  (Now that’s hot!)

Speaking of Lake Travis, my semi-brilliant mystery, DEVIL’S COVE, has recently been named as one of the Top Ten Mysteries of the Year by the Albany (N.Y.) Times Union newspaper.  There was no cash award (darn it!) but it’s still a wonderful honor and one that is greatly appreciated.  The book is now on its third printing, so if you haven’t been able to obtain a copy, now’s your chance.  He who hesitates is lost!

Incidentally, I would like to thank Ms. Emily Garrison for all of her hard work in reference to typing and blocking mystery number four, RANSOM ON THE RHONE.  The next “Adam Gold Mystery” will be published sometime in the fall, and this one takes place mostly in France.  (Hence the title)  The book was originally titled “Life On The Mississippi,” but the publisher thought it was a little long and a somewhat confusing.  (What do they know?)

And since we’re on the subject of publishing, I recently read some interesting things in our local newspaper…..     The finals of the World Cup (Germany vs. Argentina) might attract the largest television audience in history!  I’ve never seen any of the World Cups, but I did meet Dolly Parton when I went to Pigeon Forge.  (This would be a visual joke!) …..   Our current immigration crisis means no more Olympic teams from Central America.  (All of their citizens who can run, jump, and swim are coming to America!) …..  The Republicans have chosen Cleveland as the site of their next national convention.  The Democrats are looking at Baghdad, Gaza City, and Chicago.  (The first two are getting the most votes!)

Last night was “Pool Party Number 200,” and a great time was had by all.  We dined on grilled mahi-mahi, shrimp, fresh salads, and sushi.  Our creative host (Me) prepared a large batch of homemade sangria, and lo and behold, every drop was consumed by our prestigious (and thirsty) guests.  Nude bathing was kept to a “bare minimum,” but that’s the last time I send out invitations with a “clothing optional” message.  (Don’t ask where I dropped a hot shrimp.  And NO jokes about shrimps of any kind!)

Jeez, I’ve heard of THE SECOND MOURNING, but not THE FIRST SCALDING!

Well, my dear friends, I must leave thee now.  Time to head for a late breakfast and some homemade biscuits.  (I would like to thank Miss Rebecca Yanoff for supplying the Colorado honey and Chokecherry Jelly .  (The actual name!)  I can’t wait to gouge myself, I mean, gorge myself with these goodies.  In the meantime, you folks take good care of yourselves, don’t worry about me over-eating, and have a great week!

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

 

 

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TRUTH IS STRANGER THAN NON-FICTION, TOO!

BELIEVE IT OR NOT…..  3 days after the publication of my first non-fiction book, THE SECOND MOURNING, (The True Story of President Garfield’s assassination) thieves broke into Garfield’s tomb in Cleveland, Ohio!!  No joking.  Vandals shattered a window to get inside a 180-foot-tall monument at Lakeview Cemetery in Cleveland Heights!

Interestingly, Garfield’s casket is the ONLY Presidential casket on full display for the public to view.  (He’s buried beside his wife, Lucretia.)  The thieves stole some silver spoons from a glass display case, but they were not able to reach the coffins.  They couldn’t have lifted them out anyway.  Too much dead weight.  (Ouch!)

In case you’re wondering, I had NOTHING to do with the break-in, and furthermore, I have an air-tight alibi.  Still, you have to admit that the timing is a little suspicious.  Book comes out, grave robbers go in.  Hmmm.

I’d like to thank my friend, and poker buddy, Kevin Evans, for sending me the link about the break-in.  If you want to read the full story, just go to:   http://www.foxnews.com   (Published on 5/11/14.)

Incidentally, I am happy to report that THE SECOND MOURNING has sold over 300 copies on Amazon.com alone!  (Not counting Kindle and Nook.)  I’d like to thank all of my blog followers who have purchased a book, and please remember that anyone who buys 3 or more copies can audition for the movie role of Charles Guiteau.  (The deranged psychopath who shot Garfield.)  Yeah, I know.  They don’t make guys like me anymore.

Speaking of rare guys…  I’d like to say “top o’ the mornin'” to my good friend Max Talbott (and his lovely lass, Barbara)  who are presently vacationing in Ireland.  They are having a grand time, but Max got into a little trouble in Belfast.  Apparently, he walked into a bank and inquired about opening an I.R.A.  (I think they’ve been outlawed.  So has Max.)

My wife’s maiden name was McCloskey, and she told me that she was recently at an authentic Irish wedding where the M.C. made the following announcement:  “Would all the married men please stand next to the person who has made your life worth living.”  (The bartender was almost crushed to death!)   And since we’re on the subject of crushes, please remember that if you love books (or me) you are invited to attend a gala book signing event on Friday, June 6, at 7 p.m.   The event will be held at BookPeople on Lamar Blvd.  (Next to Whole Foods.)  Free admission, free parking, free porches.  (Just kidding about the cars.)

By the way, I’m sorry this blog came out a little late today, but I just got back from another wild weekend in Boerne, Texas.  My brother-in-law, Tim McCloskey was celebrating his 60th birthday, so he and the lovely Miss Hannah threw a lavish party at their one-of-a-kind ranch.  Unfortunately for me, they had some authentic “moonshine,” which tasted mighty smooth going down, but it had a bit of a kick.  (From what I recall, it was a very long night.)

In closing, I would like to mention a new survey that said that 55 percent of Americans think they are smarter than the “average American.”  Damn, that’s almost half.  The same study indicated that 1 in 10 Americans no longer carry cash.  (They’re called Liberal Arts Majors.)   Well, have a safe and prosperous week!  Love to all…..

Doc Yanoff