Mystery Novels

November 10, 2013

TIMING IS EVERYTHING…..

JUST ASK OUR FUNNIEST COMEDIANS….. Bob Hope, Milton Berle, Jack Benny, George Burns, Katherine Sebelius.  Timing is also important to those of us who write.  For instance, book number four in the “Adam Gold Mystery Series” is titled, RANSOM ON THE RHONE.  The story centers around an insurance claim involving priceless artwork stolen by the Nazis and others during and after World War II.  (Mostly from France.)

Well, lo and behold, the New York Times featured a story this week about….. priceless artwork stolen by the Nazis and others during and after World War II.  (Mostly from France.)   OMG, what a coincidence!  (Unless they have a reporter spying on me.)  I could scarcely believe my eyes, and of course, I was delighted to get some free publicity.  What a truly incredible piece of luck!

As you might know, the German authorities stumbled upon a well hidden treasure trove of priceless artworks.  (In Munich)  1,400 works of art were found in the home of an elderly art dealer.  (Whose father worked for the Nazis.)  Herr Cornelius Gurlitt was quite the collector.  Included in his collection were works by Picasso, Chagall, Renoir, Matisse, Toulouse-Lautrec, and Norman Rockwell.  (Just kidding about Rockwell!)

Estimated value of the stolen collection?  Try…  $1,300,000,000!  (Yep, over a billion dollars!)  Most of the pieces were stolen from Jews living in France, and to be quite honest, the Germans broke the case two years ago, but they decided to wait until the time was right before announcing their discovery.  (The owners of 800 pieces have been tentatively identified, so now comes the tricky part of returning the artwork.)  Congratulations to my friends at the O.C.D.C. and Interpol.  (The fine folks who have provided much information for RANSOM ON THE RHONE.)  A job well done, ladies and gentlemen!

Some of my blog followers have inquired about the types of artwork that were recovered.  Well, since you asked, the collection included oil paintings, drawings, watercolors, and lithographs.  The Nazis viewed the above (by the artists I mentioned) as “degenerate art,” and most of the pieces were stolen between 1937 and 1941.

Before I leave you today, I would like to send my thoughts and prayers to my dear friends, Mel and Paula, who live in the Philippines.  Sadly, their lovely homes were destroyed by Typhoon Haiyan,  Thankfully, neither they or their families were injured.  Hang in there, guys.  This too shall pass.

Also, my love and best wishes for a speedy recovery for my sweet friend, Helena, who just underwent foot surgery.  Helena has a lot of “sole” and is no “heel,” but she did walk funny.  (She was doing commercials for Aflac Insurance!)  Feel better, darling!

Well, I’m off to the world famous Flakowitz Deli (in Boca Raton), and a pre-arranged meeting with a pastrami sandwich on rye.  (With a half-sour pickle, a potato knish, and a can of Dr. Brown Black Cherry Soda!)  Oy vey is mir, I hope my poor stomach survives the onslaught!  If not, so be it.  What a way to go!

Have a wonderful and safe week….. and look for my next exciting blog post, which will be coming to you from a remote Caribbean island!  (Can you say Pirate of the Caribbean?)  Love to all…..

Captain Black Jack Yanoff, semi-fearsome pirate!

 

October 27, 2013

WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS…..

“WHAT WOULD YOU THINK IF I SANG OUT OF TUNE….. ”   Do you remember this song penned by Lennon & McCartney?  It first appeared on the classic 1967 album, “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band.”  Frankly, it’s one of my favorite Beatle songs, and as fate would have it, I got plenty of help from my friends this week…..

On Wednesday, I was interviewed by Sarah Dolittle, the multi-talented reporter from the Four Points News.  Sarah and I spent several hours together, and we discussed THE GRACELAND GANG, THE PIRATE PATH, and DEVIL’S COVE.  I must warn you….  photographs were taken, so don’t be shocked if you see my mug on the cover of your Sunday newspaper.  (The photographs should NOT be used for target practice!)

On Friday, my poker friends in Cedar Park were kind enough to contribute $600 to my ever-growing poker fund, BUT…..  once again, the big news was made by my wife.  (Playing as “The Queen of Hearts.”)  Patty placed 4th in a major poker tournament and made the Mighty Cobra look silly.  (A rather simple task, I’m afraid!)

On Saturday, our good friends, Mary and Ivar Rachkind, had a lovely costume party to celebrate the arrival of Halloween.  The party was held at their beautiful home in River Place, and you might imagine, a great time was had by all.  I would like to thank the Rachkinds for the great food, great wine, great company, and great conversation.  In case you’re wondering, I came as “The Chic of Araby” and Miss Patty was “Catwoman.”   We didn’t win the costume contest, but we did receive several votes.  (Bribery works wonders!)

Finally, for those of you that might be attending the Texas Book Festival, please check out two of my dear friends that will be prominently featured at this year’s event…..   Mrs. Michael Schneider, the author of several highly acclaimed romantic suspense novels.  (Including BLIND FAITH and THE DARKNESS OF PERFECTION.)  Michael is an incredibly talented author AND a brilliant insurance underwriter!  (She works for my other friend, Mr. Ted Heaton, a State Farm agent.)  Mr. Larry Brill, a former television news broadcaster AND a terrific writer, will also be at the festival.  Larry’s latest book is titled, THE PATTERER, and it is described as “Monty Python meets Charles Dickens.”  The book has gotten a number of rave reviews and should be on everyone’s reading list this year.  If you mention my name, you will receive a (very) slight discount!

BONUS SURPRISE!  If you are still awake, I would like you to know that two of my book covers have been chosen as “finalists” in the annual book cover contest sponsored by Murder Ink Press!  (A very rare accomplishment.)  The new covers of THE GRACELAND GANG and THE PIRATE PATH are in the running, so keep your fingers crossed for me.  (Even though the artist gets the cash prize!)  I get some free publicity.  Ah well, free is good.

Have a safe and wonderful week!  Love to all…..

Doc Yanoff

October 20, 2013

DISCOVERY DAY, 2013!

NO, I DIDN’T FIND ANOTHER GRAY HAIR…..  October 12th was actually “Discovery Day” in the Bahamas.  (The site of my second mystery, THE PIRATE PATH.)  In the U.S., we celebrate this day as “Columbus Day.”  Did you know that Colorado was the first state to officially honor the great explorer?  (1906)  Back then, they gave out free beer, which might have led to the phrase “Rocky Mountain High.”  (Hey, anything’s possible.)

Columbus Day became a federal holiday in 1937, giving federal workers ANOTHER day off.  (Personally, I wouldn’t grant a day off unless you were of Italian heritage and you discovered a New World.)  But that’s just me.  In any case, here’s a little trivia question for you…..  Name the four states that DO NOT recognize Columbus Day.  No cheating!  (Answer:   Hawaii, Alaska, Oregon, and South Dakota)  People in those states have poor vision, so they don’t recognize a lot of things.  (The rest of the country is more “farsighted.”)

Last Wednesday, October 16th, was National Boss’s Day.  (In my house it’s called “Wife Day.”)  Oddly enough, this holiday is celebrated in the United States, Canada, and Lithuania.  (No joking)  Don’t ask me how Lithuania got involved.  They were probably trying to outdo Latvia and Estonia.

Speaking of celebrations…..  Our blog site has now reached a very special plateau… we have (slightly) over 6,000 followers!  Wow, what a wonderful accomplishment!  Thank you!   By the way, what do you folks think about the new book covers for THE GRACELAND GANG and THE PIRATE PATH?  I would love to hear your opinions, so don’t be shy!  Both covers were originally conceived by Mrs. Rachel Zell, a beautiful and talented artist who lives here in Austin.  Keep up the good work, Rachel.  (Conceiving is a wonderful thing!)

While we are on the subject of conceiving….. I would like to acknowledge a few of my younger blog followers.  (babies!)  Uncle Steve sends his best to Stella, Brooklyn, and Evan.  Make sure you stay dry and finish your mashed bananas.

Hey, did you hear that Native-Americans want to change the name of the Washington Redskins?  No joking.  They’re embarrassed to be associated with the city of Washington!  (I have certain “reservations” myself.)

Those of you that live or work in Austin, Texas, should keep your eyes on our award-winning newspaper next week.  A reporter will be coming up to my house on Wednesday for a feature-length interview.  I will be discussing my first two books (see above) and my last display of literary brilliance, DEVIL’S COVE.  She (the reporter) is bringing along a photographer, which means that I will have to groom myself.   Achieving fame and fortune is never easy!

By the way, last night we attended the Austin Music Festival, sponsored by Central Market.  Our group managed to wine and dine is splendid fashion, and most importantly, nobody got arrested.  I would like to thank the store management for featuring flyers of my books at the checkout counters.  Any publicity is good publicity  when you’re trying to sell books.

Finally, I would once again like to say thank you to the doctors and nurses at the Boca Raton Regional Hospital.  You took great care of my mother last week and I will never forget your competency and kindness.  What a great bunch of people…..  God bless you all!   (Mom is now in rehab, training for the 2014 Senior Olympics!)

Well, dear ones, have a great week, drive carefully, and keep those cards and letters coming.  God willing, I will have a special announcement for you next Sunday!  Love to all …..

Doc Yanoff

October 15, 2013

BOCA IS BEAUTIFUL!

HOWDY BUCKEROOS…..  Well, it’s Scamp Yanoff time again….  I’m back in Austin, back in the saddle, and back to blogging.  Sorry for the late post, but as some of you know, I had some personal business to attend to in Florida.  Two weeks ago, my sweet mother (Miss Hazel) fell down and broke her hip.  Due to her advanced age (and playing ice hockey in her youth) she needed an immediate hip replacement, so…… guess who got to spend 10 hours a day by her bedside in the hospital?  Yep.  (I was the one who got “bed sores!”)

My brothers (Glenn and Ron) were also by her side, and Glenn (a resident of the Sunshine State) actually slept over one night.  (When Mom was hallucinating!)  Glenn would take the morning shift, and I would drag my lazy butt into the room around ten o’clock and spend the entire day there.  The surgery went well (due to the expertise of the great Dr. Bergman) but the recovery was difficult at times.  As I found out, seniors take a while to rid themselves of the massive amount of drugs and painkillers they receive.  During this process, they often hallucinate and become quite paranoid.  (I tried to get my Mom’s PIN numbers while she was doped up, but to no avail.)  Anyway, everything worked out fine and she is now resting comfortably in a lovely rehab center in Boca Raton.

I must thank all of the lovely nurses who attended to Miss Hazel with great kindness and skill…..     Nurses Rachael, Heather, Veronica, Marie, Michael, and Guisselle.  All I can say, is God bless you folks.  Your sweetness and dedication was overwhelming to observe.  Each one of you were amazingly caring and competent, and in my humble opinion, you have made the Boca Raton Regional Hospital the BEST hospital in America!  I hope you all enjoy your autographed books, and if you check out the ACKNOWLEDGEMENT SECTION of my next book, you will see that your are mentioned!  (Believe it or not, I had TWO books published while Mom was in the hospital!  Man, did I do a lot of writing!)

Of course, I wasn’t the only creative person in the room.  My mother took the liberty of re-designing the “bed pan” while she was recuperating from surgery.  (The “Hazel Poopy Pot” will be available, in many different colors, sometime in the Spring of 2014.)

Finally, I would like to say a HUGE thank you to my beautiful and talented sister-in-law, Grace Yanoff.  During my stay, I was lucky enough to eat several gourmet meals at Grace and Glenn’s house, and my God, were they good!  Grace is just about the best Italian food chef in the universe, and as you can imagine, I dined (and wined) quite well.  Thank you, darling!

Incidentally, one of the great parts about going up to brother Glenn’s house was meeting all of his wonderful friends at the ADDISON COUNTRY CLUB.  Not only is the club magnificent, but the “Friday Night Ladies” were incredible!  Try to picture a room filled with beautiful, intelligent, sweet, sexy women…..  Yep, I had to put up with a lot this trip, but hey, I managed.  (I can’t wait to go back!)

I will post the covers of my two new books in a few days.  Let me know what you think.  I love both of them (THE GRACELAND GANG  and  THE PIRATE PATH) but I would be interested in your opinions.  Well, I must go pay some bills.  Take care and have a safe week…..    Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

September 29, 2013

SOMETHING FISHY!

SO GET A LOAD OF THIS…..  I have owned 5 different boats, 7 trailers (don’t ask), a countless number of rods and reels, and several million fishing lures during my illustrious career as an outdoorsman.  All this for 5 or 10 good fish.  (worth eating)  So what happens last week?  Well, I spent about 5 days in the lovely coastal village of Port Aransas, Texas.  Outside of our condo, there was a fishing pier, which I visited one evening….. and caught about 30 redfish and trout!  Without a boat!  Without a trailer!  Using a borrowed rod and reel!  I’m telling you folks, life just ain’t fair!

My wife also did some hooking.  (Better make that, fishing.)  She can cast quite well.  On a “scale” of one to ten, I would give her an eight.  She didn’t catch any fish, but she did manage to pierce a tourist from Arkansas.  (Holy moly!)  We stayed at the Dunes Condominiums, which are right on the beach.  The weather was simply incredible, bright sunshine every day, and the water was actually quite warm.  (Warmer than the Caribbean!)  Port A is truly a lovely place, but they need a nude beach.  Not that I would go there.  I once went bottomless and asked a lady if I was making her uncomfortable.  She replied…..  (all together now) “No, it’s no big thing!”

Good news on the publishing front…..   THE GRACELAND GANG went to the printer on Friday and in two or three weeks it will hit Amazon.com, Kindle, Nook, etc.  I think my fans, or should I say Adam Gold’s fans, will really enjoy the new book.  Judge Susan is the only resident of North America who has seen the newly designed cover, and she absolutely adored the darn thing.  (Or was that me she was referring to?)

Speaking of Judge Susan…..  I would like to send my warmest wishes to her lovely daughter, Miss Kellie.  Just want you to know that we are all thinking about you, Miss K!  (But you already knew that, right?)

My new publisher tells me that THE PIRATE PATH (another Adam Gold masterpiece) will be going to the book design department one day next week.  I have seen the initial layout, and once again, I am overwhelmed by the professionalism of the resident artists.

The really BIG news is that my first (and so far, only) non-fiction book (THE SECOND MOURNING) has been read by a VERY prominent literary agent who absolutely loved the manuscript!  I was truly surprised by his positive response, and I am now putting together a formal book proposal.  I shall, as they say, keep you informed of my progress.  Keep you fingers crossed for me!

My blog followers in Zaire (yeah, that’s right, I’m huge in Africa) have sent me some photographs of their last book club meeting, and with my daughter’s help, I will try to post them next Sunday.  Do you know what they serve as a snack during their meetings?  Baked missionary!  (All right, I’m lion.)  Maybe I should stop “beating around the bush?”  Bongo, bongo, bongo, I just hate to leave the Congo…..    However, I must prepare for the government shutdown.  (I’m stocking up on tequila)

Take care, have a great week, and look for the vivid details of my upcoming karaoke dinner party!  (Where can I buy ear-plugs?)   Love to all…..

Doc Yanoff

 

September 22, 2013

DOOM WITHOUT GLOOM!

CHEER UP, MY FELLOW AMERICANS…..  I just received word that my Sunday blog will continue to receive funding even if our government shuts down on October 1st!    Nice to see that someone in Washington, D.C. has their priorities straight.  I understand they are taking some money from Homeland Security and putting into Homeland Humor.  Smart move.  Now I can continue producing sub-standard humor for the masses.  Hey, if a joke can’t stand on its own two feet, would that be considered a “lame joke?”  Hmmm.

Boy, some people are sooooo immature.  I’ve been trying to convince my family and friends that a semi-famous author like me needs a concubine.  (which is TOTALLY different than a porcupine.)  They think I’m being silly.  (Me, silly?)  If I had a concubine I would go from being an aspiring author to a perspiring one, and after all, isn’t that the goal of fame?  Look what hyper-sexuality did for Miley You-Can’t-Be-Serious, or Cyrus, or whatever her name might be.  (Meow.)

In case you’re wondering, my shoulder injury is behind me.  (Then again, both shoulders are behind me.)  I have been fully healed thanks to the magical touch of Will Ravenel, the world’s greatest rolfing therapist….. and a darn good magician, too!  Between coin tricks, Will works wonders with woefully worrisome and weary women and men who are willing to wander into his winsomely wonderful world.  (I dare you to say that ten times fast!)

Some of my fans are wondering if I am still planning to coat the back cover of my latest book (THE GRACELAND GANG) with Elmer’s Glue.  I’m not sure.  I’ve always wanted to write a book that people can’t put down.

Speaking of “put downs,” if those knuckleheads in Washington can’t reach an agreement, I will have to cancel my upcoming book tour to the Capitol.  My publisher was planning to hold a modest book release party on the steps of the Library of Congress, but if the government shuts down, the library closes.  Just between you and me, I sometimes wonder if the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it.

Personally, I’m starting to dislike politics, even though I was named after George Washington, the father of our country.  (He was named in 1732, and I was named after that.)  I’m fed up with all of the bickering, yelling, threats, and accusations.  But enough about that concubine, let’s conclude on a happier note!

Did you know that the average person takes 17,280 breaths per day?  Well, now you do, so don’t forget to brush your teeth and gargle.  You need fresh breath to “scope” out the opposite sex.  Trust me, I’ve “brushed up” on this subject.  Feel free to cut and “paste” this paragraph.  All right, I’m running out of bad puns, so it’s time to leave…..  Have a great week and travel safely!

Love to all…..

Doc Yanoff

September 15, 2013

YANOFF WINS NOBEL PRIZE FOR LITERATURE!

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE… DIDN’T I USE THIS SCHTICK LAST SUNDAY?  (I thought it sounded familiar!)  Well, fuhgetaboutit.  I never use a joke twice… unless I’m visiting my mother in south Florida.  (A lot of seniors in Boca Raton are hard of hearing, so I am forced to repeat most of my jokes.)  Do you realize that if the cities of Baton Rouge and Boca Raton merged the new city would be called Baton Raton?  Jeez, they would have gators and waders.  (There would also be some reptile dysfunctions, but I digress….. )

Speaking of awards (ones that I have actually received) my newest book, DEVIL’S COVE, was recently chosen as the “Mystery of the Month” by the Lake Charles (Louisiana) Book Club.  God willing, I will actually make it up to Lake Charles in the near future, and will be signing books for the group.  (Thank you for the honor!)

And since we’re discussing books and honors…..  It was my pleasure to recently donate some books (MURDER ON MAIDEN LANE an DEVIL’S COVE) to Angela Plunkett, a fellow member of the River Place Garden Club.  (The club that has added so much beauty to our community.)  Angela is a tireless supporter of a wonderful organization called the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children.  (The books will be used in a gift bag at an upcoming fundraiser.)  Thank God we still have people like Angela who try to make the world a safer place!

So what else is new?  Well, my newest novel, THE GRACELAND GANG, is now with my new publisher and we have about two weeks of final revisions ahead of us.  The book cover is outstanding, and with the revisions and new chapters, I feel confident about the Pulitzer thing.  (Confident that SOMEBODY will win the award this year!)

My poker career has taken another unusual turn…. during the past week, I played in 3 tournaments, and placed third, fourth, and fifth!  I’d better stop playing for a while or I’m going to end up in last place!  Nonetheless, my fortuitous victories have earned me a great sum of money, which I will be donating to the S.S.C.F.  (Self-Serving Cruise Fund)

Last week I had the privilege of conducting a book signing in the lovely burg of McKinney.  (north Texas)  If you’re ever in that part of the state, you should check out Churchill’s British Restaurant & Pub.  Very interesting spot, and they have some great beers on tap.  (Not to mention Cragganmore single-malt Scotch!)  They also have other “spirits”……..  On the second Thursday of each month they host something called “Psychic Night.”  My aunt was a psycho, I mean, psychic, and she used to read palms.  (Lots of palms in Boca Raton.)  She wasn’t very good at predicting the future.  In fact, she was only “medium.”

In any case, if you enjoy psychic readings, then this is the place for you.  (They used to do Ouija, but folks got “bored.”)  You get it, Ouija Board?  Never mind.  (I’m predicting a few groans!)  Well, it’s time for me to dig into a cheese pocket, so I will bid you adieu.  Have a wonderful week and enjoy life!

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

September 8, 2013

YANOFF NOMINATED FOR PULITZER PRIZE!

WELL, THIS IS A HEADLINE WE WILL NEVER SEE, BUT….. YOU HAVE TO ADMIT IT GOT YOUR ATTENTION!

Look, my life is an open book.  I can’t help it if nobody wants to read the darn thing.  Speaking of books…  (wasn’t that a clever segue?)  I regret to announce that my upcoming book signing in Syria has been cancelled by the State (of confusion) Department.  Just as well.  My last engagement in Syria was a bomb.  (Oops, poor choice of words.)  Our tour bus broke down in Jerusalem and we had to walk all the way to the Syrian capital.  The road to Damascus was the turning point of my life, and me and a guy named Paul (our bus driver) found the experience rather heavenly.

But I undress, I mean, digress…..  Where was I?   First, I would like to thank Dr. Gary Rubenstein for the healing shoulder patches he provided to lessen the discomfort of my recent rotator cuff injury.  They worked wonders, and I am now back on the parallel bars, training for the Tokyo Olympics.  (Talk about “stretching” the truth!)

Second, I am proud to announce that DEVIL’S COVE  (Book three in the Adam Gold Mystery Series) was recently chosen as the “Outstanding New Mystery of the Year” by the Baytown Book Club of Harris County.  (Near Houston.)  Thank you, folks.  I greatly appreciate the award!   Incidentally, THE PRESLEY PLOT is in the final stage of revision, and if all goes well, it should be re-released at a gala book party sometime in October.  (Hopefully at Graceland in Memphis or at the Elvis Presley Center in Tupelo!)

My (semi) professional poker career took a direct hit last Thursday evening.  Just as the Mighty Cobra (me) was closing in on the final table and the championship, I ran into “The Black Widow.”   (The new poker name of the beautiful and talented Sharon Francia.)  I had 3 eights, and was reaching for a mountain of chips, when Sharon announced that the third “8” gave her a straight!  (Thereby sending me “straight home.”)  I’m telling you, life just ain’t fair!

But, please, do not feel sorry for me…..  Last night we attended a delightful pool party, given by the Prince and Princess of Portugal, Lee and Helena Bomblatus.   The food, conversation, and weather were perfect!  We dined on gourmet cheese, prosciutto and melon, insalata caprese, corn pudding, and marvelous grilled salmon.  (Washed down with some darn good wine!)  It was a memorable meal, and a lovely way to slide into September.  Our host and hostess are on their way to Portugal for an extended vacation, and we wish them well!  (Bring back some olives for me!)

Tonight is another party, but this one is downtown….. at a terrific new brewery in Austin.  (Pale Dog IPA)  I know what you’re thinking….  when does this man have time to write?  To be honest, I write between naps.  Not an easy task, but somebody has to do it.  (Now that Vince Flynn and Elmore Leonard are gone.)  Granted, there is a great deal of pressure on me, but I can handle the stress.  I’m tough as nails.  (fingernails!)

Well, my dear friends, I must leave you now…..  I am on my way to Castle Hill Fitness Center, where, upon my arrival, I shall receive a wonderful deep tissue massage.  I’m sure this will be a “touching” experience.  Please keep those cards and letters coming, have a safe week, and enjoy life!

Love to all……

Doc Yanoff

P.S.   I’d like to wish all of my Jewish acquaintances a Happy and Healthy New Year!

September 2, 2013

LOVE’S LABOUR’S LOST!

NO, I’M NOT REFERRING TO BILL SHAKESPEARE’S PLAY!

Yesterday’s strike is over!  I struck out!  Judge Susan (who many of you know) has issued a temporary restraining order (a lot of folks think I should be restrained permanently!)  which requires me to go back to work and write another humorous blog post.  If I do not comply, she will hold me in contempt.  (I’d rather be held in her arms, but I digress.)  Well, you know what they say about the long arm of the law.  So…..

Did you know that Labor Day has NOTHING to do with pregnancy?  The holiday is always celebrated on the first Monday in September.  Oregon was the first state to make it a legal holiday.  (On February 21, 1887)  It became a federal holiday in 1894, when signed into law by Grover Cleveland.  (Cleveland was born in New Jersey, which was very confusing.  Supposedly, his parents wanted to name him Hoboken, but they were afraid that the neighborhood kids would call him “Hobo.”)   All right, I just made that up, but it’s still funny.

In recent years, Labor Day has become a huge retail sales day.  (Second only to the Christmas season’s “Black Friday.”)  It also marks the official end of summer, and in high society, the last day of the year when it is fashionable to wear a seersucker suit.  (I once saw a suit at Sears, and I was the sucker who bought it!)  I used to buy my clothes at Robert Hall.  (Robert threw them out and I hauled them in!)  I also had a pair of Buster Brown shoes.  (Brown on the top and bustin’ out of the sides!)  Right now I’m wearing my summer clothes.  (Summer mine, summer my brother’s!)  All right, all right, I’ll stop with the clothing jokes!

My wife (the health nut) asked me to join her at Pilates class this morning.  I thought she said “pie and latte,” so I went with her.  God, what a disappointment.  They asked me to leave!  Did you know that it is considered inappropriate to take video of a woman in tights?  Sounds like I’m “stretching the truth,” but that class was really weird.  (No coed showers?  What’s that about?)

Hey, my beautiful daughter, Rachel, was featured on KVUE this week.  (A local station here in Austin)  They were doing a segment on local artists and Rachel’s work was highlighted.  She does extraordinary custom paint designs for all sorts of businesses in the city.  (Great interview, but she failed to mention her father or any of his books!)

Speaking of books……  (nice transition, eh?)  My new publisher, Murder Ink Press, has come up with an outstanding new title for the re-issuance of THE PRESLEY PLOT.  (I’m not supposed to let the cat out of the bag until the release date.)  The new cover is also terrific, and I think that all of my fans and followers will be quite pleased.  The revised edition will be released sometime in September.

Well, I must leave you now.  I am off to a wonderful barbecue at Jaime and Gary Rubinstein’s house.  They have a gorgeous new home in Lakeway, and they are superb hosts.  A great time will be had by all.  (Gary does the cooking, and believe me, he makes food fit for a king.  Here King, here King….. )

Again, happy Labor Day.  And remember, if work is so great, how come they have to pay you to do it???     Love to all…..

Doc Yanoff