October 7, 2012

LIFE IS A MYSTERY! (WHAT A “NOVEL” CONCEPT!)

OF COURSE, SOME DAYS ARE MORE MYSTERIOUS THAN OTHERS……

For instance, Wednesday, October 24th will be a VERY mysterious day. How so you ask? Well, I’m glad you asked. On that very day (actually, at night, from 6:30 p.m. to 8:30 p.m.) yours truly will be a featured author/speaker/lecturer/know-it-all at the Austin Literary Salon!

So, you might ask, who are these folks? Well, since you asked, these are the wonderful folks who sponsor famous (and infamous) authors who live and work in the great state of Texas. Brilliant, creative, handsome, and modest writers like me. Shy types who feel funny about tooting their own horns. (Or here in Austin, Longhorns.) Writers like little old Stephen G. Yanoff, author of THE PRESLEY PLOT!

That’s right, for some inexplicable reason known only to God, I have been invited to discuss reading, writing, and arithmetic. (The math of making money in publishing.) Lord knows I have made a small fortune over the years. (The key word here being “small.”) Nevertheless, my expertise is sorely lacking, I mean, sorely needed. I am truly honored by the invitation and look forward to putting my best foot forward. In fact, I intend to show off both of my feet. (I’m no heel, though!) However, I do have a lot of “sole.” (How did I get on shoe jokes, anyway?)

Anyway, I will be participating in a mystery writers panel at the Wildflower Terrace Apartments in East Austin. (Located at lovely 3801 Berkman Drive, Austin, Texas.) The event will be held in their brand new auditorium and seats are on a first-come, first-seat basis….. so get there early for a good seat! Doors open at 6:00 p.m. and they are expecting a huge turnout due to guest speakers that will be present. (i.e., ME!) I understand that I will be forced to share the stage with Helen Ginger, one of the brains behind the Writers’ League of Texas and an author herself. Oh well, I’ll have to play nice and let her say a few words. Maybe I’ll hand her the microphone and say, “I’ve talked enough about myself, Helen. What do you think of me?”

Yeah, there’s an idea!

By the way, the Wildflower Terrace Apartments are located on the corner of Manor Road and Berkman. (At the entrance of the old Mueller Airport on I-35.) If you need more information, steal a copy of the Austin American-Statesman or find a copy of the Austin Chronicle that isn’t stained with picante sauce. You can also look for details in the book review section of the New York Times. (You can look, but you won’t find anything.) I wouldn’t buy any one of those Commie rags myself, but it’s your call. Frankly, if you need directions, you can always send me an email and I will get back to you in several weeks. (If I’m not playing video poker.)

Incidentally, the evening will include a panel discussion (why we’re discussing panels, I have no idea), a book reading, and an opportunity to actually buy a copy of THE PRESLEY PLOT and have it autographed by me! What joy! What fun! What royalties! (Hey, I never said I wanted to be a starving artist.)

Attendees are welcome to bring a camera or video recorder. (We’ll see what “develops.”) You can also throw under garments on the stage if you are so inclined, however, please note that this offer does NOT apply to ANY of my male friends or neighbors. Sorry, guys, we gotta draw the line somewhere.

In all seriousness, I hope to see you there! Most importantly, you will get to meet the charming and talented Terri Schexnayder, the organizer of this event and one of the remarkable women who make Austin such a great place to live and work. Trust me, you will love every moment!

Take care… and love to all.

Doc Yanoff

October 3, 2012

FAKES… SNAKES… AND PATTY-CAKES!

Dearest Lovers of All Things Literary…..

On this very day, October 3rd, 1945, Elvis Presley entered a talent contest at the annual Mississippi-Alabama Fair and Dairy Show. (The states were poor even then, so they had to combine the sponsorship!) Anyway, one of Presley’s TEACHERS arranged for him to enter the contest after she heard him sing in class. (Her name, just for “the record” was Mrs. Oleta Grimes.) Elvis sang while standing on a chair and without any accompaniment. (For those of you who went to school in New York that means without music.) The Once and Future King sang a tender old hymn called “Old Shep.”

The poor lad won 5th prize! (and got spanked by his mother for going on a dangerous ride!)

Well, that was NOT the case last night! The FAKES refer to the poor folks who thought they could play poker with The Queen of Cork. (Called thus because of her love of rose wine and also because she is VERY Irish… think freckles!) The SNAKES refer to yours truly, well known in poker circles (and among squares) as THE COBRA! And finally, PATTY-CAKES is the nickname (yeah, she has several) of the woman who destroyed all of the competition at the huge and vicious My Place Poker Palace last night….. the one and only cutthroat chick, formerly known as the Corpus Christi Crusher…. Patricia Eileen McCloskey! (nee Yanoff)

Don’t ask me how (because it’s too painful to remember) but the above poker machine ousted the mighty Cobra and several hundred others saps to place SECOND in the tournament.

She almost won the whole darn thing, but lost to a full house (the place was crowded) on the river! (Actually, we were playing inside, not on the river, but you know what I mean.) Yes, sir, that woman is “one of a kind” when it comes to games of chance. And me? Well, I played extremely good (what else is new?) but alas, my pocket queens were trumped by Big Slick on the flop. (In keeping with THE PRESLEY PLOT theme I took my defeat well, but I insisted on singing two verses of “Don’t Be Cruel.”)

My utter grief and humiliation was short-lived… I ran into some friends in the parking lot and they asked me if they could purchase a couple of books. (By sheer coincidence, I had several boxes, I mean, copies in my pickup truck.) Consequently, I sold two books, autographed them, and went on my merry way… back to Merrywing Circle. Well, I didn’t win the dang tournament or increase my standing, but I am now the best-selling author of the Jester Center Parking Lot. (Hey, it’s all good!)

Today is sunny and pleasant down here in Austin, Texas. I am on my way to spend some quality time with my grand-dog! I hope you have a wonderful day, too.

(Baker, my grand-dog says hello!)

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff, F.P.L. (Former Poker Legend.)

September 24, 2012

ON THE ROAD AGAIN… AND AGAIN… AND AGAIN!

Good morning, family, friends, and faithful followers…..

As many of you know, being a writer means being a traveler. In order to be successful in today’s publishing world, an author must spend a lot of time, effort, and money promoting their own books. Advertising budgets have shrunk, and whatever funds are available go to well-established authors. Seldom do publishers invest big bucks in an up and coming author like me. (Thank God I married a rich woman!)

So…. in order to promote THE PRESLEY PLOT (and whatever books follow) I have devised a rather brilliant marketing plan! Modesty prevents me from elaborating on the compliments that I have already received from my gardener and mailman. However, I will share this concept with you now! Ladies and gentlemen, it is my pleasure to introduce…..

The S.M.A.R.T. Program!

S ales

M arketing

A nd

R oad

T rips!

Each week, until I win the Pulitzer Prize (They can keep the Nobel Prize!) I will be driving to a different Texas town or city to promote THE PRESLEY PLOT. Upon my arrival, if there is no posse gathered in the square, I shall proceed to engage in some public speaking (pre-arranged) and hawk some books. Hopefully, I will sell plenty of copies, but even if sales are modest, I know that I will eat well. How do I know this, you ask?

Because my first S.M.A.R.T. Adventure will be in lovely Lockhart….. “The Barbecue Capital of Texas!” (If not the Free World!) Yes, I shall be joining several hundred thousand race car fanatics for the opening (or close to it) festivities of our brand new N.A.S.C.A.R. Race Track! I’m not thrilled with watching cars go round and round, but I understand that lots of folks will be in Lockhart in the next few weeks, so it seems like a good place to start my marketing program. (I just hope I don’t get “off track” when speaking!)

Frankly, I think Lockhart is a wonderful little town, and I’m sure they will adore THE PRESLEY PLOT. (After all, the book is a little “saucy!”) I just hope I don’t miss my “cue” when I’m down there!

Well, wish me luck. I will let you know how I enjoyed this “slice” of Americana!

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

September 16, 2012

TWO THOUSAND IS TOO GRAND!

WELL, WE DID IT! (Actually, YOU did it.) Thanks to you we have just reached, and will soon surpass, a very important milestone.

Our blog, “BOOKS BY STEPHENGYANOFF,” now has over 2,000 followers!

Yep, you read that right! Over 2,000 dedicated followers!

Before I continue, I must thank all of the individuals, Elvis Fan Club Members, and my Linkedin connections for making this possible. So… thank you, thank you, thank you! Words cannot express my gratitude. I really appreciate your support, and I promise to keep the good stuff coming. (And the bad jokes, too!)

Incidentally, thanks to you, THE PRESLEY PLOT can now be found and purchased at Amazon.com, Barnesandnoble.com, Better World Books, Google Books, Tower Books, and on Kindle! Simply amazing! (Hollywood has also reached out, but I will share the details later….. when I have more to report.) Until then, just know that I am plugging along, and that I have just finished proof-reading my second mystery…. titled MURDER ON MAIDEN LANE. In fact, I am now halfway through my third manuscript, which is set in Texas, and titled DEVIL’S COVE. (No sense resting on my laurels…. or my hardys.)

Well, this will be a short missive, as I just wanted to share the news with you…. and let you know that things are proceeding nicely. Very nicely!

Until we meet again….. Take care and have a wonderful week.

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

September 14, 2012

FLEA MARKET MANIA!

SO….. a while back, as I was ruminating about my trip to France… and discussing some of the French masters, I signed out by saying “Au Renoir!” (Instead of “au revoir!)

Well….. apparently my harmless little joke set off a chain of cosmic events that culminated in a brief, but shining example of serendipity! (What the heck is he babbling about now?) First, my definition of “serendipity.” Which to me, is like searching for a needle in a haystack and finding the farmer’s daughter! In other words, incredible good luck. So, to what cosmic-like happening am I referring? (Fasten your seat belts, art lovers!)

Two days ago, as I was putting the finishing touches on my second mystery novel titled MURDER ON MAIDEN LANE, an actual RENOIR came on the market in a most unusual fashion! Several years before, a Virginia woman went to a local flea market (ostensibly to buy fleas) but ended up plunking down $7.00 for a little framed painting that she thought was a “poor copy” of Renoir’s painting style. Well, fast forward several years, and guess what? The woman now owns a bona fide work by Pierre-Auguste Renoir!! (I wonder which summer month Renoir liked the most?) Anyway, the French impressionist was very talented. (They say he did a great Elvis impersonation!) He was also a decent painter.

How decent you ask?

The Potomac auction house handling the sale is expecting a MINIMUM bid of….. $100,000! (And if you want more than the frame, bring a lot of loot!) Just between you and me, this little darling is going to fetch much, much more. How do I know? Because I know something others don’t. (This guy Renoir is dead! No more paintings from him!) By the way, in case you are interested, the painting goes on the auction block on September 29th. (No out-of-town checks will be accepted.)

For you cultured types, the painting dates back to 1879 (the year before James Garfield was elected President!) and is titled…… “Paysage Bords de Seine.” (Which in English, means “Landscape on the Banks of the Seine.”) Having just come from Paris, I can tell you that there are many banks along the Seine, but the exchange rate stinks!) I hope the French go back to using francs. (The Germans could then use sausage!) Hot dog! I would “relish” such a monetary shift.

And speaking of francs….. one of the few things that is known about the Renoir painting is that it was purchased by a French art gallery in June 1925 from a woman who called herself Madame Papillon for 5,000 francs. (Remember the movie called “Papillon?” Starring Steve McQueen and Dustin Hoffman?) Just coincidence? I think not, monsieur! Want to hear something even weirder? “Papillon” is the French word for butterfly! And Steve McQueen’s last name? Yeah, now you know where I’m going….. Butterfly McQueen! Just another coincidence? I think not again! (I’m spending too much time on the computer.)

Well, in all seriousness, I think this is a fascinating story. I will never, ever make fun of folks who go to the flea market again! (Unless they come back with a Rembrandt.)

Have a wonderful weekend! Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

September 9, 2012

“THE PRESLEY PLOT”….. A FRENCH BESTSELLER!

Excusez-moi, mesdames et monssieurs!

I almost forgot to mention that THE PRESLEY PLOT (“Le Complot Presley”) is now the number one bestselling mystery novel at the world famous Le Meridien Etoile bookstore in Paris! (Eat your heart out, E.L. James!)

Proving that they have exquisite taste, the Parisians gobbled up each and every copy that I provided! (That dang suitcase weighed a ton!) In England, THE PRESLEY PLOT was selling for 10 pounds, which is roughly $15 here in the U.S. If I recall, the French were selling the book for about 12 eruos, which is about the same, give or take a few cents. All very confusing, but that’s show biz.

I wish to publicly thank the Meridien Hotel group for their kindness. (Do you think a “French Toast” would be appropriate?) Why not….. Vive la France! Incidentally, they were also sweet enough to provide a very lovely room upgrade on my return visit… a great room overlooking the Eiffel Tower! Very kind and most memorable.

In truth, the “French Connection,” (meaning the bookstore) was a complete surprise, and I am most grateful to the charming demoiselle that offered to feature my modest tale. (I do feel a little guilty. I told her that I was Victor Hugo’s great-grandson.) What some folks won’t do for fame!

Hopefully my commission will be paid in euros. (Then I’ll have to go back to Paris to spend all that loot!) And you thought being a writer was easy? Ha! The pressure never stops! (All right, maybe it lets up a little while you’re munching on caviar and drinking champagne, but that’s about it.) By the way, the French word “etoile,” means “star” in English. Now I ask you, was there ever a bigger star than Elvis Presley? I think not. Another strange coincidence!

Well, I must leave you now. I am flipping through a catalog of French countryside chateaus….. just in case THE PRESLEY PLOT takes off. I’m torn between the Medoc region and Burgundy. Decisions, decisions! I guess it will come down to wine. I’ll keep you informed of my progress…..

L’Amour pour tous…..

Au Renoir,

Doc Yanoff

September 1, 2012

AVIGNON… ARLES… AU REVOIR!

Well, in the words of William Jefferson Clinton, all good things must come to an end! (Oui, Monica!) The time has come to bid farewell to France, and even though I enjoyed every minute, just in the nick of time….. My liver is turning into foie gras and my brain into pate! (All things considered, not such a bad way to go.) Nevertheless, it is time to go, and I must say it has been quite a party.

Yesterday was spent in Avignon, once a Papal residence. The old town is surrounded by a three-mile long wall fortified with 39 towers and a pair of pits. (Or was that parapet?) In any case, the place was built in the 13oo’s, which speaks well for the building unions of that time. There are some cracks here and there, but by in large, it has held up well. (Reminds me of a few mademoislles I saw!) After an intriguing tour of the Papal Palace, we strolled over to Le Pont d’ Avignon, the most famous bridge in France. French children learn to sing a nursery rhyme about the bridge at a very young age. I think Simon and Garfunkel also wrote a song about the bridge. Here in lovely Avignon I had the best coffee and quiche of my life, plus I met a guy in the village square who was the runner-up for Pope during the last installation. (He took the defeat rather hard and is now selling postcards.)

Today was spent in Arles, which rhymes with “Carl,” but without the “C.” (French ain’t easy!) Arles has the most impressive Roman remains outside of Italy and Hoboken, New Jersey. The town is simply stunning, and as some of you know, it is closely associated with a very famous painter named Norman Rockwell. Wait, I got that last part wrong! I meant to say Vincent van Gogh.

Poor Vincent led a troubled life. If you ask me, he moved around too much. (Dare I say that he was a “moving” van?) So where, you might wonder, did Van go? Well, he traveled all over France but spent 15 happy months painting in Arles. I think this was after he cut off his ear, which the locals thought was “eerie.” (I was going to go with “irritating,” but it was too easy.) Walking around the old city, we actually got to see some of the locations that he painted, and that was very interesting. The man was definitely talented, but he was no Olaf Weighorst. (There was a man who could paint horses!)

This afternoon, we drove to a working olive farm (mainly because it didn’t make any sense to visit a non-working farm) and learned how olive juice, I mean, olive oil is made. It was very “depressing.” (Think olive press.) By the way, the Countess thought that an olive press was the local newspaper! Sometimes that girl is the “pits.”

All right, no more olive puns!

After sampling some great olives and olive oil, we drove up to a Medieval fortification and had time to tour a small, but fascinating museum dedicated to Grace Kelly! (Her hubby was part of the Grimaldi family, which once owned most of the land in the area.) The Mistral (cold winds) were acting up a bit, but we were still able to see many fascinating sites, including a breathtaking view of the Mediterranean.

Well, it is time to pack the ship towels, I mean, our clothes. Tomorrow we take the High-Speed train back to Paris, spend the night, then fly back to New York City for some badly needed rest. (This vacation wore me out!) Thank you all for following my Elvis/Travel Blog for the last few weeks. I have had over 1,000 blog hits since we landed in London, and at last count, I’ve heard from 33 different countries!!

I am VERY flattered that so many people took the time to read my blog! Sincerely, I thank each and every one of you, and I hope I brought a little smile to your face. You will hear from me soon…. whence I return to the Lone Star State and catch up with the mail!

Au revoir, my friends!

Monsieur Stephen….. A homesick American!

August 31, 2012

PASTRIES… POPES… PASTIS… AND PRESLEY!

Oui Mademoiselles et Monsieurs, I am still wandering around France, searching for my lost jigger of salt, ala Jimmy Buffet who was wasting away in Margaritaville. Actually, I am not wasting away, but eating like a swine. There are 3 distinct levels of French cuisine lovers….. gourmets, gourmands, and me….. gluttons! This glutton loves mutton, but since they no longer serve this particular animal, I have been forced to make due with lamb and veal. (Both vicious brutes who ravage the countryside!)

Yesterday we were in Viviers, which is quite Medieval in its appearance, and is best known for containing the St. Vincent Cathedral….. the smallest cathedral in France. Despite its size, it is quite lovely. We were treated to an organ recital, and before you ask, it did NOT involve an organ grinder or a monkey. The organist had a powerful set of pipes, and he was kind enough to play some oldies from an album called “The Greatest Hits of the Monk-ees.” (Hey, there aren’t many good organ jokes….. that are clean.)

After the organ recital, we hoped aboard our “Petite Pooch,” which is French for “Little Greyhound,” and drove to a working truffle farm. In these parts, the truffle is known as the “black diamond,” and at $200 per pound, you can see why. I really enjoyed this part of the trip. The farm owner had a sweet doggie named Millie, who was trained to sniff out the truffles (which grow as a fungus on the roots of the trees) and then on command, dig down for the truffle and gently pick it up with her mouth and drop it at the farmer’s feet. Each time she found a truffle she got a treat, so I decided to try it, and to tell you the truth it’s a lot harder than it looked. Messy, too.

Later that same afternoon, we continued southward, driving to a truly amazing region where Chateauneuf du Pape (The Wine of the new Pope) is produced. Every inch of this region is covered with grape vines, and some of these vineyards produce the best and most expensive wines in France. Naturally, we got to sample some of the good stuff, and since I am now a member of the “Legion du Gluttony,” I purchased a bottle of red wine, which the Countess and I (and some carefully chosen friends) will consume this evening!

Does it strike you that I’ve been doing a lot of whining (wine-ing) this trip? God, it’s a good thing that I finished THE PRESLEY PLOT before I got here! At this point, I’m not sure If I can hold a pen steady!

This evening, as we dine on more vicious lamb, we set sail for Avignon…. once a Papal residence (7 different Popes lived there) . I’m not positive, but I think Avignon was also the home of Pope-Eye the Sailor. In any case, it is supposed to be a beautiful village, and the home of some of the world’s great bingo players. I shall, as they say in Provence, keep you informed of my whereabouts!

Au revoir!

The Monsignor of Mirth…… Monsieur Stephen Yanoff.

August 26, 2012

ELVIS! EVIAN! EIFFEL!

BON JOUR MADEMOISELLE ET MONSIEUR AMERICANO!

Well, after four days in Paris, France, all I can say is….. VIVE LA FRANCE! …..VIVA LAS VEGAS! ….. VIVA ZAPATA! What a grand and beautiful city is Paris, “The City of Lights.” (Not to be confused with Las Vegas, “The City of Fights.”) I must say from “ze getgo” (not an official French term) that Paris is incredibly beautiful, majestic, and truly a grand. The buildings (especially the museums) are like none other in the world….. and this from a guy who grew up in New York. Honestly, there is almost nothing on earth to rival some of the great museums in this city, and the Countess and I visited some of the best and most impressive, but you know the names, so I shall not bore you.

In my younger days, I thought that France would be a great place to visit if there were fewer French people there, but again, my views have changed. Everyone was quite hospitable and charming, and we did not encounter a single act of rudeness. (Except for that one guard in front of the Mona Lisa…… How did I know you weren’t supposed to trace over the painting?) Anyway, the good news is this: the French have changed! They are more like the English. (Who bear a vague resemblance to us.)

How could anyone find fault with a country that gave us French toast, French fries, and French kissing? (By the way, I tried the kissing thing on the hotel elevator and got slapped for my trouble! The maid did not appreciate my “tongue in cheek” attitude. (So much joie de vivre!)

Lady Spendthrift – who has now been renamed Le Countess de Currency – got off to a bit of a rocky start by referring to the most famous landmark in the city as “The Awful Tower.” (I straightened things out by telling the locals that she posed for one of the gargoyles on the church of Notre Dame.) I think the “Frenchies” believed me. (They are so “Gaulible.”)

I intended to read a passage or deux of THE PRESLEY PLOT at the Louvre, but there were too many gendarmes guarding the place and they did not look like Elvis fans to me. (Who the hell is Edith Piaf?) I think she may have been a gourmet chef, because I once saw a dish called Rice Piaf on a menu. In any case, I did not do a public reading, but I have spread the word about the book around the city. I hope the good citizens of Paris will buy a few copies, and I think they will like the story. After all these folks think Jerry Lewis is funny! (Let’s just hope they don’t think my writing is crepe!)

For those of you who are keeping track of my whereabouts (friends, family, the I.R.S., burglars, etc.) I happen to be aboard a luxury river barge called the River Royale. We are presently docked at a charming village in the south of France. (A place called Chalon sur Saone…… which loosely interpreted means “the town of many missing Euros.”) Tomorrow we are off with our dear friends, Barbara and Max Talbott (who are celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary today!) for a tour Chateau de Pommard in Burgundy. If I don’t get locked in a wine cellar, I will give you an update on my international tour to promote (or destroy) Franco-American repartee!

Until then, mon ami, remember to pursue joie de vivre!

And now I must say Adieu! (And Adieu have to go to dinner!)

Monsieur Stephan Yanoff, The Count of Mushy Crisco!

August 20, 2012

ELVIS ON AVON!

So who cares about Stratford-on-Avon, the home of some British writing hack named Bill Shakespeare? Come on, people, we are talking about Elvis Presley….. and the amazing influence he had on our English cousins! Oddly enough, they are also celebrating (actually acknowledging) the anniversary of the King’s departure here in London town. Whence Lady Spendthrift (my wife) and I checked into our royal quarters in Buckingham Palace (actually The Egerton House Hotel) we ambled on down to Hyde Park (so named because it is well hidden from tourists like me) and as soon as we got through the hedgerow (not to be confused with the Heathrow) we were put upon by a band of ruffians! (actually three old ladies and one Elvis impersonator.)

As previously promised (to a local Elvis Presley Fan Club) I did some quick magic tricks to thunderous applause (all right, there might have been some booing and hissing) and then…… to everyone’s delight (except Lady Spendthrift) I read several pages from my brilliant mystery novel THE PRESLEY PLOT. I received another ovation (mainly sitting) as soon as I was finished reading! Hey, wait a minute, I wonder if they were clapping because I was done…… nevermind. At my age any applause is good.

For those of you who did not receive a personal email from me earlier this morning, I would like to say that London is quite charming and this hotel is truly exceptional. The flight from New York to London was rather smooth and easy, and because I’m so tough, I only needed 12 hours of sleep to recover! They don’t make men like me anymore. (No applause here!)

Last evening, her Ladyship and I dined on the best Lebanese food I ever had. Humus, pita, olives, green stuff. It was marvelous! This was an authentic place, and there were a number of folks from Arab countries in the restaurant. Believe it or not, there was a hooka right beside me! (Look it up, Helena!) I won’t go on and on about the hooka, but let’s just say she was curvaceous and hot and filled the room with steam!

Her Ladyship almost caused an international incident by trying to peek under an Arab chick’s veil, but I prevailed upon her to mind her own business. (Besides, some things are better left to the imagination!) Before we left, as a joke, I sold my wife to a very plump Sheik who was poorly dressed but dripping in diamonds. (You might say that he was an unchic sheik, if you like tongue twisters.) Anyway, I got two camels for my wife. Personally, I think she’s worth more than two cigarettes, but who am I to argue with a sheik? (When I balked, he threw in a goat. Now I can tell folks that I made a bad deal, but I really got his goat!)

I would love to hang around and amuse you further, but I am on my way to the Victoria and Albert Museum. These folks have a collection of great novels written by some of the English masters…… Lord Byron, Percy, Dickens, Lennon & McCartney, etc. Whence I arrive, I intend to ask the curator if he or she might be interested in purchasing a copy of THE PRESLEY PLOT. Why go to a museum if there is no Elvis memorabilia? Hopefully they will have a keen eye for great writing and corny jokes.

Well, my friends, pip pip and cheerio! I am off to conquer the rest of London! (I wish my friend Norman was here. Then we could reenact the Norman Conquest.)

Have a safe and happy day and I will write again soon……

Doc Yanoff a/k/a Lord Sleepsalot!