Graceland

October 3, 2012

FAKES… SNAKES… AND PATTY-CAKES!

Dearest Lovers of All Things Literary…..

On this very day, October 3rd, 1945, Elvis Presley entered a talent contest at the annual Mississippi-Alabama Fair and Dairy Show.  (The states were poor even then, so they had to combine the sponsorship!)  Anyway, one of Presley’s TEACHERS arranged for him to enter the contest after she heard him sing in class.  (Her name, just for “the record” was Mrs. Oleta Grimes.)  Elvis sang while standing on a chair and without any accompaniment.  (For those of you who went to school in New York that means without music.)  The Once and Future King sang a tender old hymn called “Old Shep.”

The poor lad won 5th prize!  (and got spanked by his mother for going on a dangerous ride!)

Well, that was NOT the case last night!  The FAKES refer to the poor folks who thought they could play poker with The Queen of Cork.  (Called thus because of her love of rose wine and also because she is VERY Irish…  think freckles!)    The SNAKES refer to yours truly, well known in poker circles (and among squares) as THE COBRA!    And finally, PATTY-CAKES is the nickname (yeah, she has several) of the woman who destroyed all of the competition at the huge and vicious My Place Poker Palace last night….. the one and only cutthroat chick, formerly known as the Corpus Christi Crusher…. Patricia Eileen McCloskey!  (nee Yanoff)

Don’t ask me how (because it’s too painful to remember) but the above poker machine ousted the mighty Cobra and several hundred others saps to place SECOND in the tournament.

She almost won the whole darn thing, but lost to a full house (the place was crowded) on the river!  (Actually, we were playing inside, not on the river, but you know what I mean.)  Yes, sir, that woman is “one of a kind” when it comes to games of chance.  And me?  Well, I played extremely good (what else is new?) but alas, my pocket queens were trumped by Big Slick on the flop.  (In keeping with THE PRESLEY PLOT theme I took my defeat well, but I insisted on singing two verses of “Don’t Be Cruel.”)

My utter grief and humiliation was short-lived… I ran into some friends in the parking lot and they asked me if they could purchase a couple of books.  (By sheer coincidence, I had several boxes, I mean, copies in my pickup truck.)  Consequently, I sold two books, autographed them, and went on my merry way… back to Merrywing Circle.  Well, I didn’t win the dang tournament or increase my standing, but I am now the best-selling author of the Jester Center Parking Lot.  (Hey, it’s all good!)

Today is sunny and pleasant down here in Austin, Texas.  I am on my way to spend some quality time with my grand-dog!  I hope you have a wonderful day, too.

(Baker, my grand-dog says hello!)

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff, F.P.L.   (Former Poker Legend.)

 

 

September 30, 2012

LOVE THY NEIGHBORS!

I sure do!  Especially after our recent book reading/book signing block party, held yesterday on Merrywing Circle in lovely Austin, Texas.  We had a great turnout, and much to my surprise, I was the featured entertainment!

Bowing to popular demand (some were just kneeling) I read several excerpts from my new mystery novel THE PRESLEY PLOT.  Much to my delight, nobody booed or threw any food, so I went on to discuss the perils and pitfalls of modern day publishing.

After a thunderous round of applause (Yes, it was raining) I held a Q & A (Question and Answer) session, and that too went quite well.  In fact, it was the first time I’ve held such a session outside of a police department, and I found it very educational.  There were some great questions.  I answered all of them as honestly as I could, but I did make up the part about me being nominated for the Pulitzer Prize.  (Nobody challenged me, so I threw in the Oscar and Emmy for good measure.)

As a token of my appreciation to our hosts, the lovely and talented Erika Lima, and her brilliant and sophisticated husband Francisco, I brought a bag filled with books and gave each neighbor an autographed copy of THE PRESLEY PLOT.  (Two wanted money, but they settled for the book.)  Our neighbors were simply overjoyed, but just between you and me, I think a few of them thought that I was Stephen King.)

Nevertheless, a wonderful time was had by all.  The event was sort of a “pot luck” deal, meaning that each neighbor brought a different dish and some liquid refreshments tailored toward adults.  (i.e., booze)  Patty’s pasta was the hit of the party, but all of the food was good, and so was the company.

One neighbor told me that if I was ever in his area I should drive by his house.

Hey, what did he mean by that?

Well, buckeroos, I have some gardening to do, so I must bid you farewell.

Keep those cards and letters coming and remember never to squat with your spurs on!

Happy trails!

Doc Yanoff

September 28, 2012

QUEENS AND KINGS… ARE WONDERFUL THINGS!

GOOD AFTERNOON, FELLOW STALACITES!

I say stalacites, because like me, you are “hanging in there.”   Uh oh, I’m off to a “rocky” start.  What can I say?  I have a “cavernous” mind.  Well, I’m sure you get “the point.”

All right, no more mineral or stone jokes!

Who do I think I am, Chris Rock?  Billy “Crystal?”  I think not!  (I had to get those two out of my system.)

Anyway….. I used the above heading (Queens and Kings) not to reference THE PRESLEY PLOT and The King, but to point out that I have been spending way too much time playing the cruel and devious game of Texas Hold ‘Em Poker.  True, I have been winning loads of chips from my fellow gambling enthusiasts, but man does not live by “bread” alone.  (Especially in France.)

I have made the “Final Table” (sounds like an autopsy thing) in the last 3 poker tournaments!  (With little or no cheating I might add!)  Naturally, my brilliant card play has resulted in a huge increase in my overall ranking and point accumulation.  If I keep playing at this level, I will become a gambling legend throughout the Southwest and in two or three counties in rural Arkansas.  Time will tell if I make the move to Vegas, but since I detest casinos, I doubt it.  (No light, no sun, no fresh air, no fun!)

Yesterday was enjoyable and profitable for another reason….. I had a long overdue reunion with Terri Schexnayder and Helen Ginger, the two wonderful women who used to run the Writers’ League of Texas during its heyday.  They looked marvelous, and as I expected, they are still accomplishing some wonderful things here in Austin.  Those two are a class act!  (More about the purpose of our meeting in a future blog….. but hold onto your hats, because it’s quite exciting!)

I also had a great meeting with Larry Brill, the former television newscaster and talented producer of “Writing Across Texas.”  (Which in my humble opinion, was the best show ever produced in Austin.  And I’m not just saying that because I was one of the interviewers!)  Larry is also a class act, and in addition to his thriving media career, he is also an author!  He has written several books and one day I expect to see his name on the New York Times Bestseller List.  If any of you folks need a great media person, Larry Brill is the man to call.  (Listed, of course, under Brill Media in the phone book.)

Finally, on this day, in 1957, the Long-Playing Album “ELVIS PRESLEY’ reached number one on the Billboard album chart and stayed there for six weeks.  When you get a chance, ask someone under the age of 30 to describe a “Long Playing Album.”  Trust me, you will have a good laugh!  (One of my college students thought a turn table was something that a bird sat on!)

I think he was confusing “turn” with “tern.”

Well, in any case, it’s my turn to say adios!  Have a great day and make somebody smile…..

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

 

 

 

 

 

 

September 24, 2012

ON THE ROAD AGAIN… AND AGAIN… AND AGAIN!

Good morning, family, friends, and faithful followers…..

As many of you know, being a writer means being a traveler.  In order to be successful in today’s publishing world, an author must spend a lot of time, effort, and money promoting their own books.  Advertising budgets have shrunk, and whatever funds are available go to well-established authors.  Seldom do publishers invest big bucks in an up and coming author like me.  (Thank God I married a rich woman!)

So…. in order to promote THE PRESLEY PLOT (and whatever books follow) I have devised a rather brilliant marketing plan!  Modesty prevents me from elaborating on the compliments that I have already received from my gardener and mailman.  However, I will share this concept with you now!  Ladies and gentlemen, it is my pleasure to introduce…..

The S.M.A.R.T. Program!

S ales

M arketing

A nd

R oad

T rips!

Each week, until I win the Pulitzer Prize (They can keep the Nobel Prize!) I will be driving to a different Texas town or city to promote THE PRESLEY PLOT.  Upon my arrival, if there is no posse gathered in the square, I shall proceed to engage in some public speaking (pre-arranged) and hawk some books.  Hopefully, I will sell plenty of copies, but even if sales are modest, I know that I will eat well.  How do I know this, you ask?

Because my first S.M.A.R.T. Adventure will be in lovely Lockhart….. “The Barbecue Capital of Texas!”   (If not the Free World!)  Yes, I shall be joining several hundred thousand race car fanatics for the opening (or close to it) festivities of our brand new N.A.S.C.A.R. Race Track!  I’m not thrilled with watching cars go round and round, but I understand that lots of folks will be in Lockhart in the next few weeks, so it seems like a good place to start my marketing program.  (I just hope I don’t get “off track” when speaking!)

Frankly, I think Lockhart is a wonderful little town, and I’m sure they will adore THE PRESLEY PLOT.  (After all, the book is a little “saucy!”)  I just hope I don’t miss my “cue” when I’m down there!

Well, wish me luck.  I will let you know how I enjoyed this “slice” of Americana!

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

 

 

September 20, 2012

ROCK AND ….. ROLLING ON!

THE PRESLEY PLOT continues to spread like a summer rash!  (Make that a wildfire.)  Thanks to one of my oldest and dearest friends the book is now in the welcoming hands of the ELVIS FAN CLUB OF VIENNA, AUSTRIA!  (Danke, Miss Ingrid!)  I hope our Austrian friends enjoy the book.  Maybe they will send me some chocolate or some strudel in return!  (Hint, hint)

Speaking of foreign countries…… our blog, “Booksbystephengyanoff,” can now be seen  in Russia, Turkey, Israel, and Ethiopia!  (Welcome to the club, folks.)  These new locations join 33 other nations around the globe.  So… welcome!  Keep those cards and letters coming and encourage your family and friends to become followers.  There is no cost or obligation to subscribe, and we run an equal opportunity to amuse site.  (K.G.B. members are not allowed to post comments.)

Now for the news…..

I recently had an opportunity to donate some books to a wonderful organization called the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children.  The folks that run the Austin chapter are going to use the books in a special gift basket that will auctioned off later this month.  (A great fund-raising idea!)  If you are located in Central Texas, I strongly urge you to support this group any way you can.  They do some wonderful work and need all the help they can get.  By the way, if your group needs some autographed books to raise funds, just contact me and I will be happy to send them along.

Those of you with a keen eye for beauty might have noticed that I now have a new photograph of myself on the blog site.  At the request of my family and friends, I actually posed for a professional photographer.  (No, I didn’t take the head shot in a booth at the mall.)  I did that the first time around.  This time I paid big bucks so that my image, in all of its magnificent glory, would be captured on film.  Of course, you can still blow it up and use it on a dart board if you wish.  (I’ll get “the point” if you do that.)

Finally, on this day, in 1949,  Elvis and his family were accepted into the Memphis Housing Authority’s Lauderdale Courts.  (Nowhere near Fort Lauderdale, Florida.)  They had to pay a whopping $35 a month for a 2 bedroom, first floor apartment.  Vernon Presley (Elvis Presley’s father) was making less than $100 a month at the time, so this was not exactly “chicken feed” for them.  They managed to “scratch out” the rent each month, but the place was really “foul.”  (All right, I won’t use my joke about a “Pecking Order!”)  Let’s just say that the King came from humble beginnings, which is why he seemed to honestly appreciate his later success.  As they say, fairy tales can come true, they can happen to you …..

Well, that’s all for now.  I am playing in a huge poker tournament tonight…. so I must take a nap before the game begins.  When I get  to the game I will let the chips fall where they may!  (Hopefully in my pocket!)   Have a great day and be careful driving…..

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

September 16, 2012

TWO THOUSAND IS TOO GRAND!

WELL, WE DID IT!  (Actually, YOU did it.)  Thanks to you we have just reached, and will soon surpass, a very important milestone.

Our blog, “BOOKS BY STEPHENGYANOFF,” now has over 2,000 followers!

Yep, you read that right!  Over 2,000 dedicated followers!

Before I continue, I must thank all of the individuals, Elvis Fan Club Members, and my Linkedin connections for making this possible.  So…  thank you, thank you, thank you!  Words cannot express my gratitude.  I really appreciate your support, and I promise to keep the good stuff coming.  (And the bad jokes, too!)

Incidentally, thanks to you, THE PRESLEY PLOT can now be found and purchased at Amazon.com, Barnesandnoble.com, Better World Books, Google Books, Tower Books, and on Kindle!  Simply amazing!  (Hollywood has also reached out, but I will share the details later….. when I have more to report.)  Until then, just know that I am plugging along, and that I have just finished proof-reading my second mystery…. titled MURDER ON MAIDEN LANE.  In fact, I am now halfway through my third manuscript, which is set in Texas, and titled DEVIL’S COVE.  (No sense resting on my laurels…. or my hardys.)

Well, this will be a short missive, as I just wanted to share the news with you…. and let you know that things are proceeding nicely.  Very nicely!

Until we meet again…..  Take care and have a wonderful week.

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

 

 

September 14, 2012

FLEA MARKET MANIA!

SO…..  a while back, as I was ruminating about my trip to France… and discussing some of the French masters, I signed out by saying “Au Renoir!”   (Instead of “au revoir!)

Well….. apparently my harmless little joke set off a chain of cosmic events that culminated in a brief, but shining example of serendipity!  (What the heck is he babbling about now?)  First, my definition of “serendipity.”  Which to me, is like searching for a needle in a haystack and finding the farmer’s daughter!  In other words, incredible good luck.  So, to what cosmic-like happening am I referring?  (Fasten your seat belts, art lovers!)

Two days ago, as I was putting the finishing touches on my second mystery novel titled MURDER ON MAIDEN LANE, an actual RENOIR came on the market in a most unusual fashion!  Several years before, a Virginia woman went to a local flea market (ostensibly to buy fleas) but ended up plunking down $7.00 for a little framed painting that she thought was a “poor copy” of Renoir’s painting style.  Well, fast forward several years, and guess what?  The woman now owns a bona fide work by Pierre-Auguste Renoir!!  (I wonder which summer month Renoir liked the most?)  Anyway, the French impressionist was very talented.  (They say he did a great Elvis impersonation!)  He was also a decent painter.

How decent you ask?

The Potomac auction house handling the sale is expecting a MINIMUM bid of…..  $100,000!  (And if you want more than the frame, bring a lot of loot!)  Just between you and me, this little darling is going to fetch much, much more.  How do I know?  Because I know something others don’t.  (This guy Renoir is dead!  No more paintings from him!)  By the way, in case you are interested, the painting goes on the auction block on September 29th.  (No out-of-town checks will be accepted.)

For you cultured types, the painting dates back to 1879 (the year before James Garfield was elected President!) and is titled……   “Paysage Bords de Seine.”   (Which in English, means “Landscape on the Banks of the Seine.”)  Having just come from Paris, I can tell you that there are many banks along the Seine, but the exchange rate stinks!)  I hope the French go back to using francs.  (The Germans could then use sausage!)  Hot dog!  I would “relish” such a monetary shift.

And speaking of francs…..  one of the few things that is known about the Renoir painting is that it was purchased by a French art gallery in June 1925 from a woman who called herself Madame Papillon for 5,000 francs.  (Remember the movie called “Papillon?”  Starring Steve McQueen and Dustin Hoffman?)  Just coincidence?  I think not,  monsieur!  Want to hear something even weirder?  “Papillon” is the French word for butterfly!  And Steve McQueen’s last name?  Yeah, now you know where I’m going…..  Butterfly McQueen!  Just another coincidence?  I think not again!  (I’m spending too much time on the computer.)

Well, in all seriousness, I think this is a fascinating story.  I will never, ever make fun of folks who go to the flea market again!  (Unless they come back with a Rembrandt.)

Have a wonderful weekend!  Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

 

 

September 12, 2012

THE GOOD BOOK….. THE VERY GOOD BOOK!

No, my friends, not THE PRESLEY PLOT!   The other Good Book.  (The Holy Bible)    I have some interesting news to report, and as you might imagine, it will be the “gospel truth!”  (Surely you saw that one coming!)   Well, in any case, check this out…..

A bible once owned by ELVIS PRESLEY (a Chrisitmas gift from his uncle way back in 1957) was recently sold at auction (in England) for the incredibly sum of …..  59,000 Pounds!

So, you might wonder, how much would that be in U.S. currency?  How does $94,000 sound?  (I hope it sounds good, because that’s the amount.)  My mom always said that the Scriptures can enrich the soul, but she never mentioned an exact number.

I had heard rumors about this auction when I was in London two weeks ago, but I  had no idea that the worn and tattered Bible would fetch such a handsome price.  The big numbers are usually reserved for books or manuscripts that are in good to excellent condition.  The Presley Bible was in fair condition at best, but that just proves how valuable anything connected to the King can be.  When I heard the news I wondered what two reels of never-before-heard songs by Elvis Presley might be worth.  Just between you and me, that would be a good plot for a mystery novel.  (Sounds a little familiar to me!)

Anyway, I understand that an American gentleman was the winning bidder, but the dear boy did not wish to be identified.  (NO, it was not me!)  However, I should mention that there were over 300 bidders involved at the auction and hundreds more bidding online.  (Including a certain mystery author from Austin, Texas.)  In case you’re curious, the Bible was leather-bound with gold lettering on the cover.  Roughly 1600 pages long.  And now for the best part…..  there were at least 20-30 annotations by the King himself!  (How cool!)

One of the entries written by ELVIS read…..  “To judge a man by his weakest link or deed is like judging the power of the ocean by one wave.”  (I always attributed this saying to Jacques Cousteau, but I guess I was wrong.)  Nevertheless, it is a very deep thought and speaks volumes about the man himself.  I wonder what he was referring to?  I don’t suppose we will ever know for sure, but it’s quite intriguing.

Finally, in light of my September 4th blog (“I see London, I see France… “) you might be interested to know that one of the few items that did NOT sell was a pair of underwear once worn by Elvis himself!  Would this be considered a “stain” on the event?  The underwear was shown “briefly,” but alas, there were no bidders.  Again, I do not wish to make a “big flap,” about this, but I am surprised.  (I can’t think of any Fruit of the Loom jokes, so let’s move on.)

On my next blog post I have some exciting news about our blog membership level and all of the new outlets that are now offering THE PRESLEY PLOT.

If I were you, I would stay home, forget about work, grab a cold beer, and wait for the next post.  (Welcome to my world!)

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

 

 

September 9, 2012

“THE PRESLEY PLOT”….. A FRENCH BESTSELLER!

Excusez-moi, mesdames et monssieurs!

I almost forgot to mention that THE PRESLEY PLOT (“Le Complot Presley”) is now the number one bestselling mystery novel at the world famous Le Meridien Etoile bookstore in Paris!  (Eat your heart out, E.L. James!)

Proving that they have exquisite taste, the Parisians gobbled up each and every  copy that I provided!  (That dang suitcase weighed a ton!)   In England, THE PRESLEY PLOT was selling for 10 pounds, which is roughly $15 here in the U.S.    If I recall, the French were selling the book for about 12 eruos, which is about the same, give or take a few cents.  All very confusing, but that’s show biz.

I wish to publicly thank the Meridien Hotel group for their kindness.  (Do you think a “French Toast” would be appropriate?)  Why not…..  Vive la France!   Incidentally, they were also sweet enough to provide a very lovely room upgrade on my return visit… a great room overlooking the Eiffel Tower!  Very kind and most memorable.

In truth, the “French Connection,” (meaning the bookstore) was a complete surprise, and I am most grateful to the charming demoiselle that offered to feature my modest tale.  (I do feel a little guilty.  I told her that I was Victor Hugo’s great-grandson.)  What some folks won’t do for fame!

Hopefully my commission will be paid in euros.  (Then I’ll have to go back to Paris to spend all that loot!)  And you thought being a writer was easy?  Ha!   The pressure never stops!  (All right, maybe it lets up a little while you’re munching on caviar and drinking champagne, but that’s about it.)   By the way, the French word “etoile,” means “star” in English.  Now I ask you, was there ever a bigger star than Elvis Presley?  I think not.  Another strange coincidence!

Well, I must leave you now.  I am flipping through a catalog of French countryside chateaus….. just in case THE PRESLEY PLOT takes off.  I’m torn between the Medoc region and Burgundy.  Decisions, decisions!  I guess it will come down to wine.  I’ll keep you informed of my progress…..

L’Amour pour tous…..

Au Renoir,

Doc Yanoff

September 4, 2012

I SAW LONDON, I SAW FRANCE, I SAW ELVIS UNDERPANTS!

No kidding.  Whilst walking around a London department store, I spotted a pair of Elvis boxer shorts!  The King’s image was in all the wrong places, if you know what I mean.  (Let’s not make a big “flap” out of this.)  I did NOT buy a pair, but I was tempted.  Nevertheless, this proves that some people will do anything to get close to Elvis.  (A little too close, if you ask me!)

I am writing to you from my boyhood home, a quaint and quiet village called Manhattan.  Home to a mere 12 million residents, all of them willing to greet you with a smile and a handshake.  (Some loose change required.)  Ah, the joy of communal fellowship!  Here everyone is strange, I mean, there are no strangers.  Everyone seems to know your name… if you name is “Hey, Buddy.”

But I digress……   While I am waiting for my limo to arrive, I will share some final thoughts about my trip.  First, old chap, we turn to England…..

Did you ever wonder where all of those shabby clothes from the sixties went?  The tie-dyed shirts, striped pants, bad hats, etc.?  They were shipped to London!

Americans put cheese on everything.  The British will only put cheese on a stale cracker.

The British do NOT believe in air-conditioning, cold beer, or ice.  (They are a very warm people.)

The British speak English.  We speak American.  (Know what I mean, dude?)

AND LEST WE FORGET OUR FRIENDS IN FRANCE…….

The French understand odors.  (Think perfume)  In most of their hotels the toilet is separated from the sink and shower.  Believe me, this is a fantastic idea.  Think how many friendships and marriages could be saved if we adopted this design.  (We would probably cut our divorce rate in half, maybe more in Texas, where we consume a lot of beans.)

Paris is the undisputed capital of ugly sneakers and hideous shoes, but the women and men wear lovely scarves.   (The Arab women wear scarves, too.  Unfortunately, they only wear black, and black is soooo yesterday.)

NOBODY in the entire country of France understands the tipping system.

Quiche Lorraine  is not a real woman.

Roquefort cheese can destroy a marriage.  (Unless your spouse likes the smell of dirty socks.)

Never order Beef Wellington, or anything else named Wellington, in France.

AND FINALLY……     ENGLAND AND FRANCE ARE SIMPLY WONDERFUL!

GREAT FOOD, GREAT HISTORY, GREAT PEOPLE, GREAT ALLIES!

IF YOU GET A CHANCE…. GO!

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff