No kidding. Whilst walking around a London department store, I spotted a pair of Elvis boxer shorts! The King’s image was in all the wrong places, if you know what I mean. (Let’s not make a big “flap” out of this.) I did NOT buy a pair, but I was tempted. Nevertheless, this proves that some people will do anything to get close to Elvis. (A little too close, if you ask me!)
I am writing to you from my boyhood home, a quaint and quiet village called Manhattan. Home to a mere 12 million residents, all of them willing to greet you with a smile and a handshake. (Some loose change required.) Ah, the joy of communal fellowship! Here everyone is strange, I mean, there are no strangers. Everyone seems to know your name… if you name is “Hey, Buddy.”
But I digress…… While I am waiting for my limo to arrive, I will share some final thoughts about my trip. First, old chap, we turn to England…..
Did you ever wonder where all of those shabby clothes from the sixties went? The tie-dyed shirts, striped pants, bad hats, etc.? They were shipped to London!
Americans put cheese on everything. The British will only put cheese on a stale cracker.
The British do NOT believe in air-conditioning, cold beer, or ice. (They are a very warm people.)
The British speak English. We speak American. (Know what I mean, dude?)
AND LEST WE FORGET OUR FRIENDS IN FRANCE…….
The French understand odors. (Think perfume) In most of their hotels the toilet is separated from the sink and shower. Believe me, this is a fantastic idea. Think how many friendships and marriages could be saved if we adopted this design. (We would probably cut our divorce rate in half, maybe more in Texas, where we consume a lot of beans.)
Paris is the undisputed capital of ugly sneakers and hideous shoes, but the women and men wear lovely scarves. (The Arab women wear scarves, too. Unfortunately, they only wear black, and black is soooo yesterday.)
NOBODY in the entire country of France understands the tipping system.
Quiche Lorraine is not a real woman.
Roquefort cheese can destroy a marriage. (Unless your spouse likes the smell of dirty socks.)
Never order Beef Wellington, or anything else named Wellington, in France.
AND FINALLY…… ENGLAND AND FRANCE ARE SIMPLY WONDERFUL!
GREAT FOOD, GREAT HISTORY, GREAT PEOPLE, GREAT ALLIES!
IF YOU GET A CHANCE…. GO!
Love to all,
Whilst you were away, there was actually a story on foxnews.com (I think) about a pair of his real boxers up for auction……damn, I wish I had bookmarked it and saved it for you….
welcome home! What, no bidet jokes? You’re slipping in your old age. Go Romney-Ryan!!