August 21, 2012

LIVE FROM LONDON!

Good morning, ladies, lords, and assorted vagabonds……

Today I am “broadcasting” almost live (I’m still a little sleepy) from the lovely Egerton House Hotel in Knightsbridge. (An up and coming area of London!) Lady Spendthrift and I are having a jolly good time chatting with our British cousins, who have almost forgiven us for the Revolutionary War and the tiff of 1812. (I was gracious and told them that the second conflict could have gone either way.)

Now for an update…. THE PRESLEY PLOT is selling quite well here in London. Last night I gave a little speech in Chelsea, which is south of our hotel, maybe 2 miles as the crow flies. (Better make that pigeons!) I spent the evening in Chelsea. (No jokes, please.) Lovely area, reminds one (or two) of Greenwich Village, but without the garbage and with better beer. Her Ladyship and I consumed a few pints of lager at a local pub and then dined on some truly wonderful Indian cuisine at a restaurant called Chutney Mary. (Not to be confused with Bloody Mary.) The food, as they say on Long Island, was to die for! Best lamb of my life. Mary had a lot of lamb, lot of lamb, lot of lamb…… well, you know how the nursery rhyme goes.

Several minutes ago, I gave another amazing performance here at the Egerton House, speaking to a packed room filled with hung-over tourists dying to hear about my literary adventures. We met some wonderful people and made a lot of new friends, which is the point of this whole exercise. What a lovely crowd. And breakfast was once again marvelous!

In a moment we are going to hail a cab and wander up to the British Museum. I hear the place is packed with old stuff, but we are going anyway. I’m hoping they have some mummies for this daddy to view. (I wonder if mummies listen to “wrap” music?) Her Ladyship is still mad at me for that bathroom joke…… last night she wanted a glass of water at the Indian restaurant, so I told her to go into the “Water Closet,” which wasn’t really a closet, but did contain some water. (When Lords and Ladies use the bathroom is that considered a “Royal Flush?”) Ah well, she’ll get over it when she has a pint or two.

Today at breakfast we met a charming couple from Tunisia, so in their honor, we will dining on Tunisian food this evening. They pointed us in the right direction, so I’m sure we will be in for a treat. Believe it or not, I think I’ll be chowing down on lamb again. (We need to eat as many of them as we can, as they are truly vicious animals!) Besides, they like to “pull the wool” over people’s eyes, so who needs them.

*****A SPECIAL NOTE: I have met about 90 Londoners in regards to THE PRESLEY PLOT, and if you are reading this from London, please feel free to drop by or ring me up at the Egerton House. I will make every effort to say hello or autograph a copy of my book for you. And in any case, THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT!!

And now we return to our regularly scheduled program…… I will write again soon, probably tomorrow when we arrive in Paris. (We are taking the chunnel in the tunnel at noon.) Whence we arrive in the City of Lights (not to be confused with Washington, D.C., the City of Dim Wits) we will be “hooking up” with our dear friends from Texas, Barbara and Max Talbott. Paris will never be the same!

By the way, in yesterday’s post, I misspelled the word HOOKAH. (I forgot to add the “h” at the end.) I apologize to any of you who frequent hookahs….. especially Lee Bomblatus, who is a legend in the Azores and in certain parts of Round Rock, Texas.

Well, I must run or I shall miss the grand exhibition at the British Museum….. please take care and have a wonderful day.

Cheerio and Rice Crispies……

Doc Yanoff….. The Galloping Gourmet!

August 20, 2012

ELVIS ON AVON!

So who cares about Stratford-on-Avon, the home of some British writing hack named Bill Shakespeare? Come on, people, we are talking about Elvis Presley….. and the amazing influence he had on our English cousins! Oddly enough, they are also celebrating (actually acknowledging) the anniversary of the King’s departure here in London town. Whence Lady Spendthrift (my wife) and I checked into our royal quarters in Buckingham Palace (actually The Egerton House Hotel) we ambled on down to Hyde Park (so named because it is well hidden from tourists like me) and as soon as we got through the hedgerow (not to be confused with the Heathrow) we were put upon by a band of ruffians! (actually three old ladies and one Elvis impersonator.)

As previously promised (to a local Elvis Presley Fan Club) I did some quick magic tricks to thunderous applause (all right, there might have been some booing and hissing) and then…… to everyone’s delight (except Lady Spendthrift) I read several pages from my brilliant mystery novel THE PRESLEY PLOT. I received another ovation (mainly sitting) as soon as I was finished reading! Hey, wait a minute, I wonder if they were clapping because I was done…… nevermind. At my age any applause is good.

For those of you who did not receive a personal email from me earlier this morning, I would like to say that London is quite charming and this hotel is truly exceptional. The flight from New York to London was rather smooth and easy, and because I’m so tough, I only needed 12 hours of sleep to recover! They don’t make men like me anymore. (No applause here!)

Last evening, her Ladyship and I dined on the best Lebanese food I ever had. Humus, pita, olives, green stuff. It was marvelous! This was an authentic place, and there were a number of folks from Arab countries in the restaurant. Believe it or not, there was a hooka right beside me! (Look it up, Helena!) I won’t go on and on about the hooka, but let’s just say she was curvaceous and hot and filled the room with steam!

Her Ladyship almost caused an international incident by trying to peek under an Arab chick’s veil, but I prevailed upon her to mind her own business. (Besides, some things are better left to the imagination!) Before we left, as a joke, I sold my wife to a very plump Sheik who was poorly dressed but dripping in diamonds. (You might say that he was an unchic sheik, if you like tongue twisters.) Anyway, I got two camels for my wife. Personally, I think she’s worth more than two cigarettes, but who am I to argue with a sheik? (When I balked, he threw in a goat. Now I can tell folks that I made a bad deal, but I really got his goat!)

I would love to hang around and amuse you further, but I am on my way to the Victoria and Albert Museum. These folks have a collection of great novels written by some of the English masters…… Lord Byron, Percy, Dickens, Lennon & McCartney, etc. Whence I arrive, I intend to ask the curator if he or she might be interested in purchasing a copy of THE PRESLEY PLOT. Why go to a museum if there is no Elvis memorabilia? Hopefully they will have a keen eye for great writing and corny jokes.

Well, my friends, pip pip and cheerio! I am off to conquer the rest of London! (I wish my friend Norman was here. Then we could reenact the Norman Conquest.)

Have a safe and happy day and I will write again soon……

Doc Yanoff a/k/a Lord Sleepsalot!

August 15, 2012

“SPEEK THE SPEECH I PRAY YOU!”

So implored Hamlet, offering directions and advice to a group of actors at the court of Denmark. You do remember Hamlet, don’t you? His brother, Omelette was more famous, and much more pleasant. (Most thought he was a good egg.) Coincidentally, Omelette was a private detective in Copenhagen. (Similar to Adam Gold!) I think, but I’m not sure, that is where the term “hard boiled” detective comes from. Maybe not. In any case, Omelette liked to keep his “sunny side” up, and I feel the same way! By now, you might be wondering why I’m discussing Hamlet and his brother….. because I am packing for my trip to jolly old England!

Even though I’m working hard I’ve gained a few pounds. (I went to the bank for some British currency.) I gained 400 pounds to be exact, but it cost me an arm and a leg. (Not literally, mind you, just a figure of speech.) I thought it wise to have some Brit money when I land at Heathrow Airport on Saturday. I’m just hoping that I am able to fully communicate with our English cousins. (They do speak funny.) If I recall, Winston Churchill once said that England and America are two similar countries…. separated by a common language!

I’m not too concerned about encountering a language barrier, but I do have to watch my pronunciation on this trip because I have been invited to speak about my book and sign some copies of THE PRESLEY PLOT at several functions in London. Two of the most prominent Elvis Presley Fan Clubs in England have invited me to tea and crumpets (What the heck is a crumpet, anyway?) and I have tentatively accepted their invitations. (I say “tentatively” because I want to know what a crumpet is before I accept!) I’m guessing it’s like a trumpet, only a string instrument. (No problem, I had to pull a few strings to get the invite!) Maybe I should look it up before I go. The English have some very peculiar habits. The last time I was in London, my hotel waiter asked me if I would like to bring a couple of tarts back to my room! (I had brought my own ladyfingers, thank you.)

Nonetheless, I was quite flattered by the invitations, and if my schedule permits, I will certainly attend both events. My first stop will be the British Museum, and then a short visit with some noble personages. (We have been invited to lunch by the Duke of Wellington.) Or was that the Duke of Earl? One of the two. I also intend to dine with an old friend of mine who is an insurance underwriter at Lloyds of London. He is a charming chap, and the last time we dined together he introduced me to the best Indian food in the city. I am a curry fanatic, and I adore Indian cuisine. In fact, I always compliment the chef after I gouge myself. (No, I don’t do it to curry favor!) I do it because I love curry flavor. And everything else on the menu!

I made reservations at two wonderful Indian restaurants….. and I hope I don’t have any trouble finding them. I think I’ll be all right. You know what they say in Mumbai. (“Sikh and ye shall find!”) How hard could it be to find the two top-rated Indian restaurants in London? (Famous last words.) I shall keep you informed of my Punjabi progress…. but keep your fingers crossed for me, just in case!

Well, my friends, pip pip and cheerio! I must go find my passport and disposable underwear for the trip. (You never want to mix the two up when you get to Customs!)

Take care, have a wonderful day, and I shall write again whence I get settled in London……

LONG THE KING! (Elvis)

Doc Yanoff

August 9, 2012

NEW YORK TIMES REVIEWS “THE PRESLEY PLOT!”

ALL RIGHT, NOW CALM DOWN! THE N.Y. TIMES HAS NOT OFFICIALLY RESPONDED TO OUR WRITTEN REQUEST TO REVIEW “THE PRESLEY PLOT,” BUT I HAVE REASON TO BELIEVE THAT A REVIEW IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER!

WHY DO I BELIEVE THIS? BECAUSE LIKE ELVIS, “I BELIEVE THAT FOR EVERY DROP OF RAIN THAT FALLS…..” (WELL, YOU KNOW THE LYRICS.)

AND NOT ONLY THAT! I ALSO BELIEVE THAT OTHER REVIEWS ARE ON THE WAY BECAUSE…… “THE PRESLEY PLOT” HAS JUST BEEN REVIEWED BY THE ONE AND ONLY….LESLEE BASSMAN…..THE WONDERFULLY TALENTED BOOK REVIEWER FROM THE FOUR POINTS NEWS! (THE ONLY GREAT NEWSPAPER THAT WE HAVE IN AUSTIN!)

MS. BASSMAN WAS KIND ENOUGH TO DO A FEATURE ARTICLE ON THE BOOK (AND ME!) AND THAT VERY ARTICLE CAN NOW BE FOUND, READ, DIGESTED, DEBATED, DISSECTED, AND DISCUSSED BY SIMPLY GOING TO THE FOLLOWING WEB SITE:

Four Points News August 9, 2012 Issue – FlipSnack

(Page 8)

IF YOU LOVE ELVIS PRESLEY, OR STEPHEN G. YANOFF IS YOUR FAVORITE AUTHOR, OR EVEN IF I OWE YOU MONEY, YOU NEED TO LOG ONTO THIS FASCINATING WEBSITE AND READ THE TERRIFIC ARTICLE THAT THEY HAVE WRITTEN ABOUT YOURS TRULY! WHAT DEPTH! WHAT DETAIL! WHAT A GREAT PHOTO OF PATTY!

DO NOT DELAY! THE INFORMATION IN THIS ARTICLE COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE (ALL RIGHT, SO I’M REACHING) BUT IT IS INTERESTING AND WELL WORTH YOUR TIME! WHEN YOU FINISH READING IT, DROP ME A LINE AND LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK! I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU!

BE WELL, DRIVE CAREFULLY, AND I WILL SPEAK WITH YOU SOON!

DOC YANOFF

August 3, 2012

YAHOO! HOWDY, YAHOO GROUPS!

I’d like to begin this new post with a warm welcome to the ten new Yahoo Groups that have recently joined our “blog family,” and whose members are now following this fascinating blog of ours! Welcome aboard, I think you will enjoy your stay, and I look forward to receiving some of your comments.

Just to let everyone know, there are roughly 360 Yahoo Groups dedicated to preserving the memory of Elvis Presley and his music! These groups are quite interesting in and of themselves, and believe it or not, they represent a combined membership of over…… 20,000 Elvis Presley fans!

Hopefully, half of them will purchase a copy of THE PRESLEY PLOT, which means that I will have to autograph about 10,000 books….. but I don’t mind! Fame and fortune do not come cheap, and I do have two hands, so if I wear out the muscles in my right hand, I will simply use my left! (I say buy the books and we will worry about the autographs later!)

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING ENTIRELY DIFFERENT………

From now on I will take a moment to mention one Yahoo Group that has joined our blog family …. thereby promoting them and encouraging my world-wide readers (THIS POST IS NOW BEING FOLLOWED IN 15 FOREIGN COUNTRIES!!) to join their online Elvis Club. My way of saying “thank you” and keeping the memory of the King alive and well……

First up, ELVISTAILDRAGGER@YAHOOGROUPS.COM

This group was formed back in May, 2003. They currently have 167 members!!

The Yahoo name was taken from the name of the founder’s band, which happens to be The Taildraggers. They welcome everyone who loves the music of the King, so if you fit that description, check them out!

Before I close, some ELVIS trivia….. On this very day, way back in 1953, a young Elvis Presley returned to the Tennessee Employment Security Office (his third visit) hoping to obtain “a job where he could keep clean.” Unfortunately, all of the mystery novelist positions were taken! I’m not sure what became of the poor kid, but you might know! (Coincidentally, the Austin television news just reported that the nation’s jobless rate just ticked up to 8.3 %) Some things never change.

Well, keep your collective chins up and have a nice day. Our day in Austin is sunny and hot, and there is not a cloud in the sky. I believe we are going to have another 100 degree day on our hands, so…… drink plenty of tequila, I mean, water!

Speak with you soon……

Doc Yanoff

July 23, 2012

“THE PRESLEY PLOT” GOES GLOBAL!

Well, dear ones, I have some very exciting news for you today. My new mystery novel, THE PRESLEY PLOT, has just gone “global,” so to speak, in the sense that the book will now be available world-wide thanks to the kindness (and some might say wisdom!) of the world’s largest book-store chain…. BARNES AND NOBLE!

That’s right, your eyes have not deceived you! THE PRESLEY PLOT IS NOW AVAILABLE AT: WWW.BARNESANDNOBLE.COM

I should know shortly when the book will be on the shelves, and hopefully at which locations the book can be purchased. Until then, if you need a copy, you can order directly from Barnes and Noble. (Of course, it will also be available on Amazon.com and on Kindle.)

Needless to say, I am thrilled by this new development. It won’t be long until THE PRESLEY PLOT takes the number one spot from that book about older women and pornography. (I think it’s called FIFTY SHADES OF GRAY HAIR.) In any case, you will NOT find any lust, lechery, or sex in my books! (I only write about the subjects I understand.)

Well, I hope you are as excited as I am. I want to thank each and every one of you for supporting this effort. I could not have done it without you! A special thanks to all of the Elvis Presley Fan Clubs that have signed up to follow my blog. It’s great to have you with us! I want to send a special “shout out” to my buddy Nigel (who lives in a very lovely country “down under.”) Best of luck, mate!

Take care… and I will write again soon!

Doc Yanoff

July 21, 2012

ELVIS TRUTH IS STRANGER THAN FICTION!!

Well, at least stranger than the fiction I write. Then again, maybe not. What if I told you there was a book (recently written) about the discovery of some never-before-heard songs by Elvis Presley… a book entitled THE PRESLEY PLOT… and then I told you that earlier this week some “urban archaeologists” discovered… a never-before-heard recording by…. Elvis Presley!?

INCREDIBLE BUT TRUE!!

Last week a “lost” recording was uncovered….. a song that Elvis sang on a show called Louisiana Hayride…. in 1955!

The song was the King’s rendition of a country standard called “I Forgot To Remember To Forget You.” (Which is not an easy title to remember!)

Thus we have a clear case of truth being (almost) as strange as fiction. The newly discovered record is selling almost as many copies as THE PRESLEY PLOT, but the cover is not nearly as nice! (And it cannot be purchased on KINDLE.)

Nevertheless, I urge all of you to buy as many copies of both as you can afford, and then seek a small mortgage on your home, buy more copies, and go on with your lives.

Or….. you can just pass this message along! (Either will do.)

Have a great weekend… and be careful out there!

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

July 18, 2012

ELVIS AUTHOR TAKES THE FIFTH!

Now don’t go jumping to conclusions! The above title is not what it appears to be… final proof (as if we needed it!) that our beloved author of THE PRESLEY PLOT, Stephen G. Yanoff, has finally been brought to (literary) justice in a court of law! No sir, that is not what I mean to imply. In fact, the above title deals with a lovely situation that I have recently encountered…. As my loyal followers know, last night was the Grand, Super Deluxe, One Of A Kind Poker Tournament down at MY PLACE SPORTS BAR.

The field was extremely tough. (Actually, we played inside.) Nevertheless, there might have been 2,000 highly qualified Texas Hold ‘Em champion players in the room (all right, I said “might.”) Whatever the number, there were no seats available for any late-comers or stragglers. The place was packed to the rafters and I am pleased to say that it was our largest turnout of the season. Many, many great and semi-famous players showed up, and as you can imagine, the competition was stiff. (Too much alcohol!)

I, of course, do not know the meaning of the word fear. (Or several other words.) Still, when I saw who was at my table, I figured that I would soon be eliminated. (Especially if they caught me cheating again.) However, I played quite well, and the poker gods were with me most of the time. Don’t ask me how, but I managed to make it to the final table! (With very little cheating.)

You can imagine my surprise when I looked to my left and saw one of my most brilliant students (a woman who was on full scholarship at my poker academy in Austin)…… none other than Judge Susan, THE LEGAL EAGLE! Her Honor played brilliantly and outlasted a room full of folks who were anxious to get their greedy little hands on a VERY LARGE JACKPOT of cold, hard cash! To be honest, I thought that the Judge and I were going to make history, but it was not meant to be.

HOWEVER….. we both placed high up in the tournament! Judge Susan came in 6th and I finished 5th. (Hence the above title regarding me taking the fifth!)

NOW FOR THE BIG NEWS! Gin Keller, our lovely host, sold a ton of books entitled THE PRESLEY PLOT! Almost half of the tournament participants purchased a copy of my new mystery novel! Naturally, I was happy to autograph and few thousand copies, and I was very, very pleased by the support I received from my fellow gambling addicts. Oddly enough, I made more money selling books last night than playing poker!

I would like to thank Miss Linda, the owner of MY PLACE for hosting such a great tournament and also for allowing me to set up a table loaded with copies of THE PRESLEY PLOT… which were selling like hot cakes! We all had a wonderful evening, and those present, will remember a truly outstanding event.

Be well and be careful….. Your tired but happy author…..

Doc Yanoff

July 15, 2012

YOUR PLACE OR “MY PLACE?”

Maybe we should go to MY PLACE. (No, not my place, as in my home, but MY PLACE SPORTS BAR.)

Tuesday, July 17th, would be a wonderful day (make that, night) to meet.

Why you ask?

Because that night MY PLACE is hosting a nationally renowned event known as the “Deepstack Texas Hold ‘Em Tournament of Central Texas!” Yours truly has qualified for the tournament, which will be run by the lovely and talented woman we call “The Queen of Hearts,” ……. Ms. Gin Keller!

Now here’s the exciting part…. (at least to me!)….. In addition to some MAJOR cash prizes, the top three finishers will receive an autographed copy of the best-sellling mystery novel…. THE PRESLEY PLOT!

BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!

Our hosts will be providing lots of table space for hundreds of copies of THE PRESLEY PLOT, and any player who buys a book will be given a chip bonus of…… $5,000!! (Or more.)

So what are you waiting for??? Come on down to MY PLACE on Tuesday, July 17th, and 6 p.m. and win a fortune plus meet a best-selling author! (Or me.) Seriously, I hope to see you there! Trust me, you will have the time of your life! (By the way, MY PLACE is at the Jester Exit off of 2222 in Austin!)

Hope to see you soon!

Doc Yanoff

July 7, 2012

SOMETHING FISHY!

I’d like to wish everyone a happy (albeit belated) Fourth of July! Hopefully nobody had a “short fuse” and everyone had a “blast.” (I assume some of you got “lit,” but I won’t go there!)

My personal celebration included a wonderful guided fishing trip on Lake Buchanan in Central Texas. My compadres and I (Dr. Talbott and Professor Bomblatus) drove up to the charming hamlet of Tow, Texas, and “hooked up” (so to speak) with Ken Milam the legendary owner/operator of “STRIPER FEVER.”

Thanks to my well-honed skills as an outdoorsman (I brought the beer) we all had a great time and we each caught our full limit of fish. Ken was kind enough to filet the little rascals when we got back to shore, and we returned with plenty of delicious filets for that night’s dinner. (Trust me, you have not tasted fish until you’ve had fresh caught striper with Cajun seasoning, grilled over an open fire!)

Ken Milam is also the host of “The Great Outdoors,” a very popular radio program broadcast in the Texas Hill Country. Since I caught the biggest fish (all right, one of the biggest) he was kind enough to offer his help in arranging a book signing/speaking engagement at Callahan’s General Store, a landmark facility in Burnet, Texas. I am one busy buckeroo this summer, but if my schedule opens up, I intend to take him up on his offer.

Meanwhile….. THE PRESLEY PLOT continues to sell well and garner good reviews. Earlier this week, Ken Evans, a prominent Austin businessman (and one hell of a poker player!) purchased 20 books for family and friends. Thank you, Ken! A few more sales like that and I will be able to retire. (Again!)

I just received an interesting update on the Elvis Presley Steamboat Cruise leaving out of Memphis…. and I will post some tantalizing details in my next missive.

Until then, have fun and be safe…..

Doc Yanoff