“SPEEK THE SPEECH I PRAY YOU!”

So implored Hamlet, offering directions and advice to a group of actors at the court of Denmark.  You do remember Hamlet, don’t you?  His brother, Omelette was more famous, and much more pleasant.  (Most thought he was a good egg.)  Coincidentally, Omelette was a private detective in Copenhagen.  (Similar to Adam Gold!)  I think, but I’m not sure, that is where the term “hard boiled” detective comes from.  Maybe not.  In any case, Omelette liked to keep his “sunny side” up, and I feel the same way!  By now, you might be wondering why I’m discussing Hamlet and his brother….. because I am packing for my trip to jolly old England!

Even though I’m working hard I’ve gained a few pounds.  (I went to the bank for some British currency.)  I gained 400 pounds to be exact, but it cost me an arm and a leg.  (Not literally, mind you, just a figure of speech.)  I thought it wise to have some Brit money when I land at Heathrow Airport on Saturday.  I’m just hoping that I am able to fully communicate with our English cousins.  (They do speak funny.)  If I recall, Winston Churchill once said that England and America are two similar countries…. separated by a common language!

I’m not too concerned about encountering a language barrier, but I do have to watch my pronunciation on this trip because I have been invited to speak about my book and sign some copies of THE PRESLEY PLOT at several functions in London.  Two of the most prominent Elvis Presley Fan Clubs in England have invited me to tea and crumpets (What the heck is a crumpet, anyway?)  and I have tentatively accepted their invitations.  (I say “tentatively” because I want to know what a crumpet is before I accept!)  I’m guessing it’s like a trumpet, only a string instrument.  (No problem, I  had to pull a few strings to get the invite!)  Maybe I should look it up before I go.  The English have some very peculiar habits.  The last time I was in London, my hotel waiter asked me if I would like to bring a couple of tarts back to my room!  (I had brought my own ladyfingers, thank you.)

Nonetheless, I was quite flattered by the invitations, and if my schedule permits, I will certainly attend both events.  My first stop will be the British Museum, and then a short visit with some noble personages.  (We have been invited to lunch by the Duke of Wellington.)  Or was that the Duke of Earl?  One of the two.  I also intend to dine with an old friend of mine who is an insurance underwriter at Lloyds of London.  He is a charming chap, and the last time we dined together he introduced me to the best Indian food in the city.  I am a curry fanatic, and I adore Indian cuisine.  In fact, I always compliment the chef after I gouge myself.  (No, I don’t do it to curry favor!)  I do it because I love curry flavor.  And everything else on the menu!

I made reservations at two wonderful Indian restaurants….. and I hope I don’t have any trouble finding them.  I think I’ll be all right.  You know what they say in Mumbai.  (“Sikh and ye shall find!”)  How hard could it be to find the two top-rated Indian restaurants in London?  (Famous last words.)  I shall keep you informed of my Punjabi progress…. but keep your fingers crossed for me, just in case!

Well, my friends, pip pip and cheerio!  I must go find my passport and disposable underwear for the trip.  (You never want to mix the two up when you get to Customs!)

Take care, have a wonderful day, and I shall write again whence I get settled in London……

LONG THE KING!   (Elvis)

Doc Yanoff

One thought on ““SPEEK THE SPEECH I PRAY YOU!”

  1. Stephen. Great writing!! FYI. I’m at the studio today. Hollywood Center Studios. I just read your words out loud… A lot of laughs!!!! Have a great time in England. Johnny Venokur
    Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

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