Texas Hold ‘Em

April 6, 2014

FAST AND FURIOUS!

NO, I WILL NOT BE DISCUSSING MY HONEYMOON NIGHT AGAIN!  (Besides, as I explained to the wife, I had jet lag.)  Nor will I be discussing illegal gun shipments to Mexico.  Actually, I’m referring to my writing revisions, which have been fast and furious in order hit my publishing deadline for THE SECOND MOURNING.  Man, this editing thing is for the birds.  No rest for the wicked, I mean, the weary.  I don’t even have time to take a nap!  Which reminds me…..  If a person refuses to take a nap, could they be locked up for….. “resisting a rest?”  Hmmmm.

Well, what else is new?  (Wait, don’t tell me!)  I am pleased to announce that I received notification that DEVIL’S COVE (Adam Gold mystery number three) was recently nominated to receive the 2014 Raymond Chandler Writing Award!  However, I wouldn’t get my hopes up.  (Elmore Leonard is also in the running!)  Still, all of these little awards add up, and I am thrilled to be among such wonderful writers.  In other words, I have little chance of winning, but my writing resume keeps growing.  Nothing wrong with that.

On the subject of honors…..  The Mighty Cobra (my poker identity) was well on his way to another final table when he tangled with Rich “Big Win” Walker last Thursday evening.  Incredibly, my pair of sevens held up against his Ace/King!  However, the poker gods do have a wicked sense of humor, so a few hands later my two aces in the hole got busted by a lousy set of fives!  Life ain’t fair!

Did you folks hear that President Obama asked the Pope to make him a saint because of Obamacare?  The Pope said he would consider the request, since it was going to take a miracle to make the program work!  All I can say is Bingo!

I have attached another photograph to this blog, so if you are the first person to tell me where this lady went to college, you will win a $100 gift card!  Good luck, and no cheating!  (If you were willing to split the prize with me, I might give you the answer!)

Speaking of great prizes…..   I would like to share some bizarre history with you folks.  As you might know, my next book (The Second Mourning) deals with the assassination of President Garfield.  Well, try this on for size…..  Did you know that Lincoln was shot at the theatre named “Ford?”  Kennedy was shot in a car called “Lincoln,” which was made by….. Ford!  (Get this:  Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.  Both Presidents were shot in the head.  Lincoln’s secretary was named Kennedy.  Kennedy’s secretary was named Lincoln!)  Ah, the mystery of history!!

Well, my dear family and friends, that’s about it for this week.  Please tune in next Sunday for another thrilling post, and until we meet again, please have a safe and happy week.  Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

P.S.  This Sunday’s blog is dedicated to “Miss Mollie,” a very special dog who brought fifteen years of happiness to a dear friend.  R.I.P., little princess.

And now for your photograph…..

 

LucretiaGarfield

 

July 14, 2013

SOME LIKE IT HOT…..

WHO MIGHT THIS BE?  Why, mad dogs and Englishmen… and yours truly!  The weather in Texas has been rather warm this week.  How hot was it?  The fire ants were crawling around with canteens on their backs!  I saw two scorpions running a Kool-Aid stand!  Now, that’s hot!  Hotter than hell…..

Speaking of the devil…  (wasn’t that a smooth transition?)  my third “Adam Gold Mystery” will be published early next week.  The book is titled, DEVIL’S COVE.  Incredibly, three hundred books have already been pre-ordered, so we are off to a very good start.  You can help by ordering some books later in the week!  (No, you don’t have to order 300 copies!)

The publisher was smart enough to send an advanced copy to some reviewers in New York City, and I thought you might like to see the first review of the book…..

“DEVIL’S COVE is a lively caper…  Yanoff is a master story-teller, and there’s always something deadly serious behind his entertaining insurance-related tales… He continues to show why he is one of the best – and most consistent – mystery authors in America.”         (Renegade Reviews, N.Y.C.)

Naturally, I am VERY grateful for the kind words, and even more grateful for your continued support and encouragement.  In all seriousness, this is a TEAM effort, and I have a wonderful team!

Incidentally, my first non-fiction book is on its way to the wonderful world of literary representation in the Big Apple.  The book is titled, THE SECOND MOURNING.  (The Untold Story of America’s Most Bizarre Political Murder)  As some of you know, the book recounts the assassination of President James A. Garfield.  I shall, as they say, keep you posted of my progress…. or lack thereof!

By the way, I made it to the final table of the Steiner Ranch Poker Tournament two weeks in a row… but the BIG poker story is about my friend Beverly (last name withheld for security reasons) who is currently playing in the MAIN EVENT of the World Series of Poker… and she has already won $40,000 and has survived day 5 of the tournament!  If she wins, she gets a cool $8,000,000!  (And a free copy of MURDER ON MAIDEN LANE)  I hear she wants the money, but is more anxious to get her book!

Well, gang, that’s about it for me….  have a safe and pleasant week… and please remember that it is IMPOSSIBLE to lick your own elbow…    (I know some of you will try!)     Love to all…..

Doc Yanoff

May 16, 2013

BONUS BLOG (DUE TO BOURBON!)

GOOD EVENING, LADIES AND GERMS (Shecky Greene, 1965) HOW DO YOU LIKE THE CATSKILLS?  THE CHEF MAKES FOOD FIT FOR A KING!  (HERE, KING, HERE KING….. )  Since I have consumed a copious amount of Kentucky Bourbon (In South Carolina!) I have decided to compose a “bonus blog,” which proves that man does not live by  bread (pudding) laced with rum alone!  So….  here’s what happened today…

The morning began with the consumption of the WORLD’S BEST almond croissant and fresh brewed French roast coffee.  Shortly thereafter, Miss Daisy and I meandered over to the Charleston Museum, one of the finest museums in the South.  I got to view the H.L. Hunley submarine, the Confederate submarine that was the VERY FIRST sub to sink a ship!  (A Yankee carpetbagger that was blockading Charleston Harbor!)  The sub sank in 1864, killing Mr. Hunley and seven other crewmen.  It was brought up in 2000 and fully restored to its natural splendor.  (Truly incredible.)  What a treat to view this historic vessel.

Another treat came at lunchtime…..  a mini-feast of Southern vegetables at Jestine’s Country Kitchen.  OMG, the okra and collard greens were incredible.  After lunch we toured one of the historic homes of Charleston, a Winnebago parked on Meeting Street.  (Just Kidding!)  We went to the amazing pre-Civil War home of Joseph Manigault.  (Ever hear of the “Manigault Line?”)  Wait a minute, I think that was the Marginot Line.  Never mind, I was just joking.  (Have I used this “line” before?)

The Manigault family was one of the founding families of Charleston, and all of the streets in the area are named after their children!  (Except Main Street, who was named after their most important cousin.)  Naturally, they were of Huguenot descent, and they made a fortune selling rice.  (One of them became Jewish and sold “converted rice.”)  His name was Shecky Manigault, and he wasn’t fat, just a little “puffy.”  I think he became a “colonel” during the Civil War.

This evening we dined with a prominent Charleston physician and his lovely family.  (Another amazing meal at the Hominy Grill.)  Try to envision a perfect Mint Julep, followed by fried green tomatoes, homemade biscuits, collard greens, red beans and rice, and the best tasting piece of cornmeal crusted grouper with shrimp gravy in the UNIVERSE!  I am almost (key word, “almost”) embarrassed to admit this, but Miss Daisy and I actually split a piece of buttermilk pie for dessert!

In the immortal words of Oscar Wilde, “I can resist anything but temptation!”

We leave for Jacksonville and then Boca Raton tomorrow….. so look for the continuing adventures of “The Galloping Gourmet” and his faithful sidekick, “Crazy Daisy” in the days ahead…..   May the force (and the Alka-Seltzer) be with you!

Col. Rufus T. Firefly, N.U.T.   (a/k/a Doc Yanoff)

January 28, 2013

THE COBRA STRIKES! (AND OTHER JUNGLE TALES)

MY FELLOW AMERICANS…..  (AND WORLD-WIDE FOLLOWERS)

Monday morning blues?     Down to your shoes?     You should go on a cruise.     Drink some booze.     Play some poker.     Try not to lose.     (In fact, this is precisely what I intend to do this coming Saturday!)  AND SINCE WE ARE ON THE SUBJECT OF POKER……

Those of you who read Sports Illustrated, The New York Times, or belong to Gambler’s Anonymous, know that yesterday was the CENTRAL TEXAS WATERLOO POKER INVITATIONAL CELEBRITY PRO/AM POKER TOURNAMENT & BEER GUZZLING FESTIVAL.   My friends, this was quite a tournament.  Many of the world’s (all right, Austin’s) best poker players showed up, loaded for bear, as my grand-pappy used to say.  As I have previously stated, this was by “invitation only,” which means that you had to qualify for the tournament by having a certain number of points in your over-all rating.

I am VERY proud to tell you that after reviewing the player’s board, I spotted the names of EVERY graduate of the C.P.A.   (Cobra Poker Academy.)    That’s right, dear ones, the names were up in lights, posted for all the world to see…..   Barbara Talbott  (The Dragon Slayer)….. Max Talbott  (The Maxi-nator)…..  Susan Marquess  (The Legal Eagle)….. and Patricia Yanoff…..  (The Corpus Christi Crusher)   My goodness, the place was filled with poker greats!   (Incredibly, even two famous local pros showed up…..  Sharon (Sharp-shooter) Francia and Sharon Barth, also known in Las Vegas as “Bad Barth.”   As usual, the Sharons played outstanding poker.   Unfortunately, only two academy players could make the actual tournament, and one of them, (an attractive woman) got knocked out early……   By going “all in” with a full house and losing to….. FOUR FOURS!    (OH, THE PAIN OF IT ALL!)

HOWEVER……   (Now we come to my favorite part of the blog)    Yours truly, The Mighty Cobra, had his fangs on full display throughout the tournament of champions…. and as you have probably guessed by now…..I slithered my way into the FINAL TABLE, which was covered, covered I say, in cash and potato chips!  Well, as fate would have it, I played brilliantly, cheated seldom, and managed to outlast a tremendous group of talented players…. making it to the FINAL TWO PLAYERS GOING HEAD TO HEAD!!

(Just for the record, our heads were not touching.)   Head to head is a poker phrase.  We were actually sitting across from each other.

Anyway, we played mano a mano for several hours!  (Actually, twenty minutes, but the hours thing sounds better)   In truth, it was not mana a mano, but mano a womano.  (I was battling the enchanting Miss Elsa for the title.)   Well, amazingly, we finally got too tired to see the cards, so we decided to split the pot evenly.  (We both walked away with a HUGE amount of money and stale potato chips.)   However, since points is points, I must, for the sake of accuracy tell you that we played one final hand to see who would get what points.   (Here is where the story becomes a Greek Tragedy)   I’ve got a king and a nine of spades, and Miss Elsa has a jack and a ten.  So what happens?  Not one, but two damn jacks show up!   Needless to say, I was singing “Hit The Road Jack,” but to no avail.  However, my SECOND PLACE finish was to be celebrated, as this was the largest turnout of the poker season and attracted well over 100 top players.

In case you are feeling sorry for me, I should tell you that I consoled myself with an elaborate Indian feast at Tarka after the tournament.  The food was, as always, fantastic!  If you haven’t been to the West Anderson location, you don’t know what you’re missing.  All I can say is Yum-Yum.  If you go, mention my poker name, The Cobra, and you will get free napkins.

Well, my dear blog followers, I hope I have provided a pleasant start for your week.  Be happy that you are not up in New York.  My brother told me it was ten degrees below zero last week!

How cold did it get, you ask?  My brother saw a chicken crossing the street with a capon!    (cape on?)

Love to all……

 

Doc Yanoff