MY FELLOW AMERICANS….. (AND WORLD-WIDE FOLLOWERS)
Monday morning blues? Down to your shoes? You should go on a cruise. Drink some booze. Play some poker. Try not to lose. (In fact, this is precisely what I intend to do this coming Saturday!) AND SINCE WE ARE ON THE SUBJECT OF POKER……
Those of you who read Sports Illustrated, The New York Times, or belong to Gambler’s Anonymous, know that yesterday was the CENTRAL TEXAS WATERLOO POKER INVITATIONAL CELEBRITY PRO/AM POKER TOURNAMENT & BEER GUZZLING FESTIVAL. My friends, this was quite a tournament. Many of the world’s (all right, Austin’s) best poker players showed up, loaded for bear, as my grand-pappy used to say. As I have previously stated, this was by “invitation only,” which means that you had to qualify for the tournament by having a certain number of points in your over-all rating.
I am VERY proud to tell you that after reviewing the player’s board, I spotted the names of EVERY graduate of the C.P.A. (Cobra Poker Academy.) That’s right, dear ones, the names were up in lights, posted for all the world to see….. Barbara Talbott (The Dragon Slayer)….. Max Talbott (The Maxi-nator)….. Susan Marquess (The Legal Eagle)….. and Patricia Yanoff….. (The Corpus Christi Crusher) My goodness, the place was filled with poker greats! (Incredibly, even two famous local pros showed up….. Sharon (Sharp-shooter) Francia and Sharon Barth, also known in Las Vegas as “Bad Barth.” As usual, the Sharons played outstanding poker. Unfortunately, only two academy players could make the actual tournament, and one of them, (an attractive woman) got knocked out early…… By going “all in” with a full house and losing to….. FOUR FOURS! (OH, THE PAIN OF IT ALL!)
HOWEVER…… (Now we come to my favorite part of the blog) Yours truly, The Mighty Cobra, had his fangs on full display throughout the tournament of champions…. and as you have probably guessed by now…..I slithered my way into the FINAL TABLE, which was covered, covered I say, in cash and potato chips! Well, as fate would have it, I played brilliantly, cheated seldom, and managed to outlast a tremendous group of talented players…. making it to the FINAL TWO PLAYERS GOING HEAD TO HEAD!!
(Just for the record, our heads were not touching.) Head to head is a poker phrase. We were actually sitting across from each other.
Anyway, we played mano a mano for several hours! (Actually, twenty minutes, but the hours thing sounds better) In truth, it was not mana a mano, but mano a womano. (I was battling the enchanting Miss Elsa for the title.) Well, amazingly, we finally got too tired to see the cards, so we decided to split the pot evenly. (We both walked away with a HUGE amount of money and stale potato chips.) However, since points is points, I must, for the sake of accuracy tell you that we played one final hand to see who would get what points. (Here is where the story becomes a Greek Tragedy) I’ve got a king and a nine of spades, and Miss Elsa has a jack and a ten. So what happens? Not one, but two damn jacks show up! Needless to say, I was singing “Hit The Road Jack,” but to no avail. However, my SECOND PLACE finish was to be celebrated, as this was the largest turnout of the poker season and attracted well over 100 top players.
In case you are feeling sorry for me, I should tell you that I consoled myself with an elaborate Indian feast at Tarka after the tournament. The food was, as always, fantastic! If you haven’t been to the West Anderson location, you don’t know what you’re missing. All I can say is Yum-Yum. If you go, mention my poker name, The Cobra, and you will get free napkins.
Well, my dear blog followers, I hope I have provided a pleasant start for your week. Be happy that you are not up in New York. My brother told me it was ten degrees below zero last week!
How cold did it get, you ask? My brother saw a chicken crossing the street with a capon! (cape on?)
Love to all……
Wow I really did make the blog! Congrats on your fantastic showing – Elsa is on fire and pretty much unbeatable these days. Oh, you forgot to mention that Bad Barth got 9th :p
Yanoff you are too funny. Thank you for the smile. Stanley Stanley Naftolin, Q.C., J.D., C.S. Goldman Sloan Nash & Haber LLP 480 University Avenue, Suite 1600 Toronto, Ontario M5G 1V2 Canada Telephone: 416-597-3388 email: firstname.lastname@example.org Please note that our postal code has changed NOTICE OF CONFIDENTIALITY: This email and any attachment contain information which is privileged and confidential. It is intended only for the use of the individual to whom it is addressed. If you are not the intended recipient or the person responsible for delivering this document to the intended recipient, you are hereby advised that any disclosure, reproduction, distribution or other use of this email is strictly forbidden. If you have received this email by error, please notify us immediately by telephone or email and confirm that you have destroyed the original transmission and any copies that have been made. Thank you for your cooperation.
I’m not sure if you’ve had your scheduled surgery yet, but in any case, I wish you all the best and a speedy recovery! I expect to hear that you’re “spinning” again in a very short time! Good luck, buddy…..
You are too much!!! I am so happy to be a part of your very interesting adventures!!!!
Way to go, Cobra!!! You rock. And, Crusher…………………..I feel the pain. What are the chances of 4 of anything? REALLY?????? Isn’t it amazing when ecstasy runs directly into agony! Ouch. You will both be in great shape for the ship.