November 16, 2014

THE ARCTIC GORETEX!

Those are the clothes I’m wearing, not the name of the weather front that blew in this week. By the way, why do they call it a “front” when you freeze your “rear” off? Hmm. In any case, it’s cold down here in Austin, Texas! How cold? I just saw a chicken crossing the street with her capon. (Cape on?) Look, there aren’t many ‘cold chicken jokes.’ (That one was really “fowl!”) What can I say, I’m a hen-pecked guy.

Lest we forget, last Tuesday was Veterans Day. Accordingly, I’d like to acknowledge my favorite vet, my father, Arthur Yanoff, who on October 11, 1945, flew across the Atlantic Ocean in a B-24 bomber destined for North Africa. I would also like to acknowledge my Uncle Jim, who served in the Air Force, My Uncle Paul, who served in the Army, my Uncle Aubrey, a Marine sergeant, who fought in Korea, and my cousin Max (Talbott) a sergeant in the U.S. Army. Thank you all for your service to our nation!

So what else is new? Well, on Wednesday, November 12, I was featured on the highly acclaimed radio program “Be The Star You Are.” The show was hosted by the incredibly talented Cynthia Brian, who is known as “The Oprah of the Airwaves.” As I’ve mentioned previously, her popular program is broadcast on VoiceAmerica, which has a listening audience of 4.5 million people in 219 countries. (I understand that only 4.2 million people listened to my brilliant oration, which was a little disappointing. Well, that’s show biz.)

Speaking of remarkable women, I recently had the pleasure of participating in my first internet interview with the lovely and talented blogger Gina McKnight. Gina produces a very popular blog called “Riding & Writing.” (She loves horses and books.) She asked some great questions, and if you would like to read my answers, simply go to: Ginamc. blogspot.com If you look on the right side of your computer screen, you will find the archive list and my name. Check it out if you get a chance. (My interview was on Sunday, October 26, 2014)

Since we’re on the subject of books (for a change) I’d like to remind you that my first mystery novel, THE GRACELAND GANG, is now available on the OFFICIAL Elvis Presley webpage. All you need to do is find yourself a working computer and go to: Graceland at Shop.com (The holidays are coming up quickly, so don’t delay!) If we sell a lot of books, I’m going to ask Elvis to sign some future copies, which should fetch a pretty penny.

Incidentally, in case you’re wondering, the fourth “Adam Gold Mystery” is in the final stages of front cover production. The book is titled, RANSOM ON THE RHONE, and as the name suggests, the story takes place primarily in France. The target date of release is early January, 2015, so please don’t leave the country before you purchase a copy. (You will not be allowed back without your passport and a copy of the book. Hey, I don’t make the rules… (I just break them!)

In closing, I would like to remind you that Thanksgiving is just around the corner. Please remember to purchase your turkey early. (My wife got her turkey 35 years ago… me!) Hopefully, you will find some photographs at the end of today’s blog. These are photos from the gala literary event known as “Evening With The Authors.” I hope you enjoy them!

Take care and have a wonderful week. Love to all …..

Doc Yanoff

November 9, 2014

AMAZING GRACELAND!

I ONCE WAS LOST… But now my mystery novel, THE GRACELAND GANG, can be found! Where? Why, at Graceland, the home of the King, Elvis Presley! Yes, my dear friends, I am thrilled to report that my first “Adam Gold Mystery” has been reviewed and accepted by the OFFICIAL website for all things Elvis! You (and 300 million others) can now purchase the book at: Graceland at Shop.com

As you might guess, this website handles the full line of Elvis products sanctioned by the Elvis Presley Estate, which is very picky about the items they allow to be sold under their own imprimatur. After reading my brilliant novel (and taking pity on me) they decided to list my book on their website for the next few years! Naturally, I was giddy, as this will expose my humble novel to a VAST audience in America and around the world. (I have often thought of exposing more of myself, but the wife wouldn’t let me.) All I can say is, “long live the King!” (And a serious thank you to Pricilla Presley and the Presley Estate.)

So what else is new? Hey, I don’t know about you, but I’m sick and tired of people who are too lazy to work, but then turn around and ask us for money! But enough about the White House and Congress. Did you remember to exercise your right to vote? I was going to vote, but when I heard it was an exercise, I changed my mind. I always vote for myself anyway. During the last election, I received 3 votes. I voted for myself, and my mother voted for me twice. (She lives in Chicago.) I’m not great in math, but by my calculation, it’s going to take a while to win a seat. (Which is why I like to stand.)

Speaking of math, I have come to the conclusion that there are 3 different types of people in the world. People who are good in math, and those that are not. I could be wrong, but that’s the way it adds up to me. Like I said, math is not my strong suit. Back in high school, I would bring a rabbit to class whenever we had a math test. (I heard they multiplied quickly) When I got to college, I brought a Playboy bunny with me. I didn’t do any better on the test, but frankly, I didn’t give a damn.

Just a final (thank God) reminder that I will be featured on VoiceAmerica radio this coming Wednesday evening. (6:15 p.m. Central Time) I will be interviewed by Cynthia Brian, who is known in the radio world as “The Oprah of the Airwaves.” If you get a chance, give a listen. Hopefully, Ms. Brian will offer me a car at the end of the program.

Tomorrow (Monday) I have the honor of attending a military funeral for the late Richard Bomblatus, who served his country with distinction. Mr. Bomblatus will be buried at the Central Texas Veteran’s Cemetery, near Fort Hood. Like all our wonderful vets, he deserves a huge thank you for his service.

Last Sunday, I had the pleasure of attending a little surprise party for Miss Joyce, the lovely mother of Jaime Rubenstein, and the mother-in-law of Gary Rubenstein. I’m glad I brought an expensive gift, because Gary managed to convince the Captain and crew of the Queen Elizabeth Cruise Ship to feature my non-fiction book, THE SECOND MOURNING! Don’t ask me how he did it, but the book was literally in every nook and cranny of the ship! (I know, there are a lot of books on the Nook. Ha-ha.) I am seriously considering firing my present publicist (Blind Bernie Kivowitz) and hiring Gary. (The guy is a marketing genius!)

Well, it’s time for me to consume some “health food waffles” that you-know-who is insisting I try. This recipe has two cups of bran and some other nasty looking fiber! One portion of these waffles, and you’ll be forced to “run” for office! By the way, remind me to tell you how the Chinese pronounce Election Day.

Happy trials, I mean, trails! Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

November 2, 2014

HAPPY HALLOWEEN IN 2014!

So, did you enjoy the day associated with scary and spooky creatures who roam the underworld in a relentless pursuit of evil and mayhem? Oh wait, Tuesday is Election Day. Never mind. Let’s start with Halloween… Did you know that this “holiday” began in Ireland? (roughly 2,000 years ago!) Irish immigrants brought the festivities to America, which now spends nearly 9 BILLION dollars a year on candy, costumes, and pediatric dentistry! Halloween, believe it or not, produces the second most spending of the year. (Christmas is first) Would you like to guess what the number one candy might be? I’ll give you a hint: “Don’t SNICKER at the answer.” By the way, after my clue, if you said Twix, you need to run for political office!

Strangely enough, we (in America) are also “celebrating” the end of Daylight Saving Time. I’m not sure, but I think we’re supposed to mess with our clocks. If I remember correctly, it’s “Spring Back and Fall Forward,” or maybe “Spring Forward and Fall Back.” Just do one or the other and sooner or later you’ll have the correct time. Be patient.

By the way, did you know that there are two states that DO NOT observe Daylight Saving Time. (No, one of them is not Arkansas!) They are Arizona and Hawaii. Oddly enough, the Navajo Tribe in Arizona does observe the time change, but the Hopi Tribe does not! (I “Hopi” this is correct, but you “Navajo.”) Don’t ask me why. I thought both tribes might have certain “reservations.” (Ouch!)

So what else is new? Well, don’t forget that on Wednesday, November 11, I will be featured on World Talk Radio. (VoiceAmerica) My interview is scheduled for 6:15 p.m. Central Time. The host and I will be discussing my brilliant new book, THE SECOND MOURNING. The program, as I have previously mentioned, reaches an estimated audience of 4.5 million listeners in 219 countries. Still, we have plenty of room, so try to join the fun!

Speaking of fun, the Texas Book Festival was a huge success for everyone involved. As you might know, we sold a ton of books (mystery novels and the non-fiction book) and met some wonderful authors and book lovers. There were two best-selling mystery authors in our pavilion tent, me and a gentleman named Patrick Kelly, the author of HILL COUNTRY GREED. If you get a chance, check out Patrick’s books. I think you will really enjoy them. (I will attach some photographs of the Festival at the end of this blog.)

Also in the realm of fun (sort of) our darling “niece” Laura just delivered a gorgeous baby girl in the great state of Oklahoma! When I say “delivered,” I am not referring to FedEx or UPS, I mean delivered as in gave birth! Congratulations to mom and dad (Laura and Steve) and also to our dear friends Barbara and Max. (Now known as Grandma and Grandpa Talbott!) Please encourage your precious baby (Miss Auden) to immediately become a blog follower. She will undoubtedly love my blog, since it is quite infantile. (Make that “young at heart.”)

Finally, I would like to give a little shout out to Jaime and Gary Rubenstein, who will be hosting today’s gala surprise party for Miss Joyce, Jaime’s lovely and talented mother. The hosts just returned from a round-the-world cruise (well, half the world at least) and should have some wonderful stories to share. Hopefully, they wore the modest T-shirts (emblazoned with my photograph) that I gave them before they left. I think they may have worn the shirts, because ISIS is on the run. (Hey, if you saw my face, you might run away, too!)

Well, my dear friends, I hope you enjoy your upcoming week. Please remember to vote on Tuesday, and if you don’t want to waste your vote, please cast a write-in ballot with my name. (Just a reminder, there are two “Fs” in Yanoff.) If you forget that, just think of my math and English grades! Take care, and love to all …

Doc Yanoff

October 12, 2014

SPEAK SOFTLY AND CARRY A BIG SCHTICK!

I’m not sure who said that, but I think it was either Theodore Roosevelt or Shecky Greene… In any case, I concur with the sentiment, which is why I am pleased to announce that yours truly will soon be featured on… (are you sitting down?) … THE LARGEST RADIO NETWORK IN THE WORLD! That’s right, my dear blog followers, thanks to your continued encouragement and support I have now become a “highly sought after personality.” (Which is similar to being on America’s Most Wanted, but different.)

Where was I? Oh yes, the radio program. I have recently formalized a written agreement to be the featured author on “Star Style,” an award-winning radio program now in its 17th season. The program is hosted by Cynthia Brian, (a hugely popular radio personality) and is broadcast by Voice America/World Talk Radio. Here’s the coolest part….. the program is broadcast to 219 countries and has a current listening audience of 4.5 MILLION listeners!

Yikes, I’d better be coherent and glib! Guess why? The show is done LIVE! No rehearsals, no tape, no second chances! (Not much pressure there!) Hopefully, there will only be 3.5 MILLION people listening. (I prefer smaller audiences.) Now for the details…. (I’ll wait while you grab a pen and paper) OK, here goes….. The LIVE 20-minute interview will be broadcast on Wednesday, November 12, 2014. The show comes on at 4-5 p.m. Pacific Time, which means that my Texas friends will hear it 3 hours later. (My interview slot has been assigned a specific time, which is 7:15 to 7:40 p.m. EASTERN TIME.)

MORE GOOD NEWS… If you do not own a radio, or have dinner plans on November 12th, you can access the entire interview on the radio station’s archive site. (Which means that you can listen to it over and over, like I’m going to do.) All you have to do is get your hands on a computer and go to: http://www.VoiceAmerica.com/show/2206/be-the-star-you-are

So what else is new? As a public service I would like to remind you of the symptoms of Ebola. The virus will cause headaches, feelings of nausea, and is difficult to get rid of. (Much like a politician.) I’m starting to think that Kim Jong Un, the North Korean dictator, might have contracted the disease. The poor guy has vanished! He didn’t even go to George Clooney’s wedding. The North Koreans sent his daughter, Kim Kardashi Un.

The head of the Secret Service was recently fired. (She had to jump over the White House fence to turn in her office keys!) The whacko that broke into the White House was inside a lot longer than we were told. He was there long enough to be appointed Acting Secretary of Agriculture! Then the President gets on an elevator with a civilian who was carrying a loaded weapon. Thank God Ray Rice wasn’t on the elevator!

Chelsea Clinton’s new daughter just uttered her first word! She reportedly said, “I-O-W-A.”

The government of Turkey has finally announced that it will join America’s fight against ISIS. Unfortunately, they didn’t indicate whose side they will be on. But do not fear! Those cold-blooded bastards in ISIS will soon surrender to us. They were recently told that Sylvester Stallone is contemplating another “Rocky” movie. (Their leader supposedly said, “How much can we take!”)

Today I find myself in sunny Florida, basking on the beach in Boca Raton. We have had 5 days of perfect weather, and the food has been outstanding. We are eating lots of bagels and have seen some “bay-gulls” flying around. I have also seen many bikini-clad women, and surprisingly, most of them DO NOT want their photographs taken… even from behind. What’s the story with that? I told one lady that I will take just one shot, and then we’ll see what “develops.” (She threatened to take one shot at me!)

Well, I must leave you now… we are off to see my sister, Jan, down in Fort Lauderdale. Which reminds me, today’s blog is dedicated to a very special man who recently passed away. My smart and talented brother-in-law (Larry Baum) recently lost his favorite uncle, who was one of the sweetest and kindest men I ever met. So this one’s for you, Heshy!

And as for the rest of you… please have a safe and joyous week! Thanks for taking the time to read my blog, and we shall meet again soon. Love to all…

Doc Yanoff

P.S. I forgot to mention that my upcoming radio interview will be covering THE SECOND MOURNING, my non-fiction book. The host just finished reading the book and loved it, so that will be our main emphasis.

September 21, 2014

NOTHING IS SET IN STONE!

Really? What about Mt. Rushmore? What’s that, paper mache? I think not. (Which is what my teachers used to say about me!) Anyway, I was recently watching the marvelous PBS series on the Roosevelts, and I started thinking about lasting legacies. Closest I ever got was a rash in high school, but that’s a long story. (And I’m not a “rash person!”) Where was I? Oh yes, Mt. Rushmore… So can you name the 4 American Presidents that are depicted in stone? I will list them at the end of this blog. (No cheating!)

The main sculptor was an interesting fellow named Gutzon Borglum. His parents were Danish emigrants. (He became a great dane!) My parents loved danish, but I digress. Borglum learned his craft from his dad, which made him a “chip off the old block.” He became a great sculptor, but he was a bit of a chisler. (No surprise, there.) Actually, he hardly ever used a chisel. Believe it or not, 90% of Mt. Rushmore was created with dynamite! It took Borglum 14 years to finish his project, but what else was there to do in South Dakota? (North Dakota is a different story.)

Speaking of things to do….. Don’t forget that yours truly will be one of the featured authors at the upcoming gala event called “Evening With The Authors.” This glorious event is being held to benefit the Dr. Eugene Clark Library of Lockhart, Texas. I will be representing the “mystery category,” and will be joined by other best-selling authors, including Sarah Bird, James Magnuson, and Mark Twain. (Please Note: Mr. Twain has not formally accepted the invitation. Knowing Twain, he is probably busy de-composing!) If you need tickets, contact: http://EveningWithTheAuthors.com

So what else is new? Well, for one thing, archaeologists have recently announced the discovery of Richard III’s body! British archaeologists (working with trained prairie dogs) uncovered his corpse and have positively identified his remains! As you might recall, King Ricardo suffered from scoliosis of the spine. (Please, no jokes about him bending over backwards to please people!) He was killed at the battle of Bosworth in 1485, but before he died, he supposedly said, “My kingdom for a horse!”

In my opinion, he should have said, “My kingdom for a hearse,” but what do I know? In any case, it’s a wonderful discovery, make no bones about it. (Ouch!)

You know, I’m thinking about getting a dog and naming him “Five Miles.” That way I can tell people that I walk five miles every day. Incidentally, the PBS program pointed out that Theodore Roosevelt was a ruff rider. He must have charged up San Juan Hill on a greyhound.

Have you noticed that my writing schtick resembles the Marx Brothers? Well, that’s because my first full-length play was produced at the University of Texas when I was serving as their playwright-in-residence, and at that time, my ONLY goal was to follow in the footsteps of the gentlemen who wrote the original Marx Brothers movie scripts. (Who also began as playwrights….. George S. Kaufman, S.J. Perelman, etc.) Today, amazingly, is the anniversary of that great literary production! (The play, which was later published, was titled, A KNIGHT’S MIDSUMMER DREAM.) My, how time flies.

And since we’re on the subject of flies, did I ever mention that my wife makes meals fit for a king? (Here, King… Here, King… ) Just kidding, dear. Put down the rolling pin. If she hits me on the head, she’ll make a bad impression!

Finally, I should mention that my poker career has re-ignited. I made it to the final table at last week’s Steiner Ranch World Championship Invitational Poker Tournament & Beer Festival. Not only did I win a (very) small fortune, but I sold several copies of THE SECOND MOURNING!

Well, I must leave thee now, as my breakfast awaits. As I close, I am staring, rather fondly, at a sweet little tart. (My wife is out of town!) Have a wonderful week, and remember to laugh frequently! Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

P.S. The four American Presidents on Mt. Rushmore are: Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln, and Teddy Roosevelt.

September 14, 2014

DANGER, WILL ROBINSON!!

WOW, did you folks catch a glimpse of that flaming asteroid that streaked by earth last weekend? When it entered the earth’s atmosphere it broke into smaller pieces called hemorroids. (I think that’s what they’re called.) They are small, but dangerous and can be a real “pain in the butt.” The smallest particles are very photogenic, and are known as polaroids. I don’t know about you, but I love to gaze at heavenly bodies with my telescope. (No, I don’t mean the neighbors.) If you’e wondering how I know so much about astrology, it’s because I wanted to be an astronut when I was a young whipper-snapper. In fact, I went to college on a NASA scholarship. Well, actually I was just taking up space, but you get the idea.

Hey, do you think an astronomer is the same thing as a night watchman?

Anyway, there are billions of asteroids in the solar system, so don’t worry if you missed the last dazzling show. Did you know that the chance of asteroids colliding is roughly equivalent to winning the lottery every day for a week? Strange, but true! Of course, if an asteroid of any size does hit the earth, the results could prove fatal. Just ask Fred Flintstone. A big sucker hit our planet 65 million years ago, and contributed to the extinction of the dinosaurs! (Although some think it was an STD.)

Since I live in Austin, I can tell you one thing….. The stars at night are big and bright. Deep in the heart of Texas. The prairie sky… Never mind, you get the picture. Speaking of stars….. my new book, THE SECOND MOURNING, recently received the equivalent of a 5-STAR review from Kirkus Book Reviews, the world’s largest book reviewer! The critics were very kind, referring to my modest masterpiece as “An immensely readable narrative.” They also said I was funny and handsome. (All right, I made that last part up, but my mother thinks I’m nice.)

Sad about Joan Rivers. Not a huge fan, but I did appreciate the fact that she spent her entire life making others laugh and smile. I’ve been thinking about cremation this week, and although I am going to seek a traditional burial, I do have to admit that cremation would be my last chance to have a hot, smokin’ body!

“The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves.” (Not exactly relevant, but I wanted to add some class to this blog post!)

Finally, some breaking news….. I recently put the finishing touches on the fourth “Adam Gold Mystery,” which is titled, RANSOM ON THE RHONE. I am happy to report that my publishers, Murder Ink Press/Penguin Books, loved the story and are hard at work designing an appropriate book cover! Incidentally, the original cover concept was the work of my good friend, Vicki Kaufman, owner of Blue Heron Design Studio. If you ever need any graphic designs, she’s the gal for you! (She lives in Cedar Park, Texas.)

In closing, I would like to confirm the rumors that I will be at a book signing in Georgetown next week. I’m not sure of the time and place, but I will post both as soon as I learn the details. (Just keep the entire week open, OK?) And remember, my dear friends, don’t take life so seriously. It’s not like you’re going to get out alive!

Have a safe and joyous week! Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

P.S. We wish a safe and wonderful voyage to our loyal blog followers, The Princess of Portugal and Baron Lee! Bring me back a croissant!

September 7, 2014

PROMISES, PROMISES!

Last Sunday, I had the pleasure of participating in a charity poker tournament intended to raise funds for Africa’s Promise Village, a marvelous organization dedicated to providing clean (disease free) water and a good education to the children of Tanzania. (As well as orphans throughout Africa.) I am delighted to report that thousands of dollars were raised in this effort, and I would like to publicly acknowledged our tournament director, my good friend, Rich Walker. Well done, Ricardo! I didn’t win the safari trip, but I did get two tickets to the Bronx Zoo. (The one BEHIND the bars!)

On Wednesday, the Princess of Portugal, and her distinguished husband, Baron Lee, kept a promise to me and hosted a gala lobster festival at their mansion in Round Rock. Guests consumed an inordinate amount of crustacean meat, grilled corn, roasted potatoes, and several gallons of fine wine. (All wine is fine with me!) The evening was a complete success, and now I have some new tails, I mean tales, to share with my blog followers. Do you think my hosts were trying to “butter me up?” Hmm.

Speaking of promising events….. the Darrell K. Royal Research Fund is raising money to find a cure for Alzheimer’s Disease, and you can help by contributing some moolah. Mr. Chris Cutrone is doing his part (and then some) by serving on the Legacy Council. (Chris is the son of the beautiful and talented Pat Cutrone, one of my charming friends from Austin.) Chris’s father, Lee Cutrone Jr., one of the finest men I’ve ever met, was stricken with the disease at the age of 57. If you can help, please contact Chris at the following address:

http://www.dkrfund.org/legacy-chris-cutrone.cfm

*** If you contribute $100 or more I will send you a FREE, autographed copy of one of my brilliant mystery novels! As we say in Brooklyn, this is an offer you can’t refuse!

Since we’re on the subject of beautiful and talented women, I would like you to know that my wife is now taking dance lessons! Her instructor is from Wausau, Poland, which is quite fitting. (She wants to become a “pole dancer.”) I would be a great dancer, except for two things. My feet. I’m not sure why my wife loves pole dancing, but it might have something to do with her first boyfriend, who was a fireman. (Hey, just be grateful that I didn’t refer to him as an “old flame!”)

I’m scheduled to do a television interview later this week, which means that I’ll have to get all cleaned up and look presentable. I hate grooming on a Sunday. You brush your teeth, take a shower, shave, comb your hair, and one month later you have to start all over again. Life ain’t fair. If the interview proceeds according to plan, we will be discussing my non-fiction book, THE SECOND MOURNING. I’ll let you know when and where it will be shown.

Did you hear that they are now selling Italian ISIS in New York? (Ouch!)

I inadvertently rented a Jewish porno film last night. (One minute of sex, followed by 29 minutes of guilt!) Oy vey, what do you say, take that ball, down the other way! This was the one and only football cheer that I created for the Yeshiva University Football Team. I don’t think they ever used it, but only because they had no team. Who knew?

Well, my dear friends, thanks for your continued support and encouragement. Have a safe and happy week and we will meet again next Sunday. Love to all…..

Doc Yanoff

August 31, 2014

THE ICEMAN COMETH!

Have any of you folks taken that darn “Ice Bucket Challenge?” Well, I just did, and it did not end well. I thought it be funny to check the “Bucket Challenge” off of my “Bucket List,” but I wound up in trouble with the law. Would you believe that I got arrested for water-boarding myself? I refused to press charges against myself, but I still received a summons. Incredibly, the summons was for watering myself during the drought. We can only water on even-numbered days during the present drought, which is actually odd. Who knew?

On a lighter note (7lbs. 14 oz.) baby Olivia Hogan made her grand entrance last Wednesday, and I am happy to report that baby, mother, and dad, are all doing fine! What a gorgeous baby girl, and brilliant, too. When I walked into the maturity ward, I found the little darling reading one of my books! (THE SECOND MOURNING) I thought it was charming that her grandmother (Judge Susan) is putting her to sleep by reading my book. I just hope she doesn’t drool on any of the pages. (Olivia, not Judge Susan.)

Since we’re on the subject of salivating, you don’t have to wait any longer to listen to either one of my highly enjoyable radio interviews! Both interviews can be found by going to Google and logging onto: TuneIn.com/Radio/Book-Club-p189823 The first interview covers DEVIL’S COVE, my third “Adam Gold Mystery.” The second interview covers THE SECOND MOURNING, my non-fiction masterpiece. Each interview is approximately 30 minutes in length, and I mentioned your name! (If your last name is Garfield.)

And speaking of proud events….. last Thursday we celebrated Rebecca Yanoff’s 30th birthday, and it was fantastic! We dined at a wonderful Italian restaurant and drank a couple of bottles of Veuve Clicquot champagne. Our honored guest (Rebecca) looked stunning as always, and from what I hear, she intends to continue celebrating her birthday for at least two more weeks! (Like father, like daughter!)

Check this out….. Last night (Saturday) I brought my wife to a dance club. There was this guy showing off on the dance floor – doing cartwheels, back flips, and head stands! My wife turns to me and says: “Would you believe that guy proposed to me 25 years ago?” She goes on to say that she turned him down flat. I paused, then said, “Looks like he’s still celebrating.” (I’ll be right back, I need some more ice… )

Wow, I just heard a television reporter ask President Obama to explain his position on beheading. Mr. Obama said, “Funny you should ask. I’ll “be heading” to the golf course this morning!”

Well, I must take my leave as I promised my wife that I would drive her to the mall. She wants to buy an escalator! (She heard that they were marked “down.”) Put down that rolling pin, honey!

A final thought for my wonderful blog followers….. If your dog doesn’t like someone, you probably shouldn’t either! I hope this wasn’t a “ruff” way to end my blog! Until next week, take care, and love to all…..

Doc Yanoff

August 24, 2014

STARRY STARRY NIGHT!

Last evening, my new book, THE SECOND MOURNING, received the equivalent of a 5-STAR review from Kirkus Book Reviews! (One of the most prominent book reviewers in the country!) They began by referring to the story of President Garfield’s assassination as “a fascinating narrative that covers new ground.” After a thorough analysis of the entire book, they concluded with another great compliment….. one that I might add to the back cover….. “[Yanoff’s book] is an immensely readable narrative that portrays the mood and tumultuous events of the day.”

What can I say? I am humbled and delighted, and this is bound to increase our sales, which are starting to head toward the “best-seller” designation. Thank you, Kirkus, for the great review! (By the way, if you would like to read the entire review, just go to Kirkus Reviews and look up the title of the book or my name.)

Speaking of “Starry Starry Nights,” did you know that I once insured Vincent Van Gogh’s masterpiece? They were having a special show at the New York Museum of Modern Art, and the curator was looking for some extra insurance coverage. Back then, the painting was estimated to be worth well over $100 million dollars, but by today’s standards, it is truly priceless.

I was very “moved” by the painting. So was Van Gogh. Of course, he was sort of a “moving Van.” The question is, where did Van Gogh? (Off the deep end.) What can I say, the man was talented, but “ear-rational.” (All right, no more ear jokes!)

But since we’re on the subject of humor….. Here is Part 2 of “Kids Say The Darndest Things.” These comments were recorded at (I hope you’re sitting down) Harvard University! A sophomore summer school class was discussing the recent civil unrest in Ferguson, Missouri, and the students had this to say…..

1. The young man who got killed was severely wounded. (Undoubtedly.)

2. I heard that the victim was shot six times. My friend said it was more like half a dozen times. (Tough call.)

3. The percolator should be severely penalized. (Uh-oh, there’s trouble brewing.)

4. The case will go to the Grand Jury, and they will decide whether to entice or equip the police officer. (They might do both.)

And my personal favorite…..

5. The National Guard was called out to enforce a no-fly zone in the neighborhood. (Well, some of the protestors did seem high.)

Incidentally, since we’re on the subject of “lofty events,” did you read the newspaper story about the family court judge who issued an eviction notice to her own daughter? No joke. The judge’s daughter is VERY pregnant, and in order to “push things along,” the sweet baby, resting comfortably in the womb, was issued (in absentia) an eviction notice!! There was no mention of the baby girl’s reaction, but I would be willing to bet that she will be kicking and screaming when she makes her grand entrance!

Well, it is time for me to make my not-so-grand exit. (Pancakes on the griddle!) Before I leave, I would like to mention that today’s blog is dedicated to a delightful gentleman named Marvin Rubenstein. Mr. Rubenstein recently passed away, but he gave the world 96 years of joy and laughter. He will be missed by many.

I hope you all have a wonderful week. Be safe and keep smiling… love to all.

Doc Yanoff

August 17, 2014

GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN…..

NOT MY STOCK PORTFOLIO, ELVIS PRESLEY! Can you believe that yesterday marked the 37th anniversary of the King’s passing? Yep, August 16, 1977. This week, as some of you know, was “Elvis Presley Week,” in Memphis, Tennessee. This year’s crowd was probably around 500,000, and as usual, they were treated to an assortment of events related to The King of Rock ‘n Roll. Including, I might add, the opportunity to purchase an autographed copy of my first mystery novel, THE GRACELAND GANG. (Available at leading bookstores throughout Memphis.) I understand that sales were quite good, and God-willing, I will be holding a seminar at next year’s event. Should be interesting!

I’d like to give a big “shout out” to my dearest friends in Memphis…. Ron and Debbie Lazarov. (Thank you for introducing us to Corky’s barbecue!) If you ever need a place to stay, call them. (They only charge $175 per night for a room, but you get a free bottle of water.)

Speaking of great friends, I am very proud of Ms. Terri Schexnayder, my dear friend from the Writers League of Texas. Terri just had a wonderful article published in Texas Highways Magazine, so if you’re a subscriber, check it out. (The article is titled “Gone Fishing!” and it starts on page 15.) Great writing, and some valuable information about the freshwater fishery center in Athens. I had no idea that Terri went to Greece, or that Greeks loved catfish. Hold on, make that Athens, Texas. Oops, so much for my upcoming Greek humor. (Read the article slowly, so that you can “Ab-ZORBA” the details.) Hey, I had to make one joke! (I know, it’s “still Greek to you!”)

My second nationally broadcast radio interview, featuring a discussion on THE SECOND MOURNING, can be heard (almost live) this coming Tuesday, August 19, at 12 noon ET. The entire interview will be presented on WTAN-AM 1340 in Tampa, and KLRG-AM 880 in Little Rock. We spent 30 minutes discussing the untold story of America’s most bizarre political murder – the assassination of President James A. Garfield. I think you will find the broadcast intriguing and educational.

In closing, since we could all use a good laugh, I would like to share some things that I recently overheard at a local day camp. (Where I went to speak to 10-year-old kids.) They were discussing “world events,” and some of their comments were truly hysterical…

1. My grandpa is a doctor, and he told me that granola is spreading throughout Africa. (Thank God it’s not shredded wheat.)

2. The Turds are being attacked by a group called IRIS. (Who is this woman?)

3. Hamas was firing mistletoe into Israel. (Maybe they will kiss and make up.)

4. President Obama is vacationing in Martha’s Backyard. (I wonder if she knows about this, and if so, will invite IRIS?)

The above comments are all true, which reminded me of Art Linkletter’s old show, “Kid’s Say The Darndest Things.” Ah, youth is wasted is on the young. Still, it’s important to be young at heart, which just happens to be the title of one of my favorite songs. I hope you all have a young and joyful week, and if you miss my broadcast, don’t fret. (Do you think guitar players “fret?”) I will post a link to the podcast sometime during the week.

Elvis loves ya, baby!

Doc Yanoff