A CLASSY GUY…

Well, it’s official…  after a short incarceration, I mean, vacation, I have decided to return to the classroom!  Thus, I shall be teaching a CREATIVE WRITING course at the Dell Community Center this summer.  Here, my dear friends, are the impertinent details:  The classes will be held on July 21, August 4, and August 11.  Each class is 1 1/2 hours long.  (but they will seem longer!)  The starting time, subject to slight alteration, should be around 11:00 a.m.  (They wanted me to teach an early morning class, but that would have caused a slight altercation!)  If you’re interested, please contact Lisa Quay at the Dell Center.

Speaking of classy guys, my old high school chum, Glenn Fitzgerald, Vice President of Proluxe, sent me a congratulatory bottle of Nolet’s Silver Gin.  (We were celebrating the Gold Medal that “THE SECOND MOURNING” received from the Beverly Hills International Book Awards.)  The bottle is actually “engraved” with my name!  How the heck did he find a bottle with my name on it?!  I’m telling you, wonders never cease!  (Thanks, Glenn!)

Another great friend, Jaime Rubenstein, was one of the stars at last night’s Lakeway musical extravaganza.  Jaime stole the show (but was forced to return it later on)  with her brilliant and comical cruise song.  The lady can do it all, sing, dance, and act.  Her performance nearly brought down the house.  (No, the building was not poorly constructed!)  Some guy named Gary was ejected for stalking Jaime with a camera, but other than that, the show was a huge success.

Hey, before I forget, one of my best friends (and a distant relative) is having a big week, so I want to wish Dr. Max the best of luck!  We all hope you “bring home the bacon.”  If all goes well, Max & Co. will soon be living “high off the hog.”  (How many pig jokes is this guy gonna do?)  All right, just one more…  when you’re in N.Y.C., never pork in a handicapped space.  OK, now I can stop “hamming” it up!

By the way, do you know why I have so many friends?  (other than the modest cash payments that I make)  Well, it’s because of my personal belief that before you criticize someone you should walk a mile in their shoes.  (That way when you criticize them you’re a mile away and you have their shoes!)  Smart thinking, right?

Tonight we are having dinner up in Round Rock with the Princess of Portugal and Baron Lee.  She might be making Mexican food, which I am dreading.  I love Mexican food, but she wants to make some crazy dish called Chicken Mole.  Don’t get me wrong, I love chicken, but I’ll be damned if I eat a mole.  (Check this out, the whacky senorita intends to cover the rodent with chocolate sauce!)  Thanks, but no thanks.  Comprende?

Finally, I want to send a special HELLO to my dear friend, Peter.  Life is about to get really wonderful for him, and I couldn’t be happier.  We are all very proud of you, and we absolutely worship your beautiful companion!  (who just happens to be my beautiful daughter, Rebecca!)  Looking forward to seeing you both tomorrow…  but please don’t feel obligated to buy (too much) champagne!  I’m not worthy.  (Actually, I am, but why push my luck?)

In closing, on a serious note, my thoughts and prayers go out to the kind and generous folks in Nepal.  Yesterday’s earthquake was devastating, but hang in there, my friends.  Help is on the way!  (Thanks to the never-ending generosity of Americans.)  This too shall pass.

Well, buckeroos, time to saddle up and head out to the north forty.  Or the south thirty.  Whichever comes first.  Happy trails to you and yours, and look for the old ranger (that would be me) next Sunday, same time, same place.

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

 

 

GeneralGarfieldSecondMourning

SPEAK SOFTLY AND CARRY A BIG SCHTICK!

I’m not sure who said that, but I think it was either Theodore Roosevelt or Shecky Greene…  In any case, I concur with the sentiment, which is why I am pleased to announce that yours truly will soon be featured on…  (are you sitting down?) …  THE LARGEST RADIO NETWORK IN THE WORLD!  That’s right, my dear blog followers, thanks to your continued encouragement and support I have now become a “highly sought after personality.”  (Which is similar to being on America’s Most Wanted, but different.)

Where was I?  Oh yes, the radio program.  I have recently formalized a written agreement to be the featured author on “Star Style,” an award-winning radio program now in its 17th season.  The program is hosted by Cynthia Brian, (a hugely popular radio personality) and is broadcast by Voice America/World Talk Radio.  Here’s the coolest part…..  the program is broadcast to 219 countries and has a current listening audience of 4.5 MILLION listeners!

Yikes, I’d better be coherent and glib!  Guess why?  The show is done LIVE!  No rehearsals, no tape, no second chances!  (Not much pressure there!)  Hopefully, there will only be 3.5 MILLION people listening.  (I prefer smaller audiences.)  Now for the details….  (I’ll wait while you grab a pen and paper)  OK, here goes…..   The LIVE 20-minute interview will be broadcast on Wednesday, November 12, 2014.  The show comes on at 4-5 p.m. Pacific Time, which means that my Texas friends will hear it 3 hours later.  (My interview slot has been assigned a specific time, which is 7:15 to 7:40 p.m. EASTERN TIME.)

MORE GOOD NEWS…  If you do not own a radio, or have dinner plans on November 12th, you can access the entire interview on the radio station’s archive site.  (Which means that you can listen to it over and over, like I’m going to do.)  All you have to do is get your hands on a computer and go to:   http://www.VoiceAmerica.com/show/2206/be-the-star-you-are

So what else is new?  As a public service I would like to remind you of the symptoms of Ebola. The virus will cause headaches, feelings of nausea, and is difficult to get rid of.  (Much like a politician.)  I’m starting to think that Kim Jong Un, the North Korean dictator, might have contracted the disease.  The poor guy has vanished!  He didn’t even go to George Clooney’s wedding.  The North Koreans sent his daughter, Kim Kardashi Un.

The head of the Secret Service was recently fired.  (She had to jump over the White House fence to turn in her office keys!)  The whacko that broke into the White House was inside a lot longer than we were told.  He was there long enough to be appointed Acting Secretary of Agriculture!  Then the President gets on an elevator with a civilian who was carrying a loaded weapon.  Thank God Ray Rice wasn’t on the elevator!

Chelsea Clinton’s new daughter just uttered her first word!  She reportedly said, “I-O-W-A.”

The government of Turkey has finally announced that it will join America’s fight against ISIS.  Unfortunately, they didn’t indicate whose side they will be on.  But do not fear!  Those cold-blooded bastards in ISIS will soon surrender to us.  They were recently told that Sylvester Stallone is contemplating another “Rocky” movie.  (Their leader supposedly said, “How much can we take!”)

Today I find myself in sunny Florida, basking on the beach in Boca Raton.  We have had 5 days of perfect weather, and the food has been outstanding.  We are eating lots of bagels and have seen some “bay-gulls” flying around.  I have also seen many bikini-clad women, and surprisingly, most of them DO NOT want their photographs taken… even from behind.  What’s the story with that?  I told one lady that I will take just one shot, and then we’ll see what “develops.”  (She threatened to take one shot at me!)

Well, I must leave you now…  we are off to see my sister, Jan, down in Fort Lauderdale.  Which reminds me, today’s blog is dedicated to a very special man who recently passed away.  My smart and talented brother-in-law (Larry Baum) recently lost his favorite uncle, who was one of the sweetest and kindest men I ever met.  So this one’s for you, Heshy!

And as for the rest of you…  please have a safe and joyous week!  Thanks for taking the time to read my blog, and we shall meet again soon.  Love to all…

Doc Yanoff

 

P.S.  I forgot to mention that my upcoming radio interview will be covering THE SECOND MOURNING, my non-fiction book.  The host just finished reading the book and loved it, so that will be our main emphasis.