Really?  What about Mt. Rushmore?  What’s that, paper mache?  I think not.  (Which is what my teachers used to say about me!)  Anyway, I was recently watching the marvelous PBS series on the Roosevelts, and I started thinking about lasting legacies.  Closest I ever got was a rash in high school, but that’s a long story.  (And I’m not a “rash person!”)  Where was I?  Oh yes, Mt. Rushmore…  So can you name the 4 American Presidents that are depicted in stone?  I will list them at the end of this blog.  (No cheating!)

The main sculptor was an interesting fellow named Gutzon Borglum.  His parents were Danish emigrants.  (He became a great dane!)  My parents loved danish, but I digress.  Borglum learned his craft from his dad, which made him a “chip off the old block.”  He became a great sculptor, but he was a bit of a chisler.  (No surprise, there.)  Actually, he hardly ever used a chisel.  Believe it or not, 90% of Mt. Rushmore was created with dynamite!  It took Borglum 14 years to finish his project, but what else was there to do in South Dakota?  (North Dakota is a different story.)

Speaking of things to do…..  Don’t forget that yours truly will be one of the featured authors at the upcoming gala event called “Evening With The Authors.”  This glorious event is being held to benefit the Dr. Eugene Clark Library of Lockhart, Texas.  I will be representing the “mystery category,” and will be joined by other best-selling authors, including Sarah Bird, James Magnuson, and Mark Twain.  (Please Note:  Mr. Twain has not formally accepted the invitation.  Knowing Twain, he is probably busy de-composing!)  If you need tickets, contact:  http://EveningWithTheAuthors.com

So what else is new?  Well, for one thing, archaeologists have recently announced the discovery of Richard III’s body!  British archaeologists (working with trained prairie dogs) uncovered his corpse and have positively identified his remains!  As you might recall, King Ricardo suffered from scoliosis of the spine.  (Please, no jokes about him bending over backwards to please people!)  He was killed at the battle of Bosworth in 1485, but before he died, he supposedly said, “My kingdom for a horse!”

In my opinion, he should have said, “My kingdom for a hearse,” but what do I know?  In any case, it’s a wonderful discovery, make no bones about it.  (Ouch!)

You know, I’m thinking about getting a dog and naming him “Five Miles.”  That way I can tell people that I walk five miles every day.  Incidentally, the PBS program pointed out that Theodore Roosevelt was a ruff rider.  He must have charged up San Juan Hill on a greyhound.

Have you noticed that my writing schtick resembles the Marx Brothers?  Well, that’s because my first full-length play was produced at the University of Texas when I was serving as their playwright-in-residence, and at that time, my ONLY goal was to follow in the footsteps of the gentlemen who wrote the original Marx Brothers movie scripts.  (Who also began as playwrights…..  George S. Kaufman, S.J. Perelman, etc.)  Today, amazingly, is the anniversary of that great literary production!  (The play, which was later published, was titled, A KNIGHT’S MIDSUMMER DREAM.)  My, how time flies.

And since we’re on the subject of flies, did I ever mention that my wife makes meals fit for a king?  (Here, King…  Here, King… )  Just kidding, dear.  Put down the rolling pin.  If she hits me on the head, she’ll make a bad impression!

Finally, I should mention that my poker career has re-ignited.  I made it to the final table at last week’s Steiner Ranch World Championship Invitational Poker Tournament & Beer Festival.  Not only did I win a (very) small fortune, but I sold several copies of THE SECOND MOURNING!

Well, I must leave thee now, as my breakfast awaits.  As I close, I am staring, rather fondly, at a sweet little tart.  (My wife is out of town!)  Have a wonderful week, and remember to laugh frequently!  Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

P.S.  The four American Presidents on Mt. Rushmore are:  Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln, and Teddy Roosevelt.

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