I ONCE WAS LOST…  But now my mystery novel, THE GRACELAND GANG, can be found!  Where?  Why, at Graceland, the home of the King, Elvis Presley!  Yes, my dear friends, I am thrilled to report that my first “Adam Gold Mystery” has been reviewed and accepted by the OFFICIAL website for all things Elvis!  You (and 300 million others) can now purchase the book at:   Graceland at Shop.com

As you might guess, this website handles the full line of Elvis products sanctioned by the Elvis Presley Estate, which is very picky about the items they allow to be sold under their own imprimatur.  After reading my brilliant novel (and taking pity on me) they decided to list my book on their website for the next few years!  Naturally, I was giddy, as this will expose my humble novel to a VAST audience in America and around the world.  (I have often thought of exposing more of myself, but the wife wouldn’t let me.)  All I can say is, “long live the King!”  (And a serious thank you to Pricilla Presley and the Presley Estate.)

So what else is new?  Hey, I don’t know about you, but I’m sick and tired of people who are too lazy to work, but then turn around and ask us for money!  But enough about the White House and Congress.  Did you remember to exercise your right to vote?  I was going to vote, but when I heard it was an exercise, I changed my mind.  I always vote for myself anyway.  During the last election, I received 3 votes.  I voted for myself, and my mother voted for me twice.  (She lives in Chicago.)  I’m not great in math, but by my calculation, it’s going to take a while to win a seat.  (Which is why I like to stand.)

Speaking of math, I have come to the conclusion that there are 3 different types of people in the world.  People who are good in math, and those that are not.  I could be wrong, but that’s the way it adds up to me.  Like I said, math is not my strong suit.  Back in high school, I would bring a rabbit to class whenever we had a math test.  (I heard they multiplied quickly)  When I got to college, I brought a Playboy bunny with me.  I didn’t do any better on the test, but frankly, I didn’t give a damn.

Just a final (thank God) reminder that I will be featured on VoiceAmerica radio this coming Wednesday evening.  (6:15 p.m. Central Time)  I will be interviewed by Cynthia Brian, who is known in the radio world as “The Oprah of the Airwaves.”  If you get a chance, give a listen.  Hopefully, Ms. Brian will offer me a car at the end of the program.

Tomorrow (Monday) I have the honor of attending a military funeral for the late Richard Bomblatus, who served his country with distinction.  Mr. Bomblatus will be buried at the Central Texas Veteran’s Cemetery, near Fort Hood.  Like all our wonderful vets, he deserves a huge thank you for his service.

Last Sunday, I had the pleasure of attending a little surprise party for Miss Joyce, the lovely mother of Jaime Rubenstein, and the mother-in-law of Gary Rubenstein.  I’m glad I brought an expensive gift, because Gary managed to convince the Captain and crew of the Queen Elizabeth Cruise Ship to feature my non-fiction book, THE SECOND MOURNING!  Don’t ask me how he did it, but the book was literally in every nook and cranny of the ship!  (I know, there are a lot of books on the Nook.  Ha-ha.)  I am seriously considering firing my present publicist (Blind Bernie Kivowitz) and hiring Gary.  (The guy is a marketing genius!)

Well, it’s time for me to consume some “health food waffles” that you-know-who is insisting I try.  This recipe has two cups of bran and some other nasty looking fiber!  One portion of these waffles, and you’ll be forced to “run” for office!  By the way, remind me to tell you how the Chinese pronounce Election Day.

Happy trials, I mean, trails!  Love to all,

Doc Yanoff