IF YOU CAN’T TAKE THE HEAT…..

STAY OUT OF TEXAS!  Actually, the phrase goes like this…  “If you can’t take the heat, stay out of the kitchen.”  Truman said that.  Who knew that Truman Capote was so concerned about the weather?  Live and learn.  Make that, live and burn, if you live in Texas.  So here’s the deal…  Yesterday it was 106 degrees, which keeps the riff raff off of the golf course, and this morning it is 75 degrees.  By my calculation, that would be a 31 degree swing!  (The participation is 40%)  I think more folks would participate if it was cooler.  Just saying.

As you can see, we are now enjoying the “Dog Days of Summer.”  (The weather has been very “ruff.”)  Just in case you become a contestant on a game show, I think you should know that this term applies to a 40-day period from early July to early September.  There are many myths concerning the origin of the term, but in fact, it was coined in ancient Rome.  “Dog Days” refers to the rising and setting of the second brightest star besides the sun.  (no, not me.)  That would be Sirius, the Dog Star.  Sirius was one “hot dog.”  During this 40 day period, the temperatures rose astronomically, so to speak, and folks began to refer to the “Dog Days” of the year.

I know what you’re thinking.  Everybody complains about the weather, but nobody does anything about it.  Well, just for the record, that quote is often misattributed to Mark Twain (one of my literary idols).  In fact, it was first uttered by Charles Dudley Walker, an American essayist and novelist.  (Who was also a close friend of Mark Twain.)  So you see, I’m not the only one who steals material from a colleague!  (As I often say, “If they ain’t heard it before, it’s original!)

And speaking of original ideas and literary genius…..  THE PRESLEY PLOT and MURDER ON MAIDEN LANE continue to rack up some impressive sales, and earlier this week, our blog gained two new countries!  Yours truly is now a best-selling author in the Philippines and in Madagascar!  (Just between you and me, Madagascar sounds like a race car organization.  But hey, the place has a population of 18 million readers, I mean, people.)  In any case, WELCOME TO MY BLOG!

Last Friday was an important day in the world of quality literature.  I finally finished my final revisions on DEVIL’S COVE, and the manuscript was sent to the printer!  We also corrected the spacing of the letters on the front cover, and now it looks marvelous, simply marvelous.  I’m told that I should have the first copy in several weeks, and then shortly thereafter, it will be available on all of the major internet markets.  Please feel obligated to purchase at least one copy.  (My air-conditioning bill is going to be high this month!)

I shall leave you with this profound thought….   All of us could take a lesson from the weather.  It pays no attention to criticism!

Have a safe and pleasant week…..    Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

THE TRIPLE CROWN!

NO, NOT THE HORSE RACE!  (I wouldn’t “nag” you about that!)  However, I have crossed a “finish line” of sorts.  I am pleased to announce that the third installment of the “Adam Gold Mystery Series” will be published and available for purchase on or about August 1st.  The book is titled, DEVIL’S COVE, and it recently received the following review from a major New York publication (Kirkus Reviews) :

“Intensely clever, entirely credible… smart, suspenseful and securely anchored in procedure and purpose.  Yanoff is one of the best writers of clever mysteries at the moment… for those who enjoy a bit of humor in their heroes, Adam Gold has to be at the top of the list.”

Wow, I couldn’t have asked for a better review, and I am VERY grateful for the kind words.  We still need to adjust the spacing on the front cover (my first name is too close to my middle initial) but after that, we should be good to go.  Also exciting is the fact that we have reached a new blog milestone this week.  This (semi) humorous and  (vaguely) intelligent blog now has…..  5,000 followers!!

Forty-three countries now carry this blog, including, as of this morning, Bangladesh!  Do you know of this country?  Bangladesh is a small, liberal enclave surrounded by more conservative neighbors who would like to crush it.  (Much like Austin, Texas!)  Just kidding, we love Austin.  (After the Spurs lost, we’re not sure about San Antonio!)

Speaking of political things, did you notice that President Obama was in Texas recently?  Poor guy is engulfed by scandal.  When he went to San Antonio, he said, “Remember the Alamo!  And forget about Benghazi!”  Then he announced that the F.B.I. was using drones to spy on Americans.  Big deal.  Let’s be proud of the fact that the drones were made in America, by Americans, to spy on Americans.

Hey, I just saw an N.S.A. van drive by my house!  No wait, that’s a Verizon vehicle.  Never mind.  Incidentally, why do they call that other group the “Internal Revenue Service?”  Confiscating my money is one “service” I could do without!  (No more I.R.S. jokes, lest I be audited!)

So what else is new?  Have you noticed that women who wear burkas never smile?

I have been busy “cleaning up” the final manuscript of DEVIL’S COVE, so I have not participated in any book signing/speaking engagements this week.  However, next week I shall be making an appearance in Dripping Springs, a lovely little town that bills itself as the “Gateway to the Hill Country.”  (With this heat, I’m sure I’ll be doing plenty of dripping!)  Nonetheless, I shall “spring” into action when the show begins!  If you’re in the vicinity, stop on by Milton Reimers Ranch.  (and bring your checkbook and a canteen)

Well, amigos y amigettes, I must run.  Last night my posse and I ate at a restaurant called “Little Greece.”  (At least it was Greek to me)  Unfortunately, they used a lot of grease at Little Greece, hence the running.  Don’t worry, I’m sure everything will come out fine.  (Gross!)  Take care and have a wonderful week…..

And by the way, if all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

PIRATE OF THE CARIBBEAN!

AHOY MATES!  SHIVER ME TIMBERS (IF YOU’RE COLD) AND HOIST YOUR PATARD!  (WHATEVER THAT IS)…..  GREETINGS FROM THE LOVELY CARIBBEAN ISLAND OF….. ST. THOMAS!  My pirate gang and I have landed in Charlotte Amalie, the crown jewel of the Virgin Islands.  (I haven’t met any Virgins, but there are lots of nice folks willing to take your money for this and that)  We (the pirate gang) have rented a gorgeous villa up on a lush tropical hillside, overlooking Cruz Bay.  As you might imagine, the view and the jungle-like scenery are simply fantastic.  Lush green hills, million of colorful tropical flowers and plants, blue sky, and aquamarine marine water!  OMG this place is paradise!  (Much nicer than the Jersey shore)

The wife and I have a huge first floor suite, with a po0l just outside the front door.  All of the rooms in the villa are decorated with polished mahagony wood, which is somewhat immune to the elements down here.  By now you’re probably wondering about my schedule, eh?  Well, when I’m not working on book number four (RANSOM ON THE RHONE) my typical day goes like this…..  Sleep late, drink some  wonderful island coffee, drive to one the drop-dead beautiful beaches on the island, swim and snorkel, get some sun, dry off, head for some delicious lunch place, eat mahi mahi burger, drink one or two Carib beers, one rum drink, take nap, wake up slowly, get dressed, head for dinner on the bayfront, stuff myself again, more rum, short walk, stumble back to villa, take Alka-Seltzer, go to sleep.  Repeat in morning.

Yeah, I know what you’re thinking…..  living the life of a famous alcolholic sun-worshipping writer ain’t so easy.  (All right, it’s very easy, but the sun tan lotion is rather expensive down here.)  In case you’re wondering, the restaurants on the island are incredible.  Lots of very fresh fish, and some marvelous ethnic restaurants.  (Cajun, Creole, French, etc.)  Each feast is accompanied by a copious amount of rum, washed down with some surprisingly good local beers.  If I remember right, we have not had a bad meal yet.

Tonight we six are heading for a famous Spanish tavern frequented by pirates, outlaws, scoundrels, scofflaws, and politicians.  The house specialty is lobster paella, which is usually served with homemade sangria.  This could be a long night for yours truly!  By the way, do you know how much a pirate pays for corn on the cob?  That’s right, a “buck-an-ear!”  (I think the rum is starting to affect my brain!)

Speaking of things that have affected my brain, I would like to thank the Delray Beach Book Club for purchasing 100 copies of MURDER ON MAIDEN LANE.  This was a very generous gesture, and one that is greatly appreciated.  I would also like to thank the Boca Raton Book Club (the Royal Palm Yacht Club Chapter) for inviting me to speak to their group.  I spent a wonderful afternoon in one of the most beautiful neighborhoods in America, and I also managed to peddle 50 copies of THE PRESLEY PLOT.  What a great couple of days in sunny Florida!

Well, my dear family and friends, stay well and please do not worry about me…..   I still have 8 more days of Caribbean fun on the agenda, plenty of sunscreen, and four bottles of Ron Flor de Cana Rum!  Life is good!  (Where did I put those limes?)  Love to all…..

Capt. Jolly Roger Yanoff, The Terror of Tortola!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ROCK AND ….. ROLLING ON!

THE PRESLEY PLOT continues to spread like a summer rash!  (Make that a wildfire.)  Thanks to one of my oldest and dearest friends the book is now in the welcoming hands of the ELVIS FAN CLUB OF VIENNA, AUSTRIA!  (Danke, Miss Ingrid!)  I hope our Austrian friends enjoy the book.  Maybe they will send me some chocolate or some strudel in return!  (Hint, hint)

Speaking of foreign countries…… our blog, “Booksbystephengyanoff,” can now be seen  in Russia, Turkey, Israel, and Ethiopia!  (Welcome to the club, folks.)  These new locations join 33 other nations around the globe.  So… welcome!  Keep those cards and letters coming and encourage your family and friends to become followers.  There is no cost or obligation to subscribe, and we run an equal opportunity to amuse site.  (K.G.B. members are not allowed to post comments.)

Now for the news…..

I recently had an opportunity to donate some books to a wonderful organization called the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children.  The folks that run the Austin chapter are going to use the books in a special gift basket that will auctioned off later this month.  (A great fund-raising idea!)  If you are located in Central Texas, I strongly urge you to support this group any way you can.  They do some wonderful work and need all the help they can get.  By the way, if your group needs some autographed books to raise funds, just contact me and I will be happy to send them along.

Those of you with a keen eye for beauty might have noticed that I now have a new photograph of myself on the blog site.  At the request of my family and friends, I actually posed for a professional photographer.  (No, I didn’t take the head shot in a booth at the mall.)  I did that the first time around.  This time I paid big bucks so that my image, in all of its magnificent glory, would be captured on film.  Of course, you can still blow it up and use it on a dart board if you wish.  (I’ll get “the point” if you do that.)

Finally, on this day, in 1949,  Elvis and his family were accepted into the Memphis Housing Authority’s Lauderdale Courts.  (Nowhere near Fort Lauderdale, Florida.)  They had to pay a whopping $35 a month for a 2 bedroom, first floor apartment.  Vernon Presley (Elvis Presley’s father) was making less than $100 a month at the time, so this was not exactly “chicken feed” for them.  They managed to “scratch out” the rent each month, but the place was really “foul.”  (All right, I won’t use my joke about a “Pecking Order!”)  Let’s just say that the King came from humble beginnings, which is why he seemed to honestly appreciate his later success.  As they say, fairy tales can come true, they can happen to you …..

Well, that’s all for now.  I am playing in a huge poker tournament tonight…. so I must take a nap before the game begins.  When I get  to the game I will let the chips fall where they may!  (Hopefully in my pocket!)   Have a great day and be careful driving…..

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

MONSIEUR ELVIS IS EVERYWHERE!

Good morning, ladies and gentlemen…..  (I assume it’s morning!)

I have some truly amazing news to share with you today…..  THE PRESLEY PLOT is now being sold in the gift shop aboard our ship, The River Royale, and it has become an instant best-seller!  Granted, it is the only book for sale, but why does that matter?  Seriously, though, you can imagine my surprise when I walked out of the dining room last night and peeked into the gift shop and saw my own book in the book rack!  Who, I wondered, could have placed so many copies of my mystery novel on the shelves?  Well, why question “mademoiselle luck?”  Just go with the flow, as they say on the River Royale!

This evening is our “Epicurean Adventurer Dinner,” which means that our hosts will be preparing and serving some exquisite French dishes paired with the most famous French wines of the region.  Lord only knows how good this will be….. the food has been absolutely fabulous so far.  They did run out of pate last night, but I didn’t care, because I was traveling with Miss Pate!  (Patty)  Incidentally, they were kind enough to serve escargot last night, and as you might imagine, I consumed a fair share of the delicate little morsels.  (Not to be confused with mussels.)

This morning we arrived in a picturesque village called Tournon, and after a quick breakfast of shrimp and truffle eggs, we proceeded to Chapoutier Wine Cellars, to quench our thirst with some very fine wines from the world famous Saint Joseph Vineyards.  (Which ONLY date back to 1808!)  These folks produce some of the very best vino in the Rhone Valley, substantially better than the rot gut we drank in Burgundy yesterday.

By sheer coincidence, the good people of Tournon were holding their annual Onion Festival today, and we found that very “appealing.”  (The streets were lined with vendors selling all sorts of onion and garlic, as well as bread and cheese from different villages.)  Needless to say, we ate our way through town, stopping for…… oui, you guessed it, more wine!  (When I return to America I will be donating my kidneys and liver to medical science!)

This evening should be somewhat special for another reason…… the cruise director has asked me if I would mind being introduced as our “famous American author” during the opening wine ceremony.  As most of you know, I am very shy and humble, but I did consent to this honor.  (The rascal refused to let me make a short two-hour speech about myself.)  Before I close, I want to make a special birthday wish to my beautiful and talented daughter, Rebecca Lee!  The young lady is magnifique!!

I shall have to leave you now, as I must prepare for my big introduction!  I have written a SHORT acceptance speech, which I intend to deliver in French or my own native tongue.  (Whichever comes easier.)

Bon soir!  Best wishes to all……

The Marquis of Merriment!