Clinton

December 11, 2016

SWEDES SIMMER & STEW OVER SONGWRITER SNUB!

How’s that for alliteration?  By the way, alliteration has nothing to do with dogs or puppies.  (Just saying.)  I posted this headline to remind my blog followers that, despite my best intentions, I could not resolve the ongoing dispute between the Nobel Prize Committee and Bob Dylan.  (Who sent a lousy note of thanks, instead of showing up for the ceremony.)  I offered to fly to Sweden and accept the loot, but they refused to show me the money.  I even offered to pretend that I was a (more) famous writer, such as Dylan Thomas.  Nope, that wasn’t good enough.  Marshal Dylan was out, too.  (Do you think James Arness drove a Dodge?)  Well, you can’t say that I didn’t try.

Now you know why I prefer the Danish.  (Some good pastry jokes here!)  I still say that the only good thing about Sweden was Inger Stevens.  (And you folks know what happened to that poor girl!)  Anyway, I’m not bitter, I just sound it.  Personally, I’d rather have that Beverly Hills Award I mentioned last week.  (No Lutefisk at our awards dinner!)  Time to move on, but don’t be surprised if I ask for a recount.  (Everyone else is!)

So what else is new?  Well, for one thing, my next book tour (and rum swigging adventure) has finally been announced in the trade papers.  However, you don’t have to trade papers to learn my itinerary.  Here it is (roughly) subject to final approval from the Dept. of Homeland Insecurity:   First, the Cayman Cookout on January 12-15 (featuring the infamous chef, Anthony Mundane) is still questionable, BUT I will definitely have a presence (or some presents) on the following Caribbean islands….  Grand Turk, Puerto Rico, St. Bart’s, Antigua, Tortola, and the Dominican Republic.

All of my (somewhat) brilliant mystery novels, and my (semi) interesting nonfiction masterpiece, THE SECOND MOURNING, will be available at all of the book festivals scheduled for 2017.  If you find yourselves in the Caribbean (well, not IN the Caribbean, but near it) you should attend an event.  These festivals are really quite interesting (great food and drink) and you will be helping the local economy.  (Not to mention enriching me!)  Jeez, I said not to mention that!  What’s wrong with this blog editor?  Anyway, it should be great fun, and another wonderful tax deduction, I mean, literary event.

Speaking of great fun, the winner of our last trivia contest was Judith Freeman of Bozeman, Montana.  (Just south of Muleshoe and a little north of Bellylint)  Just kidding, I know where Bozeman is, and it is quite lovely.  Ms. Freeman gave the correct answer to the following question:  “What was the name of Jesse James’ favorite horse?”  Her answer?  The outlaw had 4 favorites!  (Another trick question!)  Not only did she get the number right, but she also knew their names!  (Katie, Skyrocket, Stonewall, and Red Fox.)  Congratulations, and she will now receive a $300 gift card to Home Depot.  (God, my blog followers are soooooo smart!)

And since we are on the subject of “congratulations,” allow me to congratulate Mr. Adam Zell, my hard-working, Pittsburg-Steeler-Loving, son-in law, who recently received the Diamond Club Award from Realty Austin (one of our city’s most prominent realtors) for selling over…..  (drum roll, please!)…..  $10,000,000 in real estate!  We are very proud of Adam, and this is truly a great accomplishment.  (But slightly below marrying my daughter and producing Miss Goldie!)  If the boy was a Yankee fan, he’d be perfect!

Well, dear friends, I must start packing for my next appearance.  I have some special events lined up in Houston this coming weekend, and a HUGE party to attend on Wednesday and Thursday.  (Thursday is our annual Steiner Ranch Poker & Pilsner Party.  Thanks to the generosity of Rich & Sharon Walker (two other great realtors in Austin) we will be celebrating a decade of poker decadence and downright dependency!  (I’m really starting to enjoy this alliteration thing.)

We shall chat again upon thy return!  (assuming I can find my way out of Houston!)  Until then, be well, and God Bless…   Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

 

***  God-willing, there might be a photo or two attached to this blog!

 

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October 16, 2016

HIGHWAY TO HEAVEN…..

Well, maybe Interstate 35 isn’t heavenly, but it does lead to Dallas, which is quite an impressive city.  I spent a few days in “Big D” last week, and I must admit, it was very enjoyable.  Our first stop was Highland Park, where our hosts provided a glorious evening of French food and wine.  (Ooh la la, if you know what I mean!)  Dinner included a brief speech about my new mystery novel, A RUN FOR THE MONEY, followed by a veritable feast for the senses.  (Especially the taste and smell senses!)  There was plenty of pate, including my wife, Pate Yanoff,  and some truly wonderful wine.  (No whining, just wine.)

Day two was spent on the (lovely) campus of SMU.  I guess you could say that I was a visiting professor.  (after all, I was visiting!)  The purpose of my visit was to view the George W. Bush Presidential Library and Museum.  (I am doing some final research on my next history book, TURBULENT TIMES, which deals with the remarkable life of William H. Seward.)  The museum is quite interesting and if you love American history, you will enjoy the various displays dealing with the Bush Administration.  The Archive Library is also wonderful, so if you need to do some presidential research, this is the place to do it.  (Mention my name and you will get a free bookmark.)

While we were up in Dallas, we had to do one of those “bucket-item” things that you hear about from time to time.  Thus, we drove over to the State Fair of Texas and spent the afternoon munching on a wide variety of fried foods.  The best items were the Corny Dogs and the Fried Tofu.  (Just kidding about the tofu!)  They had a lot of games on the midway, but the most popular was the old “guess my weight  attraction.”  (Which they will be replacing with a “cholesterol guessing game” in the very near future.)  If you love fried foods, or have a death wish, then this is the fair for you!

By the way, speaking of death wishes, if you missed my last radio interview, you can hear the entire show on the new “Book Club Radio Program Podcast.”  (Hosted by John Austin.)  Just “Google” the name and a schedule will pop onto your screen.  The show is featuring two of my interviews this month, THE SECOND MOURNING interview and the interview on A RUN FOR THE MONEY.  I think you will enjoy them both, and they’re both free!

And since we are on the subject of “free stuff,” congratulations to Mr. Robert Loeb of East Meadow, New York, the winner of our last trivia contest.  Mr. Loeb won a $300 gift card, courtesy of my generous publisher, Murder Ink Press.  There will be many more contests and gifts in the weeks ahead, so stay tuned for my future blog posts!

Incidentally, this week’s trivia contest is NOT about me or my books.  (Thank God!)  A new iPhone (No, not a Samsung Galaxy!) will be given to the first person who can tell me how many Presidential Libraries there are in America.  If you can tell me which President has two libraries, you will win a gift card, too!  Good luck, and may the fastest typist win!

Finally, since we live in a day and age of enormous political strife, I would like to remind you of a pleasantry uttered by President Reagan, who referred to Presidential Libraries as “classrooms of Democracy.”  If you want to remind yourself just how great America truly is, then visit one of these fascinating museums.  You will come away reinvigorated and rejuvenated!  (And the admission will be less than a massage!)

Have a safe and smile-filled week!  Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

 

 

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October 2, 2016

WINNERS NEVER QUIP!

Thus, instead of running for President (and surely winning) I have decided to return to my passion of writing lame jokes.  Why?  Because the world needs to laugh more often!  Don’t try to change my mind, the people have spoken!  (Actually just one person, my mother… she reminded me that you need at least a billion dollars to be a legitimate candidate.  I was a little short.  Not really, I’m about six feet tall.)  Heeeee’s back!

Well, now that my political career is over, I can finally tell the truth.  I’d rather be king than president.  (Stephen King, that is.)  Have you seen how many books that guy has sold?  Well over a thousand.  He must be rolling in dough.  I guess I shouldn’t complain, A RUN FOR THE MONEY, has become the best-selling mystery novel in the state of South Carolina.  (Where most of it takes place.)  Make sure read the book before you go to Charleston!  (or any other city south of the Mason-Dixon Line.)

So what else is new?  Congratulations to Miss Amanda Garner, who won our last trivia contest.  (By three seconds!)  She will be receiving an autographed copy of RANSOM ON THE RHONE, which I understand she intends to read on her way to Paris, France.  Good timing, Amanda.  Hope you enjoy the book!

Speaking of travel, the Princess of Portugal and her somewhat sober husband, Baron Lee, have left Lake Como and are heading to the Azores.  (Did you know that Perry Como owned his own lake?  I didn’t.)  Meanwhile, Judge Susan is on her way home from the Big Apple, which I think is in New York.  (They grow a lot of apples upstate.)  Safe travels, everyone!

As for me, watch out, Dallas!  I’m on my way (in a day or so) to “Big D” to attend a little function near the George Bush Library & Museum.  Day one will be spent on the campus of SMU, followed by a book club gig and private dinner at a publisher’s house in Highland Park.  Day two will be even more fun…  I am, for the very first time, going to the State Fair of Texas!  Yahoo!  I can’t wait to sink my teeth into a corn dog!  Have you ever seen the menu from the fair?  Almost everything is fried!  The most interesting dish is the “Dr. DeBakey Special.”   A huge plate of french fries smothered in fried bacon and melted cheese.   (Guaranteed to result in coronary surgery before you reach the parking lot!)   Sounds yummy.

And since we’re on the subject of food, I would like to thank the lovely and talented Miss Hannah for hosting a very nice dinner party at Napa Flats Restaurant last week.  Guests dined upon Cajun shrimp and gumbo, accompanied by some fine wine.  A good time was had by all!  (Miss Hannah is the publisher of a new magazine called “River Place Living.”)

Finally, since someone mentioned the above magazine, I would like to thank Mr. George Lowe for interviewing me for the December issue of River Place Living.  We recently spent several hours together, and George will be writing a lengthy expose, I mean, article, about me.  I hope all of my friends in and around River Place will support this new venture, and I look forward to reading some great articles in the months ahead.

Well, my friends, I must start packing.  The ACL music festival is just about over here in Austin, so I’m going downtown with my metal detector to see if I can find some jewelry.  Last year I found an 18-karat ring, but the woman wearing it refused to take it off her darn finger!  Some people are so pathetic.  Ah well, such is life.

Have a safe and joyful week!  Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

 

*****  If you can identify all of the locations in the attached photos you will win a HUGE gift!    (Courtesy of Donald Trump)

 

 

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