It just looks that way.  OMG what a wonderful, but confusing city!  One wrong turn and you’re lost forever.  Get this:  all of the street signs are written in Italian!  What’s up with that?  Our group did a LOT of walking, so we had to consume a copious amount of water and wine.  (Which means that “european” all day long!)  Fortunately I learned some key phrases, such as, “dove de toilet?”  Our favorite stop was the Coliseum and Roman Forum.  (Be advised that the Coliseum, for some strange reason, has no air-conditioning.)  I suggested enclosing the structure, but our guide had no (verbal) response.  She did, however, make an interesting hand gesture.

I will be attaching photographs of the Forum, which is where many lively debates were held by local politicians.  (You were either “forum” or “against ‘um”)  Two of the most famous emperors, Donaldo Trumpus and Hilarious Clinton have statues prominently displayed near the outdoor commodes.  (Draw your own conclusions on this one!)  Ah, the mystery of history!

So what else is new?  Well, I just read a study that stated that the average Japanese senior citizen has sex once a year.  The average American senior has sex seven times a year.  This study was shocking to me.  Frankly, I never knew that I was Japanese!

If you live in or near the city of Austin, check out this month’s issue of AUSTIN WAY MAGAZINE.  The front cover mentions a young lady named Rebecca Yanoff, who they refer to as “SOCO’S New Style Queen.”  (SOCO stands for “South Congress,” our main shopping thoroughfare.)  The enclosed article and photographs are lovely, but just between you and me, I hate it when my daughters get more publicity than me!  Jeez, don’t people read anymore?

Speaking of shopping…  somebody stole my wife’s American Express Card last month.  I haven’t reported it yet.  Whoever stole the card is spending less than my wife!  (My momma didn’t raise no fool!)

By the way, last night was a VERY special night in these parts.  Miss Helena, the Princess of Portugal, and her fabulously rich husband, Baron Lee, held a gala event at their mansion in Round Rock.  The guests (and a couple of party-crashers from Steiner Ranch) were treated to an assortment of fine wines and spirits.  The cuisine was simply superb… roasted potatoes, Corpus Christi cole slaw, braised asparagus, and….  (are you sitting down?) ….. grilled Maine lobster tails!  (Being something of a writer, I just love tails/tales!)

And since we are on the subject of tall tales, I would like to remind you to circle August 23 on your calendar.  On that day I shall once again be the featured guest on the Authors of America Radio Program.  I will be discussing my new mystery novel, A RUN FOR THE MONEY, which is selling briskly and receiving some very nice reviews.  (I’m still waiting for my mother’s comments!)  I will, of course, post the exact time and stations as the date draws near.

Well, since I’ve dabbled into the high risk field of politics on this blog post, I shall leave you with the immortal words of Abraham Lincoln…   (WARNING:  I never get this quote exactly right) …..  “You can fool some of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time.  And sometimes you can fool some people who are foolish at times, but you can’t be fooled all of the time no matter how many times you’re fooled.”     (You were warned!)

Frankly, my dear, I prefer the semi-immortal words of my former tax advisor,  Myron “My Mistake” Moskowitz, who once said, “You can fool some of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time…  and those are pretty good odds!”  Myron recently received a pen with a life-time guaranty.  (Leavenworth Prison!)

Verily, I say unto thee, go forth and have yourselves a safe and joyful week!  Love to all,

Doc Yanoff


***** Photographic evidence attached!





No, I’m not referring to this year’s presidential hopefuls, but to the 142nd running of the Kentucky Derby!  (This coming Saturday)  As you might have read, one of the featured books at this year’s derby will be…  A RUN FOR THE MONEY!  My new mystery will be available from several vendors, so if you’re going to the big race, pick up a copy.  (I’m telling folks that it’s a “sure bet!”)  The new mystery begins in Richmond, Virginia, but then detours to Beaufort, South Carolina and then Lexington, Kentucky.  If you love racehorses, you will adore this book.

Did you know that the derby is often called “The Greatest Two Minutes in Sports?”  Just between us, I thought the term referred to my love-making ability.  Who knew?  Well, in any case, the fastest horse to ever run at Churchill Downs (which is actually in Louisville) was the great Thoroughbred Secretariat.  The old boy bolted around the track in less than two minutes!  That was back in 1973, but I remember it like it was yesterday.  (The horse I bet on is still running!)

Not to be sexist, but do you realize that since the derby’s inception in 1875, 39 fillies (female horses) have participated in the big race, but only 3 have won?  I don’t mean to be a “nag,” but that is sort of interesting.  For the record, there have been 6 female riders, and no, they are not called “Jockettes.”  Incidentally, the derby is often called the “Run for the Roses,” because of the rose blanket placed over the winning horse.  (They used to call it the “Prance for the Poison Ivy,” but there were too many problems after the race.)  Hey, I wonder if that’s where they got the race-track term “scratch?”  Just saying.

Speaking of South Carolina, (huh?) I’d like to mention that the winner of the last photo trivia contest was Butterfly McQueen of Atlanta, Georgia.  (Not her real name) Ms. McQueen correctly identified the photo as the “Brick Baptist Church,” on the island of St. Helena.  (Near Beaufort.)  By the way, this is the very spot where Martin Luther King wrote his famous “I Have A Dream” speech.  Two others also identified the church (a tad later) and they would be Ms. Christine Nickles and Mr. Larry Wood.)  Well done, everyone!

I was just watching  Face The Nation and I heard Ted Cruz say that as a young father he changed many diapers.  (Don’t be surprised if Bernie Sanders asks him to be his running mate!)  Did you get that last joke?  Well, it “depends” on your age!

The local newspaper had a front-page story about a fifth-grade teacher in Arkansas who supplied alcohol to her class!  I wouldn’t judge the gal too harshly.  Keep in mind that we’re talking about Arkansas.  (Just because you’re in fifth grade doesn’t mean you’re under twenty-one!)  Ouch!  There goes my invitation to Hot Springs!

And speaking of spring…  I must spring into the kitchen for breakfast, so I shall take my leave of thee.  Have a safe and prosperous week and we shall meet again in the sweet bye and bye.  (or as my wife likes to say at the mall, the sweet “buy and buy!”)  Hopefully I have attached a new photo for the trivia contest.

Love to all,  Doc Yanoff.