October 25, 2015

WHEN IT RAINS, IT POURS!

No, I am not referring to the 30+ inches of rain that we’ve had down here in Texas. (Anybody know where I can buy an ark?) I know that some folks think I’m “all wet,” or a “drip,” and they happen to be right! Even so, I hope that the rain keeps up. (That way it won’t come down!) Well, I hate to say it, but I am starting to miss the drought. (At least it was sunny!)

In any case, the title of today’s blog does not refer to rain, but rather to another literary award that has recently been bestowed upon me. Earlier this week, I was notified that my book, THE SECOND MOURNING, won the “Honorable Mention Award” (2nd place) in the 23rd ANNUAL WRITER’S DIGEST BOOK AWARD CONTEST!

This year’s contest was very competitive, attracting over 2,600 entries from around the globe. (and several counties in Arkansas!) My book was entered in the general non-fiction category, which was fiercely competitive. (There were at least two Pulitzer Prize winners in contention for the award!) Obviously, I am very grateful for this honor, which happens to be the 6th major award that THE SECOND MOURNING has won! In addition to a generous cash prize, my book will be featured in the March/April 2016 issue of Writer’s Digest Magazine. (You can read about the contest by going to http://www.writersdigest.com)

So what else is new? Well, when I was a young man I wanted to be an auto mechanic. Why? Because I thought that it would be a good way to fulfill my “Manifold Destiny.”

I read that Oprah Winfrey purchased a 10% stake in Weight Watchers. The last thing she needed to buy was another stake! (steak?) The beautiful and talented Maureen O’Hara has passed away. Now there was a star. Speaking of stars…. for those of you (like me) who enjoy watching the “Sherlock” series, take heart! The producers will soon be presenting a 90-minute version of “The Abominable Bride.” (Which has nothing, I repeat, nothing to do with my wife!) But here’s something cool…. Sherlock and Dr. Watson will be brought back to the 1890s during the episode. This should be quite interesting!

And since we’re on the subject of interesting people….. let me wish my cousin Max a Happy (belated) Birthday! The Maxster refuses to reveal his true age, but I know he’s not near as old as Bernie Sanders. (They asked Sanders how he would end the war and he told a reporter that he would never have sent troops to Richmond in the first place!) If you me, that’s a rather “un-civil” answer!

In case you’re wondering, we are still searching for just the right cover for the next “Adam Gold Mystery,” titled, A RUN FOR THE MONEY. If there are any up and coming (or even down and out) artists out there, please feel free to forward your ideas. We are thinking about a race horse image, if that helps. If you forward a clever idea, I promise to steal it and pass it off as my own without any financial compensation, so don’t delay!

Finally, on a serious note, our thoughts and prayers are with the good people of Stillwater, Oklahoma this weekend. I know it sounds trite, but his too shall pass. (I’m referring to the recent parade tragedy, which left at least 4 people dead.)

As for the rest of you rascals, please drive carefully and have a safe and happy week. I look forward to sharing some “major” book news the next time we meet. (No hints!) Be well, and go placidly amid the noise and cedar pollen…..

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

P.S. Anybody know where the attached photo was taken?

October 11, 2015

BY THE TIME I GET TO PHOENIX…..

Wait a minute, I just got back from Florida, I’m not going to Arizona! Dang, these extended book tours are starting to wear me out. (They’re wearing out my tires, too!) Another week, another 1,500 miles of travel, but I have to admit, it was wonderful. The weather throughout Florida was simply magnificent, and I spent as much time in the water as on land. I even signed some books on the beach. (Bikini-clad bathers received a 10% discount….. if they were female.) We also got to rub elbows with a few celebrities. Which reminds me, did you know that Burt Reynolds (who lives near Jupiter) is making a new movie about a stunt man who becomes a long-distance truck driver? The movie will be called “Smokey and the Band-Aid.” (Hey, the folks in Florida thought that was funny!)

The highlights of the road trip were dining on lobster rolls at a Delray Beach club and spending a few nights in a luxurious water-front mansion in Boca Raton. Another fond memory, believe it or not, was stopping for coffee at Starbucks. I know this sounds odd, but most of the stores leave a jar full of money on the counter, which I assume is for the patrons. (In case you leave your wallet in the car.) I always took a few dollars out of the jar, but being a generous person, I left them some change. (mainly pennies.) I wish more businesses would offer customers loot.

In case you’re wondering, the best-selling book of the trip was THE SECOND MOURNING. (Followed by DEVIL’S COVE and RANSOM ON THE RHONE.) All together, I must have signed several hundred copies, which would explain the finger cramps. The stomach cramps were due to a foolish lunch at Cracker Barrel. Avoid the chicken and dumplings. (I could make a joke about the name of that dish, but I don’t want to ruin your Sunday breakfast!)

So what else is new? Well, California governor Jerry Brown recently signed a controversial new bill allowing assisted suicide. (He could have saved himself some trouble and just told folks to eat at Cracker Barrel!) I noticed that Bernie Sander’s slogan is “Feel The Bern.” Funny, I thought that was Taco Bell’s slogan! As a writer, of sorts, I suggest that we refer to the race between Jeb Bush and Donald Trump in literary terms. Maybe we should call it the race between the tortoise and the bad hair? (A fable-lous idea!)

Poor Martin O’Malley. He’s still running for president, but he’s stuck at 2 percent in the polls. Do you realize what this means? After 8 months of campaigning, he’s tied with low-fat milk! (Who says cream rises to the top?)

Incidentally, we had to cancel two book club meetings in South Carolina due to the recent storm that drenched the entire Carolina coast. As some of you know, the next “Adam Gold Mystery” is set in the Low Country, mainly in Charleston and Beaufort. The book is titled “A RUN FOR THE MONEY,” and is currently in the final stages of editing. God-willing, the book should be available sometime in mid-January of 2016. I will, as the mailman likes to say, keep you posted.

The months of October and November will be dedicated to some local book clubs and book store events, and I couldn’t be happier. I really love the book tour gigs, but we have lovely fall weather down here in Texas, and it looks like our “home team” (University of Texas) is steadily improving in the rough and tumble world of collegiate football. (Frankly, I enjoy the tailgating activities as much as the game!) Which reminds me….. I would like to thank my dear friend, Ted Heaton, for supplying some great tickets and a fabulous tailgating adventure. Ted owns a local State Farm office, so if you need a great insurance broker, he’s your man.

In closing, allow me to wish all of you a safe and pleasant week. The first person to correctly identify the location of the attached photograph will win a signed copy of THE GRACELAND GANG. (There’s your hint!) Good luck, and we shall speak again in the near future! Love to all …..

Doc Yanoff

September 20, 2015

“THE PIRATE PATH” MAKES HISTORY!

Do you realize that yesterday (Saturday) was “Talk Like A Pirate Day?” Aye, ’tis true, me hearties. Shiver my timbers if somebody didn’t create a brand new holiday in order to celebrate my second mystery novel. (The Pirate Path) Well, at least I think that’s why they created the new holiday. What other reason could there possibly be? In any case, in order to celebrate the audacious occasion, I took my matey to a fancy pirate-like restaurant… Long John Silver’s. We ordered some special pirate-like grub and some rum. Check this out… the restaurant was selling corn on the cob for ….. “A-buck-an-ear!” (Ouch!)

Speaking of books… The National Book Awards were recently announced, and I’m proud to report that my first non-fiction masterpiece, THE SECON MOURNING, was almost nominated. (My mother forgot to return the nomination form.) I’m not too upset. Last year she returned the form but misspelled my name. (She nominated Stephen “King” by accident.) By the way, the winner of last week’s book contest was Angelo Petraglino from Rome, Italy. (The bridge photograph on the cover of THE PIRATE PATH was taken in Istanbul, Turkey.) Congratulations, Angelo. Your book is in the mail.

So what else is new? Well, I just read that Kellogg’s Cereal was planning to donate millions of dollars to an African charity, but now they’re hesitating… Tony the Tiger was apparently gunned down by a Minnesota dentist!

I just finished reading Hillary Clinton’s 45-page plan to be more spontaneous. (As the old cowboy said, it was a “spur of the moment” decision.)

Did you watch the Miss America Contest? Miss Georgia was crowned “Miss America.” Miss Kentucky was chosen “Least Cooperative.” (I refuse to explain these lame jokes!)

NBC just announced that Arnold Schwarzenegger will replace Donald Trump as the host of “Celebrity Apprentice.” I don’t think Trump is going to be too happy when he learns that he’s being replaced by an immigrant with an anchor baby!

On the home front… If I seem a little testy, it’s because I overslept and missed my exercise class this morning. This is the fifteenth year in a row that’s happened. My wife made me join “Orange Fitness.” I only agreed because I thought she said “Orange Julius,” which is one of my favorite health food drinks. Thank God the parking lot is usually filled. (Good excuse to come back home for a beer.) Hey, by the way, do you have to be pregnant to park in a “delivery zone?”

Speaking of deliveries… I will soon be on my way east, bound for Florida and another highly anticipated book tour/road show. I will post my official itinerary next week, in case you want to rob my house while I’m gone. If you do break in, please remember to flush the toilets and feed the pit bulls. (And watch those pesky land mines!)

In case you’re wondering, the next “Adam Gold Mystery” is currently being edited and will be published in early 2016. The book is titled “A RUN FOR THE MONEY,” and this time Adam Gold will become embroiled in an insurance claim that involves grave robbing and a Thoroughbred horse murder. As always, the story is basically true, and based upon an actual insurance claim handled by Mr. Gold’s real-life counterpart. (Me!) I think you folks are going to love the book. The pre-reviews have been phenomenal.

Well, me buckos, time for this old pirate to walk the plank and head to breakfast. I do hope you have a safe and joyful week. We shall meet again at high tide, or ebb tide, or tide detergent. You decide. I’m hungry! Love to all,

Doc Yanoff (Sometimes known by my pirate moniker, “Captain Kidder.”)

P.S. Any idea where or when the attached photograph was taken?

July 12, 2015

THE PIRATE’S PATH!

Hey, wait a minute, isn’t that the title of the second “Adam Gold Mystery?” (Actually, that was THE PIRATE PATH.) Anyway, the reason I used this title in today’s post is because I recently returned from “pirate country” along the Texas coast. In pursuit of fame and fortune, I ventured down to the charming coastal town of Port Lavaca, anxious to meet and greet some of my loyal fans. (It was very hot down there, so there were plenty of fans!) I gave a short discourse (did you folks sign up for “dis course?”) to a group of prominent citizens recently paroled and/or pardoned from the local penal institution.

Just kidding about the penal thing. (Why does that sound dirty?) I actually spoke at the Old Main Bookstore in nearby Palacios. (Which is a Spanish word meaning “palacios.”) Great cookies and wonderful coffee, and some very nice citizens. Then it was off for another engagement in Port Lavaca, which has the good fortune of existing beside a lovely inlet on Matagorda Bay. Aye, matey, it was a good place to discuss my book about pirate treasure, because this is where good old Jean Lafitte buried some of his loot! (I dug up several flower beds, but alas, to no avail.) Nevertheless, I got to use some lame pirate jokes and a few gags about “booty.” (I think the audience was ready to bury me, instead of treasure!)

So what else be new? Well, if you happen to subscribe to a French newspaper called “Herald de Paris,” (and let’s face it, who doesn’t?) then you might have seen the pleasant article written about RANSOM ON THE RHONE. The reviewer was very kind, and she gave the book 4-stars, which was much appreciated. (I tried to “purchase” the fifth star, but she wouldn’t budge. Whoever heard of a French person refusing a bribe?) Say levee, as they say down in New Orleans.

Looks like Greece is heading for bankruptcy. Hard to believe that the country that invented the philosophy major could go bankrupt. Their prime minister is still optimistic. I heard him say that the country will bounce back. (They were just having a rough 2,000 years.)

What else happened recently? Oh yes, same-sex marriage was approved by the Supreme Court. (I don’t use the term “gay marriage,” because ALL marriage will make you miserable! Or bankrupt!) Jeez, I hope my wife doesn’t read this blog. (She hasn’t read any of them yet!) Anyway, in my view the main difference between gay marriage and straight marriage is that in the former nobody complains when you leave the toilet seat up! Just saying, dear.

Hey, isn’t Bernie Sanders too old to become President? A reporter asked him if he was on Instagram, and he said that he’s sticking with telegrams! I’ve heard that he’s so old that his Homeowner Insurance covers fire, theft, and Indian raids! Now that’s old. (So are these jokes!) I see that Chris Christie gave a 20-minute speech in his high school’s gymnasium. (Probably the longest amount of time he’s ever spent inside a gym!) He was no doubt surrounded by dumb bells. (Hey, I used to live in New York, so I’m allowed to make jokes about New Jersey!)

Since I’m being “crabby,” let me remind you of a great seafood restaurant down in Port Lavaca… The place is called Art’s Fish House. (A fellow named Art owns the place and they serve fish.) That being said, order something called the “Big Pot.” (No, this is not a Chris Christie joke.) The dinner is a superb combo of shrimp, blue crab, and crawfish. Yummy yummy. (You can add something called “Dungeon crab,” or “Dungeness crab” for a few dollars extra.)

Well, my dear friends, I must leave you to your own devices. Tonight is the semi-annual “Princess of Portugal Paella Party.” I, being a world class bartender, am responsible for bringing several gallons of my famous “Faux Festival Sangria,” so I must be on my way to the taxidermy shop. (I have a secret ingredient that they supply…. eye of newt extract!) When you toast with my sangria, you’re supposed to say…. “Here’s looking at you, kid!”

I can’t “envision” a better way to end this blog, so I’m gone…..

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

May 24, 2015

PILATES OF THE CARIBBEAN!

Would you believe that I have “exercised” my freedom and returned to the lovely island of St. John? Well, it’s true, me buckoos, the old swashbuckler (me) has returned to the Caribbean for another seafaring adventure! The first mate and I are staying in a palatial estate overlooking Chocolate Hole, named for the color of the water just below the cliff. The view and the digs are simply gorgeous, and we even have our own pool. (Which we share with a friendly brown pelican.)

The turquoise ocean is swarming with seagulls, and the bay is swarming with….. bay gulls. (You just knew where that was going, right?) The bay gulls are sort of lazy. They just “lox” around all day. To me, they are like my children. ( Once you feed them, you’re stuck with them!) Ah well, I’m too young to be an empty-nester.

Back to the exercise thing….. Here, for your reading pleasure, is my daily itinerary… Up at dawn, use the bathroom, back to bed, rise at nine a.m., use the bathroom, eat a gourmet breakfast, use the bathroom, drive to the beach (there are 20 to choose from!) swim and snorkel, eat a light lunch (or substitute with rum & cola) take a short nap, use the bathroom, make believe I’m not staring at the girls in those tiny bikinis, swim some more, dry off, go home, get dressed, go out for dinner, drink some more rum, use the bathroom, go to bed, and then repeat in morning!

I know exactly what you’re thinking. When does this man have time to write his award-winning books? I have begun to ask myself that same question. Did it ever dawn on you that I spend a great deal of time in the bathroom? (No, I do not have a prostrate problem.) I thought a prostrate was a woman who took money for sex! (Actually, most of those naughty ladies do end up prostrate, but that’s another story.) Where was I?

Oh yes, I remember… the writing stuff. Well, let’s put it this way, if experience is the best teacher, then I have been learning a lot, and sooner or later, it will show up in another book. (I mention this, so that I can deduct this trip on next year’s tax return!) By the way, we are staying with the Princess of Portugal, and her tax-dodging husband, Baron Lee Von Bomblatus. They are great hosts, and very wealthy, so I leave my wallet at home. (Well, that’s what I told them!) We actually go “Dutch.” (I only pay when we go to the Dutch side of St. Maarten!) So far, we’ve been able to avoid that island!

For those of you who do not subscribe to the New York Times, (and let’s face it, who the hell would?) they were kind enough to reprint a news blurb about my recent award. I won’t bore you with all of the details (again) but I recently won the gold medal presented by the 9th Annual 2015 National Indie Excellence Award. My book, THE SECOND MOURNING, was chosen as the best history book of the year, and I am very grateful to the judges for this wonderful honor. The NIEA competition is fierce, and there were many great books this year. So once again, thanks for the memories! (and the lovely prize!)

In closing, if I may, I would like to remind everyone of something far more important than writing and blogging. I would like to publicly thank all of the brave men and women who have served in our nation’s military. I am smart enough to understand that NOTHING I do would be possible without the sacrifice that our veterans have made. Thank you all for your service to our country! We love you, respect you, and honor your deeds on our behalf. May God bless all of our veterans this Memorial Day.

Finally, to my loyal blog followers, I would remind you to have some fun this weekend, even if your in-laws are coming over the house for a barbecue! Please keep in mind the words of my high school psychologist, who once said to me, “You’re responding nicely to therapy. You can sit up the next time we meet.” (Hey, in my opinion, “normal” is just a setting on the dryer!) Have a great weekend.

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

P.S. Just to make you jealous, I will attach a photograph of me “in my office.”

May 17, 2015

A DAY AT THE RACES…..

Well, I hate to brag, but once again I have shown the world that I am in the wrong line of work….. even though, technically, I don’t have a job. Why am I writing books when I could become a professional handicapper? Yes, once again, my favorite steed, AMERICAN PHAROAH, has won the big race! (And made me lots of money!)

Yesterday was the running of the Preakness Stakes, and my darling horse finished first. I noticed that there were a few “celebrities” in the crowd this year. New Jersey Governor Chris Christie had a front row seat. (Make that two seats.) He was slightly disappointed when he discovered that it was a “stakes” race, not a “steak race.” I don’t if it’s true, but I heard that the Baltimore D.A. indicted a couple of the losing horses, and two jockeys. (Heartless woman!)

By the way, American Pharoah is owned by an Egyptian-American gent named Ahmed Zayat. Mr. Zayat was forced to leave Egypt because of a financial scandal. (I think.) I might be wrong about this, but I think he invented the Pyramid Scheme. (Ouch!) I know, that joke Sphinx. What can I say, I’m in de-Nile! Tut tut, let’s move along…..

Did you see that Mitt Romney stepped into the boxing ring with Evander Holyfield? (They were raising money for charity.) Nice to see Mitt running again! (I’d run too!) I did some boxing during my misspent youth, and I was pretty good. Actually, I worked at UPS, but we still did a lot of boxing.

How many of you folks read the second Adam Gold mystery, THE PIRATE PATH? (O.K., you can put your hand down, Mom.) Well, if you recall, the book was about Captain Kidd’s treasure. Guess what? Divers just located some loot from one of Kidd’s ships! They found a silver bar or two off the coast of Madagascar. How cool is that? One of the bars was inscribed with the name of the pirate ship, and the discovery might lead to more treasure. I need to spend more time looking for bars!

Sales of RANSOM ON THE RHONE are growing steadily, and if the pace continues, this book will become the best-selling mystery that I have written. Thanks again to all you blogsters who have continued to support my writing career. In all seriousness, I couldn’t have done it without you!

Speaking of thanks, I’d like to thank my brilliant cousin Max, and his lovely and talented wife, Barbara, for hosting a very special dinner at the Steiner Ranch Steakhouse last night. Max was recently abroad. (No, there will be no Bruce Jenner jokes!) Barbara has been abroad for quite some time. Anyway, they had a wonderful trip to Europe, but it’s great to have them back in Austin.

Next week is book tour time, and we’re off to the sunny isle of St. Thomas and St. John, for a week of diving and thriving with the Princess of Portugal and her husband, Baron Von Bomblatus! Watch out rum, here I come!

On that cheerful note, I shall take my leave. (I wish somebody would take all my leaves!) Have a safe and prosperous week. And remember this poignant thought….. The fact that there’s a highway to hell and only a stairway to heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers!

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

May 3, 2015

HORSING AROUND…..

AND THEY’RE OFF! And so was I… off my rocker due to a copious amount of Kentucky bourbon! How I managed to survive this year’s Kentucky Derby is a story in and of itself. (I’m not sure whether it would be considered fiction or non-fiction.) In any case, I and my compadres wound up at a Derby Party in Round Rock, hosted by the Princess of Portugal and her exorbitantly wealthy husband, Baron Lee Von Bomblatus. (The Baron of Schnitzelstein.)

Before I elaborate on the event, let me confirm the rumors that have been floating around the Internet and on the front page of The New York Times and The National Enquirer… Yes, it’s true, I won (split) the enormous purse generated by this year’s Derby pool. By sheer brilliance, and modesty, I managed to pick the FIRST and THIRD place horses. (American Pharoah and Dortmund.) Soooo…. there I was, surrounded by gorgeous women in wide-brimmed hats, ready to collect my loot, when guess what happens? The Track Steward announces that someone has picked the number one horse and the number two horse and the number three horse!

Who, you might ask, would be able to accomplish this seemingly impossible feat? (or should I say “feet?”) Well, I’ll give you one guess… I live with her. (No, not the blonde next door!) My wife! That’s right, Miss Patty was the only person in the state of Kentucky to pick the top 3 horses in the Kentucky Derby! (I would mention the payout, but two of my blog followers work for the I.R.S.) How did this woman do it? Well, she told the Louisville Gazette that she learned about the “sport of kings” by living with a horse’s ass. (Hey, at least she mentioned me!)

So get this…. on the day of the big race, at approximately 11:36 a.m., I finished my fifth mystery novel. The title of the book, believe it or not, is called….. A RUN FOR THE MONEY. And yes, it deals with equine insurance and the Thoroughbred racing industry! Freaky, eh? Another example of life imitating art! The book will be published some time this fall or maybe early in 2016, depending on the publisher’s schedule.

You know what’s crazy? (Besides, me.) Floyd Mayweather just made about 200 million dollars by beating Manny Pacquiao in a boxing match. Meanwhile, American Pharoah won the Kentucky Derby and got an extra carrot! Life ain’t fair. American Pharoah is twice as smart as Mayweather. Well, let’s put it this way, he certainly has more “horse sense!”

For those of you who care, my Spring Book Tour has been set and is now available for public viewing at the Barnes & Noble Author Site. I am most excited to be re-visiting my fans on St. Thomas and St. John, the crown jewels of the American Virgin Islands. My publicist, Blind Lemon Lefkowitz, has arranged an outstanding itinerary. (I tease the poor man, but he is a true genius!) If you live in Mississippi, Alabama, or Florida, you might want to check out our tour stops, and please come by and say hello! We will be covering a lot of ground, but I would love to see some of my loyal blog followers!

In closing, I would like to thank my French fans for making RANSOM ON THE RHONE the number one American mystery in Paris for 4 consecutive weeks! Merci beaucoup! Your continued support and interest is greatly appreciated!

Well, my dear sports fans, I must sign off. (I am having my kidneys flushed out from yesterday’s bourbon fest!) I am going to limit my alcohol consumption for the next two hours. I mean, days. Did I ever mention that my uncle died from drinking a quart of shellac? Poor guy. He did have a nice finish, though.

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

April 12, 2015

A TAXING TIME…..

Well, my friends, it’s THAT time again… time to enrich the coffers of our Uncle Sam and deal with the Infernal Revenue Service! Which reminds me, what do you call 25 I.R.S. agents buried up to their chins in cement? (Answer: A cement shortage!) Just in case you missed that one, here’s one more… What’s brown and looks really good on an I.R.S. agent? (Answer: A Doberman!) All right, enough jokes, lest I get audited. (again)

Did you folks watch any of the NCAA Basketball Tournament? I did, but none of my picks did very well. Of course, I still did better than President Obama and Jeb Bush. Obama’s mind must be elsewhere because his top two picks were Israel and Iran. Bush’s picks for the Final Four were Iowa, Iowa, Iowa, and Iowa.

Since we’re on the subject of politics, did you hear that Ted Cruz was arrested at the Port of Galveston? (The arresting officer told the press that he was just trying to “book a Cruz!”) Ouch! OK, how about this one….. President Obama has announced that his family will move to N.Y.C. after his term is over. Dang, that guy just can’t get enough gridlock! Apparently, the Obamas chose N.Y.C. because they’ve gotten so used to people trying to break into their home!

So what else is new? Well, in the field of “life imitating art,” the shooting incident in South Carolina comes on the heels of my recent visit. Incredibly, I actually had a chat with the police chief about crime in North Charleston, as it plays an important role in my new mystery novel, A RUN FOR THE MONEY. Kind of weird how these things keep happening to me.

By the way, several blog followers have inquired about my stop on St. Helena Island. I was there, primarily, to visit the Penn Center (which, as you may recall, was one of the first schools created to educate freed slaves after the Civil War.) and if you look closely at the photograph of the brick building at the end of this post you will see a modest church. Well, it was in this very church basement that MLK wrote his famous “I Have A Dream” speech.

And speaking of writers… the photo of me and another gentleman, standing near the marsh, is also quite interesting. The other fellow is none other than Pierre McGowan, author of “The Gullah Mailman,” a book about his father, Sam, who delivered the mail to Gullah residents beginning in 1924. (On horseback!) The book is quite fascinating and offers some remarkable stories of life on remote St. Helena Island. (Which used to contain about 18 rice and indigo plantations, and is hauntingly beautiful, and connected to many ghost stories.)

Oh, and since we’re discussing stories, several curious blog followers have asked about my recent 5-STAR book review. If you want to read the whole thing, and let’s face it, who wouldn’t, simply log onto ReaderReviews.com and follow the little icons to “THE SECOND MOURNING.” You can also download the review, make a few thousand copies, and hand them out at your local mall. This effort will be greatly appreciated (by me) and I am willing to chip in if your bail is set at a reasonable amount. Think of it as a sacrifice for great literature. Never mind, think of it as way to meet other felons.

Finally, I should like to mention that I was recently interviewed by Ms. Sarah Doolittle, a brilliant reporter from the Four Points News. Her in-depth article about yours truly will be published shortly, and if my photograph is presentable, I will post the whole thing on my blog. And speaking of brilliance, we had the pleasure of sharing a weekend reunion with the lovely and talented Holley Hendrickson, and her husband, Mike. (Mike is talented, too, but not as lovely as his wife.) We have known these rascals for 40 years! They never change, and that’s a great thing, for they are great friends. (I just wish I would have remembered to bring my wallet. Oh well, maybe next time!)

Well, amigos y amigettes, have a safe and wonderful week. I shall leave you with some more brilliance, this time from the mind of the great Asian philosopher, Confucius. The great teacher said….. “Guy who lose key to girl’s apartment get no new-key!” (I’ve been down that road before!)

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

February 22, 2015

OSCAR (MAYER) NIGHT IN HOLLYWOOD!

Why the name change? Well, let’s face it, the auditorium will be filled with HAMS and celebrities who are full of BALONEY! I know that sounds like a “cold cut,” but they deserve to be criticized. They make too much money. Hell, Brad Pitt is so rich he taught his dog how to roll over – an IRA! Now that’s rich! I just read that Harrison Ford is going to make another movie. The guy just turned 70. The movie will be called “Raiders of the Lost Miralax.”

Since I am my mother’s favorite, I took her to see each one of the movies nominated for “Best Picture.” It’s the least I could do for all of the things she did to me, I mean, for me. For instance, when I was a youngster, mom let me lick the beaters when she made a cake. Sometimes she would even turn them off first. What a gal. Anyway, with that said, here are our “rapid reviews” of each film. (By the way, that word was rapid, not rabid!) The envelope please… and the winners are…

1. THE IMITATION GAME. (It just didn’t seem real.)

2. SELMA. (I saw the “abridged” version.)

3. BIRDMAN. (Mom got stuck with the bill.)

4. THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL. (The movie didn’t register.)

5. AMERICAN SNIPER. (Right on target.)

Well, in my humble opinion, these are the leading contenders. BOYHOOD was also a good film, but that bum Kanye West wants to make a sequel called BOYS N THE HOOD, so forget that. The film about Stephen Hawking was too theoretical. Besides, we don’t need a Hawking when we already have a BIRDMAN. Although, birds of a feather do like to sit together.

So what else is new? RANSOM ON THE RHONE (a true piece of artwork) will be available in about one week. The early reviews have actually been spectacular. If you love a good read, you will definitely enjoy this book.

Did you see that Starbucks is going to start a home delivery service? This will be perfect for people who don’t like to walk one block in ANY direction. Just have a credit card handy. Not bad enough that we have to pay $5.00 for a cup of coffee. Now we have to tip, too. (They know where we live!)

I just read that people who snore are prone to heart attacks! How can you sleep if you’re not prone? I don’t care about this news. I may suffer a heart attack, but I won’t lose any sleep over it. You gotta wake up pretty early in the afternoon to fool old Doc Yanoff.

By the way, did you know that Oscar attendees are not allowed to bring credit cards with them? No big deal. The place will be filled with plastic folks. (If you think I’m kidding, watch their faces!) Botox down to their knee socks. Personally, I fall asleep during the opening monolog, and when I wake up I like to watch real zombies, so I’m hoping they show reruns of The Walking Dead.

Well, boys and ghouls, that’s about it for me. Do enjoy the rest of your Sunday, and have a safe and happy week. As far as I’m concerned, the winner is ….. You! (For those who haven’t seen the new cover of my next book, feast your eyes on the photo attached at the end of this semi-humorous blog.) Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

February 8, 2015

MR. (GOOD) DEEDS GOES TO TOWN!

Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. I am proud to announce that I have joined a wonderful new charity called “Project E-Book,” a group dedicated to providing FREE e-books to members of the United States Air Force! Consequently, all of my brilliant mystery novels will soon be FREE to currently serving members our military. Sooo… if you have family or friends serving in the Air Force, please let them know about this modest token of appreciation. (Hopefully, this will soon be available to ALL branches of our military.)

If you’re a writer, think about joining us in this noble endeavor. Please remember that this small sacrifice for our heros in uniform is a small consequence when weighed against the sacrifice these folks make on a daily basis. If you’re interested, please contact me for details about the project. Until then, at ease blog followers!

So what else be new? Well, we are still waiting for two famous authors to “sign off” on a back cover blurb for RANSOM ON THE RHONE. (Yes, they actually charge for these endorsements!) If we don’t come to terms this week, the book will be published without their glowing words of praise. (Just between us, who cares what Raymond Chandler and Dashiell Hammett think? Neither one of them have written anything new in years.)

In other news….. Mitt Romney has decided NOT to run for President. He said it was time for fresh faces. So that’s good news for Bruce Jenner. Personally, I like Romney. He reminds me of the guy who comes with the picture frame.

Harper Lee, the author of “To Kill A Mockingbird,” is publishing her second novel after a 55-year hiatus. (She must be a slow thinker.) Anyway, the book is tentatively titled, “Mock Two: The Need For Speed.” If you ask me, the title is for the birds. What would you expect from an empty-nester? (Did those jokes lay an egg?) Apparently, she releases a new book every time the measles comes back. Connect the dots and you’ll see what I mean.

Did you hear that Tom Brady, the quarterback of the Patriots, won the M.V.P. award at the Super Bowl? He received a brand new pickup truck. I wonder if the tires were properly inflated? Personally, I think they should have given the truck to the guy most responsible for the Patriot’s victory. (Seattle coach, Pete Carroll!)

Before I forget, I would like to thank the good folks at Ohio State University (department of history) for adding THE SECOND MOURNING to their suggested reading list for incoming freshman. I hope those youngsters learn a thing or two about our wonderful country and its amazing history. (Hope springs eternal!)

Finally, in closing, I would like to briefly address a vicious rumor floating around the Internet. There is no truth, none whatsoever, that ANY of my mystery novels have been “ghost written” by Brian Williams! A couple of chapters might have been penned by Dan Rather, but I forget which ones they were. (If you find any misspelled words, that was Daniel’s fault.)

Well, my dear friends, I must be on my way….. tonight is a special reunion dinner with some dear old chums, and the event requires that I bathe and shave and change my socks. What can I say, ” a friend in need, should be clean indeed.” I think the great Asian philosopher, Confusion, said that. Please take care and have a wonderful week!

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

P.S. Attached are a few more photographs from my river cruise in France. (The locale of my new book, RANSOM ON THE RHONE.)

Books By Stephen G. Yanoff

A Run For The Money

WHEN IT RAINS, IT POURS!

BY THE TIME I GET TO PHOENIX…..

“THE PIRATE PATH” MAKES HISTORY!

THE PIRATE’S PATH!

PILATES OF THE CARIBBEAN!

A DAY AT THE RACES…..

HORSING AROUND…..

A TAXING TIME…..

OSCAR (MAYER) NIGHT IN HOLLYWOOD!

MR. (GOOD) DEEDS GOES TO TOWN!