September 4, 2016

SOMEBODY UP THERE LIKES ME!

Do you remember that wonderful movie? It was based upon the true story of the real Rocky… the great Rocky Graziano. First released in 1956, it is considered to be one of Paul Newman’s best performances. The first person who can tell me who played the part of “Fidel,” will win an autographed copy of my newest mystery, A RUN FOR THE MONEY. Good luck!

The reason I mentioned this movie is because I too seem to be blessed. How so, you ask? Well, believe it or not, I just won another book award, and this one was totally unexpected. I was recently informed that my first history book, THE SECOND MOURNING, has been chosen as one of the best non-fiction books of the year by BOOKSANDAUTHORS.COM. These folks publish an online magazine for book lovers, which includes book reviews, author interviews, publishing news, book contests, and much more.

The “Book of the Year” awards are chosen by an elite panel of publishing professionals who “seek out literary gems from both established writers and first time authors, novels that whisk the reader to unfamiliar times and places, thrillers that are more than just “page-turners,” and thought provoking non-fiction that entertains as it informs.” (How are all these words going to fit on my trophy?)

I might have to go to Chicago to receive my award in person, so if anyone out there has an extra bullet-proof vest and a high-capacity rifle that I can borrow, I would be very appreciative. (Even more appreciative if I survive the trip!) On second thought, maybe I could send my wife, or my new publicist, Blind Lemon Jefferson. (Hey, somebody has to go!)

Speaking of trips, I had the pleasure of speaking to a charming book club in Blanco last week. Blanco (which is the Spanish word for “Blanco”) is a small town in the heart of the Texas Hill Country. The Old County Courthouse in town served as a set for the 2010 version of the film “True Grit.” (The Redbud Cafe served hot grits.) If you like museums, you can visit the Buggy Barn Museum. I skipped this one, but only because I hate bugs. ( I can’t imagine why anyone would want to keep insects in a barn. ) Oh wait, they might be referring to horse-drawn buggies. Never mind.

If you like barbecue, you might want to try the Old 300 BBQ Restaurant. (Which takes its name from the original 300 settlers that Stephen F. Austin brought to Texas, NOT the cost of a meal.) Personally, I would skip the food and head on over to Real Ale Brewing, where one might consume a craft beer or two before heading back to Austin.

Incidentally, our book tour to enchanting New Mexico (and Durango, Colorado) has been postponed until the spring of 2017, so if you live in those areas, I hope to see you then. I will, of course, post our complete itinerary once it becomes available. (I do need to wait until my publicist, Mr. Jefferson, completes rehab and pays a modest fine to the Republic of Slovenia.) Don’t ask, long story.

Well, that’s about it for me. I happen to be babysitting today, so I need to freshen up my margarita before sweet little Goldie wakes up from her nap. I’m hoping to watch an old Gregory Peck movie when she awakes. Have you ever seen “Tequila Mockingbird?” Great movie, salty language, but you can rent one without salt. You should give it a “shot!” Have a great week!

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

April 12, 2015

A TAXING TIME…..

Well, my friends, it’s THAT time again… time to enrich the coffers of our Uncle Sam and deal with the Infernal Revenue Service! Which reminds me, what do you call 25 I.R.S. agents buried up to their chins in cement? (Answer: A cement shortage!) Just in case you missed that one, here’s one more… What’s brown and looks really good on an I.R.S. agent? (Answer: A Doberman!) All right, enough jokes, lest I get audited. (again)

Did you folks watch any of the NCAA Basketball Tournament? I did, but none of my picks did very well. Of course, I still did better than President Obama and Jeb Bush. Obama’s mind must be elsewhere because his top two picks were Israel and Iran. Bush’s picks for the Final Four were Iowa, Iowa, Iowa, and Iowa.

Since we’re on the subject of politics, did you hear that Ted Cruz was arrested at the Port of Galveston? (The arresting officer told the press that he was just trying to “book a Cruz!”) Ouch! OK, how about this one….. President Obama has announced that his family will move to N.Y.C. after his term is over. Dang, that guy just can’t get enough gridlock! Apparently, the Obamas chose N.Y.C. because they’ve gotten so used to people trying to break into their home!

So what else is new? Well, in the field of “life imitating art,” the shooting incident in South Carolina comes on the heels of my recent visit. Incredibly, I actually had a chat with the police chief about crime in North Charleston, as it plays an important role in my new mystery novel, A RUN FOR THE MONEY. Kind of weird how these things keep happening to me.

By the way, several blog followers have inquired about my stop on St. Helena Island. I was there, primarily, to visit the Penn Center (which, as you may recall, was one of the first schools created to educate freed slaves after the Civil War.) and if you look closely at the photograph of the brick building at the end of this post you will see a modest church. Well, it was in this very church basement that MLK wrote his famous “I Have A Dream” speech.

And speaking of writers… the photo of me and another gentleman, standing near the marsh, is also quite interesting. The other fellow is none other than Pierre McGowan, author of “The Gullah Mailman,” a book about his father, Sam, who delivered the mail to Gullah residents beginning in 1924. (On horseback!) The book is quite fascinating and offers some remarkable stories of life on remote St. Helena Island. (Which used to contain about 18 rice and indigo plantations, and is hauntingly beautiful, and connected to many ghost stories.)

Oh, and since we’re discussing stories, several curious blog followers have asked about my recent 5-STAR book review. If you want to read the whole thing, and let’s face it, who wouldn’t, simply log onto ReaderReviews.com and follow the little icons to “THE SECOND MOURNING.” You can also download the review, make a few thousand copies, and hand them out at your local mall. This effort will be greatly appreciated (by me) and I am willing to chip in if your bail is set at a reasonable amount. Think of it as a sacrifice for great literature. Never mind, think of it as way to meet other felons.

Finally, I should like to mention that I was recently interviewed by Ms. Sarah Doolittle, a brilliant reporter from the Four Points News. Her in-depth article about yours truly will be published shortly, and if my photograph is presentable, I will post the whole thing on my blog. And speaking of brilliance, we had the pleasure of sharing a weekend reunion with the lovely and talented Holley Hendrickson, and her husband, Mike. (Mike is talented, too, but not as lovely as his wife.) We have known these rascals for 40 years! They never change, and that’s a great thing, for they are great friends. (I just wish I would have remembered to bring my wallet. Oh well, maybe next time!)

Well, amigos y amigettes, have a safe and wonderful week. I shall leave you with some more brilliance, this time from the mind of the great Asian philosopher, Confucius. The great teacher said….. “Guy who lose key to girl’s apartment get no new-key!” (I’ve been down that road before!)

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

April 5, 2015

GLORY DAZE!

Before I explain, allow me to wish each and every one of my loyal blog followers (all 17,000 of you!) a Happy Easter and/or Joyous Passover. I truly hope that you and yours receive the full blessings of the season. Spring, as you know, is a time of renewal. (and I am not referring to your driver’s license!) Actually, Spring done sprung on March 20th, but who’s counting? (Other than the IRS?)

I think I’ve asked this question before, but is a person required to pay taxes EVERY year? I’m glad I have two children. They’re taxing, but also deductible. Well, at least the new tax forms have been simplified beyond understanding. Hey, why isn’t Lois Lane in jail? I mean, Lois Lerner? Come to think of it, how come I’m not in jail? Never mind, let’s move on…

Well, my dear friends, it has been quite a week. (Hence the title of this here blog post.) On the day I left charming Beaufort (South Carolina) I was informed that my book, THE SECOND MOURNING, was chosen as a FINALIST in the prestigious Indie Book Awards Contest sponsored by Foreward Reviews’ Magazine. (Gold, Silver, and Bronze Medals will be awarded on June 26th at the American Library Association Annual Conference in San Francisco. (Nominees are required to bring their own water!)

Two days later, when we arrived in Atlanta, I received word that THE SECOND MOURNING had won the GOLD MEDAL in the Beverly Hills International Book Award Contest! The honor was bestowed for best book of the year in the History – United States Category. In presenting the award, the judges were kind enough to write: “Dr. Yanoff’s book truly embodies the excellence that this award was created to celebrate.” All I can say is Hooray for Hollywood! (And thank you!)

Incredibly, it looks like I may also be a FINALIST or medal winner in a third literary contest. (I will know this Tuesday.) I just received an amazing review from the contest sponsor, Reader Reviews Magazine. The judge/reviewer described THE SECOND MOURNING in glowing terms, such as, “5 Stars – a treasure of a book,”excellent story,” “simply brilliant,” and “a must-read.” (My own mother couldn’t have written a better review, and believe me, she’s tried!)

Several blog followers have asked me to address the highlight of my trip to the Low Country. Giving Pat Conroy some writing tips was fun, but the peace de resistance, was eating barbecue pork at Sgt. White’s Restaurant and visiting the Marine Training Base on Parris Island. As some of you may know, I spent several summers training with the SEALS. (At SEAWORLD in San Antonio.) Stop laughing, it wasn’t easy balancing that ball on my nose. I did manage one amazing feat. (or should I say “flipper?”) I trained some of the animals to clean up their own pool! (I received the “Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval!) God, I need to get a real job.

I did hear one sad tale while touring the Marine Base. I met a Marine D.I. (Drill Instructor) who had just found out that his wife was having an affair! Naturally, he was devastated, so in order to find comfort and peace, he had turned to religion. Soon, he was able to come to terms with the whole thing. He had converted to Islam and was now planning to stone his wife in the morning! Hoorah! Semper Fi!

For those of you who are still awake, I shall end this historical, I mean, hysterical post by wishing you and yours a safe and wonderful week! If you scroll down, you will see some lovely photos taken in and around Beaufort, South Carolina. (I have deleted all nudity, due to federal regulations and concerns about the environment.)

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

March 22, 2015

THE SUNSHINE BOY!

Well, folks, here I am, enjoying the glorious warmth of the Sunshine State. (That would be Florida, NOT New Jersey!) I feel so alive now that I am back on the coast. I know it’s corny, but I have often thought of my mother being the clean, white sand and my father the roaring ocean. Of course, that would make me a son of a beach, but who cares? I love salt water, and since I have over 40 years of scuba diving experience under my (weight) belt, I feel right at home in the Atlantic Ocean.

Unfortunately, home is where many fatal injuries are sustained… and today was almost one of those days. Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water in West Palm Beach, a horde of black-tip sharks showed up in the shallow water! My dive buddies and I counted over 600 sharks, which is roughly 599 more than I feel comfortable with! So much for diving and snorkeling. I even feel guilty about asking my wife to retrieve my buoyancy vest and face mask. (She only had to swim out ten or twenty yards, but I still feel a twinge of remorse.)

In case you’re wondering, I fell in love with scuba diving after watching countless episodes of SEA HUNT. Do you remember that T.V. show? Lloyd Bridges played a character named Mike Nelson, who ran a dive shop with his brother David, and their parents, Ozzie and Harriet. Wait a minute, I think I got that wrong. Never mind, the show was “all wet” anyway.

After our involuntary shark encounter, we drove up to Jacksonville, signed some books, and attended a gala dinner in my honor at a wonderful seafood restaurant called St. Mary’s Seafood House. If you’re ever on this coast, you must try this establishment. (Think incredible friend oysters and shrimp.) My little presentation was a huge success and we actually sold a lot of books. (I know that some of you, including my agent, Jesse James Lipschitz, are curious about which books sold the best, so here is the ranking….. 1. The Graceland Gang 2. The Second Mourning 3. Devil’s Cove 4. Ransom on the Rhone, and last but not least, 5. The Pirate Path

After dinner, I was asked to judge a wet t-shirt contest, but since the contestants were male, I declined the offer. (Been there, done that.) When I got back to my car, I discovered that the windshield was covered with bird poop! (The area is filled with egrets, and their cousins who are always apologizing for pooping on your car. They’re called regrets.) I fired a couple of warning shots at them, but the damn vandals have no fear of human beings. The next time I drive up this way, I’m bringing a cat.

Tomorrow we head for the charming town of Beaufort, South Carolina. If you want to check out my digs, look up the Rhett House Bed & Breakfast. I think you might find the history of this place quite intriguing. We have a Low Country Boil scheduled for dinner. (I sure hope the “boil” doesn’t refer to the chef’s body.) The following morning we head for St. Helena Island, and a full day of Gullah history. When you get a free moment, look up the Penn Center of South Carolina. I will be signing some books in the lobby, which is quite an honor, because this was the very spot where MLK wrote his famous “I Have A Dream” speech.

Well, it’s been a long day, and I am starting to dream about a good night’s sleep… so I must bid you farewell. Let’s plan to meet again next Sunday, whence I shall regale you with more tales from the Low Country. By then, I will be an expert on grits, gravy, and frogmore stew! Have a safe and happy week!

Love to all…

Doc Yanoff

May 15, 2013

DRIVING MISS DAISY….. CRAZY!

WELL, YOU’D THINK THAT MISS PATTY WOULD BE HAPPY TO HEAR MY LIFE STORY ONCE MORE…. BUT NO, SHE WANTS TO READ! No matter, I have decided to keep talking anyway. (She’ll thank me later, after I become a famous author.) Speaking of driving, we decided to take the Natchez Trace Parkway up to Tupelo, and I am so glad we did! OMG, what a majestic stretch of Americana. Simply beautiful. The Trace (which I wrote about in THE PRESLEY PLOT) is quite old (several thousand years) and quite long (44o miles). It stretches from Natchez, Mississippi to Nashville, Tennessee, and it is quite a sight to behold. Over the years, it’s been used by animal herds, Indians, Spanish explorers, white settlers, and one or two mystery novelists.

I’m not sure my friends Max and Lee would love it as much as I do. The speed limit (for the entire 440 miles!) is 50 m.p.h., and with all the curves, you wouldn’t want to drive much faster. I got Nellie Belle (our Lincoln) up to 48 or 49 miles per hour, but I was afraid to put the metal to the petal, so to speak. If it were up to me, I’d drive that speed all the time. (Most of the trucks on the Interstate are going well over 5o!) Damn speed demons!

After a brief stop in Birmingham, Alabama, we drove onto Atlanta, which is quite large and very congested. (Most of the residents drive over 50 mph, too!) Both cities are impressive, but not near as nice as our present location….. Charleston, South Carolina. Our lovely, historic hotel is right in the center of town, close to all of the good restaurants. We had lunch at one of the best, a charming inn called the Hominy Grill. Miss Daisy ordered the homemade biscuits and a bowl of the she-crab soup. (To die for!) Her chauffeur (me) ordered a “craft beer” and a marvelous dish called “shrimp and okra beignets.” (Simply divine!)

We are now on our way to the Confederate Museum to view a special exhibition highlighting “The War of Northern Aggression.” (As they call the skirmish is these parts!) If you’ve been to Charleston, you know that almost all of the houses in the historic district are painted white, black, or gray. (These are the only colors that the Union Army gave to the residents after the war.) To this day, the owners must conform to these “historically accurate colors.” You won’t see chartreuse or pink until you reach the Florida border.

Tomorrow is book signing day at a local church (Charleston has many houses of worship, and is actually known as “The City of Churches.”) I regret not bringing more copies of THE PRESLEY PLOT, as we could have sold a few hundred copies at each stop! I have been taking names, addresses, and email contacts, but I should have filled the darn trunk with books! Ah well, next time. Who knew that Elvis was so popular?

Tonight we have been invited to a seafood extravaganza, featuring oysters, shrimp, and mussels from local waters. Hopefully, I will survive this latest round of gluttony, but if they have Abita beer I could be in trouble! If you don’t hear from me in a day or two, that means I’m having my stomach pumped out! (Nothing could be finer than to be in Carolina…. in the morning, afternoon, and evening!) Take care, my dear family and friends, and remember me in your prayers. (Before AND after dinner!) “Say Levee.” (I think that’s French! Greek to me!)

Col. Felonious T. Beauregard, C.S.A. (and the Merry Miss Daisy)