Why the name change?  Well, let’s face it, the auditorium will be filled with HAMS and celebrities who are full of BALONEY!  I know that sounds like a “cold cut,” but they deserve to be criticized.  They make too much money.  Hell, Brad Pitt is so rich he taught his dog how to roll over – an IRA!  Now that’s rich!  I just read that Harrison Ford is going to make another movie.  The guy just turned 70.  The movie will be called “Raiders of the Lost Miralax.”

Since I am my mother’s favorite, I took her to see each one of the movies nominated for “Best Picture.”  It’s the least I could do for all of the things she did to me, I mean, for me.  For instance, when I was a youngster, mom let me lick the beaters when she made a cake.  Sometimes she would even turn them off first.  What a gal.  Anyway, with that said, here are our “rapid reviews” of each film.  (By the way, that word was rapid, not rabid!)  The envelope please…   and the winners are…

1.  THE IMITATION GAME.  (It just didn’t seem real.)

2.  SELMA.   (I saw the “abridged” version.)

3.  BIRDMAN.  (Mom got stuck with the bill.)

4.  THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL.   (The movie didn’t register.)

5.   AMERICAN SNIPER.  (Right on target.)

Well, in my humble opinion, these are the leading contenders.  BOYHOOD was also a good film, but that bum Kanye West wants to make  a sequel called BOYS N THE HOOD, so forget that.  The film about Stephen Hawking was too theoretical.  Besides, we don’t need a Hawking when we already have a BIRDMAN.  Although, birds of a feather do like to sit together.

So what else is new?  RANSOM ON THE RHONE (a true piece of artwork) will be available in about one week.  The early reviews have actually been spectacular.  If you love a good read, you will definitely enjoy this book.

Did you see that Starbucks is going to start a home delivery service? This will be perfect for people who don’t like to walk one block in ANY direction.  Just have a credit card handy.  Not bad enough that we have to pay $5.00 for a cup of coffee.  Now we have to tip, too.  (They know where we live!)

I just read that people who snore are prone to heart attacks!  How can you sleep if you’re not prone?  I don’t care about this news.  I may suffer a heart attack, but I won’t lose any sleep over it.  You gotta wake up pretty early in the afternoon to fool old Doc Yanoff.

By the way, did you know that Oscar attendees are not allowed to bring credit cards with them?  No big deal.  The place will be filled with plastic folks.  (If you think I’m kidding, watch their faces!)  Botox down to their knee socks.  Personally, I fall asleep during the opening monolog, and when I wake up I like to watch real zombies, so I’m hoping they show reruns of The Walking Dead.

Well, boys and ghouls, that’s about it for me.  Do enjoy the rest of your Sunday, and have a safe and happy week.  As far as I’m concerned, the winner is …..  You!  (For those who haven’t seen the new cover of my next book, feast your eyes on the photo attached at the end of this semi-humorous blog.)  Love to all,

Doc Yanoff