April 12, 2015

A TAXING TIME…..

Well, my friends, it’s THAT time again… time to enrich the coffers of our Uncle Sam and deal with the Infernal Revenue Service! Which reminds me, what do you call 25 I.R.S. agents buried up to their chins in cement? (Answer: A cement shortage!) Just in case you missed that one, here’s one more… What’s brown and looks really good on an I.R.S. agent? (Answer: A Doberman!) All right, enough jokes, lest I get audited. (again)

Did you folks watch any of the NCAA Basketball Tournament? I did, but none of my picks did very well. Of course, I still did better than President Obama and Jeb Bush. Obama’s mind must be elsewhere because his top two picks were Israel and Iran. Bush’s picks for the Final Four were Iowa, Iowa, Iowa, and Iowa.

Since we’re on the subject of politics, did you hear that Ted Cruz was arrested at the Port of Galveston? (The arresting officer told the press that he was just trying to “book a Cruz!”) Ouch! OK, how about this one….. President Obama has announced that his family will move to N.Y.C. after his term is over. Dang, that guy just can’t get enough gridlock! Apparently, the Obamas chose N.Y.C. because they’ve gotten so used to people trying to break into their home!

So what else is new? Well, in the field of “life imitating art,” the shooting incident in South Carolina comes on the heels of my recent visit. Incredibly, I actually had a chat with the police chief about crime in North Charleston, as it plays an important role in my new mystery novel, A RUN FOR THE MONEY. Kind of weird how these things keep happening to me.

By the way, several blog followers have inquired about my stop on St. Helena Island. I was there, primarily, to visit the Penn Center (which, as you may recall, was one of the first schools created to educate freed slaves after the Civil War.) and if you look closely at the photograph of the brick building at the end of this post you will see a modest church. Well, it was in this very church basement that MLK wrote his famous “I Have A Dream” speech.

And speaking of writers… the photo of me and another gentleman, standing near the marsh, is also quite interesting. The other fellow is none other than Pierre McGowan, author of “The Gullah Mailman,” a book about his father, Sam, who delivered the mail to Gullah residents beginning in 1924. (On horseback!) The book is quite fascinating and offers some remarkable stories of life on remote St. Helena Island. (Which used to contain about 18 rice and indigo plantations, and is hauntingly beautiful, and connected to many ghost stories.)

Oh, and since we’re discussing stories, several curious blog followers have asked about my recent 5-STAR book review. If you want to read the whole thing, and let’s face it, who wouldn’t, simply log onto ReaderReviews.com and follow the little icons to “THE SECOND MOURNING.” You can also download the review, make a few thousand copies, and hand them out at your local mall. This effort will be greatly appreciated (by me) and I am willing to chip in if your bail is set at a reasonable amount. Think of it as a sacrifice for great literature. Never mind, think of it as way to meet other felons.

Finally, I should like to mention that I was recently interviewed by Ms. Sarah Doolittle, a brilliant reporter from the Four Points News. Her in-depth article about yours truly will be published shortly, and if my photograph is presentable, I will post the whole thing on my blog. And speaking of brilliance, we had the pleasure of sharing a weekend reunion with the lovely and talented Holley Hendrickson, and her husband, Mike. (Mike is talented, too, but not as lovely as his wife.) We have known these rascals for 40 years! They never change, and that’s a great thing, for they are great friends. (I just wish I would have remembered to bring my wallet. Oh well, maybe next time!)

Well, amigos y amigettes, have a safe and wonderful week. I shall leave you with some more brilliance, this time from the mind of the great Asian philosopher, Confucius. The great teacher said….. “Guy who lose key to girl’s apartment get no new-key!” (I’ve been down that road before!)

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

April 5, 2015

GLORY DAZE!

Before I explain, allow me to wish each and every one of my loyal blog followers (all 17,000 of you!) a Happy Easter and/or Joyous Passover. I truly hope that you and yours receive the full blessings of the season. Spring, as you know, is a time of renewal. (and I am not referring to your driver’s license!) Actually, Spring done sprung on March 20th, but who’s counting? (Other than the IRS?)

I think I’ve asked this question before, but is a person required to pay taxes EVERY year? I’m glad I have two children. They’re taxing, but also deductible. Well, at least the new tax forms have been simplified beyond understanding. Hey, why isn’t Lois Lane in jail? I mean, Lois Lerner? Come to think of it, how come I’m not in jail? Never mind, let’s move on…

Well, my dear friends, it has been quite a week. (Hence the title of this here blog post.) On the day I left charming Beaufort (South Carolina) I was informed that my book, THE SECOND MOURNING, was chosen as a FINALIST in the prestigious Indie Book Awards Contest sponsored by Foreward Reviews’ Magazine. (Gold, Silver, and Bronze Medals will be awarded on June 26th at the American Library Association Annual Conference in San Francisco. (Nominees are required to bring their own water!)

Two days later, when we arrived in Atlanta, I received word that THE SECOND MOURNING had won the GOLD MEDAL in the Beverly Hills International Book Award Contest! The honor was bestowed for best book of the year in the History – United States Category. In presenting the award, the judges were kind enough to write: “Dr. Yanoff’s book truly embodies the excellence that this award was created to celebrate.” All I can say is Hooray for Hollywood! (And thank you!)

Incredibly, it looks like I may also be a FINALIST or medal winner in a third literary contest. (I will know this Tuesday.) I just received an amazing review from the contest sponsor, Reader Reviews Magazine. The judge/reviewer described THE SECOND MOURNING in glowing terms, such as, “5 Stars – a treasure of a book,”excellent story,” “simply brilliant,” and “a must-read.” (My own mother couldn’t have written a better review, and believe me, she’s tried!)

Several blog followers have asked me to address the highlight of my trip to the Low Country. Giving Pat Conroy some writing tips was fun, but the peace de resistance, was eating barbecue pork at Sgt. White’s Restaurant and visiting the Marine Training Base on Parris Island. As some of you may know, I spent several summers training with the SEALS. (At SEAWORLD in San Antonio.) Stop laughing, it wasn’t easy balancing that ball on my nose. I did manage one amazing feat. (or should I say “flipper?”) I trained some of the animals to clean up their own pool! (I received the “Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval!) God, I need to get a real job.

I did hear one sad tale while touring the Marine Base. I met a Marine D.I. (Drill Instructor) who had just found out that his wife was having an affair! Naturally, he was devastated, so in order to find comfort and peace, he had turned to religion. Soon, he was able to come to terms with the whole thing. He had converted to Islam and was now planning to stone his wife in the morning! Hoorah! Semper Fi!

For those of you who are still awake, I shall end this historical, I mean, hysterical post by wishing you and yours a safe and wonderful week! If you scroll down, you will see some lovely photos taken in and around Beaufort, South Carolina. (I have deleted all nudity, due to federal regulations and concerns about the environment.)

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

June 9, 2013

HOME SWEET HOME…

BE IT EVER SO HUMBLE… there is no place like home. (Although the Caribbean is pretty damn close!) I am happy to report that my month-long book tour was a huge success, and that my publicist (Blind Lemon Lefkowitz) tells me that many copies of THE PRESLEY PLOT and MURDER ON MAIDEN LANE have been ordered on Amazon.com, Kindle, etc. I would like to thank my domesticated partner for arranging the book signing gigs and listening to the (semi) fictional account of my college love-life. (For the fifth time!)

Our travels took us from Austin, Texas to St. John in the American Virgin Islands, and in-between there were book signing stops in Tupelo, Mississippi (To visit the birthplace of Elvis Presley), Birmingham (Alabama), Atlanta (Georgia), Charleston (South Carolina), Boca Raton (Florida), Tallahassee (Florida), and Baton Rouge (Louisiana). All told, we logged about 4,000 miles, and saw some lovely spots in this gorgeous country of ours.

The highlight of our trip was spending a week with two other couples in a luxurious villa overlooking Cruz Bay on the island of St. John. I would like to thank Dr. and Mrs. Max Talbott and Lee and Helena Bomblatus (world famous snorkel enthusiasts) for their company and invaluable guidance on the consumption of rum. I would also like to thank Johnny Depp for letting us use his home, but I suggest that he remove the mirrors on the ceiling. (I saw some truly frightening things!)

Along the way, we met some remarkable folks and gained a large number of new blog followers. I would like to welcome a few of them, including….. Miss Nina Holcomb (hostess at the Elvis Presley Birthplace), Miss Ashley at the Tupelo Starbucks location, Miss Connie (who works at the Tupelo Hardware Store and directed us to the grave of Elvis Presley’s twin brother), the mayors of Atlanta and Charleston, Tonya and Shannon (the lovely snorkeling sisters from Pennsylvania), and all of the kind and generous folks who listened to my bad jokes and bought some books. You all made this a memorable trip.

At the request of my financial advisor (Jesse James Lipschitz) I will now spend the next week catching up on bills. (Always fun) I know that some of you folks have been trying to reach me by phone, so please do not be alarmed if your call is directly forwarded to the NSA in Washington. (I am a Verizon customer.) You know, I wish these folks would “mine their own business” and leave me alone. I’m not saying I don’t like the feds, but I’m starting to agree with one of my literary idols, Mark Twain, who said….. “The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog!”

Well, you’ll have to excuse me now, I’m off to bankruptcyville . If you would like to help me pay for my recent trip (or the upcoming jaunt to Belize) please send cash in a brown paper bag. (No coins, please.) I will send you a charitable donation receipt for the I.R.S. (But don’t blame me if you get audited!) We’d both be better off if you just ordered a copy of THE PRESLEY PLOT or MURDER ON MAIDEN LANE!

Have a safe and happy week….. Love to all…..

Doc Yanoff

P.S. I almost forgot to welcome Ms. Maggie Baum-Wilson to my blog! Welcome aboard, young lady. I look forward to meeting you when you get home!